A/N Even more exposition and probable canon-crushing galore. You've been warned.

Another warning: lack of practice writing much fluff. Especially not via interaction. I'm afraid that showed a bit more than I'm happy with.

Disclaimer: The World God Only Knows is owned by Tamiki Wakaki. I own absolutely nothing in relation to this work, except for the plot of this particular story.

This was one of those events. It's not every day that Real pulls a stunt to the extent of making me meet with a near-identical form of and a person who could be related to my faux sister in the past, and to do so would have even larger implications than getting invited to an Underworld revolution. The latter, per se, wouldn't necessarily screw up the future specifically to me, while the former had such a high percentage I didn't want to think about it.

So naturally, my best bet was to nail shut the coffin on screwing up. A lot harder job than I thought, probably, but at this stage I didn't have too much of a choice, having inadvertently contacted Endelyon first.

The plan was simple. I was going to ask Endelyon to talk with us, and introduce ourselves. Then I was to subject the "litmus test", so-called because that was how I would ultimately decide if she was suited for our information-gathering attempt. If she passed, that's when I would start building a relationship with her. If she didn't, Haqua, being the one to bring up the idea, was to engage in conversation while Kanon, Tsukiyo and I left and tried to spot another potential candidate.

Everyone agreed – Haqua somewhat unhappily – and I gave a piece of advice. "Try not to act too close to me. If or when it turns into a conquest, it's imperative that I am looked at in a favourable light by any means necessary. However, don't try to act too hard, or you'll appear unnatural." With that done, I unzipped the tent. "Miss Endelyon? I apologize for the slight delay. I would like to invite you –"

Then the smell hit me.

"I'm back!" the culprit announced, waltzing into the tent quite suddenly and with an apron over her cloak, which made me question whether they really paid attention to human culture at all. In her hands was the most lethal weapon of demonkind to date, one that, in terms of sheer destructive power, was alike nuclear bombs in the same manner that said bombs were alike static shock.

Food.

Oh jeez, the smell!

Tsukiyo immediately recoiled. "What is that?"

"This? It's my tastiest flying eel recipe! Its appeal lies in the zombie fluid that I marinated for a few decades with, made all the more tasty when I skinned it and let it seep inside! Then I just fried it until it was just rare enough to keep it juicy, and spiced it with everdead herbs. For a side dish, there's plenty of fried wolfbat wings dipped in the leftover juice! Since it's finally done setting, I just had to bring it over to celebrate my new friendship!"

"Celebrate – with food that I'd rather feed pigs –"

I clamped a hand over Tsukiyo's mouth and blurted out, "It's lovely!" Except it still looked alive, and unteething the eel apparently wasn't part of her recipe. Privately, I had to wonder if Endelyon's definition of having us for dinner meant literally that.

"Wow!" Haqua exclaimed, a rare expression of respect on her face. "This is really skillfully made! I've a friend who's a first-rate chef, and even she's nowhere near your level."

Endelyon beamed. "Thank you! I've been a chef for a few centuries before I was promoted to Brigadiette. I don't have so much time anymore, but I still haunt the kitchens when I can!"

"It doesn't look very appetizing…" Kanon muttered quietly, luckily soft enough for Endelyon not to hear. But then surprisingly, she admitted, "It does smell really nice though."

Tsukiyo tore my hand off of her mouth. "Does its smell even matter when it looks like – like that?"

Now I was thoroughly confused. To me, what was apparently fried bat smelled more of fried bat dung.

But they Endelyon cut me out of my musings with a terrifying proposal: "O Divine One, would you like to try some first?"

I gulped.

"They're lovely, aren't they?" Tsukiyo darkly repeated.

Well, I couldn't talk back now. I dug myself into this. So I mumbled a generic thanks and compliments, both of which I not at all meant, and then reached for the crispy wings that looked like they'd be okay, until one claw twitched and jabbed its nails deeply into my hand.

That's when I resolved to never ever take up Docrow's offer of a housekeeping job. She was right; some delicacies just don't die nicely!

Chapter 5 –

Oathgiver

I survived that first serving. My stomach, most likely, will not. Even now, it was churning as if Mount Fuji was about to explode inside it. Sooner or later, I was going to pay for my miscalculation.

Haqua and Endelyon discussed the finer points of the demons' cuisine while enjoying – enjoying – the food; I smell cheat codes, darn it! Kanon munched on a far limper bat wing and admitted they weren't bad, and even Tsukiyo managed to sample a bit of those deadfern herbs. Everyone still looked fine and healthy, apparently having no nauseous side-effects.

Trying not to let the pain show on my face, I smiled stiffly at Endelyon. "Oh, please excuse me! I failed to notice I haven't introduced everyone yet. Endelyon, my companions are Tsukiyo, Kanon, and Haqua." The tone that I was using was meant to make me seem respectable; I decided that I cannot operate if demons had feelings of superiority to humans, and my elevated position was supposed to combat that. This was before I met and learned about Endelyon, of course, but as I started it, I had to be consistent.

"Pleased to meet you!" the older demon chirped, setting down her plate. Everyone else mumbled back greetings. "I'm Endeon – I mean, Edenly – recently-promoted Brigadiette of New Hell Society. If there's anything us you want to know, just ask!"

This would have been the perfect time for my first question, but Kanon interrupted me, asking curiously, "What's your full name?"

I had to restrain myself from facepalming. No, NO, Kanon! We do not need to know her last name! Relationship to Elsie, if it even exists, does not matter! In fact, it might even turn things into a worse situation – if Endelyon learned that she was Elsie Senior, her attitude might change into one that mothers us instead of being equals! That gets us even further away from a capture, and consequently away from getting information!

For a suddenly tense moment, silence pressured us. Then Endelyon's shoulders shook.

A moment later I realized she was crying.

"I know, I know it's a terrible name!" the demon overdramatically sobbed. "It's so long and it's so inconvenient! For six hundred years, I had to struggle to remember my own name, Elnyon – Eyledon! Why did my parents curse me with this? Why couldn't they just pick a common name?" She sniffed. "Oh…but I can't say that… They tried so hard to think up of what to call me…I shouldn't be so rude…"

Tactfully, Tsukiyo amended for Kanon. "That's not what she meant at all. It's a very pretty name, really. Very sophisticated, quite unique."

"R-really?" Suddenly Endelyon was all smiles, like a child offered candy. "Well…ehehe…it does have a nice ring to it…"

Unfortunately, Haqua spoke next. "Why? Was there a problem with your name? Did people make fun of it?"

The demon stared at Haqua, until her eyes became puppy-like, then started misting, then thick globs of tears started pooling, and – well, Haqua sensibly leaned back a little.

"Uuuun…my friends, they're so mean…they always called me Eddy or Lyon. But those are boy's names! Why can't they just call me the name I was given? Edylon! I mean, Enlyon!"

"S-sorry?" Haqua said, gingerly lifting her raiment away from the exaggerated waterfall Endelyon was creating.

"It's quite all right, Endelyon," I said earnestly, catching her flailing hands. "You don't have to be concerned about dolts who are too lazy to say more than two syllables." I felt several glares aimed at my back, but I ignored them. "I knew from the start that your name was unique. Not just unique, it's beautiful! Please, honour me by staying in my presence and allowing me to call you by your true name."

I was laying it on thick, but like I had told Haqua, Endelyon wasn't exactly as smart as the next demon, so it was safer to overshoot than undershoot. This assumption was rewarded a moment later when she giggled, blushing a little. "Aww, that's…that's so sweet of you, Divine One! I don't know what to say!" She fidgeted a little. "Well…okay…if it's you, I won't mind. Call me whatever you like. But please, no male names!"

"As you wish! Nothing would make me happier! In that case, I shall call you…" I searched my mind, and surprisingly easily finding the perfect nickname, I completed, "Ellie!"

Haqua's head jerked up.

As for myself, I became stunned for a fraction of an instant. What an oversight. That was what Ayumi and Chihiro called Elsie. And to think I forgot for a seconds…for someone who may as well be Elsie's mother…

Was this bad?

And then I was promptly crushed into a hug by Endelyon. She was squealing happily. "I love it! I love it! That's…" She pulled away, and dreamily beamed. "That's so…smart! That perfect phrase…right between 'End' and 'on'…I can't believe no one saw it before! Thank you, God, thank you!"

Well…no harm done. My mistake was covered, and she was in a good mood that's not going down anytime soon. Just to make sure, I shot a look at both Tsukiyo and Kanon – the latter grimaced and retreated, while the former turned her attention to Luna, indicating they'll refrain from interfering. Haqua was munching on one of the bat wings, which was dying a very animated death. Satisfied, I turned back to Endelyon, finally ready for my question.

"Pardon me, my lady, but if I may borrow your knowledge…?"

"Hm? Oh! Of course!"

Pointing to my neck, I asked, "This collar. I don't suppose you recognize it? More importantly, do you know how to disarm it?"

"Now wait just a minute!"

I gave an annoyed stare at Haqua, with a face that hopefully conveyed Have I not requested you leave this in my care? and not something like Stop pressing the START button during a cutscene! Actually, on second thought, I did want to say the latter.

"You can't – you can't use the time now to wriggle out of the contract! You have a damn job to do!"

In a low voice, I retorted, "That's assuming an answer exists at all. This is a hypothetical question, Haqua. Though I do believe that a job of this magnitude is worth all the bonuses I can net."

"Y-you –" Haqua looked mad to the point of being unable to speak.

Tsukiyo was no such thing. "Excellent idea. I approve, Keima." When Haqua glared at her, she added, "Oh come on, demon. You can't keep him on a leash forever."

Kanon ventured, "Well, it was unfair to trick someone into wearing them…"

I hid a smirk as Haqua reluctantly settled down, looking angry at the peer pressure. Of course they'd say that. They never were happy with the contract that bound me to demons. It probably helped that her manuals could not possibly have protocol for stopping attempted collar removal; such were supposed to be suicidal, after all. It went exactly as expected.

Satisfied, I turned back to Endelyon. "My lady?"

She had been staring at the collar for some time, but she sat back down looking disappointed. "Mmmmmh. I'm not sure," she admitted. "I think I saw something like this before – explosive gel, I think – but I don't know if they're the same."

Unexpected. I thought she would give me a reference, not direct information. "Explosive gel sounds right. Where did you encounter them?"

"Back when I was still a trainee, when Lucky used them for pranks."

My eyes widened. Lucky? As in the third Overlady? Have I made an incredible catch without even realizing it?

"Of course, they were perfectly safe because no matter how much you used, they were harmless to demons. So Lucky always had them in lots of supply, and got away with it!"

…Harmless to –?

I glared at Haqua, who stubbornly ignored me. Judging by her startled face, however, she hadn't known either.

Fortunately keeping with my advice earlier, Tsukiyo said, "Lucky? I think I heard that name before, but I can't seem to quite place it…"

"I believe Lucky is one of the Overladies of New Hell Society," I said, giving Tsukiyo a grateful nod.

Endelyon beamed with pride. "That's because she so, well, good, you know? I flunked grade after grade, but she kept getting almost all the awards for every year she was in the Academy! So it's no wonder she made it to the top." Here she sniffed, her piece of the eel attempting to use the distraction to crawl out of her plate. Without looking, she brought out a cooking knife from nowhere and chopped it in half. I gulped; maybe she wasn't as harmless as I first thought… "No one believes me anymore when I say I know her…I keep inviting people to eat with us, but they just laugh me off…I'm a little sad, actually."

"Don't be, Ellie!" Kanon suddenly said. "You've got us now, right? Maybe, next time, we can eat dinner together!"

This was a surprising – and somewhat forceful – interruption, but I had been about to attempt something similar, and was glad for the endeavor.

Endelyon looked up in surprise, then wonder, and finally joy. "I would really like that!" she enthused. "Thank you so much!"

Kanon caught my eye for a moment, obviously wanting my input.

It was perfect. An agreement like this made sure we would meet again in the future, thus bolstering her love points in succession. The commitment itself held a significant appeal, bringing us to a far more intimate level. I smiled in approval, and mouthed the now redundant She passes to the three girls, before turning back to Endelyon. "Yes. It's a promise."

"Yup! But you should probably tell me what you want to eat. Some of the food I make needs weeks in human time to prepare, like the thawing the shardflowers or steaming the cabbage porks or –"

"Before that, my lady, do you know anything about actually disarming the explosive gel?" Haqua glowered at me, but I ignored her again. I wasn't letting this premature unlockable slip away!

She started. "Oh! Oh, sorry, I forgot about that! Um…" Her expression was restless for a moment, and then she said, "No, I'm sorry. I don't know how to do that. I know Lucky has a way, though; I saw her pour something like Styx water on it and it disintegrated, but when I tried it the Styx water just burned around it and straight into the floor. I'll have to ask her about that. Please, can you wait for a little while? I should be able to tell you sometime later."

She could've just as easily got me in contact with Lucky, I thought, but I knew not to downplay her. Besides, two promises were even better than one. "Of course!" I said, and honeying it even more, lowered my head in a bow. "Thank you very much!"

"Oh – well – it's –" Endelyon blushed. "No, please, raise your head! I'm just a young demon, I'm sure you could do more than me! I'm really happy, I'm just a little demon…"

"I beg to differ! I look, and all I see is greatness. Your runes tell me you are a fearsome demon. Your stars earn you a place as a respected officer. Your hospitality complements the skills of an excellent cook! These are all accomplishment to be carried with pride! You're better than most humans I know!"

Kanon and Tsukiyo seemed displeased. Belatedly, I remembered that "most humans I know" basically amounted to the conquered girls. Still, the marginal benefit was greater than the marginal cost.

Endelyon rubbed her temple self-consciously. "Aww, these spells really aren't too great." She pulled up her sleeves, showing that there were circle patterns scattered all the way to her elbows. Her right hand had the design of a small puppy, or something equivalent, at the back. "I can't afford full-body inscriptions like most of the officers, and most of this is from my last job." She pointed to a particularly large bubble by her wrist. "This one's my favourite. It's a netherspace pocket that I can use to store my best ingredients! Some of them's already been in there for almost half a millennia!"

I blinked, momentarily stunned. "Uh…wouldn't they rot?"

Endelyon smiled innocently. "That's the point, silly! It brings the flavour out!"

Haqua, by this point, was done with her sulking and had glanced over. Her voice sounded alarmed as she blurted out, "Hey! Isn't that a suicide spell?"

"Suicide spell?" Kanon repeated, her voice a little higher-pitched. I had to agree; that sounded very unlike Endelyon.

The senior demon looked confused. "Which one?"

"The one on your index!" The black spot on her right index finger appeared to be modeled after a goldfish, complete with runes forming the scales. "Isn't that supposed to explode at varying radii depending on how much energy you have left to feed it?"

The other demon blinked. "Actually, that's what I used to sauté dishes back when I was a full-time cook."

"What?" Haqua yelped. "Those inscriptions are totally off! That thing doesn't focus the energy output at all!"

"Oooh. That explains why my hand ended up as bones every time I cooked."

Haqua actually winced. "When you get some Ink, you need to rewrite this. Rest your arm on a desk or something to stabilize it! I can barely read your words. Ask someone else to write for you. And next time don't use those cheap harpy quills, they get blotted too easily."

"Didn't you say demons weren't supposed to have tattoos anymore?" I asked.

The younger demon snorted. "Do we look stupid?"

I tried very hard not to think of Elsie.

Perhaps sensing this, Haqua embarrassedly hurried on. "Look, magic is the base power of Hell! Electric machines are still a relatively new concept, one still being optimized. Far more reliable would be the script we can just say or write to effect. We don't print on bodies anymore because we can write on this."

With a flourish, Haqua produced several pieces of what first seemed to be cardboard. All of them had pictograms on them, almost making me think they were cut out of a Grade 2 polygons handout. "Endelyon's runes seems far more picturesque. These are mere shapes."

"Images help channel the energy needed for spells," Haqua explained, showing me one example that was formed from a triangle, another made from an outline of a heptagon, and another that was a square enclosed in an outline of a circle, "but over time we discovered that the simpler forms better help to create the exact event one wants. If you remember Overlady Sonia's facial runes, several different spells were collected in the same shape. That's probably the reason her sleep spell has a range limit to begin with, seeing as ordinarily an Overlady should have enough power to hop across half the world."

"But the base of it is always the language," Endelyon said sagely, finishing the last of her dish and looking proud that she was even able to impart something as she spoke.

Suddenly, one of the herbs stuck on her fork burst into flames. I started, but Endelyon still popped it into her mouth without a second thought.

Looking at Haqua netted me an explanation: "They always do that when it's too cold for too long."

Tsukiyo went several shades paler. Kanon leaned in and quickly whispered something to her that I didn't catch, but Tsukiyo's response was louder, probably from her panic. "I refuse! That's unsightly!" When Kanon flushed and tried to whisper again, Tsukiyo's response was still hysterical. "I am not a bulimic!"

I immediately got the feeling this topic would not end pretty.

I backtracked quickly. "But how are the runes actually made? With what material are they drawn?"

Endelyon shrugged and looked to Haqua.

"In the future, mandrake blood," Haqua said, again showing me her slips of cardboard, ignoring Tsukiyo's embarrassed "There isn't any problem!" "Back then – um, now, I guess – the best we had was finely ground mandrake powder."

"Mandrakes?" I asked, pretending not to hear Tsukiyo's higher-pitched exclamation of "Privacy? What privacy issues?"

"They're pretty special," Haqua said, speaking over Tsukiyo's animated "I don't care about demon toilets!" "Their cells are supposed to be equivalent of the human Be6Pb6Uut6."

Now, I wasn't a specialized chemist or anything, but wasn't Ununtritium supposed to be radioactive? "That sounds very volatile."

"You don't say?" Tsukiyo snarled, then she must've realized Kanon didn't say that, as she blushed.

Haqua just shrugged her shoulders as if to say, Magic. What can you do?

Awfully convenient excuse.

"They also have tendency to solidify whenever mixed with any body fluid, which made them perfect to paint on demon bodies. No other material even comes close to its utility or its ability to channel energy for magic, so mandrakes are the ingredient for spells."

"You mean mana."

"Excuse me?"

Even Endelyon was forgotten, in light of this grave error. "The ability to channel mana for magic, is what you meant to say, no?"

The younger demon looked confused. "No. Energy. Mandrakes channel biological energy, stamina, adenosine triphosphate, whatever term you want to use. But what the heck is mana?"

I slammed a fist down. "That can't be right! It must be called mana! Combat systems cannot possibly have a single bar for both HP and MP!"

Haqua was lost, I could tell that much. Kanon picked up the verbal slack: "Keima, this isn't a video game!"

"That does not excuse the poor design on Real's part! I mean, magic is practically useless if it cannot be spammed with abandon! Besides, with a terrible wording like that, people could get the wrong impression of humans being able to use magic!"

There was a moment of silence. Then, Endelyon's honestly curious voice: "Can't they?"

I stared as Endelyon wiped her mouth off on the apron. However, it occurred to me that the apron wasn't actually getting stains. Self-cleaning enchantment? Now that must be useful.

"Practically speaking," Haqua rambled, "humans have no access to mandrakes and their lives are too short to fully memorize the demonic language, not to mention the fact that, well, if a human powers a spell she kinda dies. Energy exhaustion. It's ridiculous, thinking about the insignificant life force you humans have in comparison to demons. I calculated it once. Teleport a rock two feet, you die. Conjure a match-sized fire, you die. Send a telepathic SOS, you die."

"Haqua," I said as calmly as possible.

"Getting disturbed already? You should be. This is serious business, Keima. Got a problem with it?"

I took a shaky breath. "Yes, I have a problem with it. This is not suitable foreshadowing material!"

Haqua had opened her mouth, but whatever remark she was to use came up as an inglorious cough. "W-what?"

"This kind of information is irrelevant to the story we're supposed to get!" I raged. "What part of this human uses magic plot device is supposed to be crucial at a future date? And don't even get me started on its potential fatality! No, no, no! Everyone forget what just happened, this Chekhov's Gun never existed!"

"What gun?" Endelyon asked, tilting her head.

I beamed. "Precisely my point! Now, back to you, Ellie!"

"Eh?"

"Likes, dislikes, current worries! Anything is fine, so long as it changes topic from what we never talked about!"

Endelyon looked confused. Kanon looked confused. Haqua looked confused and somewhat annoyed, as if I've pulled one over her. Tsukiyo sat in the corner, quivering and muttering incoherently, Luna uncharacteristically not wrapped by her arms and instead plopped on top of her head.

Seeing this, Haqua snickered. "Deadferns dissolve quickly, Tsukiyo! Your stomach isn't going to burst into flames!"

Kanon had to restrain Tsukiyo after that.

Endelyon appeared to be pondering. "Well…I guess my worry is…are my recipes getting old? I might have to come up with a new dish, or new ingredients…sea dragons and spirit wolves might not cut it anymore…"

I remembered one creature that should definitely exist, Haqua having mentioned it before. "How about gremlins, Ellie?"

Endelyon shuddered. "Ew, no! Gremlins aren't creatures to use for food. The ethical committee would take away your pots and pans for years!"

"Why? Are they sentient?"

"Not quite," Haqua responded, her face slightly disgusted. "It's just that, gremlins are one of the few Underworld animals to actively crave demon flesh. So eating them's like…"

I grimaced. Oops.

"We avoid them, if we can," Endelyon said, offering me a container holding what appeared to be toothpicks. I accepted one, but then looked at it – and found that it had something like beady eyes by the pointy end. I decided to discreetly dispose of it. "They're easy to spot from height, because they generally live in caves built straight from the ground. That's how other animals fall prey, if they're not paying attention and run straight over the edge."

"Surely they're not that incapable…?" I asked.

"You'd be surprised," Haqua retorted dryly. "As a whole, wildlife down here is stupider than on Earth's surface."

Endelyon nodded sagely. "Yes! Divine One, next time, let me show you around the Pyramid's zoo!"

And there I have it, another promise! I was about to ask about the Pyramid – but then paused.

We had gone over items that were far from my initial script, but they had all been interesting to varying levels. Endelyon wasn't as unknowledgeable as I would have guessed. So far, what I had learned, Haqua also knew about partially – perhaps I should venture into subjects Haqua could not possibly know? There was no harm in doing so sooner rather than later, after all, if my love points were already surprisingly high.

"Ellie…" I slowly said. "I learned that Overlady Dark had been doing research on goddesses, as was Overlady Sonic. Can you tell me more?"

Even the airy Endelyon hesitated, her face suddenly uncomfortable and her little container of pseudo-toothpicks falling from her hands. I instantly regretted my hasty words. Of course, I had calculated that there would be no negative effects on her perception of me – I was still the curious deity, not an overly nosy juvenile. Still, not getting the answers disappointed me.

"Nevermind," I immediately followed, smiling apologetically before Endelyon had a chance to respond. "I admit I've crossed a line."

"No, no, it's not your fault, Divine One! It's just, well, this can get me into so much trouble with the Overladies…but I promise! I'll try to tell you everything I can! Someday…"

"I apologize, please worry not. I'm far more interested in…" I searched for a change of subject. "…In this war in general, actually. May we converse on that, instead?"

Endelyon eagerly perked up. "Sure! To start off, there's two general kinds of soldiers you'll see – mages and breakers!"

"Berserkers," Haqua corrected.

"Oh – right! Mages and berserkers. But anyways, while New Hell Society likes flexible fighters, the Nox's army likes to specialize with lots and lots of focus on power! That's why you have the breakers – um, berserkers – who's the front-line fighters with lots of physical strength, and the mages at the back that has better magic firepower."

"The core ideal of Old Hell demons is absolute power," Haqua murmured, "in one form or another, though rarely both. They also degrade any so-called artificial attempts to bolster power, like the pilfered human weapons New Hell uses. If you want to get higher in Old Hell's hierarchy, it has to be through your own hands."

"But can we use that knowledge?" Endelyon asked, apparently forgetting she was the one explaining.

"Not completely. Demon skin for the stronger demons is usually tough against regular blades and resists against weaker magic, though it's certainly better than trying to wrestle them to submission. The real problem is the mages, because they have defensive runes to circumvent everything. For the first minute that an average Old Hell mage goes all-out, she's essentially invincible to anyone without power levels of a dragon. That's why New Hell prefers a battle of attrition, after the mages depletes most of their energy, and then they can get to the berserkers after that, if they're not already neutralized."

"And because of that, New Hell Society's army is focused on being flexible and surviving, right?"

"Exactly! That's the reason New Hell had better hybrid fighters to begin with, on top of using human weapons to keep themselves in less danger." Haqua gloomily added, "Of course, that's also the reason why weapons were breaking and demons were dying at a disturbing pace. New Hell did – er, does – a good job, but endurance runs while having less of a population wasn't exactly a good idea. Of course, those magical weapons you got from the goddess should help, right?"

Endelyon grinned and, with a sudden flashing of lines along her cloak, materialized a daisy-coloured cooking pan.

I raised an eyebrow. "That was from Mars?" It was true I remembered seeing those same lines and the weapons before, right after Mars rained down her scarf, but I hadn't made the connection until now.

"Yes! It's pretty cool, having a magical item for me only!" Endelyon clapped her hand and the flat of the pan together excitedly. "You should get one, too, Divine One! I can talk to Mars about it, maybe, and it's going to be really useful!"

"Er…" "Useful" implied I would participate in actual, physical combat, which had no chance in hell of happen – well, there goes that expression. Despite this, I decided to humour her. "I much appreciate the gesture. It'll surely be easier to survive with a weapon."

Endelyon beamed. "Yes, let's! Ehehe, this'll make me your commanding officer, right, Divine One?"

And that comment made me do a complete mental one-eighty, resting at "alarmed". "Now, hold on –"

"So now I have to teach you everything about New Hell doctines!" she proudly exclaimed, apparently no longer listening. "Pay attention, young Private Divine One!"

If this had been Elsie conversing, now would've been the time for me to confiscate her broom and sweep her and her buggy talk under the rag, where she belonged. Unfortunately, I was instead speaking with an important target, whose would probably take several weeks of work to regain any self-confidence from the weakest of verbal blows. I reluctantly listened on, hoping that she'll say something vaguely of importance to make up for the following brain drain.

"First! Always remain in formation! Nothing matters more than preserving our own numbers, so stepping out of place can get you one of the biggest punishments we have in the books!"

I felt inclined to point out there was likely no place for a boy in a female army, and just barely refrained from saying so. It was, however, consistent in the claim that New Hell's membership was lower than the Nox dictatorship's.

It also suddenly made me wonder who came up with the term, "Nox dictatorship". For some reason it sounded a tad…cheesy?

"Second! Better to kill rather than capture opposing soldiers! No food for the enemy!"

Before I could comment on the suddenly dark doctrine, Haqua cut in. "Old Hell demons are going to end up worse than dead, anyways," she said with a smile and breaking about fifty rules concerned with interaction with the past, starting with "DON'T GIVE INFORMATION!" "Killing them is a mercy, considering the pitiful states they're reduced to after the goddesses are through with them."

She was a New Hell demon, so some bias against the Old Hell was to be expected. Still, her tone and the glint in her eyes suddenly had me wondering if three hundred years could package together immature and ruthless into one mind.

"Third, never remove your robes! Wear the symbols of rationality with pride!"

This, I had to interrupt. "Erm, Ellie, can you tell me why cloaks are supposed to be equivalent to rationality?"

Haqua was the one who answered. "Where Old Hell patronizes pride in power, New Hell takes glory in intellect. It doesn't take a newborn to point out that concealing one's runes before the opponent returns ten counterspells would be the obvious things to do, but it did take about five millennia to oppose the older demons arrogant in their standing and the younger demons assimilated into Hell's culture. It still didn't work out well, considering that that conflict led to this war anyways, but at the very least we're on the side that's not freezing to death."

Endelyon began clapping. "That's a smart summary, Haqua!"

"You're supposed to be saying all this!" Haqua responded, though her face had an almost content smirk.

I didn't like it. She was getting far closer to Endelyon than I was. "Moving on…?"

"Oh, right! Fourth, listen for the horns!"

That made less sense than the last one. "Horns?"

"Feeling lost, Keima?" Haqua's smirk turned more triumphant. "In demon lore, a horn always sounds before the black sky turns blue. So, quite obviously –"

"The metaphor to heaven," I said, catching on quickly. "In other words, the goddesses. If New Hell really had been waiting for divine intervention, they would have to be careful not to miss the little warning they would get."

The younger demon's now turned annoyed. "Don't interrupt me!" she snapped, and then begrudgingly continued, "Yes, that should be right. It would be important not to confuse the horns with anything else, so that's probably also the reason New Hell army's signals mimics the sound of bells."

And just then, a deep ring echoed through the field. Another ring followed it, than a third one.

"Just like that?" I asked her.

"Er, yes…" she responded, though suddenly she was unsure. She turned to Endelyon. "Wasn't that –"

"The call for retreat!" Endelyon completed. "Probably because Queen Nox, or whoever's in charge of the main army right now, finally found our little camp and is making their way here!"

Four immediately shocked faces were followed by a stunned silence.

"Isn't that…kind of…bad?" Kanon finally asked, her voice betraying a slight edge of fear.

Endelyon smiled confidently.

And that was the first difference I've seen between Endelyon and Elsie during this entire conversation. They were both quite simple, but Endelyon's look of confidence…it was far less naïve.

"Shall we go?" she ventured, stacking together the plates and utensils with a cool clink.

Tidbit: Just finished reading Artemis Fowl: The Last Guardian. I'm almost surprised at the parallels I seem to find between it and this fic. Though I did kinda model this Keima after Artemis, a little. Still, no way in heck am I able to bring out a more brilliant conclusion than Artemis.