"James everything is falling apart. I don't know what to do." Her tears had started again. They were falling fast down her face. James motioned for her to sit on the bed with him, which she accepted to. She continued, "They are gone and I can't bring them back. I killed them and Petunia knows it. I killed them. I'm a murderer. I hate being a witch. I wish I'd never have become one."
James wrapped his arms around Lily pulling her into his lap. He rocked her gently. "Lily, your parents weren't your fault. Voldermort killed them." James tried to look for eyes, but they were covered by her red hair.
"If I hadn't become a witch Voldermort wouldn't have come after my family. He wouldn't have attacked."
James knew she was partially right. He did target muggle borns. He didn't have the heart to tell her she was probably right. Instead he settled with,
"Lily. Voldermort attacks muggles all the time. And you are a wonderful witch. The wizardry world would be completely different if you weren't in it. You have to grieve but you can't blame yourself. Do you understand me? You didn't do anything wrong."
James searched for her green eyes, but she still didn't meet him.
"James, I don't know what to do. When you kissed me tonight all I could think of was them because they are the only ones that have ever loved me."
"Lily, I love you. I always will. You'll never be alone. You have Alice, Sirius, Remus, Frank" with no hesitation he added, "and me."
Lily looked into his eyes and knew he was right. He would always be there for her.
He hadn't proved his words wrong.
"You have to know you didn't do anything wrong. You can't blame yourself for their deaths. And your sister is stupid. You are the most amazing person I've ever met, definitely not a murderer. I love you Lily. I'll always be here."
Lily felt stupid; she couldn't say it back to him, at least not yet.
"James I don't know what love is anymore."
"You don't have to say it back. I never expect you to. Take all the time you need to figure everything out. And we can talk more."
"Thank you." James hugged Lily closely. He longed for her. Not knowing when he would again be allowed to touch her. Lily got up and walked toward the door. Turning around she inquired, "Can I stay here tonight?"
James' face lighted up with relief. He hadn't scared her away. Quickly he responded, "Of course you can. Come here." James patted his bed.
James pulled his comforter up so Lily could lie down. He tucked her in like he sometimes did for Abby. James pushed the red curls off her face and onto his pillow. He picked up his other pillow and left the bed to sleep on the couch across from her. "James, stay with me please. I don't want to be alone."
He was hesitant but crawled into bed next to her. James was unsure what his parents would feel if they discovered them. They faced each other James gave her a hopeful smile. Lily draped her arm around James' stomach and James pulled her closer so he could hold onto her. He wouldn't let anything happen to her. For the first time in six years Lily felt safe. And she couldn't believe it was with James Potter her rival.
"JAMES!! THE SUN IS OUT, TIME TO GO FLYING!" A bouncing Sirius flung open James' door and ran to James. Only to see James and Lily cuddled together.
Quietly Sirius shook James, "James wake up!" Sirius shook James until he woke.
"What is it Sirius?"
"You're asleep with Evans."
"Yeah, I know. We were talking last night and she asked if she could stay."
"Well this is a huge change. She always thought you were arrogant prude."
"Things change Sirius. Don't wake her up padfoot. She had a hard night."
"A hard night, eh?"
"Sirius please, you know as much as I do that Lily and I will never do that."
Lily heard every word. Had James' given up?
"She's like a sister to me now."
He had. It explained everything. Why he wasn't acting stupid around her. But why did he kiss her back?
"Besides, she'll never love me the way I love her."
Ha! He still loves me! Wait did he say love and not like? Why am I happy about this? Geez, Lily you have to make up your mind, do you like him or not?
"Come on James, you're a Potter for God's sake. You can get any girl you want."
He could have me if I'd let my pride diminish.
"Not her." His voice was low and barely heard. The desperation got to Lily; he was really torn apart by her decision. There was silence for a few moments; Lily decided to make her presence known.
"What time is it?" The sun was shinning through the window so to Lily it seemed like an appropriate question. She sat up in bed and looked to Sirius, "Sirius what are you doing in here?"
"I came to wake up James and found you with him. The stories Hogwarts will hear!" He had a wicked grin plastered on his face.
"SIRIUS BLACK! Nothing happened. James tell him nothing happened."
"I already tried. He doesn't believe me." James was half way to his bathroom when Sirius spoke again,
"So Lily you want to come flying with us today? It'll be fun!"
"Um, I don't know. I guess I'll see what Abby's doing. I don't want to intrude on your practicing."
"Ah come on Lil's. We'd love to have you. You can be on James' team; he always beats Abby and me."
"I'll think about it."
With that Lily got up and went to her bathroom across the hall. I was going to be a long day with Sirius and James.
At breakfast:
"Oi, James Moony wrote. He'll be here later today. I told him we'd be on the pitch."
Lily glanced to James trying to decipher the nick name. With Lily's glare back on Sirius, Sirius just muttered, "Oh shit."
"Sirius who's Moony?" Sirius looked to his feet. "I'm going to find out when the person shows up so you could just tell me." With no luck from Sirius she turned to James. She knew he wouldn't be able to lie to her.
"James?"
"Yes Lily flower?"
"Who is it?"
"Who's what?"
"James, don't play stupid with me. Please I don't understand why it's such a big deal."
"I don't think I can tell you."
"Just tell me who and not why."
"Well…" his glace went to Sirius with Sirius glancing back, "It's Remus."
"Was that so hard?"
"You have no idea." James couldn't believe he just told her. She was smart she'd find out now that the name was given an identity.
"You need to relax. I know why you call him that."
This time Sirius spoke, "We have no idea what you are talking about."
"Please Sirius I figured out third year. Remus is a…" Lily glanced down to Abby. Noticing Abby was deeply intriguer she continued with, "good friend."
Sirius and James let out the breath they were keeping in. James didn't want Abby to find out and Lily could tell. James smiled at Lily thanking her.
Through out breakfast, Lily could tell the guys were happy to have her. They asked her about muggles and muggle objects.
James started to clear away his dishes, "Abby when your finished please clean up this time."
"I will Jamsie. Can I come and play today?"
"Sure. Lil what about you?" He reached for Lily's empty plate to clean.
Lily hesitantly responded, "Um… I guess so. When is Remus coming?"
"Soon."