Chapter 6

Natalia's POV

I walked alongside Ivan as we made our way back to his hotel room, I smiled as I could feel the electric surging through my body, he smiled back, and I could only guess that he felt the same. That made me happy. It seemed destined that we be together. We had such feelings like this that we couldn't deny, it was almost criminal to deny them, so why pretend they don't exist. Why does he pretend he doesn't feel the same way, when I know he truly does, it was silly. I walked, enjoying the feel of his skin against mine, and in what seemed like too little time we arrived at hotel. He walked in without a word and he led me to an elevator, then whisked me to his room, I felt almost smug as he opened the door and I made my way to his bed and sprawled out on it. I was in his hotel, and we were alone, it was almost fairytale come true~! He smiled at me and took off his long winter jacket and hung it on the hook. I had never really seen brother Russia without his favorite jacket, and I have to say it was a sight that I would want to be concealed and saved for my eyes to see only. He wore a plain white tank top- as white as our matching hair- that seemed accent his glorious muscles, his arms were so strong, and his chest, so muscular, I could see right through his shirt and saw wash board abs. I wanted to touch them so badly, to just run my hands down his body and feel it in it's perfectly toned state, but I knew that would simply ruin the moment for him, he would kick me out and then I would be back to square one. What I needed to do, was show him how mature I was, I had to show him I had resistance and act as if it didn't matter, he needed someone tough, who wouldn't crumble at the simple sight of a tank top. So I did just that, and I almost got the sense that he noticed, and it pleased him. I smiled, my plan worked!

"I'm going to take a shower," he said smiling as he walked to the bathroom. "You can hang out here until I am done, and then Kat and I will take you out for dinner." I nodded happily. Russia was taking me out for dinner, like a date~! I was so excited~! Russia closed the bathroom door and I waited till I heard the water turn on, before finally squealing with all of my joy. This way great! I ran over and grabbed Russia's coat, I held it in my arms as I danced around the room. The scent formed a bubble around me and I felt so safe and secure. Then a thought hit my mind. I replayed what Russia had just said in my mind "I'm going to take a shower; you can hang out here till I am done." He said that, which sounds like an innocent sentence, but was it? He was smiling when he said it, could he mean something else, was it… an invitation? My heart began to fly. I wanted to believe it was but I knew in my heart that acting on it wasn't what I should do. I needed to be mature to be strong enough to not attack him every time I see him and demand marriage. I continued to dance around but the question in my head continued to haunt me, would he want me to join him, had he been finally acted the way I wanted. I couldn't fight it any longer, just feet away from me the love of my life was standing in there, naked and wet. All I needed was a little peek, and then I would be set. I tip-toed to the bathroom and my locked around the door at the same time that I heard another door open,

"Nǐ hǎo," China said walking into the room, I turned slowly and glared at him. What the hell was he doing here, and why did he have a key to my brother's room. China blinked as he saw me. "Oh, hello Belarus, I wasn't expecting to see you here, where is your brother?" he asked, he seemed uncomfortable. I smiled, good he should feel uneasy around me, because he was walking in on my territory, Ivan was mine!

"Oh Hello Mr. China," I said greeting him, my hand drifted to the knife holder at my waist. "Ivan is in the shower… What are you doing here?"

He smiled uneasily. "Oh…um…Russia mentioned something about going out to dinner with his family, so I just came by to change." I covered up my growl of anger and clenched my fists. I turned around so he couldn't see me and pretended to look out the window.

"Wouldn't your clothes be in your own room," I suggested, and he let out an embarrassed laugh.

"Actually this is my room… Russia and I stay in it together, aru," he stood there awkwardly.

"Oh…" I said. "Well…where do you sleep? I mean I only see one bed in here," I said beating around the bush, I wanted to hear him say the words. I wanted to hear him threaten my love with Russia. I wanted to hear him say that he thought he beat me that he thought he won.

"I…I sleep in the same bed as Russia, aru. We are…boyfriends," China said he looked scared as I realized a dark aura began to surround me, the same type that I have seen surround my brother, on a number of occasions. I turned and looked at him and he looked even more frightened.

"No, you aren't you are nothing to him, and that is all you will ever be, nothing," I took out my knife and held it to his neck, it was just inches away from slicing his skin "You will leave him alone and you will not touch him, if I see you around him ever again, I will kill you!" I warned him, he looked scared but I saw a flare of anger come into his eyes.

"Y-You want me to leave him? N-No! I-I love him, aru, and he loves me. You are the real one who is nothing to him, you are just his crazy sister, you are obsessed with him and you are his fucking sister. You are the real one who will be nothing to him, he finds you an annoyance!" the anger grew in his eyes, "He hates you, he just takes care of you because you are his little sister, he's thinks you are "special" I mean why else would you lust after your own sibling, aru?" I felt the anger consume me and I tackled him screaming my lungs out, his eyes look scared again as I ran my blade against his skin, I made sure to only cut lightly, not enough to kill him, it hurt enough to make him gasp in pain.

"You lie! Lies, lies they are all lies! You are lying to me! My brother loves me, you are a liar! Tell me they are lies! Tell me you are a liar! Tell me now or I will kill you!" I shouted at him, the aura grew around me and I could not contain my anger. He had to be lying! Ivan loved me! That's why he went looking for me! That's why he has cared for over all these years, he loves me and not this asshole!

"I'm sorry, but it's true," he hissed, his face didn't look sorry at all, in fact he almost looked happy and evil, but I was happy to see a bit of pain. "I'm not afraid of you, aru," he said. I felt like the rage seemed to grow any more, and I realized that he wasn't afraid, he had never been afraid. The fucker had been practically laughing at me the entire time. I just want to believe that he was afraid. I wanted to believe that I still had the upper hand, that I wasn't losing, but the truth was that I was. I had been losing this whole time; with my wild affections I have pushed him right into the arms of someone else. Russia was no longer mine, nor was he close to being mine, he was far away, for all I know I could be his hated, "special" sister. I now doubted myself, and I hated it. How dare this…asshole do this to me, how dare he make me doubt myself, and doubt my love for my Vanya! How dare he make me feel like this! For this I was going to kill him, I raised my knife above my head, about to plunge the blade into his throat, when a strong hand stopped me.

"Systra," he said, his voice emotionless and dark, I looked up and saw brother standing over me.

"B-brother…" I said. I was at a loss of words. All I could find myself thinking was no, no, no, that asshole had to be lying to me, it wasn't true! Russia didn't love him! He didn't hate me! His face showed more anger and hate then I could describe, the familiar aura was around him as mine shrank away. His eyes looked like death.

"What the fuck is wrong with you Natalia!" he shouted at me. I flinched at both his words and his tone. "What the hell would possess you and tell you this is alright. You are completely insane, da? Completely insane, this is why I tell Katsuyasha I don't like spending time with you! You are crazy!" He shouted. I winced as his words stung, Katsuyasha was always coming up with excuses why we could not hang out with big brother, I under stood now that, that was not because she was trying to steal him from me but because she didn't want me to get hurt, his words should have been warning enough for me to stop, but of course the little girl in me continued to press on this false love.

"B-but you love me, you told me so, so long ago. You said you loved me, even if no one else did…." I felt the tears well up in my eyes; it had been so long since I actually cried. I tried to show him I could be tough, and now I was showing weakness right to his face.

"I must have been out of my mind! You are crazy, da? I don't understand how anyone could ever love you! You are my Systra, you should want me to be happy, and now I have found a man who does that and you try to fucking kill him! You are dead to me now! I don't ever want to see you again! You are such a creep! Do you not understand that is incest! God, just go away, go flee to Katsuyasha or something, but try your hardest not to fall in love with her too, just because she is nice to you!" The tears in my eyes over filled. Why was he being so mean to me? He had been so nice, he used to talk to me and tell me that I was wonderful, now he doesn't want to see me. He told me I was beautiful, and now I was just some creep obsessed with incest! Why was he like this what had changed, had I done something wrong? My blood stained knife seemed to say yes. But he shouldn't have to love someone else like China, he has me, I would always be there for him, why didn't he love me? The question played in my head as I stood up, I wanted to run out but my body seemed to move 100X too slow. As I walked out the room the tears continues to flow. The words echoed, creep, insane, who could ever love you, all I had wanted to do today was kill China and become one with my love, the way Elena had in the book, but now… now it seemed impossible, he had someone else, he couldn't be one with me, I walked up the steps my tears staining them. Why couldn't I be good enough for him, why couldn't I be perfect like he needed, instead I was an insane creep that was unlovable to anybody. My feet stopped as they ran out of steps, I had reached the top floor, the roof, my final destination. I opened the door, and sunlight shown all around, falsely promising of a happy bright day, my feet fell in line as if this were what they had been doing their entire walking life, and I quickly found the edge, I looked down, seeing the London street that not too long ago I had walked on. It looked like such a long drop. I removed the bow from my head, the precious bow I had treasured simply because my brother said I looked pretty in it. My fingers released it and like a feather it danced to the ground. I smiled. I wanted to be like that, I wanted to die with such grace and beauty. I would die nicely, it seemed like a pretty end, I would jump from this building and spread my wings. I would feel myself fly as I fell through the air and as those last moments went the ground would catch me, only to throw up in to a new life. The though brought joy to me and I held my arms out and closed my eyes as I leaned forward, here it comes sweet freedom. I was leaning forward when suddenly a voice pulled me out. At first I thought it may be just in my head but the voice was distinct, I knew it anywhere. I was surprise to her it calling my name. After all this time everything thing that had happened, the voice had come for me.

So hey guys I am back, I know most of you who have gotten this far are like… the description says fluff! This is not fluff, this is angst, moron! Well yes I see that, but really when I started this I saw it as being a very teen drama angst-y bubble gum story, but as I went along the ideas just kept flowing and well here we are a cliffhanger dripping in angst, and that being said I will try not to stay away too long this time, I actually took a short few months off…because I am lazy and wanted to watch more anime…but I am back and it is summer vacation, so I expect when I am not visiting the city and such I will be working hard for you guys, why? because I have no social life and I am pale as snow and can't go tanning Yay for pale white shut ins~! Also last chapter I said guess that OVA, which no one did which I take as a- I didn't know-, the correct answer is *drum roll* Black Butler- William T. Spears OVA, if you know it you are probably like that sounds nothing like it, well guys I'm not going to steal, and it wasn't until I read it over that I realized it was a bit different so Yay for me being original, any way got some more inspiration for this chapter, a new song I am Crazy about, with one of my favorite bands, AFI, it's called 100 words so if you like rock, please check it out, if not and you have some time on your hands look up the lyrics, I did reference a little bit of the song, I wanted to do a whole stanza but, I couldn't find a place for it so~~~~~ a put like maybe one line and did the rest on my own. Otherwise if you don't have time or lazy like me and wondering why you are reading these boring author's notes, I guess I'll just see you next chapter