CHAPTER 6: HIPSTER PIRANHAS (MAIN ISSUE 1 REWRITE)

At "Lemmy Koopa's Hipster Casino", a well-known casino, a hooded pair was approaching.

"Is this the place, Ovi?" one of the persons asked.

"Don't doubt it, ADAM." Ovi said. "My Sword of Chaos doesn't lie. Though, I admit it has some limits. I can't use it for direct destruction."

"At least we don't have to use it for any type of destruction this time. We must find the Lemmy Atom." ADAM continued.

Suddenly, a SWAT-BOT appeared.

"WELCOME-TO-LEMMY-KOOPA'S-HIPSTER-CASINO-WHERE-EVERYBODY-IS-GUARANTEED-TO-ENRICH! HOW-CAN-I-HELP-YOU?" the SWAT-BOT asked.

"Hold it, ADAM. He means no harm." Ovi told ADAM. "We'd like to see the manager. We're someone dear and very close to him." He then told the SWAT-BOT.

"THE-MASTER-IS-BUSY-BEING-THE-RICHEST-MAN-ON-MOBIUS. BUT-IF-YOU-ARE-SOMEONE-DEAR-AND-VERY-CLOSE-TO-HIM-I-CAN-TALK-TO-HIM." The SWAT-BOT replied, before guiding the hooded duo through the casino.

Meanwhile, in Robotropolis…

"THOSE PESKY FREEDOM FIGHTERS MUST BE DESTROYED!" Dr. Eggman, the sworn enemy of the Knothole Freedom Fighters, shouted.

"AND-SWAT-BOT-693-47892-BRINGS-YOU-THE-MEANS-OH-OVAL-ONE!" a SWAT-BOT said, bringing a mechanical version of the Piranha Plant.

"A PLANT? YOU HAVE THE NERVE TO GIVE ME A PLANT?!" Eggman shouted, even louder.

"SIR-THIS-PLANT-IS-MECHANICAL! BURROBOT-SHALL-INFEST-THE-KNOTHOLE-WOODS-WITH-IT-AT-YOUR-ORDERS!"

"My, if I allow Burrobot to infest the woods, the Freedom Fighters will be in a lose-lose situation! If they try to escape from the woods, they will be wide open for me! Maybe Sonic and the Koopa prince will be more of a challenge, but the others will be roboticized in an instant! BURROBOT! YOU HAVE PERMISION TO INFEST THE WOODS!"

Meanwhile, at Freedom HQ…

"I dunno, Sal… Maybe just an alluminium frame…" Sonic told Sally, looking at a map of the region.

"I thought it would look nice double-matted!" Sally replied.

'Princess Sally is discussing strategy with Sonieek zee Hedgehog instead of moi, Antoine D'Coolette, military leader of zee Freedom Fighters!' Antoine D'Coolette, referred by Metallix the Metal Sonic as "General", sighed. This was a lie, for the real military leader of the Freedom Fighters was Bowser Jr., Metallix's creator and prince of the Koopa Kingdom, and Sonic was the de facto leader of the Freedom Fighters due to his reputation of "Hero of Mobius". 'I'm so jealous! Why does she never notice me?' he thought, while leaving, unaware that Sally was asking him for an opinion of the map.

"Perhaps I treat her too formally... Maybe I must appeal to her more feminine side... Cards? Candy?" Antoine said,while leaving Freedom HQ. "Flowers! Zat's it! I'll pick her un lovely, unique bouquet! Zere must be some unique flora around zere!"

'YOU'RE-ABOUT-TO-FIGURE-OUT-HOW-UNIQUE-ANTOINE!' a nearby Burrobot told himself.

Meanwhile, at Lemmy Koopa's Hipster Casino...

The SWAT-BOT brought the hooded duo in front of a door on which was written "HIP". Inside, there was Bowser Jr.'s cousin, Lemmy Koopa, doing what he liked mostly: acrobatics on a circus ball.

"SIR-THESE-TWO-CLAIM-TO-BE-SOMEONE-DEAR-AND-VERY-CLOSE-TO-YOU." the SWAT-BOT told Lemmy, showing him Ovi and ADAM.

"Well, if they claim to be someone dear and very close to me, then let them in!" Lemmy said.

The SWAT-BOT left, leaving Lemmy with Ovi and ADAM.

"Well, if you're someone dear and very close to me, you must be a Koopa." Lemmy said, looking at Ovi.

"Not ANY Koopa," Ovi said, grabbing on his hood, "but the Prince!"

As such, Ovi took off his hood, revealing to be Bowser Ovi Kintobor Koopa the Second*, the crown prince of the Koopa Kingdom. ADAM also took off his hood, revealing to be Metallix the Metal Sonic, Bowser Jr.'s creation.

"Junior!" Lemmy said, hugging Bowser Jr. from the height of the circus ball.

"Hey, Hip! You didn't change very much. Still crazy as usual, huh?" Bowser Jr. said. "How you've been doing?"

"Well, I was mad that Dr. Julian betrayed us right after we won the war. (And we lost Megaopolis right after we took it over! That stinked!) I tried to follow King Uncle's orders and form a group of Freedom Fighters here in Northamer, but with everyone in Mobotropolis roboticized, I lost all my hopes... until I found this place. Renobotnik's Robo-Casino, it was named before I arrived. It was filled with Dr. Julian's robots. I found the perfect revenge: taking over the casino! Luckily, this was easy: Ludwig turned our magic into something called "Magitek", during his descent into madness. With it, one can easy take control over any electronics. And so, I brainwashed all the robots into thinking that my bro, Hop**, was their actual creator, and since then, they have been working for me.

"Pretty smart for your size, Hip," Bowser Jr. said. He liked teasing his cousins in a friendly way. "But I did what you couldn't. Do you know the secret village that was built from Dad and King Max's orders to protect the Mobian kids?"

"You mean Knothole? You got the Mobian kids to FIGHT?"

"If we want any chances to defeat Eggman, we need as many resources as possible. And they are from a strong line of warriors. Sonic, Tails and Antoine are descendants of the kingdom's greatest knights, and Sally is the PRINCESS!"

"But shouldn't Sally be..."

"Lemmy, I'm sick of all this thing with "The damsel in distress". I've been through it for way too long...***. And besides, isn't royalty's DUTY to FIGHT for their kingdom?"

'W-why is he talking like he's been in the war with the Mushroom Kingdom?****' Lemmy thought.

But before he could give Bowser Jr. a proper answer, a shriek was heard.

"AIEEE!"

"That sounded like Antoine! Metallix! What's going on?" Bowser Jr. said.

"You build that robot from SCRATCH?" Lemmy asked.

"Not quite. I used Sonic as a template."

"General D'Coolette is captured by some vines. But... they seem... mechanical..."

"Mechanical? BUTLER-BOT! Give me some binoculars!"

"YES-OH-TINY-ONE!" a SWAT-BOT said.

"And no mushy stuff! Eggman's no longer controlling you, remember?"

"SORRY!" the SWAT-BOT said, bringing the binoculars.

"Those look like the Piranha Plants Eggman stole after sealing King Uncle in the Null Space. But I think he roboticized them. Luckily, I know how to fix 'em! Follow me!"

Meanwhile, in the Knothole Woods...

"Sonic! Look!" Sally said, when she and Sonic saw the weird weeds that captured Antoine.

"Some horrible plant has entwaned Antwine... entwoined Twinwan... Antowingwang..." Sonic babbled until he decided to say "Grabbed him."

"GO BACK! SAVE YOURSELVES! I'M DOOMED!"

"A true Freedom Fighter never leaves a friend in need!" Sonic said while spindashing into the weird plant that captured Antoine.

Robotropolis...

"Hohohohohoho! Those Piranha Plants my robots roboticized almost completely engulfed the Knothole Woods! When the Freedom Fighters will leave the woods, they will be destroyed by my Buzzbombers! And if they try to stay in the woods, those Piranha Plants will smother them! Either way, they'll LOSE! My own genius scares me sometimes..."

Lemmy Koopa's Hipster Casino...

"If I know something about the Piranha Plants, is that they like German music." Lemmy said, leading his cousin and Metallix to a giant speaker. "Whenever they captured someone in the... wars us Koopas have been, they were singing 'Moskau'."

Lemmy then activated the speaker with his magic wand...*****

Freedom HQ...

Sonic and Sally brought Antoine to Rotor Walrus, the mechanic of the Freedom Fighters.

"Rotor! You've got to help us get Antoine free of this bizarre vine he's wrapped up in!" Sally said.

"Oh, is that? I thought it was making a radical fashion statement!******" Rotor said.

"This is serious, big guy!" Sonic replied.

"Sonic's right!" Sally supported. "Whatever that thing is, is taking over the forest!"

Rotor then took out his chainsaw.

"Good thing I've got my chainsaw handy!*******"

And then, he cut a nasty part of the table that was going out of the edge, not without scaring the hell out of Antoine.

"I've been meaning to trim that table ever since I built it. Now I can get close enough to Ant so I can pull this thing off of him! Give me a hand guys, and throw the vines in that bucket over there!"

A few minutes later (it was really hard, you know?)...

While Sonic, Sally and Rotor were walking Antoine around, Tails came in and saw the Piranha Plants.

"Oh, wow! Someone brought in a bucket of cuttings! But they look so dry! I'll give them a soaking!"

"TAILS, NO!" everyone else shrieked.

But it was too late...

"Zere we go again!" Antoine sighed.

"Egad! He watered that thing!" Rotor said.

"Now that it's nourished, it will grow like crazy!"-Sonic

"Soon, it will be all over Knothole!"-Sally

"Hm! Catch me doing a favor for them again!" Tails babbled.

However, the Piranha Plants couldn't stand water while roboticized, so they blew up.

"What the heck! That explosion... smells electric!" Sonic noticed.

"Electric, you say? I may have a solution!" Rotor said.

He picked up the remains of one Piranha Plant and took a look at it through his microscope...

"Aha! This plant isn't organic! It's mechanical!"

"Technology on the cutting edge!" Tails added. (pun intended)

"That only means Eggman!" Sonic said. "I'm gonna need a 5000 feet garden hose...

Suddenly, music was heard...

"Moskau - fremd und geheimnisvoll,

Türme aus rotem Gold, kalt wie das Eis. Moskau - doch wer dich wirklich kennt, der weiss, ein Feuer brennt in dir so heiss. Kosaken hey, hey, hey leert die Gläser! Natascha ha,ha, ha, du bist schön! Towarisch hey, hey, hey, auf das Leben! Auf dein Wohl Bruder, hey Bruder ho!

Moskau, Moskau wirf die Gläser an die Wand, Russland ist ein schönes Land, ho, ho, ho, ho, hey! Moskau, Moskau, deine Seele ist so gross, nachts da ist der Teufel los, ha, ha, ha, ha, hey! Moskau, Moskau, Liebe schmeckt wie Kaviar, Mädchen sind zum Küssen da, ho, ho, ho, ho, hey! Moskau, Moskau komm wir tanzen auf dem Tisch, bis der Tisch zusammenbricht, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! Moskau Tor zur Vergangenheit Spiegel der Zarenzeit Rot wie das Blut Moskau Wer deine Seele kennt der weiss die Liebe brennt heiss wie die Glut Kosaken hey, hey, hey leert die Gläser! Natascha ha,ha, ha, du bist schön! Towarisch hey, hey, hey, auf die Liebe! Auf dein Wohl Mädchen, he Mädchen ho! Moskau, Moskau wirf die Gläser an die Wand, Russland ist ein schönes Land, ho, ho, ho, ho, hey! Moskau, Moskau, deine Seele ist so gross, nachts da ist der Teufel los, ha, ha, ha, ha, hey! Moskau la la la ... Moskau Moskau la la la ... Oh ohohoh... Moskau, Moskau Moskau, Moskau Wodka trinkt man pur und kalt, das macht hundert Jahre alt, oh, oh, oh, hey!

"Moskau, Moskau,

Väterchen dein Glas ist leer, doch im Keller ist noch mehr, ah, ah, ah!"

Suddenly, the Piranha Plants all turned back organic and started singing and going after the music:

"Kosaken hey, hey, hey leert die Gläser! Natascha ha,ha, ha, du bist schön! Towarisch hey, hey, hey, auf die Liebe! Auf dein Wohl Bruder, hey Bruder ho! Moskau, Moskau wirf die Gläser an die Wand, Russland ist ein schönes Land, ho, ho, ho, hey! Moskau, Moskau, deine Seele ist so gross, nachts da ist der Teufel los, ha, ha, ha, ha, hey! Moskau, Moskau, Liebe schmeckt wie Kaviar, Mädchen sind zum Küssen da, ho, ho, ho, ho, hey! Moskau, Moskau komm wir tanzen auf dem Tisch, bis der Tisch zusammenbricht, ha, ha, ha, ha, HEY!"

"The weeds... they're all leaving! Is that music meaningful for them?!" the Freedom Fighters asked each other.

"I don't blame them. Eggman hates music. And it's a well known fact that even mechanical weeds like music!" Sonic theorized.

Robotropolis...

"BUT-SIR-ALL-I-DID-WAS-TO-SEED-THE-KNOTHOLE-WOODS!" the Burrobot, who was about to be scrapped, tried to say.

"I've seed what you did... That's why I'm planting you in the trash!" Eggman said, furious that a mysterious figure saved the Freedom Fighters again********(more puns intended)...

Lemmy Koopa's Hipster Casino...

"Thanks for helping us save both my friends AND the Piranha Plants, Hip!" Bowser Jr. said, when his grandfather, Kamek, came to bring all the Piranhas bact to the NEO Bowser Castle.

"You're welcome, Junior! I'll inform all the other Koopalings about your location, so they can know where to go if they ever want to visit you!" Lemmy said, with Butler-Bot behind him.

"Won't you return to the castle, Junior Master?" Kamek asked. "The Koopa Kingdom needs a king."

"And that king needs friends. Sorry, Kamek, but I must help Sonic..."

The end

Notes:

*Roy confirmed in the last chapter that Bowser Jr.'s middle name is Ovi Kintobor. Yeah, freaking Fleetway reference because I can!

**Hop's real name is Iggy Koopa. Iggy is Lemmy's twin brother, born 5 minutes after Lemmy.

***Yes, freaking reference to what happened before Junior reset the timeline because I can!

****Lemmy knows nothing about the reset...

*****Have we gotten along, fellas?

******Remember, Antoine is French.

*******Insert noises of Homer Simpson playing chainsaw here!

********The Freedom Fighters were already rescued by a Koopaling in the last chapter, only that then it was Roy, and now it was Lemmy.