Psychoticbunny: Hi there! Jesse McCartney and I are back!
Jesse McCartney: Hey, my name's Roxas! Roxas!
Psychoticbunny: Sure, whatever.
Jesse McCartney: So stop calling me Jesse McCartney when I speak!
Psychoticbunny: Fine.
Namine: Thank you. Hey, don't call me Namine either!
Psychoticbunny: And now for review replies while I dodge the random objects Roxas is now throwing at me.
Cherry- Thanks. Namine, I mean Roxas, appreciates your pity. Because I don't pity or take mercy on him at all. Because I'm evil. MUAHAHAHA!
Namine: I don't even want to think of what my name would be if she owned me!
Warnings: There's finally shounen-ai in this chapter! And some curses. I think that's basically it.
---
It turned out my arm was broken. I could remember being in a hospital and the unfamiliar voices of doctors and nurses, but it was all very blurry. It was as if I was watching my life instead of living it. I couldn't tell seconds from minutes, minutes from hours, hours from days.
Axel would come over often. Sometimes Larxene would join him and even Zexion made an appearance a couple of times.
Axel would talk to me. I never responded, but he kept on trying. I wondered why he would always make an attempt.
I wanted to give up. I knew how easy it would be to just stop doing everything and shut down completely, but seeing how hard he tried made it difficult.
Axel made it difficult to do a lot of things. When he was around, it was difficult to frown or act emotionless. When he would come over, I would curl up into a ball and face away from him, hiding the content look on my face. Sometimes I would feel his gentle hand stroking my head and raking through my tangled hair.
Those were my favorite days, just relaxing while listening to the low hum of Axel's voice. However, when he left, it was like a part of me left with him. My eyes would lose their cheerful twinkle; my face would slip back into its cold, emotionless mask.
Seifer wasn't doing well either. He didn't tease anyone anymore. He just sat around and stared at his shoes. If anyone approached him, he would snap at him or her until they thoroughly regretted it.
He was one of the four people at Hayner's funeral. I was there too, along with a man and a woman. I later found out that they were Hayner's parents. Seifer had told me several days after.
'Yo Roxas!' called Seifer as I was walking home from school.
I stood still for a moment as he caught up with me.
'Before I say anything, I just want you to know that I'm not telling you this because I like you, okay? I'm telling you this because Hayner would want you to know,' he told me. 'Well, Hayner and I have been dating ever since my Halloween party. Those two people at the funeral were his parents. They decided to accept him and we were going to hit two birds with one stone. We'd tell you and his parents. We weren't really planning on… this happening.'
He looked at his feet. I took this time to take in his disheveled appearance. The skin around his eyes was dark and his eyes themselves had a red tint in them. His usually perfect hair was sticking out everywhere. His tie was crooked and his clothes were wrinkled and covered in dirt.
I wanted to say something meaningful or comforting. I really wanted to.
Instead, I turned and continued walking.
Namine's funeral had even less people. I was only person who attended. Her parents were nowhere to be found. I was so furious at them for not coming to Namine's funeral, I stormed around the town for hours only to realize I had no idea where she lived. I had turned and punched the wall next to me until my fists started bleeding and I took another trip to the hospital.
Axel's visits started to confuse me. They were pleasant and unpleasant at the same time. I like his presence and the one-sided conversations we had, but whenever he was around, there was and odd tingling sensation in my stomach. When he would lean towards me, my face would heat up and my heart began to speed up. There was some emotion forming, but I wasn't sure what it was.
I still would never talk back to him. If I did, I was sure I would start talking about Hayner and Namine and doing that would be like confirming their death. So I kept my mouth shut. I looked the opposite direction of his face. I avoided his breath-taking emerald eyes.
But you can only run away from your problems for so long.
---
It was a normal day of school. I wasn't really sure what happened in the first five periods; I didn't pay attention anymore. In sixth period, science, we did a lab. I didn't actually know what we were doing it on, but my partner would spit out some orders and I would follow them like a brainless puppet.
My partner was leaning over a beaker, but she was leaning a bit too far. It fell to the ground with a crash, sounding like a gunshot.
It was like I was back in Namine's room again. Her body was falling to the ground all over again. The pain in her eyes seemed to flow into my heart.
The outside world had disappeared completely. I didn't know what was happening or what to do. So I did the only thing I could do. I screamed. I screamed so much my throat hurt. I screamed until I thought that my throat would start bleeding. I screamed back into the real world.
There were anxious voices around me. I could feel something hard and cold underneath me. I dimly recognized that I was on the floor.
"… knocked over beaker… fell down… just started screaming…" said a panicked voice. My teacher.
"… small bump… only unconscious… probably fine…" said another one. The nurse?
"… accidentally and… didn't know what happened… called for help…" I could easily recognize the loud, bossy voice of my partner.
I forced my eyes open. My teacher, my partner, and another woman were standing next to me and talking. Further away, a crowd of teenagers were muttering amongst themselves.
The nurse noticed that I had regained consciousness and ran over to help me get up.
"Are you okay sweetie? What happened?" she asked kindly. I felt like I was four again.
"Yeah, I'm fine," I grunted.
"Is anything wrong?" she said.
"No," I replied.
"Are you sure? Why were you screaming?" she questioned.
"Yeah, I'm sure," I said.
"Good, but why were you screaming?" she asked again.
I racked my brain for an excuse.
"I don't like loud noises," I lied.
She gave me an uncertain look, but didn't continue to interrogate me, realizing she wouldn't get an answer out of me.
"Come with me," she finally said. "I'll get you to the infirmary."
"I'm fine. I don't need to go," I said.
"But still, it really would be best if you would just-"
"I'm fine," I repeated firmly.
She began to protest, but I didn't give in. She eventually gave up and left me alone.
---
That night, I laid in my bed, staring at the ceiling. I couldn't fall asleep. The scene of Hayner and Namine's death would replay in my head as soon as I closed my eyes.
---
Axel's visits became less frequent. Was he giving up on me? Not that I could blame him for it, but I still missed him. I couldn't tell him that, though. There was no way I could tell him that I suffered thorough every pain-staking slow day just to see if he would come over. I couldn't tell him he was the only thing that kept me from shutting down completely.
Then, he wouldn't come. His visits stopped.
For the first couple of days, I didn't do anything, convincing myself that he was just too busy at the moment and he would come the next day. But he didn't and I had to face the truth: He wasn't coming back.
So I went to pay him a visit for once.
Zexion answered the door.
"Axel isn't home right now," he said as if he had read my mind. "You can wait in his room if you want."
I accepted the offer and he led me to the room. It was black, with a black bed in the corner and a desk with many papers littering it. A dim light bulb on the ceiling was the only source of light in the room, due to the absence of windows. The room smelled of cigarettes.
I walked over to the bed and sat down on the edge. Zexion left me after a couple of minutes.
I spent several minutes just sitting on the bed and tapping my fingers on the side before getting up and pacing back and forth in the cramped room. I walked over to the messy desk and began flipping through the papers. I knew it was a bit nosy, but I was bored out of my mind.
There were only a bunch of blank adoption papers. I opened a drawer on the right side. It contained a small black book. Hearing footsteps, I quickly shoved the book into my jacket pocket and closed the drawer as Axel entered the room.
"Roxas?" he said as if he wasn't sure whether or not I was actually there.
"You haven't come over to my house in a while," I stated and added a "and I was worried" in my head.
"I thought you didn't want me there," he explained.
"Sorry," I apologized.
"That's fine," he said, "I'd love to spend some time with you, but unfortunately I've some…" he hesitated, "… things to do."
I nodded to my feet.
Sensing my disappointment, he added, " As soon as I get some free time I'll visit you, okay?"
I nodded again, this time looking at his face. He looked nervous and was fidgeting every now and then.
I walked out of the room and managed to find my way through the winding hallways of the building. It was an uneventful walk. I passed a tall, tan man with waist-long silver hair on my way out.
My walk to my house seemed longer than usual without Hayner accompanying me.
I sighed and inserted my hands in my pockets to find something there.
"Axel's book," I muttered to myself as I pulled it out.
I stared at it for a moment, thinking about how much my conscience would annoy me if I peeked at the pages.
I was so occupied with the decision, I slammed my face into a tree. Taking as a sign to not read the book, I slid it back into my pocket and settled on looking at it later.
---
I stared at the cover of the book. I had placed the small object on my pillow.
Before opening it, I checked around for any trees and then lifted the cover of the book. The words, "Axel's Journal" was written in black ink neatly.
"I shouldn't do this," I murmured while turning the page. God might have made me rot in hell for going through Axel's journal, but I couldn't care less at the time.
I flipped to the first entry. It was dated January 10th, 1999. That meant that when Axel wrote this he was… I realized I didn't actually know Axel's age. I made a mental note to ask him later and then turned my attention back to the paper.
Dear Journal,
Here I am, at an orphanage. If you ask me, I prefer the streets. This place creeps me out. The man that brought me here is pretty creepy too. I don't know his name; I'm too afraid to ask. Apparently, everyone else is too because whenever I brought him into the conversation they referred to him as Him and He. Sometimes I with that fire didn't exist. None of this would be happening if I didn't love fire so much.
I don't even know why I'm writing in you! It won't do anything! It won't help! It won't take back what I've done!
Screw you,
Axel
The page was burnt in several places. Love fire? I turned the page, intrigued.
The next page was dated February 3rd, 1999.
Dear Journal,
I honestly can't believe I'm writing in you again. I guess it's kind of like I'm taking my anger out on writing. People say you should do that, right? Like if you're angry with someone, you can write a letter to him or her filled with all your anger and hate and then throw it out or something, right? Whatever. I want something other than some crappy book to be able to reveal my feelings to, but I guess a book will have to do for now.
Oh great! Now I've used up all of my free time!
This book is a complete waste of time,
Axel
I turned to the next page. February 10th, 1999.
Dear Journal,
I miss my house and my family, but I miss my ally even more. I mean the ally I used to live before I was taken to this "orphanage." It's more like a hellhole if you ask me. I know I should miss my family more, but I haven't seen them in so long. I loved my ally though. Yeah, I sound really weird.
I finally decided to ask what His name is. I'm going to do it with this other guy, Zexion. He a complete and total ass, but he's the only one who will do it with me. He'll help me while I'm working sometimes if he has nothing better to do. I haven't said what I do for work yet, have I? Well, it isn't really that bad, but it's so boring and I wish
There was no writing after that, but the last sentence was a messy scrawl. I assumed he had to go somewhere when he was writing the letter.
I glanced toward my clock. It was midnight. I closed the book and set it down on my desk.
Laying on my bed, I couldn't fall asleep. I was itching to run over to the orphanage and ask Axel all of the questions bouncing around in my head, but if he did ask, Axel would have known I had stolen the book.
I rolled over on my side and sighed. At least I had learned a lesson that day: Always listen to the trees.
---
Axel, staying true to his promise, came over the next day.
It was a mostly silent visit. I was afraid of slipping and asking Axel a question about his journal and Axel looked like he had other things on his mind. We stayed like that for a while until Axel stared to sing in a deep voice.
"You are my sweetest downfall. I loved you first, I loved you first. Beneath the sheets of paper lies my truth. I have to go, I have to go. Your hair was long, when we first met."
It reminded me of how Namine used to sing. I forced back some tears that were threatening to fall.
"Samson went back to bed. Not much hair left on his head. He ate a slice of wonder bread and went right back to bed. And history books forgot about us and the bible didn't mention us, not even once."
Namine wasn't remembered either. She was alone from the start and stayed that way to the very end.
"You are my sweetest downfall. I loved you first, I loved you first. Beneath the stars came falling on our heads. But they're just old light, they're just old light. Your hair was long, when we first met."
All of my memories of Namine were flooding into my head. Along with them came my memories of Hayner.
"Samson came to my bed. Told me that my hair was red. Told me I was beautiful and came into my bed. Oh I cut his hair myself one night. A pair of dull scissors in the yellow light. And he told me that I'd done all right and kissed me 'til the mornin' light, the morning light. And he kissed me 'til the mornin' light."
Tears were dripping out of my eyes. I turned away from Axel to hide them.
"Samson went back to bed. Not much hair left on his head. Ate a slice of wonder bread
and went right back to bed. Oh, we couldn't bring the columns down. Yeah, we couldn't destroy a single one. And history books forgot about us. And the bible didn't mention us, not even once."
I bit my lip, trying to stop the rivers flowing from my eyes as Axel sang the last two lines.
"You are my sweetest downfall. I loved you first."
Axel finally noticed that I was crying.
"Roxas, are you okay?" he asked.
Before I knew it, I was sobbing into Axel's chest. He stroked my head soothingly and whispered calming words to me.
After a while, I calmed down. Exaughsted from crying for so long, I rested my head on Axel's shoulder and slept peacefully for the first time in ages.
---
I awoke to soft snores from the right side of my head. I turned my head to face the source of the noise.
Axel looked tranquil and beautiful as he slumbered. His lips were parted slightly. They look so delicate and soft… it made me wasn't to feel them.
I felt myself leaning in towards him until I was only millimeters from those wonderful lips. My heart began to speed up as I inched closer and closer to Axel's face. The room got warmer as I closed in. It was soon unbearably hot. I was so close to claiming those lips…
Ring!
The phone brought me back into reality. I glanced once more at Axel's inviting lips before reluctantly climbing off him and answering the phone.
"Hello?" I said.
"Honey? This is Mom. I'm just calling to say that Sora has gotten a bit better, but he needs somewhere to stay. His parents are too busy to take care of him so we're going to instead. We'll be there around noon tomorrow. Bye!"
---
Psychoticbunny: Oh yeah! I'm evil! They were soooooo close to kissing, but I didn't let them!
Namine: You do not know how much self-restraint I am using to prevent myself from killing you right now. First you won't use my real name and now you're not even letting me kiss my Axel!
Psychoticbunny: Haha! Now, if you want to know the name of the song and the writer/singer, you have to ask for it in your review. And yes, this is a stupid way to get more reviews. - Also, this story takes place in 2005. I'm sorry about the slow update, but I was busy on the weekend. Anyway, I thought of an outtake for the last chappy.
Zexion: Put the gun down or else!
Namine: No! No!
Zexion: 'shoots gun and little sign comes out saying BOOM!'
Everyone: 'sweatdrop'
Zexion: Damn that bunny!