A/N: thx everyone for the awesome reviews... again! keep it up! also, it seems like everyone is confused on what exactly edward is... if you're confused. good! i'll explain everything later in the story... R&R!

CHAPTER 6

I was always looking outside myself

For strength and confidence

But it comes form within.

It is there all the time.

Anna Freud

(1895-1982)

"Edward? Is that you?" Esme called from the living room.

"Yes, Esme. What is it?" Edward called back, adding a tiny roll of his eyes to his words. Who else would it be?

"Bella was looking for you earlier on. She said she was in your room." she called back even though the calling was not necessary. Edward thanked her and made his way swiftly up the stairs, knowing he had to get to work as soon as possible if he wanted to rest.

He opened the door to their room and walked quietly in. Bella was lying on the bed, a forearm covering her eyes.

"Bella?" he whispered, sitting on the edge of the bed and stroking her arm, "What's the matter?"

"Migraine!" she moaned, rolling over and hiding her head under her cushion. Edward chuckled softly and lay on the other side of her, wrapping his strong arms around her weak body. She involuntarily snuggled into his arms and moaned again. Edward lay one hand lightly on her forehead and she sighed against the coolness of his fingers. The room was dark now, the only trace of light was the small one coming from Edward's mobile phone charger.

"What did you need to talk to me for?" he whispered. Bella shook her head and muttered something like 'can't remember'.

Edward traced the shape of her lips with the tip of his forefinger, remembering all those times he had difficulty fighting her off. He cupped her chin with one of his hands and gently pried her arm off with the other, so Bella could see the almost predatory look in his eyes.

The tip of his nose skimmed her jaw and their lips were only inches form each other; Edward could smell Bella's sweet scent and the temptation nearly knocked him over the edge. Bella arched her back and pulled him close, pressing her lips against his.

Edward pulled her leg and hitched it round his lip as Bella wrapped her arms tightly around him, any traces of a previous migraine now gone.

Edward's hand lay possessively on the bare skin of Bella's shoulder, pulling her closer to him as their lips moved against each other.

In those few moments as they kissed, Bella hadn't known why she had waited so long. Of course, she had thought before that kissing him would on be repulsive and dishonourable to her conscience, but when Edward's arms welcomed her so warmly she couldn't struggle with her mind too long and decided to melt into his embrace. Re-experiencing the touch of his cold skin on her body, his body pressed graspingly against her hot body… she had never thought that she would feel this protected in the arms of a man that had once killed her inside.

Right now, though, she was only thinking of the present…

FLASHBACK:

I looked at Edward expectantly. He didn't really think I could do this on my own, could he? Someone as generous and as sweet as he is? We were sitting at opposite ends of the table reigning my kitchen, and his fingers were shaking slightly.

"Edward, you don't have to answer now, you can think about it if it makes everything easier for you…" I trailed off and stood up, turning away from his silent form. The news weren't that shocking. He must have guessed what was going on…

"It's not that, Bella… it just took me by surprise, that's all…" he still didn't give me an answer, much less look at me straight in the eye.

"how else am I going to handle it, huh? It's not like your damn silent treatment is giving me any clues!" finally, he looked at me and his eyes were so pained that I wanted to climb into his lap and comfort me, soothe him with words that didn't actually make any sense.

"I didn't mean it to happen…" he was silent for a long time, and when I looked round, he was gone…

RETURN TO PRESENT:

As soon as the flashback cleared from Bella's mind, she jumped away from Edward, wrapping her arms around her torso like she had done those past years when he had… abandoned her in such a cruel way.

"What's wrong, Bella?" Edward's voice was husky but Bella shook her head, inching away from the extended hand reaching towards her.

Edward growled angrily and stood up, glaring at her form the other side of the room.

"I really don't know what the hell is wrong with you! First you kiss me like I am the only thing on the planet whom you feel innocuous with, and next you act like I disgust you and that everything that has ever gone on between us was a faux pas!" he snarled.

Bella could only stare at him in shock and disbelief.

"Oh, and it's like you don't deserve it, is it? What have you done until now, eh? You've been throwing me back and forth for the past two years like a fricking yo-yo! And you know what? This year, my string has snapped and I am just as intent into ruining your life like you were in ruining mine!" she half shouted. The bed sheets were all twisted and tangled up from their previous make out session. Bella tugged angrily at one of the sheets and buried herself into its welcoming form.

Edward gave a cold chuckle without humour.

"You know, Bella, you have to stop hiding from the truth. My job right now is to protect you, and frankly, I have no idea why I even bother."

Bella didn't say anything and it wasn't long before she heard the door click shut behind Edward.

Edward sat in the basement, sorting through lost Guardian's files and clues that might lead to one of the Jackson lairs. He was stretched out among open cardboard boxes and scattered files, chewing the end of a pen as he concentrated on the origin of one of his confederates.

Abramowich Deztonski… the "ski" was Polish but the "ich" was Czechoslovakian… could he be half and half?

"He's Russian." Edward jumped when he heard the voice.

"How do you grasp these things?" Edward asked, relieved as the figure approached his lying form.

"It's all in the mind, Edward. All you have to do is think: what sounds Polish with a hint of Czechoslovakian? You have to remember that Russia, Poland and Czech were all part of the Soviet Union in the second world war." Alice sat down on one of the upturned boxes containing all the information and smiled down at Edward.

"er, slight error there, Alice. The Czechoslovakia used to be Slovenia and Czech Republic together, and in the Soviet Union Poland had absolutely nothing to do with that…I wish I could remember so much more than that. Even if I was changed in 1901, I still think that I missed a whole chunk of history that could be useful for the Guardians."

"You were changed under the validity of the Spanish Influenza, it's just normal that you might have missed some things out." Alice smiled encouragingly, not knowing she was messing up her own words.

"Alice, the first world war started in 1914 and ended in 1918... What exactly has that got to do with the Spanish Influenza that had occurred thirteen years earlier?"

Alice sighed gustily, "Oh! You know I'm no good at these things! Dates, Unions, alliances… that's what jasper is good at, but me? I'm little old Alice who loves shopping and can tell a Gucci bag from a Dolce&Gabbana one from miles away!" she huffed and crossed her arms, looking away.

Edward laughed quietly and patted Alice's knee lovingly, "And thanks to you, at least all of us now have a respectable dressing style… if it wasn't for you then we'd all be fashion backwards."

"You should get some rest, Edward. You haven't been feeding as often as you usually did before Bella came back… is that why you're working down here?" she asked, catching Edward's detached look.

Looking down, away from Alice's penetrating gaze, he signed another file and boxed it, while answering the question with a bored tone, "I'm just sick and tired of her playing with my head."

"Playing with your head?" Alice looked perturbed at the idea, "What - exactly - do you mean? she's suffering over you… still. I wonder what she is doing to hide this?"

"Exactly? Upstairs, we kissed, and it was just amazing I couldn't believe it. One minute she's all ardour, then suddenly she changes and wham! It's all snapping and hissing fights… I'm just sick of it. I told her to stop hiding from the truth and then I said I didn't know why I was even bothering protecting her when she was so shrewish about it." Edward kept signing and completing his work whilst talking to Alice, and for once, he didn't want to see the look on Alice's face when he finished.

It was silent in the basement except for the scratching of the pen on one of the files.

Edward dared look up and saw Alice staring at him with something like mild shock.

"You told her you had no idea why you were bothering? Why would you do something like that?" Edward opened his mouth to reply but Alice cut him off, her words spilling quickly for her mouth, not understandable to human ears.

"Actually, forget it, I don't want to know. Edward, this Guardian thing has changed you so much. You have no idea how much she is hurting."

"Alice-"

"Don't talk to me, please Edward." she regarded him for a minute before leaving, her spiky black hair shining in the dim light.

Why is it that people always abscond when the events get too tough to handle? he thought sourly to himself before realising that he was one of those people, the people who left when the events got too tough to handle.

The shock he felt was so non-depict that it felt like a cold knife was being pressed to his back.

But when he shifted, he realised that there really was a cold knife pressed to his back.