Author Notes: Hello everyone! Thank you again for your wonderful reviews for the past chapter and enjoy this next one :)
General Warnings: Parody, self-insert, tongue in cheek humour and OOCness.
Chapter Warnings: Spoilers for Naruto Shippuden Episodes 17 (The Death of Gaara) & 31 (The Legacy).
Kudos: Congrats to SilverDragon88 for getting the star of this next chapter right!
Character: Gaara
- Chapter Start -
Gaara opened his eyes and looked around, seeing nothing but thick white mist.
Where was he?
He remembered battling that blond Akatsuki ninja with the explosive clay over his beloved Sand Village before everything went black. He remembered waking up in a dark cave to the unbelievable pain of having Shukaku forcibly extracted from his body... and then nothing.
Pressing a hand to his chest, Gaara's eyes widened in shock. He couldn't feel Shukaku inside him anymore!
Had they managed to extract him completely?
Did that mean he, Gaara, was now... dead?
Just when all his hard work over the past two years were starting to pay off.
Just when his people were starting to respect and believe in him.
Just when he felt he could atone for all his past sins at last.
Dead.
A mirthless smile twisted Gaara's lips. He had known firsthand life wasn't fair and now... it was over.
Damnit, he didn't want it to be over! There were still so many things he wanted to achieve in his life, but the very silence around him seemed to mock that thought. He dipped his head and closed his eyes.
"Kankuro. Temari. Baki. I leave the future of our Sand Village in your hands now. Thank you for all your support."
He swallowed.
"Naruto. I wish I could have said goodbye to you in person. Perhaps even shaken your hand. I have mentioned to a few people how a leaf shinobi once told me I could change the path my life would follow. You were right. Thank you for being my friend."
Opening his eyes, Gaara found the mist clearing. He was standing on a path that led to a small hut in the distance. He started for it, wondering what he would find there.
- o -
The single knock on the door made the mother and daughter squeal in excitement.
"Come in!"
The door opened to reveal the young Kazekage, hands folded across his chest in his usual stance.
"It is Gaara!"
"Come in, love! Come innnnnn!"
Gaara blinked and took a tentative step inside, looking around him.
"Is this... Hell?" he asked.
Both females gasped.
"Hell?" The daughter squeaked in disbelief.
"No, of course not!" The mother declared.
"Then where am I? And who are you?"
"Never you mind that," the mother said hastily.
"But you could," the daughter whispered, "mind, I mean."
"Just come a little closer, love," the mother said, her fingers twitching.
Gaara took wary notice of that as he stepped closer.
"So if this isn't Hell, then-"
"Closer, please!" trilled the mother, her fingers still twitching. "Just... a little... closer..."
Gaara stopped walking at once.
"Mother!" hissed the daughter, "you're scaring him."
The mother blinked and quickly hid her hands below the counter.
"Sorry."
The daughter shook her head and turned to Gaara.
"Never mind her," she said. "What is important is that we are giving you an opportunity to continue living."
"Daughter!" hissed the mother. "You're confusing him."
The daughter sighed.
"Sorry. I forgot we have nothing to do with that."
Gaara frowned.
"Nothing to do with what?" he asked.
"Never mind her," said the mother hastily. "Just pull up a chair and sit down, love. You're going to be here for a little while."
Gaara glanced behind him to see a chair materialising. He sat down and realised something.
"Wait, my gourd of sand is missing."
"Don't worry, you won't need it here," said the daughter kindly.
"I see."
Silence fell as Gaara stared at them and they stared right back at him.
"So," he finally said, "I am dead, right?"
"For now," said the mother in a careful voice.
"What does that mean?"
Both females sighed.
"It means you won't be staying here long," mumbled the daughter.
"Because you're getting another chance to live," muttered the mother.
Gaara's eyes widened and he smiled a bit before he could stop himself. Then he frowned again.
"And that does not please either of you?" he asked.
The mother and daughter gasped again.
"Oh no! That's not what we meant!"
"No indeed! We're happy-"
"Thrilled-"
"Pleased as punch-"
"Ecstatic-"
"- that you get to be alive again!"
"We cried buckets when you died!"
They nodded frantically at him.
Gaara stared at them.
"You were there? In that cave?" he asked.
Perhaps they were Akatsuki members too, although seeing as how they were still nodding away, he thought it was doubtful. Maybe they were at the bottom of the waiting list.
"No, we weren't there," admitted the mother. "But we know what happened."
"And what will happen," whispered the daughter.
"Anyway," said the mother, "just wait here for a while. You'll be with your people again very soon."
"In the meantime, have a cookie," offered the daughter.
Gaara looked down at the plate of chocolate chip cookies and shook his head.
"How about a waffle?"
Gaara barely glanced at the plate of waffles before shaking his head again.
"Broiled gizzards?"
Gaara's eyes lit up. He leaned forward, but instinct made him look up to see the two females jumping to their feet, twenty twitching fingers reaching for him. He jerked backwards just in time.
"Ack!"
"Gah!"
"No. Thank you," he said, looking in mild surprise at the two females now draped face down over the counter.
At that moment, the Exit door swung open.
"Ah, I believe that is my cue to leave," Gaara said. He got up with alacrity, walked to the door and then paused to look over his shoulder. "Thank you for your help."
The two females sat up and rubbed their foreheads, pouting.
"But we didn't do anything," said the daughter in a plaintive voice.
"You got that right," the mother sighed. "Take good care of yourself, love."
"Don't forget us," added the daughter.
"And don't flatten your gorgeous hair. Always leave it looking a bit messy, alright?"
"And smile more!"
"I will try."
Still feeling a bit perplexed, Gaara gave a short bow and left.
- o -
Somewhere in a forest clearing...
"Gaara!"
Who is that? Who's... who's calling me? Who is it?
Gaara found himself staring at a hand.
This hand. Oh, it's just my hand again. My hand. Me. Who am I? I... I am...
A hand clapped him on the shoulder and he turned his head.
"Gaara," said Naruto Uzumaki. He was smiling, but his blue eyes were moist.
- o -
As the door closed behind their latest visitor, both females slumped dejectedly in their seats.
"We didn't get to touch him," complained the mother. "Not even once!"
"Oh well," sighed the daughter. "He didn't need us to rescue him unlike the other characters."
"But we didn't get to touch his hair," wailed the mother. "His lovely, lovely red hair! And he was right here."
"He also knew we were up to something," said the daughter, eyeing the plate of gizzards with distaste.
"He was... so... close..."
"Cheer up, mother. Haku's hair is lovely too, but you don't regret not touching it, do you?"
"Actually, I do, come to think of it."
"And Zabuza's?"
The mother blanched and shook her head.
"And Hayate's?"
"That would've been nice."
"And the third Hokage's?"
"No, daughter. Just... no."
"And Menma's?"
"Oh yes, that would've been nice too."
They both sighed again and then looked at the paper taped on the counter.
"Oh, it's him next," said the mother and rolled her eyes. "Are you sure you want to rescue him, daughter?"
"Yes, mother."
"But he's evil!"
"We'll find a way around that."
"And his body is in... well, parts!"
"We'll find a way around that too."
The mother pouted.
"He had a very sad childhood, remember?" asked the daughter. "And his hair is red too," she added with a sly smile.
"It's a washed out red compared to the gorgeous, vibrant hue of Gaara's hair," sniffed the mother.
"You're biased."
"So are you."
"Fine. Can we still rescue this next person?"
"Oh, very well."
- Chapter End -
A/N: Thank you for reading! I'm sure you can guess who's next so please tell us! :)