Chapter 6: Idiots

Perhaps if she hadn't been so exhausted, she might have stayed up all night thinking, Holly mused as she rounded the corner of one of the hallways of Rivendell. She pulled her coat tighter around her body, her right pocket feeling heavier than usual.

Elrond had said her condition had some sort of connection to the fate of Middle Earth. That hadn't bothered her. What had really made her stomach drop was the way he had looked at her as if he expected her to do something about it. Did he expect her to...sacrifice something to save Middle Earth?

No. She would not sacrifice herself for the faceless masses that had done nothing for her, even if it meant watching them burn. And when she searched her memories for a specific person worth saving, all that came to mind was a tombstone.

Another issue plagued her mind as well—now that she knew why Gandalf wanted her on the quest, all that was left to resolve was her own motives for traveling with fourteen strangers to reclaim a lost homeland. She didn't care about gold, or glory, or friendship—all three had a tendency to get one stabbed in the back eventually.

She was just bored, Holly decided. And participating in this impossible journey gave her something to do other than wander around Middle Earth.

Holly spotted Bilbo coming down the hallway, heading in the opposite direction. As she passed him, she reached out to take hold of his arm.

"Not that way." He must have still been irritated at her after the troll incident, but she wanted do him a favor anyway. Inexplicably.

"What? Why?" he asked, tugging his arm out of her grasp. The hobbit stared at her, eyebrows drawn together.

"The dwarves are…taking a bath. In the fountain. I reckon you wouldn't want to see that." She had not been so fortunate.

"Not that way, then." He cleared his throat. "Um...do you know where the library is, by any chance?"

Holly nodded. "I was heading there myself. This way."

Bilbo hesitated for a moment, then followed her.

Holly frowned inwardly and mentally berated herself as they walked. She had wanted to do him a favor? Next she would be having tea with him. Perhaps it was just his wide blue eyes combined with his near-constant expression of awe and confusion. She was just taking pity on him.

"Beautiful, isn't it?" Bilbo said as they crossed a stone bridge next to a cascading waterfall.

Holly looked up, shaken from her thoughts, and followed his gaze. "Water and rocks. How extraordinary." She cast a desultory glance at their surroundings.

Bilbo turned, squinting at her through the sunlight. "You are...very strange."

Holly rolled her eyes. "Oh, is that the best you can do?"

"I-I didn't mean that as an insult."

"Oh, I'm sure you meant strange in a nice way," she replied with biting sarcasm. "If you're going to say things like that, you could at least own up to it."

"Well, maybe if you weren't so...so surly all the time, people wouldn't say things like that to you."

Holly gave a cold smile. "I'll be sure to keep that in mind."

Bilbo gave a small huff. "Look, I wasn't trying to insult you."

"We're here," Holly announced, cutting across whatever he had been about to say. She opened a set of impressive double doors, revealing a large room lined floor to ceiling with shelves of tomes, some of which were probably older than Rivendell itself. An elegant staircase led up to a partial second floor, where more books were stored.

Holly snuck a glance at Bilbo as he followed her in, eyes widening in wonder. This was likely his first time seeing so many books in one place. She watched his eyes flit over to the window, out over the sunlit trees, and a ghost of longing tinged with a bit of pain passed over his face.

Homesick, she realized. Holly shrugged and strode over to one of the shelves. She began scanning the dim bindings, muttering under her breath.

"Ah."

She extracted a volume from the shelf and studied their covers. Daegûl. And underneath, in Westron, Shadow Sorcery.

"Interesting…reading choice," Bilbo said from behind her.

"Yes. I'm studying to be a necromancer," Holly replied, turning to face him. "...It was a joke," she added at his baffled expression. "You can laugh."

"Um. All right." The hobbit knit his eyebrows together. In fairness, they had been arguing mere moments ago, but she wasn't in the mood to address that further.

And now she was making jokes. Holly felt ridiculous. She didn't want to give Bilbo any ideas about being friendly. Holly wasn't a friendly person. She was aloof at best.

So why on earth did she feel the need to make jokes?

…..

Holly had done research before. She used to spend hours in the library at Gondor to find a certain fact or bit of knowledge that would help her with whatever task occupying her mind at the moment. At times she went simply because she enjoyed reading.

But never before had her life depended on it. Holly had to admit, that added a bit of an edge to her search for answers. It also added quite a bit of frustration. She'd scoured the entire first floor of books and had moved on to the second floor a little over an hour ago. It was unlikely that she would find anything at all—the second floor consisted of legends and history. She needed information on dark magic and preferably how to get rid of it.

"What you seek, you will not find here."

Holly turned around, startled. She hadn't heard anyone come up from behind.

The newcomer, an elven woman, stood a few feet away. Holly scrutinized her, taking in the elf's fair hair and blue eyes. She had a remarkable aura of wisdom and power, even for an elf. Of course, that didn't mean she actually knew anything.

"What makes you say that?"

The elf offered a knowing smile. "Do you not think Lord Elrond has sought information here was well?"

Of course he had. And of course he would know where to look if there was any information to be had seeing as this was his library. There was no use pretending that he might have missed something. No, the real reason she was still searching was because making some form of effort made her feel less...afraid.

"Perhaps I should sit around and do nothing, then?" Holly said with mock politeness. Who was this elf, anyway, and who had told her about her circumstance?

"Do not let the future worry you. The answers you seek will come in time."

"I'm sure they will. I appreciate the cryptic advice." The elf appeared unfazed by her sarcasm, so Holly turned back to the bookshelf. "Is that all?"

"Your life will be in grave danger."

Holly paused and turned back around. Normally she would have ignored such speculation, but the elf had a tone of conviction that made her hesitate.

"You will have to make a choice when all hope has abandoned you. And your decision will have powerful consequences."

"Why are you telling me this?" Holly asked, her mouth dry.

The elf gave her a soft, encouraging smile. "I only ask you to remember that it is at our lowest point when we see things most clearly."

Good, more cryptic advice. "I'll keep that in mind," Holly replied in a tone that implied otherwise. Then she turned and left the library, books forgotten.

That had unsettled her far more than she wanted to admit, Holly mused as she walked back to her room. If Elrond and Gandalf trusted the elf enough to tell her about the dark magic, then her words must have some credibility. Though her ability to predict the future was another matter. It had to be mere speculation, she concluded. Nothing more. She didn't plan on making any decisions with powerful consequences in the future.

In one of the courtyards further ahead, Holly could see Ori and Bofur sparring. As she drew near, they paused and Ori waved at her.

"Oi, lass!" Bofur said. "Want me to show you how to use a sword?"

She wasn't in the mood for their teasing. "I think I'll pass," she replied, not breaking her stride. "I don't have nearly enough patience right now for playing with swords."

…..

"Holly. Holly, wake up."

Holly shifted onto her back, blinking the sleep from her eyes. Someone was leaning over her...Nori, if the star-shaped hair gave her any indication. She propped herself up on one elbow to let him know she had woken and could he please stop shaking her shoulder.

"Time is it?" She rubbed the heel of her hand into one eye, then the other.

"Do you really want to know?"

She gave a "Hm," in lieu of a reply and sat up. "What's going on?"

"We're leaving Rivendell now. We have to go quietly or the elves will try to stop us."

"All right. Give me a minute."

As soon as Nori had left, shutting the door behind him, Holly put her face in her hands, still trying to clear sleep and worry from her head. She felt nothing but relieved that they were leaving. Rivendell was a constant reminder of her...predicament, which she still hadn't found a solution to.

And once she left Rivendell, chances were no one else would be able to offer any sort of guidance.

She slung her coat on and grabbed her pack, heading for the door. The others were waiting outside, speaking in low voices.

"Cold as stone, that one."

"At least stone doesn't glare at people."

Several of the dwarves chuckled at that, but when Holly rounded the corner they fell silent. Because they'd been talking about her.

She straightened her shoulders, sliding behind an impassive mask. "I'm ready to leave when the rest of you are."

Balin looked around, counting the members of the group. "We're one short. Where's Bilbo?"

"Still sleeping, probably."

There was a collective grumble and someone was sent to wake up the hobbit.

Holly leaned against the balcony railing, watching a small stream trickle through a flowerbed. The water dimmed as a cloud passed over the moon. She hadn't expected anything less. She was used to people talking about her like that. Though, 'cold as stone' is a new one. Perhaps I should write that one down.

It didn't bother her. In fact, the dwarves finally seemed to be showing signs of leaving her alone. And that was what she wanted, really.

Wasn't it?

"Holly?"

She turned around. It was Balin, standing there with a smile far too benevolent for her own comfort.

"How are you feeling?" he asked.

"Why?"

"Well, we were attacked by orcs a couple of days ago, and I imagine the event must have been...stressful for you." The polite smile never left his face as he spoke.

"You imagined wrong, then. It's going to take more than a bit of blood to bother me." Holly tilted her head, scrutinizing the elderly dwarf. "Thorin tasked you with attempting to convince me to stay behind, didn't he?" Balin didn't answer right away. Ah. Guilty. "Well, I must ask that you refrain from doing so in the future since I find the attempt irritating and I appreciate your failure even less."

Several of the dwarves had overheard this exchange and she saw them exchange glances. Without waiting for a reply from Balin, Holly turned away and moved farther off from the group. She felt the telltale prickle of irritation, which was to be expected, but beyond that there was another tingling sensation in the back of her mind, something unfamiliar and entirely unwelcome as far as she was concerned.

Holly dismissed the feeling and averted her eyes as the faintest hints of dawn appeared on the horizon.

….

Barely a week in the wilds had passed and morale had already plummeted. They now had a deadline to reach Erebor—the door would only open on Durin's Day. By Balin's calculations, they had less than four months to meet that requirement. This put an ever-present tension in the air, and they'd begun sacrificing more and more sleep to make time for traveling.

And there was also the matter of the boulders.

Large chunks of rock often tumbled down the mountainside, set loose by wind and rain, forcing the Company on their toes at all times to keep from getting crushed. They also had to be meticulous about which spots to sleep in, to make sure everyone woke up in the morning.

They ended up getting lost more than once, though Balin did his best to navigate through the winding paths. The only person who knew the land better than Balin was Gandalf, but the wizard hadn't departed Rivendell with them, saying he had 'other matters to attend'.

A few days' journey from Rivendell, the worn path they had traversed split into two. A muddy trail to the left ran on even ground beside a cliff and disappeared behind a large cluster of boulders. The one on the right curved upwards into a dip between two hills, and would no doubt be a slippery ordeal after the rain earlier that day.

Balin consulted his map. "We should take the northern route. That will save us at least half a day's travel."

"No." Holly stepped up beside the elderly dwarf, studying the two muddy paths. "We'll need to take the other one."

"What makes you say that?" Balin turned to her with a raised eyebrow.

"Well, look at the paths." Holly gestured to the ground before them. "Do you see it? I'm assuming you don't."

"What are we meant to be seeing?" Thorin said striding to stand next to her.

"The path. Look at the tracks in the mud. There are footsteps and imprints from a wagon. See, they're slightly smeared from the rain."

"Your point? We are not the only travelers on these roads."

"There are footprints leading in the opposite direction too. They came later, after the rain, since they're deeper and they had to walk through the mud. They're of approximately the same size and number, so it's safe to assume that they belong to the same group that passed through earlier. However, there is no trace of the wagon making the return journey with them, which leads me to believe that the travelers lost their wagon due to the weather making the path unsafe. More likely than not it's at the bottom of the cliff right now." She turned and fixed Thorin with a cool stare. "Whether or not you're willing to risk that is up to you. I just thought I'd point out the painfully obvious."

Thorin held her gaze, features stiff with irritation (and it might have been a trick of the light, but he looked a bit impressed as well). "We'll take the southern path, then." It was impressive how he could say one thing, and convey an entirely different message with his tone. He seemed to be giving her something between a warning and a challenge.

Holly flicked a satisfied smile back at him, then moved past to continue on the muddy road.

…

On their sixth day in the wilds, everyone in the Company awoke in a rotten mood. A thick mist blanketed the mountainside, thickening their blood and lowering their spirits.

When they finally stopped to rest, everyone was scowling and grumbling about the late hour and lack of food.

Their small supper did nothing to improve the overall temper. Only Fili and Kili seemed to have recovered their usually cheerful mood.

After they ate the Company sat around, smoking and trying to shake off the general dysphoria long enough to fall asleep.

Holly fiddled with the straps of her pack, feeling restless. She couldn't seem to shake the tension reverberating throughout her body. The events at Rivendell still weighed on her mind, leaving her stressed and frustrated.

"Oi, Holly!" Kili called out from across their small campsite.

"Yes?" she replied with a stiff jaw. What an ideal time to start a conversation. No doubt this will be a waste of my attention.

"Why don't you wear trousers like the rest of us? Surely it must be harder to walk in that dress of yours." He added something in a quieter tone to his brother. They exchanged smirks.

It didn't even occur to Holly at that moment that it was normal for dwarvish women to wear trousers. Seeing as she was traveling with several dwarves, it wasn't really that insensible of a question.

"I'm a woman," she replied, her voice slicing across the campsite like a razor. "Women don't wear trousers. Idiots." Holly let that last word escape without a second thought. Which would have been fine, except everyone heard her. A long silence followed.

"Stop it. Just stop it."

Everyone turned to face Ori, who had gotten to his feet and was glaring at Holly.

"There's no need for you to be so rude. All of us have had a very long day and we're all in a bad mood but you constantly act as though we are not worth your time! And we're not, by the way—you should be nicer to all of us. And you can start by apologizing to Fili and Kili!"

A stunned silence followed his angry speech. Holly could only stare as Ori gave her an insistent glare. No one had expected docile, sweater-wearing, slingshot-wielding Ori to deliver this outburst. But then she thought back to all the times he had tried to make conversation with her. She had brushed him off without a thought...perhaps his actions were not so unexpected. She cleared her throat and turned back to Fili and Kili.

"Um. I…sorry about that." She felt a faint flush in her cheeks. This conversation had taken an unexpected turn.

Kili waved her off, surprised that she'd bothered to apologize at all. "S'alright."

Ori, satisfied with this exchange, nodded and sat back down.

Holly sat as well shame igniting on her cheeks.

Well.

Had Ori been right to have said all of that? She didn't want to think of the implications if he had. Up until a few minutes ago, she'd been so sure of herself, of where she stood compared to others. No one had actually stood up to her like that before.

Did they really expect her to be...nice? And if they did, she had no idea if she was capable of such a thing.

Regardless, she would find out soon enough.

Heh, this was an awkward scene to write. But I really appreciate all the support I've been getting, especially the constructive criticism. Keep doing your thing, reviewers!