"If You Can't Beat Them..."
CHAPTER 06
"You really are serious." Sasuke said in disbelief as he looked at Suigetsu standing in front of him.
"Yes bitch, this is my present for you because of the move." Suigetsu said with a perfectly straight face, holding the glass bowl in front of him.
"You are the one moving in. If anything, I should be the one to buy you presents." Sasuke really couldn't follow his logic.
"Details, Sasuke, details. Anyway, just take the God damn fish, it's really scaring the shit out of me!" Suigetsu yelled, losing his patience. God, his plan was perfect, but no, Sasuke had to be a smartass.
Sasuke sighed in defeat. Taking the bowl with the gold fish, he closed the door behind his friend,asSuigetsu stepped inside. Leading him into the living room, they both sat down, glass bowl safely placed on the table.
"Seriously, just look at this...this thing! It's freaky, bitch! Those eyes...it's looking at me all the time, like it knows something I don't... I swear it's mocking me, it's Fish of the Darkness!" The shark-like teen said, leaning slightly forward and observing the innocently swimming fish with narrowed eyes.
Sasuke however observed Suigetsu, not being able to decide whether he should call a mental institution just yet...
"So why did you get it anyway?" He asked, plopping down on the couch. Suigetsu was the first person he had spoken to in a week. He had so many thoughts going through his head, he just had to cut himself away from everything, even Naruto...no, especially Naruto.
"I didn't get it, bitch! I'm not insane!" Suigetsu exclaimed and Sasuke looked at him with only a little dose of scepticism. "Kisame bought it for me, you know how he feels connected with the sea and its inhabitants. I wanted to be nice and took it, he did so much for me... but I just can't take it anymore!"
"Whatever. It will probably die sometime soon, seeing as I'm gonna forget all about it really fast." Sasuke said shrugging his shoulders. Suigetsu gasped in shock.
"No, bitch! You can't! Didn't you listen to me? It's the Fish of the Darkness, it will curse you or something!" Suigetsu said, sincerely being afraid about Sasuke's safety. "Anyway, there's something else I wanted to ask you to do as well."
"Hn. What is this?" Sasuke asked, reaching his hand out when Suigetsu handed him a folder.
"This is part of my book. I wanted someone to read it and tell me what they honestly think about it... and you came to my mind. I know you won't hesitate to criticize it or anything." Suigetsu said, grinning at Sasuke. The brunet only nodded, opening the folder and looking briefly through its content.
"What do you write about anyway?"
"Well… power, love, sex, blood, sadism, rape, more sex, fetish, cutting, sex, masochism and even more sex." Suigetsu said in one breath. Sasuke arched his delicate brow.
"God, why so drastic?" Suigetsu thought for a moment about Sasuke's words.
"...Hell, you are right, bitch! I will remove romance from the plot!" Suigetsu said with enthusiasm. Sasuke only rolled his eyes and leaned his back on the couch, sighing tiredly. There was a minute of silence as Suigetsu observed his friend. He really did consider Sasuke a friend; it was no matter that they had only known each other for a short time. Sasuke was just that kind of person: you either loved or hated him. "Kisame told me, that Itachi told him, that you are not leaving your apartment at all nor you are seeing this hooker of yours."
Sasuke smirked slightly at Suigetsu's choice of words and the other smirked as well.
"Yeah well... I just need the time to think."
"And how is it going?" Suigetsu asked and Sasuke moved his eyes to look at him. That's what he liked about the boy, he didn't ask why.
"Quite shitty I must admit." Sasuke answered and Suigetsu laughed shortly.
"You know Sasuke... I had a brother once." Suigetsu started, gazing in front of himself in wonder. Sasuke looked interested at him. Had a brother once? "His name was Mangetsu, he was really cool. But he died."
Sasuke blinked. He had no idea about any of this...
"I asked myself countless times... why did he die? Why would he leave me? Did I do something wrong? Was it my fault he died?" Suigetsu continued and Sasuke was shocked. He was sure Suigetsu didn't know about what happened in his past, yet this story... it was almost like he could hear himself speaking.
"I didn't know what to do... and one day I just decided to leave. I left my home without any explanation whatsoever and didn't go back for the entire year." He said, cracking a smile at the memory. "I simply travelled around the world, catching every job possible, seeing places you would never be able to visit on the regular trip..."
"What happened next?" Sasuke asked, really interested. Suigetsu grinned.
"I found an answer to my question. Things... things just happen Sasuke, things that we have no control over whatsoever. People die... but so what? Am I supposed to kill myself because I'm still alive? Life's a bitch and we know it... but there are so many different things in it as well."
Sasuke stared at his friend without a word. Could it be so simple? Naruto, Suigetsu... they all said the same thing, they coped somehow, moved forward while he... He was just pitying himself all the time, the irony. He hated pity the most.
"Sasuke just know this, my answer isn't yours. You have to find it yourself, you won't get through whatever you are in otherwise." Suigetsu said looking at the brunet with a serious expression. "I would tell you something more, Sasuke, I really would. Weird enough I really do consider you my friend... but aslong as I don't know what this is all about..."
Sasuke looked at Suigetsu closely. Could he tell him? God, he really felt like talking with someone about all this, someone other than Itachi for once, as much as he was grateful for his help he just needed something else. But could he risk revealing this whole secret? Itachi won't be very pleased, but Suigetsu was reliable enough, all in all he was Kisame's cousin. The shark like guy wouldn't send him to Sasuke if he didn't think he was trustworthy in the first place. Maybe he didn't have to tell him everything... he could skip the most dramatic part, but beside that...
"Nothing that I'm going to tell you now will leave this room." Sasuke said, looking at Suigetsu meaningfully.
"Okay, bitch." Suigetsu nodded and grinned widely. "Bring it on."
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
"That was one hell of a story, bitch." Suigetsu said, standing at the door. "Well, just remember what I told you and if anything, you know where to find me."
"Thanks." Sasuke said simply, smiling a small smile. He really did feel better, Suigetsu managed to give him some clue as to what do next.
"Aw, aren't you sweet, Sasu-chan." He said, ruffling the brunet's hair playfully and gaining a glare in return. "Seriously, I sometimes regret that you are already taken, bitch! Anyway, remember to take care of the Fish of the Darkness!" The teen added in a creepy tone, before turning away and winking at Sasuke.
"Yeah, yeah." The brunet responded, rolling his eyes.
"Anytime bitch!" Suigetsu yelled, from the staircase before disappearing completely. Sasuke shook his head as he closed the door behind him. Seriously, those people he knew...
...Wait. Sasuke frowned. He wasn't taken. He was never in a relationship with Naruto, and he would be lucky if the blond agreed to talk to him after ignoring his visits. Because Naruto had come, but Sasuke simply refused to let him in.
Sasuke looked at the piece of paper with the blonds' cell number. He hadn't moved it from its place on the table since Naruto left it there, he just couldn't decide.
Sitting on the couch, Sasuke pulled out his phone and dialled the number slowly. He really owed him some sort of an explanation, anything. The blond seriously didn't deserve to be treated like that. After all he was always fair towards the brunet.
Pressing the call button, Sasuke waited,somehowpraying in his mind that the blond won't answer...
"Hello?" The usual, loud voice answered and Sasuke once again cursed his luck. "...Anyone there?"
"Yeah..." Sasuke answered quietly and Naruto went silent, immediately recognizing the voice. How could he not, really?
"What's up Sasuke?" Naruto asked cheerfully. Of course he was pissed. Hell, was he pissed... but if snapping at the brunet was going to make him hang up on him, he didn't want to risk it.
"Nothing much..." The brunet said, actually surprised at Naruto's behaviour. He really did expect him to scream at him like a madman and hung up a minute later. "Listen, do you work today in the evening? I think I'll visit you, I have something to talk about..."
Naruto blinked on the other side of the line. Something to talk about? Was Sasuke going to tell him everything?
...The blond smacked himself at that though. Seriously, that would be something.
"Naruto?" Sasuke asked with an arched brow. "Did you hit something because it sure as hell sounded like it."
"What? Oh, I was just... um, killing a fly. Yeah, a fly!" Naruto said hurriedly. He couldn't let Sasuke know that he went around hitting himself... "Anyway, yeah, I do work this afternoon so of course you are free to visit. Come around later in the evening though, there will be less customers and we will be able to talk in peace, you know?"
"Hn. Okay, see you then." Sasuke said, hanging up and sighing in relief. It wasn't so hard after all. Getting up he grabbed a cigarette and a lighter and stepped out on the balcony.
"Well, if it isn't a surprise to see you here." Itachi said from beneath. Sasuke really hadn't come out of his cave, even out on the balcony in a week. Someone must have done something; normally Sasuke wasn't so fast with his silent days.
"I need to leave." The brunet said and something in his voice told Itachi that he most certainly didn't mean a trip to the store. The older Uchiha sighed. It wasn't rare for Sasuke to disappear somewhere without a word and not come back for a week at least, really. He did it quite often and Itachi honestly could understand him. He did it himself when he was younger... and didn't have so many responsibilities.
"Where to?" Itachi asked glancing at his brother who went silent.
"Kyoto." Sasuke said finally and Itachi looked at him shocked.
"Sasuke, this isn't a good—"
"I have to, Itachi." The brunet cut in, looking at his brother and trying to convince him. He didn't want to do it either, it was so... painful. "I just have to go there and see... him."
Itachi really couldn't be more shocked right now. Sasuke wanted to go there and... He was escaping this whole matter a whole year and now suddenly decided to do something like this.
"Sasuke, listen to me." Itachi said in the calmest voice possible. "What if you go there and instead of the answers you are so desperately looking for,you find only painful memories? What then? What are you going to do if you start having those nightmares, those flashbacks once again? It took a whole year to get rid of them—"
"What are you talking about Itachi?" Sasuke asked, laughing bitterly. "They never left me. They never will."
Itachi observed his brother completely stunned. Sasuke was still having them? Why didn't he say so? Is this why it was so hard for him to move on, even slightly?
"I'm not saying that I know what I'm doing." Sasuke continued, resting his forehead on his palms. "I haven't got the slightest clue actually... but that's the only thing that came to my mind."
"I'll book you a train." Itachi said in a dull voice after a few minutes of silence. He didn't like that, he certainly didn't like where all of this was heading. What was even worse, he couldn't go there with his brother, Sasuke would be there all alone... but if Sasuke wanted to do so, he couldn't stop him by force. All in all only he could even vaguely know what was good for him. "When do you want to leave?"
"As soon as possible."
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
Sasuke stood in front of Ichiraku convincing himself that he had to go inside. He wasn't doing a great job though, seeing as he had stood there for an hour at least...
The brunet had known he had to leave for some time now; Suigetsu's speech only convinced him more. Those constant thoughts about what happened last year were literally killing him. This burden he was baring was becoming harder and harder with every passing day, and he really didn't know how much longer he was going to last...
...And there was Naruto as well. God, he really didn't need this. More thoughts, more troubles. He couldn't find himself in this new situation with the blond. What did he feel towards him? Where was it heading? Where did he want it to head?
He certainly liked the blond, there was no way denying it, hewouldn't act thiswayaroundhimotherwise. Sasuke knew himself better than that, and as muchof a fan of the Art of Ignoring he was, he wasn't going to deny something so obvious. But he just didn't know... it was so fast. Was he ready to try something new? What guarantee did he have that he wasn't going to screw everything up and it wouldn't end like last year...or worse. Because Sasuke was sure that he wouldn't live through it again, it would be simply too much. This which doesn't kill you... will most likely succeed the second time.
Okay, first things first, Sasuke decided, taking a deep breath and stepping inside. The place was fairly empty; only one pair was sitting in the corner enjoying their meal silently. Looking around he tried to spot Naruto... and saw some black-haired man cleaning the tables.
Sasuke frowned. He couldn't put his finger on it, but he somehow looked familiar... The brunet didn't think about it anymore though, as he caught a glimpse of something blond near the main counter. Turning his eyes he saw Naruto standing behind it, sending him a small, embarrassed smile.
Sasuke smirked. Seriously, that dobe... coming closer, the brunet stood right in front of the blond and looked at him. Naruto shifted uncomfortably a little. He really was intending to yell at Sasuke the minute after seeing him, but something about his general look stopped him. Sasuke sure looked tired...and confused.
"Hey." Naruto said leaning his elbows and sending him encouraging grin.
"Hey..." Sasuke responded, sitting on the chair and sighing tiredly.
"Wait a second, okay? I will tell Iruka to leave me alone for a few minutes and get us some tea." The blond said and left to find his boss. Seriously, how come he couldn't stay mad at Sasuke? Every last bit of his anger always melted whenever he saw those eyes... God, Naruto was pretty sure that whatever Sasuke did, he would forgive him. This was a frightening thought indeed...
Using a few spare seconds Sasuke glanced once again at the worker from before. Short black hair, black eyes... where had he seen him? He just knew he had, even if it was a pretty common description for a Japanese person.
"Okay, here you are." Naruto said after putting two cups of tea on the counter, taking his apron off and sitting as well. "So what is this thing you wanted to talk about?"
Sasuke gazed at the hot liquid.
"I'm leaving." He said in a thoughtful voice and Naruto chocked on his drink. Sasuke was leaving? Oh God, he hoped he didn't mean it like forever...did he? Maybe the brunet finally decided that he had enough of his blond, loud personality? Did Naruto push him so far with his imposing as to actually make him want to leave?
Sasuke looked at Naruto confused when he saw his face expression. Then it clicked.
"Heh, don't worry dobe. I'm not leaving forever." He said smirking lightly.
"You—You're not? Oh thank God you are not. Jesus, Sasuke! You scared me seriously for a minute there, you know!" Naruto started to babble nervously. He really thought Sasuke was going to leave him behind! What was happening with him anyway? He felt like one blink of Sasuke's eye could make him do literally everything for the brunet.
"Where would I go, seriously." Sasuke said in wonder. There was only one place where he could stay permanently, beside his apartment that is. His grave. The brunet smiled bitterly at this thought.
"So... where are you going? If you don't mind me asking of course." Naruto added hurriedly. Seriously, being cautions around Sasuke was a fulltime job.
"Kyoto." He answered. It wouldn't tell Naruto anything concrete anyway.
"Oh...home, right?" The blond tried. Sasuke snickered shortly. Right... God, why won't someone hand him an instruction to this guy! He could literally see it: 'How to handle Sasuke without getting killed in the process – still only for suicidal ones.'
"That hasn't been my home since... since some time ago." Sasuke said, catching himself just in time before saying too much.
Naruto cursed mentally. Sasuke was this close to saying something important, but no, he had to be so fucking composed all the time!
"Anyway, I don't know how long am I going to stay there... one week at least. I should warn you not to try to contact me either, I'm turning my mobile off." Sasuke said, looking at the blond meaningly. "I'm just saying this so you won't think I died on you or something..." The brunet added and immediately asked himself,why did he even care.
"Okay..." The blond answered, nodding without enthusiasm, one week or longer without Sasuke or any information from him? This was going to be one hell of a week, the blond was sure about it.
"If anything happens..." Sasuke said after some hesitation, reaching for the napkin and the pen that lay near it. "Call this number, it's Itachi's. He will help you."
Naruto looked surprised at the piece of paper Sasuke handed him. Then he glanced at the brunet.
"What could possibly happen?"
"Dobe." Sasuke said, rolling his eyes. "I'm not saying something will happen. It's just in case, since I won't be here or anything..." He finished, looking away awkwardly. He just couldn't stand the thought of leaving Naruto completely alone. He felt somehow responsible for him, for his well being at least... he felt like he owed him that much.
Naruto actually felt like crying after hearing those words. Call him a crybaby, but he was deeply moved. Sasuke did care after all... even if only slightly. God, he would have molested Sasuke on this spot, if not for the counter between them.
"Thanks... really, you didn't have to..." He said, glancing at the note.
"It's nothing. Seriously, don't hesitate to call him. Itachi may grunt at you, but he will help... he actually likes you." Sasuke said, getting up and smirking lightly.
"Really?" Naruto asked, arching one brow. It was hard to tell with Sasuke's sibling, seriously. He did call him a whore all the time after all...
"Yeah. If he didn't, you would be long dead." Sasuke explained and Naruto looked at him incredulously. "I mean it." The brunet added and something in his voice told Naruto that he wasn't joking.
"Then...see you in a week I guess." Naruto said awkwardly, glancing at Sasuke. The brunet nodded his head mutely and after a brief hesitation leaned forward kissing Naruto's cheek chastely.
Leaving his lips there slightly longer than necessary, Sasuke closed his eyes and took in the sensation. Finally moving away, he glanced one last time at the sad blond and turned around, leaving the place. He wanted to remember Naruto's taste...
...In case it was the last time.
Naruto looked dully, but surprised at the same time after the brunet. It was the first time Sasuke displayed affection in such a way towards him... actually it was the first time Sasuke displayed any sign of affection at all. God, he was fucking happy like never before, he could still feel his stomach twisting in the nervous but excited manner! Reaching his hand to his cheek, he touched it gently smiling very delicately. Great, not three seconds since Sasuke left and he already got worried and fucking missed him.
"Ugh..." Naruto grunted, sitting on the chair heavily and hitting the counter with his forehead. The worst thing about this situation was that he had no control over it whatsoever. Everything depended on Sasuke, he could only sit back and wait...
"Naruto-kun, I have a question." The blond snapped from his thoughts when he heard his co-worker behind him. Moving his eyes, he glanced at the black-haired boy.
"Yes Sai?" He asked completely wiped out of energy.
"Do you happen to know the person with whom you just spoke?" Sai asked, smiling pleasantly. Naruto frowned. Could it be possible that Sai knew Sasuke?
"Yeah..." He said straightening up and looking warily at him. The truth was... he never trusted him. There was something extremely fake about his behaviour and even if he liked to talk with him and listen to his stories, he still couldn't bring himself to open up completely in front of the brunet.
"Really? What's his name?" Sai asked, his smile in place all the time. Naruto hesitated. Should he tell him Sasuke's true name or the fake one? God, how he wished Sasuke told what to do in a situation like this.
"Riku... Sasaki Riku." He said finally. He preferred to apologize for lying to Sai later than explain himself in front of Sasuke and probably ruin something very important. Even if Sai might know something about the brunet... Naruto decided to trust Sasuke on this and let him tell the blond everything in his own time.
"Oh..." Sai nodded his head. He could swear he heard Naruto calling him something else...
"Why? You know him or something?" Naruto asked, observing Sai's reaction... not that he could see anything special, his smile didn't flatter even once.
"No." Yes, Sai thought in his mind. He just couldn't be one hundred percent sure yet... but he will. Then Sasuke – if that was him indeed – would pay for everything. "He just looked like he had a big penis." Sai added his usual joke about penises and turned around, leaving the blond alone again.
Naruto rolled his eyes but frowned nonetheless. Something was definitely off in this whole matter.
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
"If anything call me immediately." Itachi said. He was waiting with Sasuke at the train station, his brother standing silently next to him.
"Yeah, yeah..." Sasuke answered dully for the... tenth time maybe? That's how often Itachi told him this during their half an hour wait.
"You've got the keys, right?" The older Uchiha asked and Sasuke just nodded in return. "Where are you staying anyway?"
"Our home, where else?" Sasuke said, looking at Itachi with a raised brow.
"The burnt one?" His brother asked, smirking lightly. Sasuke rolled his eyes.
"It's still standing there? Anyway, in the one on the outskirts." Sasuke said, thinking about the burnt mansion. It had been a year, geez. They could have cleaned everything by now.
"Yeah, some administration problems. It was an antique building after all." Itachi explained and Sasuke nodded. Noticing the arriving train, he turned to look at his brother.
"Be careful—"
"Yeah I know. So no one sees me." Sasuke cut in, finishing for his brother. Itachi sighed and put his hand on top of Sasuke's head.
"That too. But I meant it as: be careful. Just be careful." He said and Sasuke looked slightly stunned. Smiling gently, although being sick in worry inside, Itachi leaned down kissing his brother's forehead. "I hope you will find what you are looking for."
Sasuke could only nod his head, his throat tightened so much. Turning away, he grabbed his bag and went inside the train without another look.
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
Deidara tapped his fingers impatiently on the wooden surface. He came to Itachi's apartment since they had to talk about some stuff connected with the club and look through some papers...
...But in practise it was only Deidara who did anything, the brunet kept staring into space with a thoughtful expression. No, Deidara decided, he simply couldn't take it anymore.
"Sasuke doesn't need to go to Kyoto to kill himself." He said bluntly and Itachi's eyes went wide instantly. "What, un? That's what you are thinking all the time."
Itachi looked at his friend, his eyes narrowing.
"That was uncalled for." Itachi said shortly, his voice sharp. The blond observed his friend in silence for a moment.
"Really, un?" He asked, his face and voice completely devoid of all emotions. "And what if he does kill himself after all? What will you do then?"
Itachi looked at his friend shocked. He just couldn't believe those words left his mouth.
"You don't really think Sasuke—"
"Itachi, I was asking about you. What would you do in a situation like that?" Deidara asked. Of course he cared about Sasuke but he just wanted the brunet to think about himself for once. "Answer me." The blond said in a low voice, leaning forward.
The brunet observed his friend. He knew Deidara didn't really think about Sasuke that way, and he did care about him as well. Then what was the purpose of this?
"Itachi, is it so hard to understand that I'm asking about you, un?" Deidara said again, in a more patient voice however. "You. Not Sasuke, not anyone else. For once, think about yourself."
"I don't know." Itachi said finally, giving up, but observing the blond warily. "I would probably be in a similar state to his right now." Deidara nodded his head.
"But you do realise that you can't stop him, un?" He asked. No matter how it did pain him, it was the truth. Itachi frowned again.
"Deidara, what are you talking about? Are you really suggesting that he might kill himself?"
"No, un! Of course not!"The blond answered, his voice rising slightly. "Why won't you believe in it, Sasuke is like a brother to me as well and I love him! But you can't stop him if he decided to do it, it is his life! All we can do is be there for him, but it is his decision to make."
"What do you think I'm doing then?" Itachi said, his voice angry as well. "I am always there for him!"
"Are you?" Deidara asked calmly this time, looking at his pissed friend. It really was a rare sight to see Itachi like this. It was a really dangerous sight as well, but Deidara knew how to handle Itachi in a situation like this... or so he hoped. He really had to do it though; it was the only way to get through to him.
"What do you mean by that?" Itachi asked, his voice dangerously low, eyes narrowing. God, Deidara hated that the most, he really preferred when the brunette was shouting, this tone alone make the shivers run down his spine and put together with those eyes of his... it was pure horror, seriously.
"I know that you did and would do everything for him, un. But just following him around, making sure that he won't starve himself to death or do something equally stupid won't do." Deidara explained, in the calmest and gentlest voice he could manage. "When was the last time you spoke with Sasuke, but like really talked about your feelings, about his feelings? Have you ever even talked sincerely about what happened? About how you both feel about it?"
Itachi looked at his blonde friend in silence. He knew he was right. He really did...
"I know you still harbour some regret... and he can feel it too. It won't disappear, it will stand between you two and stop you from really helping him as long as you won't talk it out, un." Deidara reached his hand and put it on top of Itachi's. Fortunately the brunet let him, which meant that he wasn't going to die after saying all this stuff. Thank God. "And think about yourself as well, because I know you do want an explanation as well. You deserve it."
Itachi looked in the blue eyes of his friend for a few minutes without a word. Slipping his hand from under the blonds', Deidara thought Itachi took it away for good but the felt the brunet grasp it again, lift a little...
...And place a soft kiss on in.
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
A/N: Yes, of course I made this story about Suigetsu's brother XD Damn, I wish Kishimoto said more about him in the manga... now that it's confirmed that Itachi is thoroughly insane after all XD