Defining Balance

by jbn42

Kylo Ren tries to re-establish his bond with Rey, and it scares her. She asks Poe to do something for her, but he is not entirely sure it's a good idea. While it may not end the war, they may be heading towards something that tells Kylo Ren that Rey is not alone and that she is somebody to a lot of people.

6. Chapter 6 - From Dream to Reality

Author's Note: Sorry this took longer than usual! I am without internet due to the snow in the northeastern US, so I'm banging this out on my iPad (due to that, may see more typos than usual!) – also, have a question that's in the notes at the end of this!

Disclaimer per usual – I do not own Star Wars or any aspect of the SW universe; just a fan with an idea. No profit here, just fun for me.

Rey and Poe are still outside on the rock when Kes comes looking for them. He'd done his best to get Leia laughing before she shoo'ed him away, doing so only after a quiet, sincere thank you. Now he's anxious to check on Poe. He told Leia that Rey could look after him, but while that's true, he needs to know that his boy is all right.

He sees the kids (because as far as he's concerned, Rey is his kid too now) deep in conversation as he approaches them with a direct from a worried BB-8. Poe no longer looks upset, which makes Kes breathe a sigh of relief. He'd never before seen Poe the way he was earlier, agitated and on the edge of panic. That's not how Poe handles things, at least not usually. While he tends to be emotional, he isn't one to fall apart.

Feeling reassured and wanting to give them privacy, he turns to head back in. Poe's voice stops him. "Dad, it's all right. You can come over here."

Kes turns back, happier than he expected to be invited. When he gets to them, Poe stands up and gives him a hug. "I'm all right, Dad."

They separate, and Kes examines him. He's visibly calmer, all the anxiety gone. Remembering their earlier conversation, Kes swallows hard and puts a hand on Poe's cheek. For a moment, he feels like he's Poe's age and Poe is eight again. "I wish you'd come to me, kid. I wish you'd let me help you."

Poe knows that he's referencing what Poe had said about spending two weeks in the tree, trying hard to hold onto his mom. He reaches up and wraps a hand around Kes's wrist. "Dad, I promise you it was as all right as it could have been. I was in shock, and you were too. We did the best we could, and it was enough. It really was. I knew you were there, I knew that if I came down and needed to talk, you would have been there. That was enough."

Kes looks somewhat reassured at Poe's words, but Poe can tell that they'll likely revisit this in the future. Rey comes over and joins them, letting Kes give her a half hug and pull her to his side. "How did you settle him down?"

"Don't talk about me like I'm not here," Poe smirks at Kes, "And she didn't."

Kes lifts and eyebrow at that, looking from Poe to Rey and back to Poe. "Then who did?"

Poe shakes his head. "You might want to sit down for this one, Dad."

Kes complies, and ten minutes later, he is gaping at Poe as Rey sits next to him, giggling. She says, "Flyboy, I think you broke him."

Poe snorts, but Kes just blinks and asks, "So now you both can see dead people?"

"Jedi never really die," they respond in unison, exchanging a look and laughing out loud.

After a moment, Kes shrugs and says. "All right. Next time one of you sees Luke, tell him he still owes me a bottle of Corellian Rum over that bet I made with him about Leia and Han."

There's little else that Kes could have said that would've reassured Poe more about Kes being all right with this new facet of his life. He just grins and nods. "Will do, Dad."

After a moment, Kes grunts and stands back up. "Can we go back inside now? I'm freezing my ass off."

Standing up and offering Rey a hand to pull her up, Poe just laughs. "Dad, how the hells did you survive on Hoth?"

"I wore about eight layers. And that's when I was inside." He smirks. "And I had your mom to help me stay warm." His smirk turns to a leering grin. "Pretty sure you were conceived there, kid."

"Damn, Dad. I did not need to know that." Poe cringes.

Rey cackles as they head inside, enjoying Poe's distress until she suddenly sees what he's desperately trying to not picture in his head. She stops laughing, and she elbows him. "Flyboy, I think I may have liked it better when you'd block me by default."

"Hey, I was blocking you, trying to spare you. Then you laughed at me." He lifts an eyebrow at her. "Sharing is caring, Beautiful."

Kes just shakes his head and laughs at their back-and-forth, relieved that the mood from earlier has lifted. He also marvels at the notion that his kid spent part of the last hour chatting with a Force ghost. He also really hopes they actually do tell Luke about the damned rum that he really does owe Kes, if only because he really wants to know how a Force ghost would make good on a bet.

As they get into the hangar, Finn and Rose are there waiting with BB-8, and Rose clearly is excited about something. Kes mentions that he has a training session to run, so he heads off to the area of the ship they have set aside for that purpose. They all agree to meet up for dinner that evening, and then Rey moves ahead, meeting Rose. "What's going on, Rose?"

She grins. "I've been working on something since yesterday, but it was an idea I had weeks ago."

At Rey's quizzical expression, Rose goes on, "I kept thinking that the replacement casing we made for the original saber you had was too cumbersome. While it's also strong, the metal is too heavy, and the design is awkward."

She beckons to them to follow her to a data terminal. She pulls up a technical spec, and Rey gasps. The image in front of her is almost precisely a match to the saber casing from her dream last night. "How did you know, Rose?"

"Know?" The little mechanic looks surprised. "What do you mean?"

Rey glances at Poe. "So, it looks like the dream was a premonition, too, because that looks exactly like my saber casing from last night."

Poe blinks, trying to remember something. His brow furrows. "You know, Beautiful, I never looked at the casing for mine, but it felt different in my hand than your blue one – more fitted, like it was almost designed specifically for me. And it was lighter than the blue one is."

They both look back to Rose, who is staring at them. Finn just looks confused. Rose looks back and forth between them before saying, "I was going to tell you that the new alloy I've been working with would be something I can design to fit your hands and that it's lighter." She looks at Rey and asks her question right back to her. "How did you know?"

Poe motions to Finn and Rose, takes Rey by the hand, and leads them all over to a group of crates. BB-8 rolls after them, sticking close to Rey and Poe. Once they all settle on the crates, Poe and Rey give them a summary of their dream the night before.

Finn eyes narrow immediately, concern darkening his expression. "Why the hells won't he leave you alone, Rey?"

She sighs. "He sees me as what he needs to balance his darkness. He thinks I am misguided in my lack of interest, though I'm pretty sure now that he also sees me as something he'd intended to own."

Poe reaches over and entwines his fingers with hers. Finn and Rose both look confused for a moment, but then they both seem to understand at the same time. Finn jumps up. "Oh hells no!"

"My thoughts exactly, Finn." Poe scowls, tightening his hand in Rey's.

Rose stays mostly calm, though Rey can see the fire in her eyes. "Are you all right, Rey?"

Rey nods. "I am. We both are." She squeezes Poe's hand in response to his tightened grip. "Shaken, but we'll rally. Now enough of that. How quickly can we get our casings made?"

Rose looks at Finn. "A couple of days?"

Finn nods. "I think so. Maybe faster." At the questioning looks from Rey and Poe, he explains, "I'm helping Rose. The metal work is something I've done before. We need to make molds of your hands, though. That way we can make them tailored to each of you. Ready to get started?"

Rey and Poe nod and follow Finn, who stands and heads towards a shop he has set up with Rose. Poe keeps his hand wrapped around Rey's as they walk, tracing her rings with his thumb. While he may have been hesitant about this a day ago, he's one hundred percent certain of it now. Rey smiles and raises their linked hands, dropping a kiss to the back of his. She's glad he's on board.

Over the next two days as they go about their daily routines, him in planning sessions with Leia and the leadership, Rey training, they both carry their crystals with them everywhere they go. For Poe in particular, it's an odd sensation. They spend time in the training rooms they have set up going through motions with Anakin's lightsaber, which Poe finds heavy and unwieldy – it's weird when your only other memory of using a lightsaber is from a dream. It's hard to determine if the comparison is real or imagined.

Even so, Rey promises him that he's getting better with it. The interesting part, something he's discussed with Rey, Leia, and with the doctor, is that he hasn't had even the inkling of a headache since acquiring his crystal. Pushing his way into Rey's dream-meeting with Kylo Ren seems like it alone should have triggered issues, and that combined with connecting with a kyber crystal feels like he should have been curled up in the corner fighting off a raging migraine.

But there was nothing – not even a twinge. It's not like he wanted it to hurt, just that he was prepared for it to hurt. Rey is the one who suggested that he talk to the doctor, Leia, or both. He went with both. The doctor visit had been the most interesting. He'd been due for his last follow-up after the severe concussion he sustained in a firefight during their escape from an ambush on Endor. The doctor had scanned him multiple times as he peppered her with questions about his scans after his first round of Force-related headaches and nosebleeds, a watchful BB-8 standing by.

When he realized she was on her third scan, muttering to herself, he'd said, "Doc, you're making me nervous. What's wrong?"

"Nothing!" She'd stared at him. "Absolutely nothing."

He'd cocked his head at that. "And that's a bad thing how?"

She'd looked entirely perplexed. "I should be able to look at your scan and tell that you had a massive concussion less than a month ago. Even bacta can't prevent at least a few telltale signs this soon after. Maybe a year from now, but…but there's nothing. No evidence of the concussion at all. It's like it never happened," she'd distractedly waved him off, "You can go. You're inexplicably fine." With that, she'd muttered something about research and crazy Jedi nonsense and wandered off, staring at her data pad.

So, after sending BB-8 off to help Chewie on the Falcon, he's now sitting outside on what is fast becoming known as "Poe's Thinking Rock" by some of the more smart-assed members of the flight group. It's fairly clear for Lah'mu, and the mist is almost non-existent today. He sips at a cup of caf and ponders what the doctor said. He's so lost in thought that his dad is almost upon him when he notices him.

"You all right, kid?" Kes stands there, arms crossed over his chest and concern in his eyes.

"Hey, Dad. Yeah. I'm apparently completely fine."

Kes settles next to Poe on the rock. "I need a little more than that, son. Something is bothering you. You only get broody when something is bothering you." Kes peers at him with an appraising eye.

"Have you ever felt like your life was entirely out of control, Dad?" Poe looks at him.

"Of course," Kes grimaces, "I felt that way when Shara died."

Poe echoes the grimace. "Right. Stupid question. Anyway, I feel like everything is happening to me lately, as opposed to me making things happen."

"Say more, kid." Kes cocks his head at his son.

"All this Force stuff, becoming Leia's 2IC, hells, even my girl proposing to me and you ending up here with us. All of it happened to me. If I didn't have you and Rey grounding me in my own reality, I think I'd feel like a spectator in my own life right now. I'm not saying any part of that is bad, I'm just used to being a slightly more active part of my own life." Poe drags a hand through his hair.

Kes squeezes Poe's shoulder. "What triggered this, kid?"

Poe explains what happened with the doctor, and he also explains about the lack of issues related to his Force use. Kes smirks at that. "So, what you're saying is that you're concerned that you're not getting massive headaches and nosebleeds?"

"Dad." Poe gives him a dark look. "You have to admit that this shit's getting a little weird."

Kes snorts. "Maybe so. But if weird is working, why not just go with it?"

"Fair point. I think what's worrying me is that it's not happening now, but what if it does happen again, and at an inopportune time?" Poe lifts an eyebrow at Kes. "What if it happens when Rey and I are face-to-face with Kylo Ren?"

"Could the crystal be helping?" Kes gestures to the pocket where he knows Poe has been carrying the small rock.

"Kriff, I don't know, Dad." Poe slips his hand into his pocket and wraps his hand around the crystal, once again feeling warmth crawl up his arm. "Maybe. It's attuned to me." At Kes's questioning look, Poe explains in detail what happened on Ilum, including how they each heard different songs from their respective crystals, from opposite sides of the cave.

As he speaks, Poe pulls the crystal out and hands it to Kes. Kes examines it as Poe speaks, and when Poe is done, Kes hands it back to him. "Yeah, you're right. Shit is getting a little weird. But honestly, Poe, it feels like it might be a good kind of weird. I mean, if it's protecting you, I fail to see the downside."

"I guess there isn't one unless it decides to stop unexpectedly." Poe shrugs.

Kes gives him a look. "You have never been a pessimist. What's going on, kid?"

Poe sighs. "There was never this much on the line before, Dad. It was just me, BB-8, and Black One. Blow stuff up, live to fight another day. Of course I was watching out for my team, and my dedication to the Resistance matters to me, but now…"

A light suddenly goes on for Kes. "You're afraid that if it stops unexpectedly, the Little Jedi will suffer for it."

"I'm not strong like Leia who loses over and over again and keeps her head high…" He looks at his dad. "I'm not you, Dad. If something happens to her, I don't think I can keep going. You had to – you had a kid to take care of. But for me, now? She's…everything. I want us to win this war because it's right and because we're right, but now, I want us to not just win but survive. I want us to get to live the life we've talked about."

There's nothing Kes can say to that. He understands better than anyone except maybe Leia. Eventually, Kes just reaches out and puts a hand over Poe's, which is wrapped around the crystal again. He considers his next words very carefully. "Son, I don't pretend to get much of this Jedi stuff. I don't know much about the Force except to know that it's real and it's everywhere. But you have to trust it. Believe in it. If you don't, it feels like it's destined to fail. Trust it and trust yourself. Trust yourself as much as you trust Rey."

"That's a tall order, Dad." Poe cringes. "I've messed up a lot in the last year."

"Maybe so," Kes agrees, standing up and holding a hand out to Poe, who takes it and lets Kes pull him up. "But on balance, considering that you've managed to marry the smartest, prettiest, most bad ass Jedi in the galaxy, maybe you're doing all right."

"She is a bad ass, isn't she?" Poe grins.

"Don't forget smart and pretty. And younger than you by how much? You seriously outflew your air cover on this one, kid." Kes returns the grin.

It's lunchtime, so they start walking in, and Poe laughs. "Hey, I'll have you know that I was apparently considered to be quite the catch in the past." At Kes's questioning look, Poe goes on to explain that he'd been a popular object of affection in the ranks of the Resistance, but that it'd been something he had no idea about. Kes laughed out loud at the story of the territorial nurse after Poe was injured on a scouting mission, trying to dismiss Rey from the med bay and the dirty looks and the doctor helping them out.

"Kid, you really can be completely oblivious. Did you ever notice anything but your X-wing, your droid, and the war?"

They enter the mess, and he sees Rey standing there. He looks at his dad and gestures to his wife. "Wasn't much worth noticing until her."

Kes smiles a little wistfully. "I remember that feeling. I outflew my air cover with your mom, too. It appears to run in the family."

Rey notices them and comes over, winding her arm through Poe's when she gets to them and leaning up to press a kiss to Kes's cheek. "Hello, boys. What have you two been up to? I hear you were headed for your Thinking Rock again." Her smile is teasing, but he can feel muted concern from her.

Poe rolls his eyes. "Not you too, Beautiful! It's been three times! Three. That is not enough to claim a rock as my own."

She drags him towards the food line, a laughing Kes in their wake. "Sure, Flyboy. So, if you went out there and someone was occupying it, you'd be fine with that?"

He is silent for a moment before muttering, "It would depend on who it was."

Kes laughs even harder at that, but Rey just links her hand with his. "As long as I'm on the good list, that works for me, Flyboy. I like our rock."

An hour later, after getting a call from Rose, Poe and Rey head towards the workshop Finn and Rose set up. When they get there, Finn is grinning, and Rose is literally bouncing on the balls of her feet. Rey exchanges a look with Poe before asking, "What's up, you two?"

Rose speaks first. "They're ready! I think I even have them wired properly, but I want to check them against your old one, Rey!"

Rey nods, pulling the old lightsaber from her belt and tossing it to Finn, who is closer. He passes it to Rose, who mumbles resentfully, "I could've caught it."

They all laugh at that, and Rey tries to look serious. "Of course. Sorry, Rose."

Rose makes a face at them all and takes the saber to her work bench. She opens the casing, extracting the old crystal and setting it aside. Rey joins her, watching carefully as Rose examines and compares the wiring of the three saber casings. Rey is itching to pick up the one that she can tell is for her, as it's smaller than the other two. Poe can feel her getting excited from across the room, so he motions to Finn with his head, and they walk over to join Rose and Rey.

Wrapping an arm around Rey's waist, he thinks, "Settle down, ace. Nobody likes an anxious Jedi."

She swallows a snorting laugh, and she turns her head to try to give him a stern look. The mischief in his eyes derails her, though, so she just thinks, "Behave, Flyboy," and turns back to Rose.

After a few more minutes of tinkering, Rose making some small adjustments here and there, she looks up at both Rey and Poe. "Done. I think they're both ready!"

Poe lifts an eyebrow. "You think?" The words are said without any edge, but Rey still elbows him in the side.

"I already told you to behave, Poe Dameron." She turns back to Rose. "Let's try mine first. We can save Colonel Skeptic until after we check mine."

Poe frowns. "I didn't mean anything by it!"

Poe feels bad, and then Rey does too, but Rose just laughs and shakes her head. "You two can really be ridiculous. You," she looks at Poe, "Stop it. It's fine. You didn't hurt my feelings." Then she looks at Rey. "And you, I appreciate it, but you stop it, too. I can take care of myself."

Finn grins. "She really can."

As Rey holds her hand out for her saber casing, she mumbles out an apology to Rose, who waves it off as she hands Rey the saber. Blinking, Rey holds the new casing in her hand. As she grips it, she is stunned that it truly does feel exactly like the one from the dream.

A moment later, Rose passes Poe's to him, and he has the same stunned moment. He looks at Rey, whose thoughts are echoing through his head. "Yeah, this is crazy."

"They really are the same?" Finn lifts an eyebrow.

Rey and Poe breathe out, "Yes," at the same time, and Rose literally claps her hands in excitement.

"Let's get the crystals in them!" Rose's enthusiasm is contagious.

Rey leans forward, putting her casing down and pulling the crystal from her pocket. Rose shows her how to open the casing, and, after gripping it tight in her palm and enjoying the warm sensation from it one more time, she slips it into the casing and clicks it closed. There is a clear area at one end of the small room, so she moves towards it.

Poe follows relatively close, his own casing still in one hand, his crystal in the other. Rey turns and faces him, and she activates the saber. Finn and Rose both gasp when the blade forms for the first time, the soft golden glow illuminating Rey's face and her end of the room. Poe grins. "Like the sun."

She nods at him, and, Rose joins him, showing him how to open the casing. A moment later, Poe clicks the casing shut and locks eyes with Rey. Rose steps back, rejoining Finn, and Poe activates his saber. Just like in the dream, it's almost snow white, but when he moves it, soft, ephemeral flashes of color illuminate the blade. Rey looks almost relieved. "Like flying."

Then, they both grin again, and at the same time, they deactivate their sabers and say, "Training room!"

They head towards the area of the cruiser with training rooms, Finn and Rose close on their heels. When they enter the room, Kes, leading a hand-to-hand class at the other end of the space lifts an eyebrow at them. Poe grins and holds up his saber, and Kes blinks before getting a nearby sergeant to take over the class. The class watches as their usually-serious teacher hurries over to join some of the best-known faces of the Resistance. They all know that Kes shares a name with Colonel Dameron, but they didn't quite realize that Colonel Dameron, General Organa's 2IC, is Captain Dameron's son until they see them together.

Before Kes gets to them, Poe and Rey stop, him dropping his jacket, her the vest she has on. They stand next to each other, but far enough apart to be safe. They activate their sabers at the same moment, just as Kes joins Finn and Rose. Kes drawls, "So, I guess they work?"

Finn laughs, and Rose answers, "Looks like it! And the colors are so…them."

Kes can't help but agree, blinking at the sight of his son with a lightsaber of his own. He shakes his head, and he can't stop the thought that Shara would love this. And he agrees with Rose – the gold of Rey's, for him, echoes her warm spirit and strength, as Poe said, like the sun. As for Poe's, the white with flashes of color, it's a perfect representation of the sky on Yavin 4. He knows Rey thinks it looks like flying, and she's also right. But to him, the saber just makes Kes think of home.

Ignoring the growing crowd watching them, Rey and Poe face each other, and Rey reaches out to Poe with her mind. "Can you follow me, Flyboy?"

He moves his saber, amazed at the lightness of it. It feels like the one in the dream, but he warns himself to not get too comfortable with it. He thinks back at Rey, "I think so. Take it easy to start, all right?"

"Yes. At first, just mimic my movements." She thinks the direction at him as she begins to move. He does, and even Kes draws in a breath at how natural it looks for Poe.

Rey has been showing him some drills and moving him through them the last two days, but it was hard for him with the old blue lightsaber. Poe is amazed by the difference between the two, and he relaxes into the movements. He remembers the revelation he had back on Yavin 4. He struggles with the Force when he tries too hard. He has to just settle in and let it flow. He feels his mind connect with Rey's, and they both begin to circle, moving in and feinting back, their blades touching occasionally with a quick spark.

Their movements mirror each other's almost perfectly. She spins her saber in her hand, and without a second thought, he does the same, grinning at her. Finally speaking aloud, Rey says, "Let's go, Flyboy."

He grins. "Bring it, Beautiful."

At that, they stop following each other and begin to actually spar, blades crashing together and then pulling back, almost as if in a choreographed dance. They completely tune out the awestruck crowd, instead solely focused on one another and the movement of the sabers. They don't notice when Leia comes in with Connix, Chewie, and BB-8, coming to stand near Kes, nor do they see the pilot crews crowd into the training area.

Their connection makes it easy for them to read each other, to anticipate moves, seeing what's next. They begin to move faster, blades colliding more and more frequently, their bond seeming to strengthen with each hit. Next to Kes, Leia has to gasp at the strength she feels from them, the bond nearly visible to her eyes. How her son thought that Rey could ever think of him as anything but a friend has never seen a bond like this. It makes her as sad for him as anything else lately.

At first, Kes thinks that they're just sparring, neither trying to win, but he senses that this is more than that. He realizes that Rey is moving more and more, her concentration increasing. She is actually having to work at this. Without their connection, it would likely be much slower going for Poe to get the hang of this, but with her in his head, guiding him, it's like he's been doing this for years.

Poe is getting tired, but he doesn't want to stop yet. In fact, there is something he wants to try, something similar to what Rey told him about defeating Snoke's guards, but he wants to do it with a bit of a twist. Literally.

She sees what he's thinking, and she loves the idea. She nods and winks at him, smiling. They both feint back, and then, lightning quick, he moves forward. Her blade comes towards him, causing the crowd to gasp. But he's ready. He twists low, tossing his saber up. He spins under her blade, straightening as the still-active saber lands in his hand, his blade near Rey's face. They stare at each other, eyes locked, both breathing hard. After holding position for a moment, they deactivate their sabers, and Poe says, "Holy kriff, I can't believe I did that without cutting off a limb."

She huffs out a laugh at that, launching herself into his arms, pressing her lips to his. He returns the kiss, both of them only pulling back when thunderous applause from the gathered spectators startles them. They're both surprised by the size of the crowd, and the usually private, quiet Rey buries her head in Poe's chest. He waves to the crowd, but then he leans down and murmurs, "So, I like lightsabers now," in her ear.

She laughs, her arms encircling his neck. "Glad to hear it, Flyboy."