Dragon age: Traic Endings, New Beginninga

Chapter Six: Diary of Jane

If I had to
I would put myself right beside you
So let me ask
Would you like that?
Would you like that?
And I don't mind
If you say this love is the last time
So now I'll ask
Do you like that?
Do you like that?
No!
Something's getting in the way.
Something's just about to break.
I will try to find my place in the diary of Jane.
So tell me how it should be.
Try to find out what makes you tick.
As I lie down
Sore and sick.
Do you like that?
Do you like that?
There's a fine line between love and hate.
And I don't mind.
Just let me say that
I like that
I like that

Desperate, I will crawl
Waiting for so long
No love, there is no love.
Die for anyone
What have I become?Something's getting in the way.
Something's just about to break.
I will try to find my place in the diary of Jane.
As I burn another page,
As I look the other way.
I still try to find my place in the diary of Jane.

Sage looked down at Alistair perplexed. One minute he wanted her to go away and then the next minute he wanted her to stay? Could he make up his mind and stop confusing hers? Her eyes trailed downwards and she looked at his arm.

She looked at him in the eyes and sighed. "Why do you want me to stay all of a sudden?" She said her eyes narrowing, but yet she still didn't pull away from his touch.

She watched him lower his arm and turn away. She sighed, maybe it was an old habit that made him grab a hold of her like that. And she looked away when he didn't answer her, he only fiddled with his thumbs.

She ran a hand through her hair in frustration. In a huff she sat down in front of him and looked at him. Maker give her the strength to stay calm in his presence. "Fine, I'm staying, what do you want to talk about?"

Sage watched as he placed a hand on his forehead, she also heard him mutter under his breath. "Sod, I cant believe I'm actually considering it…"

She thought for a moment what was he considering, then she smiled. He might be considering forgiving her. "Well, why don't we talk about how our lives have been the past year, " She the smirked, trying to bring out the old Alistair. "What I want to know is if you went back to your family, you know the flying dogs that raised you?"

Sage saw him hold in a laugh, she frowned. Maybe he didn't want to forgive her? Maybe he was just going to be nice to her…She sighed, there must be some way to bring him out. She was about to make another suggestion when Alistair had cut in with a stern glare on his face.

"Tell me why you spared him, I know you hated the man enough to kill him, you even told me that yourself. " He demanded in a serious tone. He had been using that tone for a while, well ever since she last saw him and that was at the Lands meeting. She missed his carefree voice, and his witty one liners.

She rubbed her temples, thinking over the many possible ways to retell the story. Deciding she looked up at the ceiling to the cell. "Alright I will tell you on one condition."

"What." He said curtly.

"That you don't interrupt me no matter what I say, and what you don't like. I want you to hear everything without any interruptions. "She paused, she had always regretted her decision but in the end, it was the right one, even if it didn't feel like it. "And I want you to hear this first, I regret my decision every day, and every night, but yet I still don't want to take it back, for it was the only way we both could live, and I will explain why later one."

She sighed as she looked at him, "Promise you wont interrupt me?"

"Yeah, sure…" He answered in a bored plain tone.

She twitched at his behavior but let it pass, she had to get the truth out. "Alright well, you already know about my past, and well that had something to do with my decision. When Loghain yielded I was more than ready to spill his blood, but then he said something to Anora and It reminded me of my father, and how I had to leave him and my mother behind. Well I tried to forget what he said, and I raised my blade.

"Right as I was about to strike, instead of Loghain kneeling in front of me it was my father who was beated and bloodied and was holding my mother. Both were glaring up at me, and that's when my father whispered to me…"

She shook her head to stop the tears from forming in her eyes. "He called me a monster….and that's when I realized it, I was becoming just like Howe…and Maker I didn't want that! I couldn't bring myself to kill him after that….and..." She paused and looked at him, tears spilling from her eyes. "And I'm sorry Alistair, I just couldn't do it, trust me I wanted him to suffer as much as you did, but just seeing my father…and…and…it just broke me…"

She took a breath and relaxed a bit. She whipped her eyes and started again. "Now I should probably tell you how Loghain died…this part you might not like…"

She saw his eyes narrow but he didn't say anything, but she knew he wanted to. "Well, just when the Lands meeting ended, we all made our way to Redcliff, it was being attacked my Darkspawn, we did our job and went to the castle. That's when Rieodan told Loghain and myself to join him in his room to discuss the battle.

"When Loghain and I entered his room, Rieodan had a grave look on his face, and I feared the worst. He told both of us why Grey Wardens were needed to end a blight. Now I had my suspicions, I thought that only a grey warden had the strength to kill the demon. I was close to the truth…

"Riedoan told us that for the demon to be properly killed a grey warden had to do the final blow. If anyone else did it, the taint would be past to the next Darkspawn, since their soulless beast. Now if a Grey warden did it, than the taint would past through the warden and thus…killing the warden and the arch-demon."

She heard him take a breath in, probably shocked, and she also heard him mumble. "Makers breath…"

"I was more than ready to take the final blow if Rieodan failed. I wanted to since I not only lost my family but I had also…." She turned to face him directly where she gave him a sweet yet haunting look of both sadness and pain. Once again another pang to Alistair's heart. "I had also lost my other half, my love…" She looked away and thought that she would leave out Morrigan's offer to save them both, she knew he would over react so decided best not to tell him. Ignorance is bliss after all…

"Anyways Rieodan fell in battle, but he didn't waste his life for nothing. He had managed to ground the dragon on Fort Draken. When Loghain, Morrigan Zeveran and I got there, we had to battled the dragon and right before I was about to make the final blow, Loghain pushed me over and told me I was too young to die…"

She finished her story and by the time she was done, both were quiet. One was waiting for an answer while the other just sat there. Sage looked at his blank expression and sighed. "Well now you can say something…"

Alistair thought his head was going to explode from all the information he just got. A Grey Warden dies when it kills the arch-demon? And Sage wanted to be the one who killed it? No, if he was there than he-well he hated to admit it, being the same as Loghain sickened him. He would have done the same things Loghain did.

Alistair sighed; he got his revenge in the end, even if he wasn't there to see it. He wondered what would have happened if he was there, he could have held back Sage so Loghain could finish it off…or he might have not even needed to, she wouldn't have had a reason to end her life if he had stayed.

He cursed in his mind, he was an idiot, a complete and utter moron whose head was too thick for his own good. Morrigan was right about everything.

Bringing up Morrigan it had brought up another question in his mind, whatever did happen to the harpy? Was she living it up at the palace? Or did the dragon eat her? Alistair snickered at the thought, but thought it would be too good to be true…and Sage probably would have saved her if the dragon did. Shouldn't the witch be with her right now? It seems only right, they were really close, Sage was closer to her than Leliana even. He would have to ask her later.

Now what was he going to do…he wanted to forgive her, but a tiny part of him didn't. He sighed looking away from her. He felt horrible and guilty when he looked at her tear-stained face knowing he was the one that caused it. He had promised himself a long time ago that he would stab anyone who hurt her. It was ironic that he was the one that would end up getting stabbed…

He missed Sage, he missed her smile, her kindness, her drive to win and help people, her beauty and her talents. She was the one that brought light to his dark and dismal life. After Duncan had died, he wondered if he would ever feel like he belonged somewhere again. After he got to know Sage, he knew his place would be beside her.

And that still hasn't changed, even if he willed it too. Fate decided to keep them together even if he fought against it. But in the end, Alistair knew he wouldn't have been able to stay away long if he looked at her. Just her smile would bring him back in, like some love sick puppy, or a fish on a hook.

He loved her, and maker he still loved her, even now.

He looked back at her, she looked worn out, exhausted, heartbroken and betrayed. It overwhelmed him, she never tried to betray him, he should have known, Sage was too kind-hearted to do that, and he knew she loved him too much. He looked down, ashamed with himself, he only looked back up when she asked, "Well now you can say something…"

She was worried he wouldn't answer her, he knew that much. He sighed before he answered. "Sage…for the first time I … I don't know what to say…" It was true, he was at a loss of words. What could he say to take all the hurt away? Nothing could make up for what he put her through at the Lands meet, and the whole year they were away from each other. He knew he couldn't make it up to her, and he knew he didn't deserve her after his betrayal.

He looked at her pleading face which had knocked the wind out of him. He hated her looking at him like that. He hated being the one who caused it. "Please Alistair…say something…."

He stayed silent for a moment, before coming up with something that wouldn't piss her off, or upset her. Slowly and very cautiously he moved closer to her and took her hand in his. He missed being this close to her without her trying to kill him. "Sage…I know I can never take back all the things I did to you that day…and I'm sorry I was such an idiot, I wished I thought of how you felt instead of thinking about only myself."

He saw her smile, and it warmed his heart. She then said to him, "Alistair, I'm sorry I chose Loghain…I wish I was stronger and killed him like you said…I just-"

He stopped her before she went one, he already knew, and he didn't want her to bring it up. "Sage I know, lets just try to move on…"

"I think I like the sound of that idea." She smirked, as he helped her stand up. "But I think we should take it slow, go day by day…"

He raised an eye brow at her request. "Why?"

He watched as she looked away and fiddled with the bottom of her shirt. She also had a little blush on her cheeks. Alistair smiled, she was still innocent deep down. She was too cute for her own good. "Well…I well…I don't want to rush into things, I mean…well…" He followed her eyes down to her arms, she was in better lighting and he could see everything on her arm, even the burned imprints of what looked like someone's initials. He had never seen these types of scars, nor did they look like any battle wounds.

He gently grabbed her hand, "Sage, what happened to your arms?" He saw her flinch, and that's when he knew something was amiss. He let her arm go, decided that whatever happened, he would let it go, for now.

He just then remember the question he wanted to ask. "Hey Sage…" When he saw she was staring off into space he gave her a gentle shake, but regretted it for when he placed his hand on her she let out a loud pain, heart wrenching screech. It almost hurt his ears. Slowly he saw her crumble to the ground clutching her legs to her chest. He was about to reach out to her but then he heard the door to the deck slam open.

Looking up he saw Zeveran with an urgent look on his face running down with such grace, Alistair had thought he was floating.

Alistair watched helplessly as Zeveran scooped her up into his arms, stroking her hair and calming her down. "Hush, my dear he's not here, its not real my pet." He heard him whispering to her. A vein in Alistair's head twitched, it should be him holding her and comforting her from whatever ailed her.

That's when Alistair realized two things, one Zeveran knew something Alistair didn't, and it involved her arms, and secondly…

Zeveran was in love with her…

Zeveran was gazing out at the stars at the front of the boat. He had never realized how beautiful it was at night, on a ship and after a horrible storm. Gazing out at the stars had become a bit of a habit from him when he had something on his mind.

He didn't like the fact that Alistair was on board, he never like the man, he even grew to hate him after a while. He never knew why Sage loved him so, the man was an idiot; he was senseless and inexperienced when it came to a lot of things, including women and hair. It was a miracle the man even was able to get dressed in the morning without hurting himself.

The lands meeting was a day Zeveran could never forget, it was the day he finally grasped the true meaning of hatred.

The way Alistair had acted had boiled Zeveran's blood. He had no right to lash out at Sage for her decision, or making her choose between murder and himself. Even as an assassin Zeveran still had a heart when it came to the people he trusted, and he trusted Sage above anyone, he knew she had a reason as to why she didn't kill him, and she did. Alistair was just too stupid to figure it out, and he lost trust in her, something Zeveran would never do.

He was actually glad that Alistair left, he wouldn't be able to hurt her anymore, but now Zeveran knew he was wrong. Before Sage left to look for him, before the unfortunate event that only added to her sorrow, she was plagued by constant nightmare about him. Even in his absents he was still causing her pain.

Even when Sage had asked him to join the crew as her first mate, he had to help her though the nightmares, but this time it wasn't only him causing her pain, but the man that he had tried to hunt down, a man who disappeared after that night.

Zeveran sighed as he leaned over the edge, he gazed up at the full moon that was halfway in the sky. He wondered how long she would have these nightmares, would he ever be able to heal her heart?

His mood suddenly turned dark as he took out one of his daggers and glared down at his reflection. He wouldn't allow Alistair to mend her heart, he would only be stupid again and break it. No, Zeveran would step in this time, and mend Sage's heart, after all Alistair didn't deserve her love, he didn't even deserve her smile, or her kindness.

He smiled as he slipped the dagger back into his pocket. Sage was one of the very few people who could get anyone to like her. She just had that certain spark to her. No matter how hard you tried you couldn't hate her.

And he knew that the moment he met her.

Climbing down the mask he decided he would go check up on her, seeing if she had actually fallen into a dreamless sleep for once. She was a strong girl, but after past events it broke her. He knew she put on an act every day, hiding the fact that she was dying from the inside.

He sighed when he reached the bottom, he took one step when he heard a ear piercing scream coming from the cell. He knew that scream, he heard it almost every night when Sage had a nightmare. But what was she doing down in the cell?

With Alistair…

He ran down as quickly as he could, when he slammed the door open he saw Alistair reaching out to a hysteric Sage who was in the fetal position. He ran down and gently cradled her in his arms, he did this every night and it seemed to work too for she had always settled down and fell back to sleep.

He glared up at Alistair only to find him glaring back. "My friend, what did you possibly do to make our fair captain cry out so?" He said in a dark, yet in an oddly pleasant voice.

He watched Alistair's expression grow angry as his face heated up. The oaf could still lose his temper so easily. "I didn't do anything to her you Antivan whore!" Alistair shouted.

Zeveran laughed smugly as he picked up the sleeping red head. "Oh Alistair you cut me sharper than any blade." He said sarcastically as he walked out of the cell and placed her down in a chair. Turning back towards the sad excuse for a lover he locked the cell door. "You my friend are a despicable man who doesn't deserve the love and devotion this women can give. And if you think you know anything about her well you're wrong, what she wants isn't always what's best for her." He glared as he picked her back up and made his way out. Over his shoulder he glared, "And I am what's best for her no?"

He smiled to himself as he heard Alistair slam his fist against the cell doors. It was music to his pointy ears.

I'm so sorry for how short the last chapter was, and I would like to thank all of you who reviewed, I love it when people review, it makes me think that my story is actually good. And I love it when I get input, it helps, oh and peoples views on the characters there always so much fun to read.

Oh and I would like to ask one small favor, you don't have to do it but it adds a certain feeling to the story if you listen to the music the chapters based off of. It adds to the mood. I know it does when I write up the chapter…anyways I don't own the song it from breaking Benjamin, my all time favorite band!

Well please review I love to hear you views and input!