Title: Everytime

Author: JoonyMoon

Show: Lost Girl

Pairing: Doccubus, Bo/Lo

Rating: T

Notes: AU, Teen Bo, Teen Lauren, Flashbacks

Italics: Flashback

Chapter 6

My hands were busy making pancakes when I heard tiny footsteps nearing the kitchen. Charlotte was standing there rubbing the sleep out of her eyes, her favorite stuffed toy still clutched in her hand. „Pancakes? Are you making pancakes?" her face brightened up smelling the familiar smell of baking goods. I smiled sadly at the small brunette while she eagerly sat down at the table. She didn't know that I was awake for several hours already. My nightmares had keeping me awake and the coffee that became irish after the second cup helped me to focus. Letting the final pancake leave the pan my eyes stopped at the big family calendar on the wall. Today was circled bright red with a small birthday cake drawn beside it.

Your birthday... We always ate pancakes at your birthday. We, Charlie and I, used to wake you up early, serving you breakfast at bed but this year everything was different. No contend smile welcomed me. There was no morning birthday sex or longing looks from you. No soft touches no silent I love yous. Happy laughs and giggling not present.

Looking for some plates my eyes fixed on the wall next to the cabinet. Almost the whole wall was covered with different photographs. Portraits and snapshots. Of us, our family and friends. My eyes lingered on the one of your grandfather holding tiny Charlotte with a proud smile in his arms. The grandfather you didn't know existed for many years. My mind was wandering back to that fateful day you told me about him, the day everything went downhill.

Half naked I was lying securely in your arms. Our bodies still flush from our former activities you pressed a loving kiss on my temple while your hands were lazily playing with my damp curls. It had been only a few months that we were together now, but it already felt like an eternity. An eternity of bliss and happiness. Every doubt was long gone by now. We were happy not caring what the others were thinking.

I planted a sloppy kiss on your collarbone and then nuzzled my nose in the crook of your neck inhaling the smell of sweat mixed with your shampoo. A contend sigh escaped my lips when I draped my arm over your bare stomach drawing invisible circles on the still sensitive skin. It became a habit for you sleeping here with me since we got together. You hadn't seen your mother for weeks and I felt how much you enjoyed it, how free you felt. You were practically living here by now.

The smile you gave me didn't completely reach your eyes and you looked so distraught the entire day evading my looks instead of seeking them. I had known you for a long time now and I knew that you were keeping something from me. You'd always been a bad liar and I could see that something was nagging at your insides. I sighed and sat up looking at you. „Do you mind telling me what's going on in the pretty head of yours?"

„Nothing Lo... everything's ok... Just a little exhausted, think you wore me out" you tried to joke but it missed its power. Your face faltered. I looked into your eyes seeking for an answer but only found the thick fog hindering my sight. A slight wet film was building on your brown orbs and I knew you were fighting the tears that were about to come. Your jaw was tightly clenched shut and a little shaking. I cupped your cheeks with my palms tracing your cheekbones with my thumbs forcing you to look at me.

„Ysabeau... Talk to me please... You can tell me everything. I love you" saying those three words were still a new sensation for me, as frightening as they may have seemed at the beginning the more comfortable I became. A slight flicker of a smile crept over your lips at me saying those words but that smile didn't last long and I saw a single tear carving its way along your cheek wetting my fingertips.

My insides clenched. Worry engulfing my mind. I pulled you close. Our bare bodies radiating warmth pressed together. I've felt wet tears dripping on my shoulder while deep sobs rocked your body. I didn't now how long we were sitting here just like that. Not talking only feeling until your sobs ebbed down and your breathing became deeper, your body calming down. You pressed your forehead against mine and I could see your red and swollen eyes looking into my soul. You gave me a chaste kiss and then whispered: „thank you..."

„Always... Forever, remember?"

„Yeah...Forever" you gulped.

Finally dressed for the first time this day I was cutting some vegetables for our meal. Keeping you away from unhealthy fast food I started cooking for time to time for us. Having two left hands in the kitchen you were standing at the sidelines most of the time. Sometimes distracting the cook or nibbling the ingredients. It felt almost like an adult relationship. But today was different. Your playful manner was gone.

I've eventually had enough. Putting down the knife I turned around fixing you with my eyes. Squirming at the demanding look you sat down. Elbows on the table, hands supporting your head while your feet were nervously drumming an unknown rythm on the ground. I sat down infront of you but you didn't look me in the eyes when a sad sigh escaped your lips.

„I... I have a grandfather Lo..."

„You do? That's wonderful Bo, oh what's his name? where is he living? Do you have contact?" I was bubbling with questions.

You smiled a sad smile before you continued. „He's moms dad... seems they never really got along so she never talked about him. His name is Fitzpatrick McCorrigan... He has a bar somewhere in Toronto..."

„Toronto? That's pretty far away..." I stated.

„Two day car ride to be precise..." you mumbled.

„Are you going to see him?And since when do you even know?"

You took a deep breath. „Mom... she... well... It seems they discovered her... „medicine"" You formed quotation marks with your fingers. „Today they took her to a clinique... What I'm glad about but... With her gone... I... They... They won't let me stay here..."

That was the first time my world shattered when those words escaped your lips. My young heart felt like it was ripped out and everything made sense now. Only two days later and you were gone and my heart and happiness were gone with you leaving a weeping shell behind.

The tiny huff of Charlotte pulled me out of the memory. A beaming smile adorning her beautiful face greeted me. Still dressed in her pjs that were... muddy. Just now I saw the bunch of flowers in her tiny hands. I must have so caught up with the memory I didn't see the girl slipping our of the house for a few moments.

„Look mama I picked mommy flowers." she proudly held up the gift. They were wild and beautiful just how you would have loved them. „They are wonderful sweetie" I smiled and ruffled her hair. „I'll put them in to vase and you honey have to put on some clean clothes. You want to look good for mommy, don't you? And after that we gonna eat those pancakes, ok?" The tiny brunette nodded happily and ran upstairs.

My lips turned in to small smile. She was such a wonderful girl. Imagining to lose her would kill me. I won't let them take her away from me. Won't let him take her. She was everything that I had left. She was my life. Your.. condition was something that she didn't understand and I dreaded the moment she eventually catch up and reality would sink in.

The oven called me with a loud plink. Opening the hatch the delicious scent of brownies entered my nose. Birthday Brownies like every year but this time you wouldn't be able to eat one. I remembered the last birthday you didn't get a taste of them. The memory was painful and reminded me that a heart was fragile and that trust could be destroyed in seconds. Rebuilding it? That takes time and effort.

I was tired and my neck hurt from sleeping in my car for two days straight. The occasional brownies were safely sitting on the passenger side together with your neatly wrapped gift. Not being able to see you for months I had decided to surprise you on your birthday. The last two years had been hard on us. We rarely saw eachother and when we eventually managed it it was to short or we were constantly interrupted.

The few times a day phone calls from the beginning had died down. Going from once a day to once a week to even less over the years. Starting University was taking its toll on me. The workload was imense and I usually learned until late in the night when I eventually fell asleep totally exhausted. There wasn't much time at Yale for me to make social calls and you? You weren't much better of. After graduation you had entered the police academy in the area and the training was hard and tiring. You were always the one protecting others it fit perfectly and I saw how much you flourished in that kind of work but my mind didn't overcame the feeling of jealousy and loneliness.

It wasn't like I had no friends on campus it was just difficult to maintain any kind of relationship. The only steady connection I managed was with a young photography student who surprisingly well managed to pull me out of my reverie whenever I needed it.

As much as me missing you dearly was one of the reasons that I decided to visit you as much was jealousy driving me. I knew that I could trust you, I always did but I had the nagging feeling deep in my stomach telling me that something was wrong. It grew over the time into a monster feeding on every tiny word of you. Ever since you started talking about this rough but incredibly sexy and nice instructor I had this bad feeling.

You became quite cool towards me in the last weeks. I could feel that something was weighing you down. Something heavy... something... manly to be precise.

Parking next to the dormitory you lived in I picked up the brownies and your present and went straight to your room. I hadn't been here often before but I still knew exactly where to go. You should be at your room at this time studying.

The closer I got to your room the louder the sounds and voices got. Stopping infront of your door my heart nearly stopped when I recognized the noises. I heard you. Moans... gasping... clutching sounds of meeting flesh. For a moment I thought that you maybe were just taking things in your own hand but when the sounds of a grunting male mixed in your moans I felt my blood getting cold for a second... I should go, turn around, not making a scene but my cold blood started boiling, tears were flowing when anger and disappointment flooded my senses. Pain... everywhere... Kicking the door open a tiny piece of me hoped that it was just a misunderstanding but when I saw you clutching at the broad naked shoulders of your instructor moaning in ecstasy something broke inside of me. Throwing your present against the wall which was cluttering into pieces by the force I finally got your attention. Staring at me wide eyed like a deer caught in the head light you didn't seem to know what to do.

The next moment something escaped my lips. Never being the obscene one, rarely cursing and almost never insulting people the anger made me. „Fucking filthy whore!" I screamed with tears in my eyes. Hurt like never before I stood in your room my shoulders heaving while I watched my heart falling into tiny pieces. The heart that had gone with you and that you swaped for something, someone else without even thinking to tell me. A succubus like in the mythology. Seducing, stealing the essence of their pray only to let them fall down afterwards...

A/N: Allright this is REALLY the last one. My plane leaves tomorrow and I have to pack my things but this story... gaaaah it kinda writes itself and I can't stop. Sorry for the many... flashbacks, but I can't promise they will get fewer for a while. I just want to thank you guys for reviewing favoriting and following my story. You have no idea how much that means to me. Before I forget I hope you forgive me for any mistakes concerning grammar or the incorrect use of a word. I'm no native speaker and it's difficult sometimes. Thanks for your understanding. So adios guys See ya in a few days ;)