Part VI: obsessing over broken hearts
That night, Lizzie propped Priscilla on the pillow next to hers, but Priscilla only wanted to crawl up on Lizzie's pillow and look at her in the eyes. Priscilla's eyes were round and black, like marbles and they were staring right. at. her. It was nerve-wracking! Lizzie stroked Priscilla behind the ears until she fell asleep and only then could Lizzie herself fall asleep. Like all her nights before this, Lizzie found herself in another intimate dream scape. This time they were sitting on bright white sanded beach over looking a sea. It was hot there and Priscilla was dressed for the occasion in a scandalously short (Lizzie could see most of her thighs, goodness!) red silk dress with a large, floppy hat.
"Why didn't you tell me you were a beast with a sword like that?" Priscilla asked.
"Because I am ashamed of it," Lizzie admitted. She was ashamed of who she was. All her friend she kept it from. To Ciel, she had told him she quit her sword lessons years ago, but instead she had quit schooling in order to practice swordsman ship all day, every day. He wanted a beautiful english rose, and Elizabeth was an amazon; and the amazons were never mentioned for their beauty.
"Wait, you beat the hell out of that guy in less than thirty seconds and you're ashamed? Baby doll, the only one who should be ashamed here is that obnoxious dandy boy."
"Ciel would hate me if he knew that I hurt someone. He doesn't like a strong woman. He likes frilly things and lace, and wearing heels. If he knew that I competed, he'd probably say that my hands were too manly to wear a wedding ring."
"Then take your manly hand and clock him," Priscilla said in a brusque manner. She made a punching motion with her hands to drive the point home.
"But I love him!"
"He's an asshole and an idiot if he doesn't realize what a great girl you are!"
"But I love him!"
"Then you're stupid for loving him!" Priscilla said.
"I didn't mean to call you stupid, kitty, I just meant that it is stupid to love someone who can't appreciate you. Look at you. You were the most beautiful girl in the place and you were the strongest there. Why can't that be enough for him? What man could possibly look at a woman who has skills and beauty and decide that he isn't interested?"
"Ciel."
"Then he's not a man, he's a tasteless little fairy."
"That doesn't make me love him less," Lizzie cried. She had her head in her hands and she bawled out like a baby, despite her previous strength, this was a true display of pathetic emotional vulnerability. Priscilla had no idea how to console her at all.
"Well it should."
"I don't want to talk about this, Priscilla."
"And why not?" Priscilla pushed the issue further.
"Because I don't think you could understand how I feel. I'm human and you're not. I don't think you could ever understand how it feels to be in love with a man, and give him every part of you, only to know that it'll be never be enough for him. You don't know how I feel when I lie and act stupid to make him happy, only to know that if he saw what I did today, he'd just stay in Italy to avoid me forever. You'll never know what it feels like to abandon your personality just to make a man who will never truly love or appreciate you, just to keep him there." Lizzie choked out. With every gasp, her words became less and less coherent, but Priscilla knew what she was saying.
"When you're done picking up the pieces to your broken heart, you can listen to me." Priscilla said, walking away and leaving Lizzie behind to sit there and cry. She knew exactly how that felt. She was just as capable of respecting Lizzie's assumptions as she was capable of throwing a tantrum about them, and the second one wouldn't help her very much.