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"Anakin happened."

Her words are like poison and I don't need to be a Jedi to know that she hates him. I don't need to feel her anger and suffering, cause I can see it in her eyes. The pain in my heart increases. How could you do this, my love? How could you bring so much pain to this already painful world?

"You knew our father?!" Leia asks with an expression just as confused as Luke's. "Mom, who is she?"

Before I get to say anything, the togruta bows and says, "I'm Ahsoka Tano. Former Jedi, now, the best pilot the rebellion got." John laughs and informs us that it is true… that is when she's sober. "She can fly the worst hunk of junk across the galaxy and back again without getting a scratch. But I do recommend that you guys wait to fly so that Ahsoka has time to… uh… get ready." He means sober up.

"We cannot wait," Ben continues. "There is… someone here looking for us. And believe me, he will find us if we don't flee."

"So you've felt it to, huh?" Ahsoka interrupts John's upcoming sentence. "He's here. Now we can all have a big, family reunion!" Her happy voice is so sarcastic, but I fear her words. What if Luke and Leia finds out that the man they think is a monster, is truly their father? My fear comes true when Luke asks, "What do you mean, 'family reunion'?" At first, Ahsoka looks confused. Then, a big laugh escapes from her grey lips and her gaze turns toward me. It's full of mockery. "Why doesn't this surprise me, Padmé? Why don't your little lies shock me?"

I can feel my face turn pale as all my blood leaves my head. "Enough, Ahsoka," Ben says. It is no use. The rebellion who lead us in, pull back into the shadows and goes down the hallway from which Ahsoka came. We are alone.

"Don't you trust them enough?" Tears are forming in her eyes and mine.

"Ahsoka, I trust them with…"

"NO! You know NOTHING of trust!" She lowers her voice again. "Unfortunately, I don't either. No one has ever trusted me before. That's why I left the order so many years ago. They didn't trust me." For a short moment, she looks at Ben who crumbles under her gaze. My children just look confused and terrified at us.

Anger builds up in me. "Anakin trusted you!" I shout.

"Did he now?" Her words make me shiver. "Then why didn't he tell me about you?" Wheels are turning in my head and suddenly a question pops up. How do Ahsoka know all this? About Anakin and me? How did she know my children's names? "You don't know what it's like," she continues. "You don't know what it was like to overhear a conversation between your Master and his wife. You don't know what it was like to wake up every day in three years, hoping that he would now trust you enough to tell you himself. You don't know what it was like to feel his force presence every second after you left the order. What is was like when you suddenly felt two more of him and knew that his wife had delivered babies. And how his presence was changed into…" Tears are streaming down her face while I stand in shock. All these years, Ahsoka has been haunted with Anakin's force presence like Ben. Haunted by the dark side. But the worst part: Anakin had tormented her daily, because we decided not to tell her. Decided that it was too risky.

"He didn't trust me…" she sobs and I place my arms around her. The glass falls to the floor and ends up in thousands pieces.

"I'm so sorry, Ahsoka," I say. "I didn't see it that way. But I can assure you that Anakin trusted you with his life."

My friend pulls back and looks very sad. "I'm sorry, Padmé. For all of this," I'm about to tell her that this isn't her fault, but she holds up her hand to silence me. "However, I have to tell you this. I can feel your hope, your faith in that everything will go back to normal." She sighs. "I… I don't have that faith. For me, things will never be 'normal' again. For me… He is truly dead."

Of course, my children had asked what Ahsoka had meant. They aren't stupid. And of course, I had been forced to answer. "She was Anakin's Padawan before she left the order. As you can see, his… end took hard on her." Leia had then asked what the togruta had meant with 'truly dead' and 'how his presence was changed into…' I didn't reply. I just gave them the another-time-another-story look.

Now, I'm sitting in a seat onboard off an old, Nubian ship. It's a little risky to travel in Nubian but it's the only ship we got. Behind me, Luke and Leia are strapping themselves on to their seats while Ahsoka tries to make this hunk of junk fly. "Are you sure you can fly this thing?" Ben asks.

"Of course I can!" Ahsoka replies angry and with an actually very sober voice. "T-t-trust me." Those words are hard for her to say. No one has ever trusted her before, from her point of view, so I can see her struggles. Ben sighs and takes a seat while my friend's orange fingers quickly press the many buttons. Finally, the ship starts. As we go higher and higher, I refuse the tempting of looking out the window. What if I saw him? What if he saw me? I know it's impossible but still…

"Going out of the atmosphere," someone informs me. Probably Ahsoka or Ben. The two youngest sighs in relief. "Finally!" Luke says. "The nasty feeling is officially gone."

"Me too, bro," his sister adds.

Ben looks curios at them and asks, "What do you men nasty feeling?"

Leia answer. "We've had it all morning. It felt like a cold, dark cloud. It's hard to describe."

Still starring out of the window, which now shows thousands of stars, Ahsoka joins the conversation. "It was the dark side you felt. Vader." No one says anything and the silence takes over us for a few minutes. "You are strong with the force, young ones," she adds.

Luke's face gets a heroic glow and he pulls out his lightsaber. "If Vader as much as looks at my family, I will cut him in a thousand pieces! I will avenge my father!" Why these words? Of everything, he could have said instead he says exactly these words. The pains in my heart increases and remind me of what could have been. Me, him, our kids and a happy ever after. But before I get to cry, Ahsoka's shaking voice is heard. "Luke, y-your light… lightsaber…" She walks closer to him and kneels at his seat. "Is that…?

He nods and hand over the weapon to her. Her hands shakes and she looks very carefully at the metal device. A smile appears behind her tears and presses the lightsaber to her chest. "It's exactly like I remembered it. Heavy, practical and," she ignites it. "A blue blade." R2 beeps in approval. He remembers it too.

"Do you miss our father?" Leia asks.

Ahsoka sniffs and nods very convincing. "I miss him very, very much. I used to call him Skyguy and he called me Snips. He was my best friend and I thought of him as my big brother."

The rest of our trip in hyperspace continues with Ahsoka's stories about her and her Master. However, I continue it my room because I can't bear hearing about my husband.

The shaking of the ship wakes me up and I wonder how long I've been out. The ship shakes again, very hard, and I run to the control room to see what is wrong. Everybody has a terrified look on their faces and I quickly get one myself. "What's going on?!" I yell to drown out the sound of our engines' struggles. It sounds like a million Wookies, roaring at the same time. "It's the Death Star!" Ben yells back. "It blew up Alderaan right in front of us. And now we're caught in a tractor beam!"

Suddenly, all I can hear is my heartbeat. No. No, this can't be happening. This is what we have been trying to avoid for fifteen years. With success until now. I get eye contact with Ben, my friend for so many years, and we both now it's over. There is nothing we can do. What scares me the most, is the thought of my children. I will not let anything happen to them. If I'm going down, I'm going down with a fight.

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