o.0.O.0.o
It's been four or five days since that night. Or I guess you could say it was a morning, since Dan and I went to bed around two thirty. Now, I'm back at their flat early in the morning, taping streamers to the ceiling with Phil while Dan and Louise Pentland, another YouTuber friend of ours, goes out to buy balloons. Yes, we are setting up for the YouTuber New Year's Eve party.
Phil and I decided to wear our most party-worthy yet non-formal clothes today. For Phil, that means black jeans and his purple monster shirt with red eyes and a big smile. I picked my clothes for this evening's party, but its not proper to wear while putting up party decorations, so I'm currently wearing a black denim shirt and blue jeans. I'll change into my party outfit when the party starts at nine at night.
I'm standing atop a chair on my tiptoes, and I'm still barely reaching the spot on the ceiling that I need to tape one end of the 'Happy New Year' banner to. Phil, however, is on a chair, not on his tiptoes, not reaching far, and is forced to duck down to tape his end of the banner up. Curse his and Dan's height, I think.
When I finally manage to get it up, I sigh and step down from the chair. I've helped set up every year for the past few years, and the decoration plan hasn't changed except for some new houseplants lying around the house every year.
"Charlotte!" I turn to hear the front door slam shut and see Louise running towards me. Her light coloured curls cascade over her shoulders like a waterfall, and her smile is about as bright as Phil's often is.
"Louise!" I say, hugging her.
"Are you excited for tonight's party?" she asks me.
"Absolutely," I answer. In reality, I'm still quite paranoid, but Dan has convinced me to be more enthusiastic than before. But who knows what hell will come if Phangirls notice me in the background of a vlog or photograph of tonight.
I look over Louise's shoulder to see Dan talking to Phil. He's wearing his ripped black jeans and Totoro shirt. He and Phil are searching through a paper bag next to him, and Phil has an un-inflated balloon in his hand. He blows it up until it's as big as his head and the colour of the summer sky.
"Let's set up music and snacks," Louise says next to me. "Those two are going to finish decorating."
o.0.O.0.o
Louise and I are stood in Dan's room in front of the mirror. She had just helped me get my outfit ready for the party, which I think was unreasonable due to the fact that the party is not exactly formal. Still, I love my outfit. A cute, short yellow dress that just reaches my knees. There is a bow on the back if the dress. I wear cute, white shoes and a little yellow flower pin in my hair. I've never been one for make-up, but Louise still put some stuff on my face.
"Louise, is this necessary?" I ask, twirling a bit in the dress. I don't often wear dresses, so even though the dress itself isn't very fancy, I still feel extremely formal.
"Of course it is, Charlotte," she says, peering over my shoulder at my reflection. "Now come on. Let's go. Guests are already arriving."
When I enter the hall with Louise, the lights are off, leaving the flat dimly lit. The only lights I can see are coming from the kitchen and lounge. When we reach the lounge, I see Dan and Phil talking in the corner to fellow YouTubers Catrific and Tyler Oakley. While scanning the room, I see Anthony Padilla, Joey Graceffa, Connor Franta and many other YouTubers, some of which I don't recognize.
"Charlotte!" I turn and Dan is calling. He's wearing a black jacket over his white moth-shirt and black jeans. He looks really good right now, I have to admit, but I immediately push that thought aside.
"Hi Cat. Hi Tyler," I say, grinning, as Louise and I join them, so that Dan is on my left and Cat is on Louise's right. I've never really loved Cat. Not that I hate her, but she certainly isn't my favourite person. But she's nice when she tries. However, I've noticed her ignore Phil while filming with him and Dan.
"Hey Charlotte," Cat says, smiling and handing me a cup of Ribena. "You look lovely today . . . well, tonight."
"Thanks Cat. So do you," I say. She does look great. She's wearing a normal shirt and pair of jeans, and yet looks really nice. Tyler, wearing his white and black striped shirt and black jeans, also is looking really nice.
"Are you excited for the new year, Charlotte?" Tyler asked as I took a sip from my cup before cringing. I haven't had Ribena in a while, so the taste is slightly surprising. Dan introduced it to me once, a few years ago. I grow used to the taste fast.
"Yeah," I say, taking another sip. "There are loads of things to look forward to in the new year. Interactive Introverts is going to be great, yeah?"
"I hope so," Dan says, laughing a bit. "Probably not, though." I lightly punch him in the arm and he laughs.
"Of course it'll be great," says Phil from across the circle. "Why wouldn't it be? TATINOF was successful."
"So Charlotte," Cat says, ignoring Phil, who doesn't seem to notice. "Are you going to kiss anyone when it becomes twenty eighteen? You know, New Year's kiss?"
"No," I answer with a frown. I haven't ever had a New Year's kiss, although I've heard that they're a thing. Heck, I've never had a boyfriend before, much less any kiss.
"Are you still single?" she asks, raising an eyebrow at me.
"Yes."
"That's enough," Dan interrupts. I feel relieved. I've never felt bad about being single, but her pressing questions still suffocate me. "Cat, how was Christmas for you? Did you go anywhere?"
"Yeah, actually."
Dan, Phil, Louise, Tyler, Cat and I continued to talk for about another hour. At about ten thirty, Phil and I decided to go to the snack table together while the other four continued talking. The two of us ended up sharing three plates of candy, fruits and more desserts we eat in the kitchen, talking about random things.
"Are you enjoying the party?" Phil asks. I nod and take another small sip of Ribena. I'm sitting on top of the kitchen counter, Phil at my right, leaning against it. The three plates of snacks are between us
"Of course. Why wouldn't I be?"
"Dan told me that you didn't want to come. Plus, don't think I don't notice you at the other years' parties. You try to stay as far off to the side as possible. It's like you're hiding from something."
I sigh. Phil is one of my best friends. He's a lovely person. He's one of the kindest people I know. I've mentioned this before. And yet, he is still a child at heart in a way. And I have to explain to him why I was less than enthusiastic. So I do, the way I explained to Dan a week ago. I tell him about what Dan had said, that they wouldn't approve if their fans were hateful of anything as little as another friend.
"Oh," Phil mutters, staring straight ahead as if he's thinking. "It's reasonable for you to think that. But I agree with Dan. You shouldn't let something like that prevent you from coming to a party."
"I suppose so," I mumble, taking out my phone. "Look at the time. Eleven fifty-three. Almost a new year."
"Hey." I turn to see Dan coming over, and I smile, hopping off of the counter. He still has cup of Ribena in hand. It must be his fifth or sixth cup "What, are you two eating snacks without me? Not fair." He grabs the last chocolate strawberry from the plate and takes a bite.
"Wow, this is really good," Dan announces, moaning. I laugh a little bit and he leans against the counter next to Phil. "I was just thinking, Charlotte, what if I . . . filmed a video with you in it?"
"Dan, are you drunk?" I ask.
"Maybe a little, but that's beside the point. Just what if?"
"Dan," I say. "Did you not hear me last week? If you and Phil's Phangirls see me, who knows what'll happen? They'd get angry if one of you gets a girlfriend and she 'gets in the way of Phan', and they get really aggressive if they see another girl who isn't another YouTuber in one of your videos or pictures. So no."
"C'mon," he mutters. "If not now, someday? I hate to have you hiding behind the camera all the time. You're like some dark, hidden secret."
"Dan, I—"
Cat suddenly appears behind Dan. She's smiling, and Louise and Tyler follow close behind.
"Guys, let's take a group picture!" Cat suggests.
Instinctively, I move to be behind the camera. Dan, Phil, Louise, Tyler and Cat all pose for the picture, Dan with his classic peace sign. I relax after that picture is taken, but before I can protest, Cat grabs my wrist and pulls me in between Dan and Phil. Shocked and slightly scared, I grab Phil's wrist.
"Say Happy New Year!" she sings before she takes the picture.
I pray to God that Cat doesn't post the picture. She doesn't know about my fear of the Phandom, and part of me thinks that she'll think it's unreasonable if I do tell her. In fact, Dan and Phil are the only ones who know.
Phil gives my hand a little squeeze to comfort me.
"It's okay, Charlotte," he whispers into my ear. I calm a little, but not enough.
o.0.O.0.o
I'm not completely drunk. I know that for sure. I've only downed two or three glasses of champagne. Maybe four. But the room is darker than before. Just a little. I'm going to be hungover tomorrow morning, aren't I? Whatever.
Why did I do this again? Stress, right? From what? Homework? No, school ended and while ago. Never mind. It doesn't matter.
I'm standing between Dan and Phil, and I feel loads shorter than usual. Maybe its because I'm standing between these two giants. Then the countdown begins, everyone shouting at once.
"Ten!"
I cover my ears, surprised at the sound.
"Nine!"
My head throbs.
"Eight!"
I uncover my ears and grab Dan and Phil's hands..
"Seven!"
I join in the shouting.
"Six!"
I make eye contact with Phil while we both chant.
"Five!"
The throbbing in my head intensifies.
"Four!"
I feel faint in my and lower my voice.
"Three!"
I have to take my hands back from Dan and Phil to clutch my head.
"Two!"
I feel extremely suffocated.
"One!"
I feel the room rocking.
"Happy New Year!"
Shit.