Chapter Six
"Man that was one killer test," a dreamy voice announced.
Kurt glanced up to find Blaine leaning against the desk beside him. He was slowly becoming accustomed to how his former crush had started speaking to him more. If Kurt weren't so fraught with worry over his looming test results, he would have done more than smile weakly in response. But from the second Kurt had read the first question, he knew he was fighting a losing battle. His mind had run a blank and he'd ended up winging most of the test.
"How do you think you fared, Kurt?" asked Blaine.
Kurt reminded himself that Blaine was just an innocent bystander who was only being his normal kindhearted self. "Not that great," he admitted, sighing heavily.
Blaine cocked his head to the side and flashed Kurt a sympathetic look. "That bad huh?"
"Yes, but I only have myself to blame."
"If you're having trouble preparing for exams, I could give you a hand. I know the official study groups can be hard to follow at times."
If Blaine had given the same offer less than a week ago, Kurt would have grown so flustered that even he couldn't have hidden his surprise. But now that Kurt was no longer besotted with Blaine, his concerns were more about how he could decline without sounding too cold. Just because he had finally come to his senses and no longer daydreamed about becoming Blaine's one true love didn't mean he couldn't act friendly towards him still.
"Thanks for the offer Blaine, but I've got a pretty tight schedule going on right now, which is one of the main reasons I tanked the exam." Though if Kurt were to be perfectly honest, the real reason for his sudden grade drop was probably more because he had no interest in the subjects he was taking. It had taken his recent life changes to realize this though, and he didn't know what to do about it yet. Which was why he wasn't admitting it to Blaine (or anyone really). No, Kurtwas determined to figure things out on his own. No matter how lost he might feel, Kurt wasn't about to drag Blaine into his stupid problems.
"I'll keep it in mind for the future though," he said, just to be polite.
Blaine gave Kurt an understanding nod.
"I'm still not used to having a social life all of a sudden and I'm finding it hard to balance it with school work," Kurt added.
"What's that like?" Blaine asked, smirking.
"Good but also totally new to me, hence my inability to juggle both more successfully."
Whatever Blaine had planned to do beyond smiling at Kurt was interrupted when his usual group of friends told him to hurry it up. Blaine rolled his eyes at them before turning his attentions back to Kurt. He smiled awkwardly at Kurt as he tapped his fingers on the desk he was still leaning against.
Kurt decided to make his departure easier by mouthing 'go' at him. Which seemed to be enough for Blaine to take his leave. That suited Kurt just fine, though he did make a mental note to be more responsive the next time Blaine tried to talk to him – if there would even be a next time.
Kurt was at an moral impasse; should he tell his mother the bad grade once he got the official results, or should he try to delay the inevitable for as long as possible? The other alternative was to lie, because Margaret would have no reason not to believe her son. But the lies were already beginning to pile up and Kurt would eventually have to tell her the truth.
As much as he wanted to his life to change, Kurt was afraid to let it happen all at once. Was it so wrong for him to have a little time for adjustment before the truth came out (along with himself)?
Kurt heard an odd beeping sound and he frowned at first at the interruption. 'Oh, I just got a text message.' Good. Kurt thought, he could use a good distraction right now.
You're still coming tonight right? We're both so excited!
A smile crept across Kurt's face as he read the message; the 'we' in this instance meant Sugar (who had sent the text) and Unique. The ladies of Paradis Bise had invited him to join them at Sugar's house that night and Kurt had felt no urge to decline. Kurt was supposed to meet them at the studio after class and Sebastian had assured him that he'd stick around there until Kurt arrived. He wouldn't join them for their planned night though; apparently the girls wanted Kurt all to themselves and they had made Sebastian promise not to crash their little soiree.
Although Kurt knew that forgetting his troubles wouldn't actually make them go away, he still refused to let that fact ruin his night of fun. So Kurt headed off to the studio for his first model walking lesson before Sugar and Unique stole him for the evening.
Kurt didn't mind that Sebastian would be absent for the latter half either, because it meant he could conveniently ask the girls about his boyfriend. He hadn't even gotten a chance to discuss his new relationship status with Unique and Sugar yet. He couldn't wait to see want gossip they both had on Sebastian!
The current scene at the Atelier was oddly quiet; Puck was off at band practice, Sugar and Unique were making themselves useful until Kurt arrived and Sebastian was fully into work mode. Just because he was the designer of the group didn't mean he left all the hands-on work to his teammates. Sebastian loved physically creating clothes just as much as designing them. Before the formation of Paradis Bise Sebastian had sewn his designs completely on his own.
Sebastian was occupied with carefully sewing the collar he'd just finished onto the neck of the dress shirt. Just because they were short on time didn't mean he was going to rush things. He just needed to pace himself accordingly, because there was no room for any mistakes.
"Does Kurt know what today's lesson is?" Unique asked when Sebastian finished another seam line.
"Oh, he's aware..." Sebastian let his words trail off so he could inspect his handiwork and deem it good enough. "... just not about everything that's in store for him," he added vaguely.
Unique shook her head at Sebastian and his questionable response. "Lord help that sweet Angel."
"Don't you worry your pretty head about Kurt, Unique, I'm being good to him," Sebastian said.
"I gotta admit, I didn't think you'd be able to handle having a boyfriend all of a sudden so easily, Sebby," Sugar told him.
Sebastian smirked. "Who says that I am?"
Sebastian was a skilled enough tailor that he could chat with the ladies and still keep working on the show piece. He actually didn't mind that they were asking him about his relationship with Kurt. He'd gotten few chances to share his opinion of the young man that had so easily captured his heart. "Being with Kurt is full of surprises. Sharing myself with someone is difficult at times but I'm learning as I go basically. The commitment part has been easy though, and it's kind of fun shooting down guys whenever they try to pick me up."
Sebastian placed the collar piece of the shirt under the machine once again.
"What has been more difficult is how much Kurt's been affecting me... from how I conduct myself as a person to how my day to day life has changed. It's so different that you'd think I'd hate it all, but I don't; I love it. I love the change Kurt has brought, and I find myself impatiently wanting to see what else is in store for us." Sebastian knew he wasn't making a lot of sense, but he didn't care.
"You really are in love aren't you?" Sugar asked honestly.
"I thought it would be obvious that I am. Kurt captivates me, on a daily basis... I've never met anyone whose inner beauty matches with their outer self so seamlessly," Sebastian said.
"There's something special about him for sure," Unique agreed.
"Kurt's potential is so amazing. I want to help him reach his highest potential so badly that I could risk losing myself in my desire to. I would give him the world if I could, but I know he's strong enough to climb most of it on his own. Kurt probably won't need much more than some gentle coaxing in the end, but then that's exactly how it should be." Sebastian was no longer sewing; he'd gotten so swept up in his love for Kurt that his hands had stopped on their own.
"Spoken like a true poet," Unique teasingly praised, though Sebastian didn't react to any of her fun.
"Ugh, this is like the love story of the ages! I can't wait to hear how Kurt feels about you tonight," Sugar said.
"Try not to expect much from him, Sugar," warned Sebastian, resuming his work on the dress shirt. "You can only pile so much pressure on Kurt before he'll revert back to his old habits and close himself off from you. Sometimes it can happen without any warning too. Kurt's trying to come around but his new-found confidence is still a work in progress."
Since Sebastian's attention was mainly focused on the task at hand, Sugar turned to Unique, who had a matching smile of affection on her face. "We'll keep that in mind," she said finally.
"And I'm sure Kurt will love to talk about you when you're not around to overhear," Unique added, wiggling her eyebrows.
"Oh, I should think so," a lyrical voice called from the doorway.
At the appearance of Kurt, Sebastian didn't stop sewing but he did give his boyfriend one of his award winning smiles to show he cared. "Good to see you Kurt, I'll give you a proper hello as soon as I'm finished with this."
"I'm gonna hold you to that," Kurt flirtatiously replied.
Since Kurt seemed content to spend his time with the girls for a spell, Sebastian let their idle chatter fade into the background. Twenty minutes passed before Sebastian was finally happy with the fruits of his labour. The dress shirt might be nearing completion but the same could not be said for the rest of the ensemble. With only a month to go, Sebastian had the sinking suspicion he would end up neglecting Kurt in spite of his best intentions. Hopefully by then Kurt would know well enough not to take offense or at least to tell him his feelings before any real resentment could set in.
Sebastian stretched his stiff arm muscles; a quick room check showed that Unique, Kurt and Sugar hadn't gone very far. The trio of friends were at the bar drinking tea and talking about something with great enthusiasm. 'That's enough idle fun for now,' Sebastian thought to himself as he stood up.
"Unique, be a dear and deliver Kurt's gift to him. Our model has much to learn in the way of walking the runway," Sebastian said.
Unique rolled her eyes at Sebastian before rising from her stool to fetch the item in question and place in on the pool table.
Kurt eyed the box from his spot at the bar apprehensively; why did he feel so unnerved all of a sudden? "Um, what's this all about?" he asked Sebastian, who so far hadn't moved from his spot by the sewing machine.
"Just open it yourself," Sebastian casually replied.
'Why do I feel like I'm about to open Pandora's box?' Kurt knew he was acting silly, but he couldn't shake the uneasy feeling that was coming over him. If his assumptions were proven correct and that box contained exactly what he thought it did, Kurt didn't want to open it.
"Come on Angel, what are you waiting for?" Sugar asked.
In this instance, Kurt's reaction to being right wasn't the least bit enjoyable. How could it be when the opened lid revealed a pair of bright purple platform heels that were actually covered in glitter! At the sight of them, Kurt's face turned stark white and his body froze. It was worse than he'd imagined!
Horror stricken, Kurt backed away from the table and the hellish eyesore. He felt as if the air was seeping out of his lungs and he was unable to breathe. "No..." he rasped, his voice barely audible.
"What's wrong, Angel? They're so cute," asked Sugar with confusion.
Kurt was too shocked to answer; any progress he'd accomplished so far still didn't mean he could face anything like this. With his inability to cope came all the years of shame and ridicule Kurt had faced. Just the idea of wearing such a gaudy and obviously feminine pair of shoes sent him spiralling over the edge.
Kurt gasped. The walls were closing in on him, making it even harder for him to breath.
"Oh no." Kurt struggled to find his voice again, only doing so when he felt a hot white rage overtake him. "There is no way in hell I am wearing those atrocities!"
When Sugar rushed towards Kurt, he suddenly bolted from the room and right out the front door.
"Angel, wait!" Sugar called, but it was already too late.
Unique stepped out to stop her friend's attempts to go after him. "Leave it to Sebastian, Hon," she whispered as the man in question quietly went after his fleeing boyfriend.
Even if Sebastian liked to think he knew his boyfriend rather well by now, he hadn't expected Kurt to react so dramatically. But he was still knew well enough to keep his pace slow and non confrontational as possible as he followed Kurt after closing the door behind him. Sebastian quickly discovered that Kurt hadn't made it very far; he was sitting at the bottom of the stairs. Kurt's figure was bent over with his head between his knees breathing heavily. Sebastian made no attempts to reach him, not with words or by touch. He simply sat behind Kurt, a step up from him, and when Kurt made no negative reaction to his presence, Sebastian shuffled forwards so he could wrap his arms around Kurt's shoulders, pressing his chest against Kurt's hunched over back.
Kurt said nothing at first; he just took Sebastian's offered support as he tried to get his hyperventilating under control. Sebastian kissed the back of Kurt's neck softly before resting his chin on the top of Kurt's head.
"I'm sorry I ran." Kurt's body shuddered and he let out a loud breath. "I just... panicked."
"It happens," Sebastian said.
"Not to you."
"And how would you know that?" Sebastian asked playfully, but Kurt didn't reply. "I should have realized how much you were pushing yourself... not just to become our model but to be with me as well. You've been forcing yourself to step out of your comfort zone and I stupidly saw that as a good thing. I didn't realize all the pressure that would build up in the process. No wonder you cracked all of a sudden like that," Sebastian said, more to himself than to Kurt directly.
"Don't patronize me Sebastian, I'm not some child who needs to be coddled. I overreacted. I can't believe seeing those shoes made me have a full blown panic attack. Who does that?" Kurt grumbled angrily.
"You do, and you shouldn't feel ashamed that it happened. The tiniest thing can set a person off, or at least that's what I imagine. I'm not an expert on this kind of thing."
"Oh, I dunno, you knew how to handle me pretty well," Kurt said, hugging Sebastian's arms that were still crossed lovingly over his shoulder.
"I was acting on instinct, but it's good to know I have some sense still," Sebastian remarked with just the hint of playfulness. Sebastian heard Kurt laugh and he hoped that meant the recovery process was underway now.
"You do realize those shoes are just loans so you can learn how walk in platforms," Sebastian pointed out.
Kurt sighed, "I do now."
"You saw the original designs; the knee boots I drew weren't just for show, Kurt. It took me a while but I finally found a suitable pair online in your size. They should come in the mail within the week. Until then, you need to learn how to properly walk in such high footwear so you won't injure yourself before or – heaven forbid - on the fated day."
"What if I still end up falling on my ass even after all of these lessons?" Kurt countered.
Sebastian couldn't help but laugh; that's how ridiculous the scenario seemed to him. He knew exactly how Kurt's moment in the spotlight would really go down; Kurt would strut down that runway like a god. The audience might not physically fall to their knees in unworthiness, but their reaction to seeing Kurt in all of his royal glory would still be a moment to remember.
"You won't. I have total faith in you," Sebastian said with complete confidence.
Kurt straightened his body up to lean against Sebastian's chest for support. "I'm going to try to have as much faith in myself as you do, Sebastian."
"Practice makes perfect, in many things; which is why we're having Unique teach you today. The question is, are you still willing to learn?"
Kurt nodded without hesitation. "Yes." He turned around in Sebastian's arm so they could share a loving kiss. "Good thing I didn't run very far, huh?"
"I would have gone after you for as long as it took to bring you back." That confession caused three more enjoyable kisses to follow the first. Sebastian's hands came to clasp the bottom of Kurt's jaw as they stopped to gaze at one another. The romantic moment didn't last for very long though, because Sebastian began to laugh uncontrollably.
Sebastian could hardly blame Kurt for scowling at him, though his hint of a smile suggested he wasn't truly annoyed.
"What's so funny?" Kurt demanded.
'Pull yourself together,' Sebastian inner voice chided him. He decided to kiss Kurt again before explaining himself, if only to give him another minute to recover. "I never thought I could be so sickeningly sweet. I mean, we're sitting here kissing one another on the stairs and I'm loving every second of it. But if I had seen another couple showing the same amount of affection – even if they were gay – I'd have to fight the urge to say something snarky to them."
"I'm not the only one being subject to major changes then," Kurt said.
"That's putting it mildly Kurt. You may find it hard to believe but sometimes my confidence is nothing but an act I put on."
"In my opinion, masking your fear with something else can be just as good as not having any at all."
"Are you saying I'm afraid of love?"
Kurt rolled his eyes; he couldn't tell if Sebastian was being serious or just messing around. He thought it was probably somewhere in between. He could hear genuine fear in Sebastian's voice, which he himself might not even be aware of. But Sebastian's cockiness was still there was well, his fail safe coping mechanism for whatever the world threw at him. "Not at all. But you are afraid of hurting me," he explained. 'And yourself.'
On the off chance that Sebastian was now struggling not to unleash the emotions welling up in him, Kurt decided to save him the embarrassment. Though still secretly hoping that Sebastian would feel comfortable enough to share such deep feelings in the future. It was still early days for them though, so Kurt was more than happy to keep things from getting too heavy. "Let's head back inside. I have some heels to try on and attempt to walk in."
"About time," Sebastian muttered.
Kurt just smirked at his boyfriend and they walked back into the room hand in hand. As soon as they cleared the door Sugar appeared with big hurt eyes.
"Are you okay, Angel?" she asked.
Kurt nodded. "I'm good now." He gave her a quick hug to really convince her. "Are you still willing to show me the ropes Miss Unique?"
"You bet I am Angel, because it's going to take a lot of work to get you to reach these heights," Unique announced, holding up one of the shoes.
_
It took Kurt a full two hours before he managed to walk ten steps without stumbling over, and his aching feet had sure paid the price. He was still dangerously wobbly and Unique decreed they would need a number of follow up lessons before he'd get the hang of it.
Kurt had felt awkward and weird as he walked back in forth in front of his little audience of three. Unique had watched him intently, while Sugar kept cheering him on in her own sweet way and Sebastian every once and a while would interject to give his thoughts (and Unique had quickly agreed with his suggestions). Although Sebastian's wisdom felt somewhat pushy at times, Kurt still took the instructions to heart (as well as in stride).
When the lesson was finally over, Kurt had needed a moment to rest his poor tootsies before he could stand up again. Sebastian took advantage of this and spent a little time flirting with his boyfriend to help lift his spirits. But eventually he allowed the ladies to whisk Kurt away – only after calling a taxi to take them to Sugar's house – and Kurt had asked them to wait outside for a moment so he could say goodbye to Sebastian.
Kurt was swept up into Sebastian's arms and he grazed his lips across the side of Kurt's neck teasingly. "Dinner tomorrow, Kurt?" his boyfriend asked.
"I'd love nothing better, but only if it's my treat this time."
"So no fancy restaurant?" Sebastian's cute little pout was almost believable, except for his cheeky grin.
"I'm sure you'll cope well enough," Kurt said playfully.
Kurt could hear Sebastian's amused laughter as he went to join the ladies outside and he couldn't help but grin proudly to himself. His feet were still screaming at him, but somehow the pain didn't matter so much anymore.
"Everything okay between you two?" Unique asked as Kurt met them at the top of the stairs.
"Fine and dandy," Kurt said musically.
"Good! Then there's nothing to ruin our girls' night!" Sugar exclaimed, but then she seemed to realize what she had just said and she blushed. "Sorry."
"It's all right, and you didn't say anything that calls for an apology either. I'm truly humbled to be named an honorary girl despite being the wrong gender," tutted Kurt.
"Sebastian's joined us for tons of girls' nights out," Unique explained to Kurt.
Kurt laughed, "Of course he has and I definitely want to hear about those tonight!"
'I'm in the freaking penthouse!' Kurt thought in amazement.
The Motta residence was so fabulously massive that it put the restaurants Sebastian had taken him to to total shame. The walls seemed to radiate wealth and Kurt really felt like he was in a different world as he followed Unique and Sugar down the hallways. But what really had him amazed was that Sugar's house wasn't that far away from his own place of residence.
"How much money does your dad have, Sugar?" Kurt demanded.
"A lot, more than I even know, but don't worry about it, Angel," Sugar said dismissively.
"Oh, I'm not worried. I'm just feeling slightly..." Kurt was having trouble coming up with the right word to express his current wonder.
"... intimidated?" Unique offered.
"Poor," kidded Kurt, who winked at Sugar teasingly.
"Wait until you see her bedroom," Unique said.
"I'm sure it will be much like she is; pink, stylish, girly and rich." Kurt made sure there was enough affection in his voice so she knew that list was a compliment.
"Guilty as charged," Sugar giggled as she lead her two friends inside.
Sugar's room ended up being all that Kurt had guessed and more, especially when it came to the colour of her room. Once Kurt's eyes adjusted to the intense brightness of wall to wall pink, he saw that the room was tastefully decorated and looked very lovely indeed. The walls themselves were painted in different hues of pink that made everything inside compliment the overall style of the room. Located in the middle was Sugar's large canopy bed, which was covered with stuffed animals and floral cushions. Kurt made a mad dash for it, welcoming the chance to rest his tired feet. He let out a contented sigh the moment his bottom made contact with the heavenly soft mattress. It was exactly what Kurt needed to fully relax and be able to enjoy himself.
"How do you girls do it?" Kurt moaned as he began to massage his right foot; his shoes hadn't even been stilettos like they tended to wear.
"The same way as anyone, through constant practice and trial and error," Unique answered matter-of-factly.
"And a whole lot of pain too," Sugar added with a giggle.
"Sometimes that pain is worth looking this good," Unique said, flipping her hair.
"Words to live by for sure, but I know I won't be wearing heels on a regular basis," Kurt muttered.
"You'll be saving yourself a lot of grief Angel; finding shoes in your size wouldn't be easy," Unique explained.
Kurt smiled at her playfully; it was so easy to forget she was a trans women. But he was glad of that, because it meant he wasn't treating her any differently (which was as it should be).
"I'm so amazed with how well all of you dress, you two ladies most of all." Kurt didn't need to wear women's clothes to appreciate how good Sugar and Unique always looked. Today Sugar's outfit choice was a pink and white striped top, white miniskirt and dark red tights. Unique's dress was black, hot pink and grey for the top part, and the connected skirt was black and ended just past her knees.
"I do try to wear my own things sometimes, but I love designer labels too much to give them up fully," Sugar said.
"As for me; I don't have any real choice but to make my own clothes most of the time. Curvacious women such as myself are not appreciated enough in the retail clothing industry. It's a crime that most stores won't go past size ten and if they do, they're either old lady clothes or double the price! When are the stores going to learn that you can't just size up a smaller sized outfit and expect it to look the same on a plus sized person. That's one of the reasons why I plan to start my own clothing line that will span a whole range of body types and sizes," Unique explained.
As Kurt listened to Unique rant about things he hadn't realized were a problem until now, he found himself already agreeing with her. Why should anyone who didn't fit into a predesigned body type have such trouble buying clothes? 'As if there wasn't enough wrong with the world already,' Kurt thought begrudgingly.
"But enough about us Angel, let's turn our attention to you and how good you've been looking," Unique said once she was done her long rant.
Kurt fingered the bottom hem of the reddish brown cashmere sweater he was wearing. Sebastian had found it for him in a discount bargain bin (he'd made Sebastian present him the receipt to prove it). It was true that Kurt did feel almost as good as he looked in his new wardrobe, but he still had much to learn. At least Kurt had friends to give him such an education though, and with that in mind Kurt went on to ask about what facial products to use. This line of questioning led to Kurt getting his first ever facial and his skin was left tingling afterwards.
"You know I still haven't heard the story of how you all first met," Kurt prompted.
"It shouldn't be surprising to hear that it starts with Sebastian; Unique was the first one to meet him," Sugar said.
Kurt's eyes widened. "Really?"
"We went to the same high school, Sebastian transferred there in his sophomore year after getting kicked out of yet another private school. Back then I was known as Wade and you wouldn't have recognized me, Angel. I felt like I was trapped with no escape, but where the prison was my own body. I met Sebastian towards the end of his first year there: I was in the same grade. I had seen him around before but we'd never talked. I thought he was dreamy and I wasn't the only one. From the second he stepped into that school, Sebastian set himself apart from the rest. Oh, there were a few out out students at school, but he was the most confident one. He walked around the halls like he owned them. He was a real prick at times, but he nobody cared; Sebastian attracted people to him left and right. He never bullied me or any of the other unpopular kids though, so he still had his own set of morals," Unique recounted.
From his spot on the bed next to Sugar, Kurt smiled as he listened to Unique talk about Sebastian in his early high school days. He could almost picture Sebastian as he strutted down those hallways, winking at the cute guys and sneering at his rivals. Sebastian would have passed him right by; but he reminded himself that this was Unique's story and not his own.
"I was singing to myself in the men's washroom one day-which I only went to during class to feel safe-when Sebastian nonchalantly walked out of a stall. He barely glanced at me and as he began washing his hands he said 'sing it sister'," Unique continued.
"He didn't?" Kurt gasped in disbelief.
"Oh, yes he did and I could barely believe it myself, Angel. Sebastian's smug face finally did it in for me, so I called him out without holding back. But the funny thing is, Sebastian just grinned charmingly at me before shrugging it off. He told me he hadn't meant it like that; when he'd heard me sing he thought I sounded like a true female powerhouse. That's when I thought maybe someone finally understood me."
"Did Sebastian take you under his wing?" Kurt asked.
Unique nodded. "Sebastian was the first person I ever came out to as a trans woman and you know what he did when I told him? He just gave me one his smug smiles and went 'Yeah I know.' Like it was no big deal," Unique explained, chuckling at the memory.
"God he's such a..." Kurt muttered, but no appropriate term came to mind.
"... smug selfish bastard?" Unique playfully offered.
"That too," Kurt chuckled.
"Meanwhile Puck and I didn't meet Sebastian or Unique until the start of the school year at SAIC," Sugar interjected.
Kurt was surprised to hear it had been that recently; his own first college term had gone by in the blink of an eye. He couldn't even imagine making friends whom he could become so close to in such a short time span. "You would never guess; considering how close all of you seem," Kurt said.
"When you find people who share the same vision as you and like you for who you are, you don't need years to become close. Sugar is my homegirl and I know she will be for a long long time, no matter where life takes us. The same goes for Puck and Sebastian, and you too Kurt; you're one of us now," Unique said.
"And no backsies," Sugar chimed, hugging Kurt's arm.
Kurt laughed, "I wouldn't worry yourself, because I'm not about to go anywhere."
_
Sebastian's call to Kurt couldn't have come at a better time; Kurt and his lady friends had just spent the past two hours gossiping about the designer. And even after all Kurt had learned about his boyfriend, he still answered his phone right away (but not before stepping out into the hall).
"Hey there, are you missing me already?" Kurt asked his boyfriend teasingly.
"You have no idea, Kurt," Sebastian replied.
"I guess this must be true love, huh?"
Sebastian paused for a moment. "Hmm? I dunno if I would go that far. Does our love need to be true?"
"Are you suggesting it's a lie?"
"Kurt, the true in this case shouldn't be taken literally; it obviously refers to something else."
Kurt frowned; Sebastian wasn't making very much sense. "Does it now? Then please enlighten me before I begin to question our relationship." He made sure to keep his tone playful enough that Sebastian wouldn't think he was angry with him.
"True love means forever Kurt, as in as if two people love each other enough nothing can keep them apart –save for death," Sebastian calmly explained.
"I take that you don't believe in the idea of soulmates?"
"Nope. Sorry if you feel differently but I'm not about to start pretending that I do just because we're together now. I do love you Kurt, and I know you love me, but we don't have any idea what the future has in store for us. And I honestly like not knowing..." Sebastian took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "... because that mystery is part of the fun."
Kurt was tempted to weigh in his own views, but he still felt reluctant to over the phone. "If that's what you really believe then I'm not going to try to change it, Sebastian."
"Wise choice, because if you had... let's just say that wouldn't have ended well."
Sebastian didn't have to say it for Kurt to know just how badly such a scenario would have gone, which was why Kurt was intentionally leaving the matter alone. If Kurt had heard the same confession when he and Sebastian had first met, his reaction would have been different, but he now understood Sebastian better -not to mention his own romantic beliefs-he no longer needed to believe in the idea of soulmates.
"Is there anything you do believe in?" Kurt prompted.
"You, myself... us... is that enough for you?" Over the phone it was almost impossible for Kurt to tell if he was being sincere or not, and yet Kurt felt that he was.
Kurt took a moment to regain his composure or he could end up crying tears of joy at this rate. "Yes, Sebastian, that's enough for me."
"Hey now, don't get all emotional on me. The girls will kick my ass if they think I'm the reason for it," Sebastian teased.
Thanks to Sebastian's humorous warning, Kurt was able to let out a therapeutic laugh before he said his goodbyes and ended the call. He spent a quick moment regaining his composure and slipped back into Sugar's bedroom. Sugar and Unique wasted no time in resuming their night of fun together and it wasn't long before Kurt completely lost track of time.
His phone ended up ringing again later that evening and he rolled his eyes upon hearing it. "That boy never lets up," Kurt muttered, thinking it had to be Sebastian calling him again.
"Don't act like you're not loving the attention, Angel," Unique teased.
Kurt's winked back at her playfully and he had planned to put Sebastian on speaker phone so they could all chat with him, but then he suddenly saw that it wasn't his boyfriend's name on the screen of his phone. "Oh no... this can't be happening," Kurt muttered in complete shock.
"What's wrong, Angel?" Sugar asked with concern.
Kurt kept staring at the phone, but the contact name didn't magically change to Sebastian's. "It's uh... it's not Sebastian who's calling me. It's my mom." Panic rushed through him; he wanted to ignore her call and hightail it home. He knew that would make things worse though, so there was only one thing to do: he had to face her. Kurt glanced helplessly at Sugar and Unique, mouthed 'sorry; to them and stepped outside of the room once again.
"Kurt Elizabeth Hummel, do you know what time it is?" Margaret Hummel's voice shouted the second Kurt clicked the answer button.
Kurt winced from hearing the anger in her voice; it was even worse than he thought. "I didn't realize-"
"You haven't come home for dinner once this week Kurt, and I thought that meant you were seeing to your studies. But when I ran into Joshua-I mean Professor Morgan-tonight at the supermarket, he mentioned your recent C- and asked if you were ok. You told me you had gotten a B+ Kurt. What is going on? I thought we were past the point where I needed to physically see your test scores anymore. Why did you throw that trust away and lie to me, Kurt? What in the world is going on with you?" Margaret demanded.
"I've made some friends all right. I didn't realize having a social life was forbidden," Kurt snapped in a moment of rebellion. He went dead silent after the words left his mouth; Kurt had never spoken to his mother that way before.
"We haven't forbidden you from doing anything, Kurt. But if these so called friends of yours are the reason for you lack in focus, then they can't be good for you." When Kurt said nothing in reply she added, "Come home Kurt, we need to talk. I feel like I don't know who you are anymore."
'You never did,' Kurt thought bitterly, but he knew better than to push his luck and say this to her. "Yeah whatever, I'll head there now."
"Come straight home as well; no dawdling. Do you hear me, Kurt?" Margaret firmly ordered.
"Loud and clear," muttered Kurt, wishing he couldn't hear her. He hated how she treated him like he were still a child.
'Screw her,' Kurt thought rebelliously as he cut the phone call before she could get another word in. He would pay for that tonight, but it hardly matter at this point; his mom was already furious with him. Of course his dad was still away on business too, not that he would have taken Kurt's side. Burt Hummel let his wife do most of the talking, especially when it came to managing their son.
It was time for Margaret Hummel to learn that just because Kurt wasn't her sweet little angel anymore didn't mean he was turning into a delinquent.
But Kurt still knew better than to try his mom's patience, so he quickly headed back inside Sugar's bedroom. Unique and Sugar instantly rose to meet him and their matching expressions of concern helped renew some of Kurt's tired spirits.
"What happened, Angel? Is everything okay?" Sugar frantically demanded.
"Could be better," Kurt replied with a shrug.
"Want me to hold you here against your will?" Sugar offered.
"Oh, if only that could work," Kurt laughed wishfully, touching her shoulder. "Thanks for offering though." Since his mom's phone call, Kurt had already begun to close himself off from the world. He wasn't doing this to distance himself from his friends; he just needed to hold himself together if he planned to make Margaret listen to reason. Kurt sighed heavily. "But this is what I get for letting my mom keep controlling my life even though I'm an adult now." While neither Sugar nor Unique had asked him the reason why, Kurt still felt that he should explain things to them. "I guess I had grown so accustomed to following her orders that it felt safe to me. Like if I were to become more independent, I wouldn't be able to succeed on my own. At home I could focus solely on my studies and not have to worry about getting a job to pay for tuition."
"Any idea what your mom's going to do?" Unique asked.
Kurt shook his head. "I have no clue, but I know what I'm going to do at least: I'm going to tell her the truth. Lying to her obviously isn't an option anymore, at least when it comes to my grades and befriending you guys... and how I'm your model now. I might even tell her that I'm gay but I dunno if I'll be able to go that far tonight." He took a deep breath; just talking about it to Sugar and Unique was already proving difficult.
"What if she tries to stop you from coming to the studio anymore?" Sugar questioned.
"Then I'll move out; I am nineteen after all. It's not like she can keep me there against my will," Kurt announced as he headed to the door. Sugar and Unique trailed after him, giving what supportive words they could along the way. He hugged them both goodbye at the gate and as he made his way to the correct bus stop, he brought out his phone to make a call.
"Oh, thank god you picked up," Kurt muttered after the third ring.
"I thought you said you were an atheist Kurt, so what's this all about?" The hint of playfulness in Sebastian's tone made Kurt wish they could just flirt as usual.
"My mom called me while I was at Sugar's; she found about the C- I got on my physics exam and she seems to think that means I'm starting off on a dark path now. She ordered me to come home; I'm heading there now. She has no idea what hell she's about to unleash though," Kurt grumbled as he speed-walked down the sidewalk.
"Take it from me Kurt, don't get angry; it only makes things worse. Remain as cool and detached as possible-they hate that," Sebastian advised.
That wouldn't be so easy when Kurt had years of bitterness stored up, but Sebastian still had a point (one he would be wise to remember). "Thanks for the tip. Wish me luck I guess," Kurt said.
"I'd offer to come with you, but we both know that's a bad idea. You need to do this on your own anyway, as much as I'd like to be there for you."
"Thanks for understanding me and what I need right now, Sebastian."
"Just remember to call me when it's all over, or else I won't be able to sleep tonight."
If it were any other night then Kurt would have flirtatiously replied 'oh so you do sleep? I had been wondering' but unfortunately there was no time for that. Kurt saw the bus coming around the corner, and so he was left with no choice but to cut their call short. "I gotta go... love you."
"Show her that not all angels are heavenly, babe," Sebastian said in encouragement.
"Will do," Kurt replied just as the bus pulled into the stop.
Kurt grinned; it was so like Sebastian to know exactly what Kurt needed to hear. He took a seat in the back of the bus and let out a heavy sigh. He ignored the people around him as he began to fidget his hands restlessly until he realized he probably looked like a drug addict and he forced himself to settle down. 'If only I were an actual devil in disguise, then I could show her a thing or two,' Kurt muttered to himself.
But because he was in fact human, Kurt wouldn't have any otherworldly powers to call upon. It was up to him to turn his life around. Most of all, Kurt had to remind himself that neither of his parents were the enemy. They had caused much of his displeasure in life, but not all of it. They loved him, and had kept him safe and healthy. His current unhappiness had mainly happened because Kurt hadn't voiced his own wishes once he'd reached a certain age. He had just gone along with his parents' plan and tried to convince himself that he wanted it just as badly as they did.
When Kurt walked into his house he found his mother waiting for him in the living room and she looked none too pleased.
Margaret stood up at once; glaring icily at her son as she placed her hands on her hips. "And what do you have to say for yourself?"
Of course that was the first thing she would say. Kurt barely managed not to roll his eyes at her. This was going to be a nightmare that Kurt could never wake up from. He remembered Sebastian's advice as he tried to keep his anger in check. Kurt's balled his hands into fists but kept them at his sides. What would it take for her to realize Kurt was nineteen and no longer hers to govern?
"I'm not going to apologize for my actions, or make any excuses. But that's mainly because aside from withholding the truth from you-a fact I do regret-I don't think I've done anything wrong. But I did lie to you still, so stops now; I'm unhappy with my life mom, and I have been for a while. I can't live like I used to, where my life was full of nothing but schoolwork." Kurt was still standing at the door; he hadn't moved a step since closing it. It was easier to keep his emotional barriers in place if he kept himself at a safe distance. That way Kurt could pretend not to see his mother's surprise at hearing his confession.
"I know you've only doing what you think is best for me, and it's my own fault for not telling you otherwise... but I've missed so much already. These are suppose to be my glory years mom, so why is it that you've never stopped to ask if the life you've been pushing me towards is something I even want?" Kurt's heart was in his chest as he waited for his mom to say something, but she was remaining silent.
The wait was becoming unbearable, each passing second felt like hours and Kurt's integrity was chipping away at an alarming rate. Finally he couldn't take it any longer, so Kurt bravely stepped forward, walked over to his mom and stood right in front of her to force eye contact between them. Margaret's body posture was stiff to the point of being rigid; her brows were furrowed together and her mouth tightly pursed.
"I asked you a question, Mom."
Margaret stared back at her son with matched intensity; it was impossible for Kurt to know what she was thinking. "I have spent the last nineteen years trying my very best to see that you succeed at life, Kurt. And all in that time, you have never given me reason to think that you were unhappy."
'You almost had me mom, but I know better than to believe your sincerity,' Kurt thought, and oh how he wished he could say that aloud. But if he were to voice such an accusation to her, it would ruin the chance that they could keep things civil. There was no doubt in Kurt's mind that Margaret had chosen her words very carefully, in the hopes that Kurt wouldn't hear what she was really saying. Which was something along the lines of 'I've worked too hard to let you throw your life away, Kurt.' as well as 'What's so wrong in wanting the best for you?'
"You're right, I should have said something, but that still doesn't make up for the fact that you never asked me either."
"What's happened to you, Kurt? Is someone bothering you at school?"
Kurt fought the urge to laugh in her face; of course that's the only reason she could think of. This was so pointless, his mom couldn't understand what was really going on. 'I guess I'll have to tell her then.'
He paced back and forth for a moment as he wracked his brain for a way to begin. "I'm not a child..." Yes that could work. "... and yet you're still talking down to me as if I'm incapable of looking after myself. You've been so focused on 'making sure I succeed' that you never noticed that I grew up."
"I don't understand what you're even saying to me, Kurt," Margaret said.
"I don't want to waste the next four years struggling at a school that I can't stand. Do you want to know why my grades have been slipping? It's not just because I've made some friends. I was starting to hate my life, but I was too afraid to admit it. I didn't want to fail, I didn't want to disappoint you and dad, so I kept trying to make the best of it." Kurt had to stop talking just to keep the anger boiling up in him from seeping out. He went to stand behind the couch, resting his hands across the back of it.
"God only knows what would have happened if things had continued on for any longer. But lucky for us, I ran into some people who helped me realize the severity of my situation." Kurt cast his mother a bitter glance. "I didn't even realize that's what was happening at first either, because I was that stuck in denial." He knew he was over exaggerating, but not by that much.
"Who are these 'people' you have be spending all of your free time with?" Margaret demanded.
"I was just getting to that," Kurt said, taking great joy in bringing out his more sassy side. "They're good people mom, teenagers like me, and not anyone you should be worried about. They genuinely care about me too. The four of them are enrolled at the School of the Art Institute of Chicago-of their own will I might add-and are doing something they love. After meeting them and seeing how happy they all were I was struck with a realization: why didn't I deserve the same thing? Why can't I feel the same fulfilment? Why should I stay at a school that has no future for me? I might not know what I want out of my life yet, but I do know that I don't need to fit into a certain mold to be happy, Mom; I just need to be me."
Any hope that his mom would finally see the light was tossed aside when Kurt saw her frown in confusion. It was like they were speaking totally different languages, or living in completely separate worlds. That was it wasn't it? Margaret realized that she no longer knew her son, but she just couldn't fathom that she never knew him in the first place.
"That's why I said yes to being their model and started hanging out with them instead of studying. I was too afraid to tell you the truth, how I've been skipping my study groups to help them prepare for the show."
"What show is this?" Margaret asked.
"It's this big fashion show the school puts on each year, my friends are one of the teams competing. They're making an amazing outfit that I have the pleasure to wear for them on stage. It took me accepting the job to recognize what it felt like to do something I actually enjoyed. It wasn't long after then that I began to prefer it over fooling myself into thinking I wanted to be a grade grinder."
"So all the times you've said you were going to the library, or attending extra study sessions, you were really out with them?" Margaret questioned, carefully taking a seat on the couch. She was a very closed off person, but Kurt did notice her clenched jaw, and if he had to guess, he would say she was somewhere in between shocked and appalled.
"Yes." Kurt didn't bother to join her; he was too on edge to sit still and he had no idea why. They weren't screaming at each other but in a way that was almost worse. It made Kurt feel like his mom didn't care enough to get angry. "I'm just sorry it took you calling me up and ordering me home to make me come clean." Kurt couldn't help but flash her a look of derision out of the corner of his eye.
"I was worried about you, Kurt. You've barely been home for the past week," Margaret snapped.
"I'm surprised you noticed." Kurt suspected if Margaret hadn't talked to his professor today it would have taken her longer. He was tempted to say this to her but his heart wasn't really in it to make it worthwhile. "But that still didn't give you the right to act as if I'd committed some sort of crime."
Kurt pinched the bridge of his nose with his fingers; fuck (yes, he was so pissed that his brain had resorted to actual profanity) it was hard to keep things civil. He almost wished his mom would start shouting at him. "You certainly thought I was well enough to leave alone so you could go visit your sister this past week."
"How dare you speak to me that way!" she warned. When Kurt didn't apologize she rose to her feet, standing to her full height as she addressed him. Margaret crossed her arms across her chest; her scowl was back as well. "What about my feelings, Kurt? Do think it's easy for me to hear that my son's so unhappy with his life? And that I am one of the main reasons for your unhappiness?"
"I couldn't begin to guess; that's how little we know one another," Kurt answered without thinking. He immediately regretted the bluntness of his words, but he wasn't about to take them back or apologize.
Maybe if she had approached him in a less aggressive way he would have given her the benefit of the doubt, but because she had started this all by scolding him over the phone, Kurt wasn't in a very giving mood.
"I was your age once, Kurt. I remember how easy it was to feel lost in the world."
"Is that what you think is going on with me? That I've just lost my way and as soon as I realize this then things can go back to normal?"
"You have such a bright future ahead of you Kurt; I can't stand to watch you throw it all away," Margaret said, wringing her hands and pleading with her eyes.
Disgusted, Kurt snorted, "Bright?" That was the last straw; Kurt pushed himself off from the couch and stormed out of the room. But the second he did, Kurt knew he couldn't end things like that, so he came right back to face her head on. "It's ironic that you would call that future bright when to me it feels dark and colourless. I may be blowing things out of proportions slightly, but it's still the best way for me to describe my feelings." Kurt really should have known better than to think his mom would try to see things from his side. All she cared about was that fucking school and if Kurt did well there or not!
"That's it, this has got to stop. I'm dropping out of that hell of a school and nothing you can say will change my mind. I don't belong there! That C- I got is the biggest evidence of that and you know what mom, I'm glad I bombed the test, because now I'm finally able to walk away from it all," Kurt declared.
Hearing her son say that he was dropping out of college caused Margaret to throw her hands up in the air. "You can't be serious. You expect your father and I to just let you quit the school we paid thousands of dollars in tuition towards?"
"Watch me."
"You can't just run away from your responsibilities like that. You need to work hard for anything in life, Kurt."
"I have every intention to, mom. I'm going to do whatever it takes to achieve the life I not only want but deserve." Kurt threw back at her in defiance.
Margaret stepped back as she stared worriedly at her son. "And what does that mean?"
"Nothing you're probably imagining, I'm not dealing drugs and I didn't join a gang. I'm not asking for anyone's help either. I can make it on my own just fine. I should have moved out and lived on campus to begin with. But I didn't, I stayed here so you could keep close tabs on me and make sure I stayed on the straight and narrow path."
"You were doing so well at school..."
"That's only because I had nothing else in my life, and even then I was barely keeping ahead. There was so much pressure and yet I still didn't want to tell you and dad how difficult it was for me!" In his anger, Kurt had begun speaking so fast that he felt short of breath. He fought to calm himself down before panic could set in.
"You never said..." Margaret started to say, but her words only made it worse.
"Well I'm saying it now then! It's a done deal. As of this minute I am dropping out of school." This was so frustrating, Kurt needed to get away from this toxic environment (a dramatic accusation but it felt appropriate to him) and blow off some of this steam. Maybe when he and his mom both had time to think over what they'd said, they could talk maturely about Kurt's future, but that moment wasn't now. "It's too late."
"It's never too late to listen to reason, Kurt."
Kurt had been seconds away from admitting that he'd reached his limit and needed some time alone to reflect when he heard Margaret's ill-placed remark. He turned on his heels to face her, saw the stone cold determination in her blue eyes (the same shade as his) and fell apart. All of the resentment he felt towards her, all of the anger he'd built up over the last week and the endless amounts of stress he had felt over the last few years came at him like a flood.
"No!" he spat, jabbing his finger at her. "You're still not listening to-"
A sudden slap to the face cut Kurt off, silencing him into utter shock. "Pull yourself together!" Margaret shouted at him.
Shocked beyond belief, Kurt stumbled backwards; his mom had never hit him before. He clutched the side of his cheek with his hand; it felt hot to the touch still-or maybe that was more a product of his anger. No matter how stunned he was by the blow, Kurt still refused to raise a hand to anyone.
"Feel any better?" Kurt asked her with thinly veiled sarcasm.
By this point Margaret finally seemed to have seen the error of her ways but it had come too late; no amount of apology would make up for what she had done. "Kurt..." Margaret breathed, no doubt in a desperate attempt to reach her once-again emotionally closed-off son.
"No. You lost the right to continue this discussion the second you struck me."
Kurt finally understood he would never reach his mom. A line had been crossed that she couldn't come back from, and Kurt wasn't about to stick around and take her bullshit anymore. He turned his nose up at her, relishing in the rush of satisfaction it brought and gracefully walked across the living room to the stairs. Still ignoring her irritating presence, Kurt ascended them in an equally stylish fashion. But as soon as he was out of view, Kurt bolted to his room. There wasn't a lot of time. If he wanted to do this then he'd need to act fast, before his mom could catch on and try to stop him.
For once the fact that Kurt had so little he felt attached to in his room was to his advantage, so it didn't take him very long to gather it all up. Kurt threw his new clothes he'd bought with Sebastian into his biggest suitcase (why he even had one was anyone's guess, but he was glad for it now). Other than the clothes there wasn't much that he wanted to bring, and it felt oddly freeing to abandon the rest.
Back on the move, Kurt pressed onwards, never allowing himself a moment to stop and think that what he was about to do was reckless (or ill planned). He silently slipped out of his bedroom and carried his suitcase so his mom wouldn't be alerted by the sound of wheels turning. When he made it back to the living room, he found his mother there silently brooding on the couch. Good. He was glad she wasn't crying her heart out with remorse. It made it that much easier to go through with his plan.
Kurt walked right past her with luggage in tow, not giving her so much as a glance as he headed for the front door.
"Where do you think you're going?" Margaret demanded.
As much as Kurt would have liked to leave without giving her the time of day, his new more daring side wouldn't allow it. Sebastian would have been proud of the cool look of indifference Kurt gave her as he turned to look her way. "I'm no longer feel safe in this house," he said, pausing for effect.
"I'm leaving and I'm not coming back." Kurt took a step towards the door; just a bit further and he would be free. "And don't try to contact me until you're ready to listen for real," Kurt snarkily added.
"Are you running away?"
"No, I'm facing my fears and not letting you call the shots anymore. It's time for me to be my own person and even if that means I won't become the success story you expect me to be."
"What am I supposed to tell your father when he comes in two weeks?" Margaret asked.
Kurt let out a tired sigh; he'd forgotten about his dad, but he wasn't anything his mom could use keep him there. "Tell him that I'm sorry it turned out this way, and that I'm willing to talk to him if he wants. Which is something we've really never done; I know he works too much for the sake of the family, but he's never here when I need him: like right now."
"That's it then? Your father and I are nothing but strangers to you now?"
"If that's what it takes then yes, but time will tell it we need to go that far."
Margaret made a sound of utter disgust. "Fine then, go be selfish and abandon your family. You'll discover how hard it is to be on your own."
"I don't need you to tell that it's going to be difficult; I know that already, because I've never felt more alone than when I lived in this house!"
Fed up, Kurt opened the door and quietly closed it behind him, as if he were just leaving for some weekend getaway. Kurt hissed from the sting in his cheek; she'd really let him have it. He hadn't even realized how much being slapped could hurt. That dull pain triggered something deep inside of Kurt, a part of himself that he usually kept subdued, but not this time. So Kurt marched himself right back to the front of his house, opened the door, and poked his head inside.
"Oh, there's just one last thing: I'm gay-G-A-Y-likes to have sex with men-gay." Kurt announced right before slamming the door in her stupefied face.