When You Say Nothing At All
By: azzie adams
AN: I own nothing.
Quick Note: The sound system I imagine Edward having around this time probably the multi-layered system, with volume control (fade, bass, treble, etc), with CD/cassett player, and all the other stuff.
Thank you OccAmy Phyre for helping me with editing, once again! =)
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Five: Angry Angel
***
Edward had been a nervous wreck throughout the night. He didn't want to leave Harry, but he knew what he was feeling wasn't right. Harry's assumption of what mates were was purely innocent. His feelings in response weren't.
Was it wrong that he wanted to stay with Harry the entire night, just watching that beautiful face that would be blissfully unaware? Was it so bad that he never wanted to leave the little boy's side, to be there, protect him and hold him close through all of his nightmares?
It certainly seemed honorable, but Edward knew there had to be something wrong with it. He knew that his thoughts may have been innocent enough at present, but what about when Harry got older? Would his desires mature as Harry would?
Rosalie would throttle him. Hell, he might just save her the trouble and throttle himself. Lord knew he was punishing himself enough for just wanting to be so close to Harry.
Mates? God forbid. Yet he couldn't make the butterflies in his stomach go away. He couldn't stop from entertaining the thought of what Harry would be like when he grew up. There was so much that they could tell him that could upset him, make him want to be away from them.
First of all, he was an orphan. As much as Rosalie had been for it in the beginning, the more he grew, the more she wanted him to think that he had never belonged to anyone but her. Second of all, he was a human living with vampires. Of course Harry knew certain things about his family were different from others. He had noticed that they didn't eat and had asked questions. All of his questions were answered as truthfully as possible.
Edward was beginning to wonder if it might have been easier to let Harry grow up with the wizards.
Easier? Yes. Desirable? No.
Harry snuggled closer to his side, smacking his lips together much like he did when he was a baby. Edward stroked the boy's arm that was wrapped lazily around his abdomen. He shifted a bit, looking at Harry.
He heard the door opening downstairs and could tell it was Rosalie's footsteps making her way up to check on Harry.
Edward wanted nothing more than to prevent a confrontation, so he unwrapped Harry's arm from his waist, pulling the covers over him before he slipped out of the room and down the hall, trying to be as quite as possible.
Rosalie opened the door to Harry's room, finding him sleeping peacefully. She smiled and placed a kiss on his forehead before going to her room. Emmett had all but forced her out of the house to allow Harry some time to get used to his room. She had thought that he might have problems falling asleep, but he seemed be fine.
It was five years that they had been in Austria and Rosalie knew that Carlisle was beginning to consider other places to move. Rosalie knew that he was thinking about Alaska to pay a visit to the Denali coven. Tanya, Kate and Irina had expressed a wish to meet Harry, and Carmen was eager as well.
Rosalie wasn't quite as eager to have so many other people to share Harry with, but at the same time she did appreciate the chance to show her baby off.
Rosalie heard Emmett and Jasper rolling around on the ground outside in their wrestling rematch. She rolled her eyes and winced as she heard the familiar clash of their bodies like thunder. She went back downstairs, determined to tell them off for making such noise when Harry was trying to sleep.
In his room, Edward stood at the window, his hands clenched tightly.
Rosalie was going to murder him. Either that or she would castrate him before he could lay a less than innocent hand on her precious baby.
He shuddered, disgusted with himself for even thinking about it.
He pressed his hands to the glass, eyes closed in contemplation. All he could see was Harry's innocent green eyes peering back at him. He shook his head. He couldn't do that. He cared too much about the boy to allow himself to be selfish and keep him all to himself. He was just a child, after all. Edward would be a fool to take him at his word.
But as he decided, he knew he wouldn't be able to stand being so close to Harry, knowing that he couldn't allow himself to be anything more than the uncle he was supposed to be. The wiles of a six-year-old were broad and constantly changing. Before, Edward might have been able to live with that. But those words kept echoing in his head.
'I pick you.'
He growled at himself. The boy wanted him, but was too young to even know what that meant.
***
Rosalie noticed something weird going on with Edward almost immediately. Whenever Harry appeared in a room, Edward would make himself scarce. He wasn't nearly as affectionate with Harry as he usually was. Rosalie had learned to accept the fact that Edward had a special bond with her baby and Harry loved him unconditionally. She had her doubts at first, but she couldn't deny Harry anything.
But she could see the confused look in Harry's eyes whenever he would ask Edward to play with him and Edward would be too busy. Edward never turned Harry down, almost as if it was his God-given duty to please the boy.
Truth be told, she was upset. Extremely upset. Seeing the crestfallen look on her baby's face whenever Edward refused him made her irrevocably angry at Edward. She had been forced to cope with sharing Harry with the rest of her family, mostly Edward, and then he went and snubbed Harry whenever the boy wanted his attention.
Harry was still a child though, and while Edward's lack of interest in him hurt, he was still able to enjoy himself with Emmett and Jasper and Alice. For the hours he spent with them, he seemed to forget Edward, but when the bronze-haired vampire made an appearance again it was clear that Harry mourned the loss of his playmate.
Rosalie frowned as Harry fidgeted once more as she trimmed his hair at the kitchen table, looking glum. "Harry, is there something wrong?" she asked gently.
The black tuft of hair shook quickly as Harry stared at his fingers, his eyes flickering towards the door every few seconds. Edward and Alice were supposed to be back from shopping soon and he was hoping Edward would take him to the park, or perhaps running through the woods.
Rosalie had been meditating about Harry's powers, especially since the incidents seemed to occur more frequently since Edward had removed himself from Harry's life. Harry was more angry, anxious and sad that he had ever been, his moods going from good to bad in mere seconds. As such, he was loosing control of his magic more often than not. Rosalie had contacted Sanguini, the only vampire known for his connection with the wizarding world, hoping for some answers. He had suggested paying a visit to London. It was the central hub for most of the information on wizards, and he had even promised to let her meet a wizard friend of his. One of the nicer ones, according to him.
Rosalie didn't know what to do, but it seemed to be the best option if she was ever going to find out exactly what she was getting into, raising Harry. Carlisle even suggested that it might be able to clear up a few rumors about wizards, particularly the bad ones.
It seemed settled, but Rosalie was reluctant to leave Harry. Especially when she knew Edward was likely to do something else to hurt him while she was away and therefore be spared her rants and glares for once.
The door suddenly opened and Harry's head popped up hopefully.
Alice came through with bags upon bags of merchandise and Edward followed up with even more. They were laughing about something, but abruptly stopped when they saw the murderous look Rosalie was giving them, or more specifically, Edward. That seemed to be the predominant expression for Rosalie whenever Edward was in the vicinity.
Alice nervously plastered a smile on her face, and bounced toward Harry, holding some pieces of paper in her hands.
"Guess what, Ry? We got some tickets to the play tomorrow night! Aren't you excited? Everyone dressed up in costumes. You'll love it!" Alice said excitedly, and a bright smile spread across Harry's face. "The bad news is, you have to dress up in this wonderful tuxedo I bought you." She laughed as Harry's face fell.
Rosalie glare never wavered as Harry and Alice argued over his apparel for the following evening and Edward set the bags gently down.
Rosalie finished Harry's hair as Alice tried to position a bow-tie around his neck to check for length as Harry struggled beneath her hands, ultimately running away from her to hide behind Edward. Harry looked up in concern as Edward stiffened as he felt Harry's face bury into his hip.
Edward sighed regretfully as he felt Harry's arms drop in response to his snub and felt even worse when Harry moved away from him.
'Do you want to go to the park with me?'
Edward hated how timid Harry sounded, but it was what his relationship with Harry had turned into lately. He wanted to take Harry to the park. He wanted to play with him and drive him around in the convertible with the top down just so he could see Harry's hair go completely wild. He wanted to play the piano with Harry beside him and watching him in fascination at how fast his fingers moved.
But he couldn't.
He moved away from Harry, wincing as he felt Harry's hurt. But it had to be this way. At least for a little while until he got a grip on what the relationship was, or could be. For the moment, he had to stay away from him. For every second he spent with Harry, the more the idea of Harry being something more crept into his head and it showed no indication of leaving.
***
Harry watched Edward take off into the forest with his mother, father, Jasper, and Alice. Carlisle was at work and Esme was painting downstairs.
Try as he might, he couldn't think of what he had done to earn himself the coldness that Edward had displayed toward him over the past week. Edward never spoke harshly or gave him any indication that he was mad at him. The coldness was in his manners. Harry could feel it radiating off of him and he didn't like it.
His best friend had abandoned him.
He heard Esme humming to herself from the living room below. He listened to the sound of her voice and smiled to himself. Her voice was beautiful, but Edward's was majestic.
As soon as Harry deduced that Edward and the others wouldn't be back for a while, he made his way to Edward's room. Normally, it would only take thirty minutes or so for Edward and Rosalie to return. Harry wasn't deaf; he had heard his uncles talking amongst themselves about how Edward was always in a rush to get back to him. It made him glad, but it also confused him. Edward took his time these days, spending hours away from the house and even more hours away from him. Once again, Harry failed to see anything he could have done to upset Edward. He hated it when anyone in the family was upset with him.
But that had been almost two weeks ago. Harry's hurt had disintegrated since then, turning into something decidedly less innocent. He was angry at his friend for leaving him, choosing to occupy his time with his music and ignoring Harry completely. Whenever Harry would ask for him to sing to him, he would insist he was too busy and distracted to entertain him. He didn't play with Harry anymore. He all but ignored him. Harry wasn't used to being outwardly ignored. He decided that he didn't like it at all and set about making his presence known in the most explosive way possible. Much was the psyche of a bitter six-year-old boy.
He gently opened the door to the room and peered inside.
He had slept with Edward many times, with the taller boy at his side, singing softly to him or playing music for him as he rocked him to sleep and kept all the bad dreams away.
Harry marveled at the large sound system and rows upon rows of music.
He locked the door, and walked the length of the wall staring at all the titles, easily picking out Edward's favorites. He avoided those completely, instead choosing the ones he knew Edward didn't care much for.
As hurt as he was from Edward's indifference, he had deduced that perhaps Edward didn't want to be his mate. It was the last thing Harry had said to him before the cold shoulder Edward gave him the next day.
Being only six years old, Harry was not willing to accept it and instead threw himself into getting Edward's attention no matter what it took. A dull ache of guilt began to infiltrate his heart but it was won over by bitterness at being thrown aside so carelessly.
He brought a footstool to stand on and opened the cassette player, placing the disc inside and closing it. He braced himself before turning the speakers all the way up, and running to the other side of the room.
He didn't know much about electronics, but he knew the second the speakers blew out and the boxes that used to play such beautiful music to him at night began to thud obnoxiously and completely butcher the music Edward loved so much. Loved it more then he loved Harry, he supposed.
Harry took Edward's favorite composers, Debussy, Bach, Mozart, Wolff, and smashed them to the floor, the tapes breaking inside their cases as he jumped on them, the horrible music shaking the walls around him. He looked up, and saw the large stereo system sitting in pristine condition, stacking higher than Harry would be able to reach, even from the footstool.
He heard Esme knocking on the door and some muffled words. The music was too loud. His head was beginning to hurt, but he wasn't done yet. The doorknob was beginning to jiggle.
He wrapped his arms around the bottom audio control and began to pull as hard as he could. He was barely getting it to budge, so he aimed higher. The cassette player at the top was the largest and Harry knew Edward would be most angry about that. He had to get rid of it. He stood on the tips of his toes as he grabbed it and pulled. It was significantly lighter than the others and in seconds Harry had sent the box to the ground, watching it come unplugged from the wall and pieces breaking off of it as it hit the floor.
He felt a rush of adrenaline run through him and he stared angrily at the audio control that still sat magnificently atop the shelf. He felt the magic, as his mother often called it, welling up inside of him. He watched in wonder as the box seemed to lift itself slowly into the air before panicking and trying to get it to go back down. He knew he scared his family when he couldn't control the magic and that wasn't what he wanted to do. He whimpered inaudibly as the audio control still lifted, until it was hovering unsteadily above his head. He jumped back as he lost control and the box fell heavily to the ground, shattering upon impact. Harry fell to the ground, exhausted and stared at the mess in horror.
The knocking on the door was more like a banging now and Harry knew what was coming, but he couldn't help the sense of justice etching into his mind. Edward had hurt him, made him feel like he was nothing, so Harry destroyed what Edward replaced him with. It only made sense.
The door suddenly burst open and Esme stood at the threshold, looking for all the world like she expected to see Harry dead on the floor for all the racket.
Esme looked on in shock, the violent music only adding to the effect of seeing Harry standing guiltily amongst the remnants of Edward's beloved stereo system. She saw the broken tapes on the ground, the shattered cassette player, the horrible blown out speakers, and Harry. Sweet, quiet, perfect little Harry standing amongst it, his head down as if awaiting his punishment.
"Harry…? What… why…?"
Harry didn't say anything. Esme found it hard to be angry at him with his black fringe falling into his large green eyes that stared at the floor, knowing he had just done something dreadful.
"Harry?" Esme came closer, placing her hands on his small shoulders and kneeling down to his level. "Harry, why did you do this? You ruined Edward's things!" She had never been in a situation where she had to scold a child before, so she didn't know exactly how to handle it.
Harry brought his eyes up to meet Esme's, his red lips set in a pout. Esme could hear his heart beating rapidly and could see the hurt and anger hidden in his eyes. She knew how Edward had treated him over the past couple of weeks. She could guess why Harry destroyed Edward's sound system. She felt for the boy and knew he was just trying to get Edward's attention.
But she couldn't condone what he had done either.
She patted is shoulders, not knowing for sure what to do. Harry was a joy, most of the time, and it was the first time he had ever done something that would warrant punishment.
"Harry," she sighed. "I want you to go to your room and think about what you did. When Rosalie gets back, she'll decide what your punishment will be." Harry nodded, and moved from under Esme's hands and started slowly out the door of the room, his feet kicking the pieces of Edward's tapes bitterly. Esme frowned.
"Harry?"
Harry turned to her again. "I don't know what your punishment will be, but either way, you are going to have to apologize to Edward."
Harry's eyes widened and he shook his head in denial. His face scrunched into an angry scowl, one that Esme had never seen before. Despite her shock, she nodded to him. "Harry… he's your uncle. You must apologize. In fact, I'll send him up to you the second he gets home."
Harry shook his head again, signaling 'no' with his hands.
Esme didn't like having to be harsh with Harry, but she gave him a stern glare anyway. "You will say you're sorry, Harrison Cullen. Now go to your room and figure out what you'll say to Edward when he gets here."
Harry turned his eyes to the ground and dragged his feet down the hall. Esme felt for him. She knew it was natural to act out when ignored, but she wasn't his mother. Rosalie was. Rosalie would find a way to handle it and, for some reason, Esme knew it probably would include less of a punishment for Harry and more so for Edward.
***
Rosalie was the first back to the house. She was looking forward to taking Harry to the theater that night, for he had never been. Emmett ran with her with Alice, Jasper, and Edward tagging slightly behind them.
She opened the door to the house, calling Harry's name excitedly until she saw Esme and Carlisle sitting at the kitchen table, discussing something quietly and somberly. They both looked up as she and Emmett entered and Rosalie was immediately concerned for Harry.
"Where's Harry?" she asked. It was weird for Harry to be out of sight when Esme and Carlisle were both home. Harry usually sat with them, watching Esme paint or listening to Carlisle talk about his day at the hospital and asking questions.
Esme's eyes flickered up the stairs, before coming back to rest on Rosalie. "Harry did something today and we're not sure how to handle it."
Rosalie visibly relaxed, a fond smile working its way onto her lips. "Did he turn one of your antique table lamps into a dove again?"
"He destroyed Edward's sound system," Esme blurted, unable to contain her own astonishment any longer.
Emmett's jaw fell open, while Rosalie only blinked, swallowing loudly. She immediately wanted to be at Harry's side. No doubt Esme had taken it upon herself to punishment him until she returned to deal with it. "Where is he?"
"In his room." Carlisle stood and approached Rosalie, taking one of her hands in his.
"I know you've never had to punish him before, darling…" He seemed to be addressing both her and Emmett. Emmett still looked too shocked to speak. His baby? Destroyed Edward's sound system? How many countless times had Edward entertained him with the music from that system? It seemed highly improbable and somewhat laughable, even to Emmett.
"He must have had a good reason," Rosalie defended him.
"It doesn't matter what his reasons were, darling. It was wrong. He can't do this every time he has a good reason to," Carlisle said.
Rosalie looked at Emmett, silently asking for his opinion.
Emmett ran a hand through his curly hair. He knew as well as anyone that Edward had been less than friendly toward Harry recently and knew that it was probably the reason Harry snapped. In Emmett's opinion, Edward deserved as much of a punishment as Harry did. He voiced his opinion to the family and Rosalie nodded. Her lips were pursed tightly and was already planning a show down with Edward as soon as he decided to grace them with his presence.
As if on cue, the trees broke around the three forms of Alice, Jasper, and Edward as they ran towards the house, appearing at the back door in seconds.
Esme gave Rosalie a look that said 'you tell him.'
Rosalie rolled her eyes, and crossed her arms as Edward took a seat next to Esme, ruffling Alice's hair fondly over some private joke before being pinned under Rosalie's accusatory stare.
Edward pursed his lips. "Rosalie, will you quit staring at me like that. I've been walking on eggshells around you for two weeks!" Then something in Esme's head caught his attention. It looked suspiciously like his prized sound system in pieces on his floor.
He stood up immediately. "My sound system!?" he cried, about to jet up to his room to see if it was true.
"Harry broke it, Edward. I sent him to his room, but I think you should talk to him first…" Esme's words were drowned out as the image of Harry standing in his room, with the remnants of his amps on the floor before him. His eyes were bitter and angry and Edward felt his heart wrench. Suddenly, the fact that his beloved electronics were in ruins wasn't so disturbing anymore.
"Harry did that?" he asked, almost to himself. Was Harry that angry at him?
Edward was shocked as Rosalie pressed him firmly up against the wall, her face very close to his.
"Listen to me, Edward. I don't like this. I don't like having to do this, but for whatever reason, Harry is not happy unless everyone around him is happy. Furthermore, you're upsetting him with your constant absence, and I swear on everything I hold dear to me, if you continue to hurt him, I will hurt you." The intensity in Rosalie's eyes was extremely disconcerting, even for her.
"I'm telling you now that I'm holding you personally responsible for his happiness and well being. You are going to drop whatever funk you're in, because not only is the entire family concerned, but you're hurting Harry. I will not have that, least of all from you."
Rosalie finished her declaration, shoving Edward farther into the wall before dropping his shirt and stomping off to Harry's room to check on him before Edward went to speak with him.
Edward looked up to see Emmett standing in front of him, his arms crossed and a thoughtful look on his face.
Edward ran a hand through his hair irritably. "I suppose you're going to yell at me too?"
"Nah. I think Rose covered it," Emmett replied, his lips contorted in a frown. "What I don't get is what triggered this, man. You love spending time with Harry, and now you treat him as if he's some kind of a burden. He's my son, and he loves you. Have some remorse, for crying out loud."
Edward looked at his brother, and sighed. "He wants me to be his mate. He told me the first night when he slept in his own bed. He had a nightmare so I stayed with him until he fell asleep."
"That's it? He's six. He's got a good chance of asking some girl he meets in the park tomorrow to be his mate."
Edward didn't know whether to feel better or worse.
***
Edward knocked gently on Harry's door. There was no answer. He steeled himself before opening the door, amazed at how nervous he was for a confrontation with a six-year-old. He looked inside to see the lights off and everything still. He was sure that Harry was there because he could smell him. He looked at the bed, atop which a very suspicious looking bundle of blankets rested.
He shut the door even though he knew everyone would be listening downstairs. Rosalie had probably crept as close to the door as possible without being detected to make sure he didn't make Harry even more upset.
He approached nervously, hearing Harry's heartbeat speed up as he got closer. He frowned. Had he upset Harry that much that he couldn't even be near him without freaking?
He hesitantly took a seat on the side of Harry's bed, placing an icy hand on the blankets, poking it softly. There was a slight twitch and the bundle moved away from him.
"Harry," he murmured, pulling the blankets off the boy. His heart clenched as he saw Harry curled in the fetal position, staring determinedly anywhere but Edward. There was a slight flush on his cheeks and he had bed hair.
Edward brought a hand to Harry's hair and flinched as he moved away stubbornly. He took a breath, more for Harry's benefit than his own.
"I'm sorry."
Harry's head twitched as he moved his face away from his pillow. Edward tilted his head as he caught sight of Harry's eyes. They were bloodshot and Edward quickly deduced that he'd been crying. His Harry had been crying.
He laid down beside the boy, pulling him close to him and not caring about the ramifications. All his hard work to make Harry less attached to him would go to ruin, but he couldn't think about it. He had hurt Harry enough. He could give him this.
Harry stiffened for only a second before letting Edward pull him to his chest, resting his chin on his unruly mop of hair. Edward had hardly so much as spoken to him in a while, so he was almost hungry for any sort of affection the older boy would give him. He tucked his head against Edward's collarbone, smiling tiredly. He had been prepared for Edward to be angry at him, perhaps declaring that he hated him and would never speak to him again. He hadn't expected that he'd crawl into bed with him and apologize. Harry still didn't know what he was apologizing for.
'Why are yousorry?' he thought, and smiled as Edward ran a hand through his hair, soothing his heated skin.
Edward shook his head. Never in a million year did he think he would apologize for being himself. But the hurt looks that he had been collecting for two weeks were running through his head and he realized just how much he had to apologize for.
When he refused to help Harry pick a pair of shoes to wear to the cinema. When he ignored Harry when he had seated himself beside him at the piano, not paying the boy any attention at all. When he conveniently forgot he was going to help Harry with his baseball swing. Everything.
'I'm sorry…' Harry apparently had taken his silence as a request for him to reciprocate.
Edward drew Harry's face away from his chest, stroking his flushed cheeks affectionately.
"Don't be sorry." He realized that this was the most he had spoken to Harry in weeks.
'But I broke your…' Edward cut him off.
"I can buy a new one. I've been meaning to, anyway."
Harry frowned. Surely he was at least a little upset? Harry destroyed his things in anger and he was apologizing to him?
Then Harry remembered all the things that Edward had done to him, or not done to him, that had made him do what he did. He withdrew a little, making sure that he had Edward's attention for once.
'What did I do?'
Edward's heart broke. "You didn't do anything. It was me."
'You don't like me anymore…'
Edward pressed a finger to Harry's lips. "Shut up." Harry narrowed his eyes, but stopped when he saw the laughter in Edward's eyes. "Of course I like you. I love you. Didn't I tell you I would always love you, no matter what?"
'Then why…'
Edward didn't know how to respond. He could tell Harry the truth, but what were the chances that he would understand?
'You don't want to be mates anymore?' Edward's eyes widened as Harry's lowered sadly. 'We don't have to be mates anymore if you don't want to.'
Edward knew instantly that that was the last thing he wanted. How did one tell a six-year-old that he did want to be his mate and expect him to know what that meant?
But he could be what Harry thought a mate was, couldn't he? He could be the one that Harry wanted to spend time with. All Edward knew was that he didn't want Harry to hurt anymore. So for once, he could be everything that Harry wanted him to be, even if he didn't feel the same way when he grew up. Harry might outgrow his want of Edward's attention, but for the moment, Edward could give him what he wanted. He could give him all of himself.
Edward pushed Harry's bangs back and kissed the lightening bolt scar that adorned his forehead. "I want to be your mate, Harry. I never not wanted to be your mate." He pressed his forehead to Harry's, delighting in the happy smile he had missed so much. "But do you think you can deal me? I can be quite a needy mate," he teased.
Harry nodded quickly, giving him a wide and toothy grin. 'I can deal with you.' He placed a kiss on Edward's cheek in confirmation.
Edward held Harry closely, feeling the almost electric flow of magic under Harry's skin.
***
TBC
***
You would not believe the amount of effort it took to finish this chapter! I really need to get some motivation, STAT! Thank you for all your wonderful reviews!! Sorry you had to go so far as to message me to make me work harder.
Teaser: Rosalie makes a trip to London in order to find out more about Harry's magical abilities and with the help of the vampire Sanguini, finds herself smack dab in the middle of a magical shopping district called Diagon Alley. And who does she meet? Give you three guesses and the first two don't count.
Love, Azzie.