Lum Sum Purple
By Jim Robert Bader
(Inspired by the works of Rumiko Takahashi & Others)
Chapter Six.
"Come along, Ataru-chan," Shinobu urged, "Quit gawking at girls and hurry up! We're going to be late for class if you can't get your eyes off the traffic for another five minutes!"
"Hey, don't rush me!" Ataru insisted, "Girl-watching is an art. Besides, it's not like I'm doing anyone any harm by simply looking, right?"
Shinobu's hand tightened ominously upon the handle of her book bag as she glared at her sometime boyfriend (and all around class pervert), "I don't know why I bother to put up with you. You're rude, obnoxious, inconsiderate, lazy..."
"You forgot to add cute," Ataru smiled back at her with an appropriately boyish expression, only to get a taste of bookbag for his troubles.
"I DID NOT FORGET CUTE!" Shinobu rumbled ominously, "But CUTE is not the word that comes to mind when it comes to your lecherous, rude behavior, to say nothing of the way you chase after other girls without even once considering MY feelings!"
"That hurts, Shinobu-chan," Ataru said with obvious hurt in his expression (and not just caused by the rather painful impact of the bookbag), "I do so too care about your feelings...but why don't you try thinking about my feelings for once? After all, I am a Man, and a man has needs, and can any man refuse the call of his own nature?"
"So, are you saying that it's in your nature to be such a pervert?" Shinobu demanded.
"I wouldn't call it perversion to like women and to appreciate feminine beauty, would you?" Ataru reasoned, "So if I see a pretty girl and I have a reaction, am I to be blamed for this? How would you feel, Shinobu-chan, if the sight of a pretty girl like you never got me excited?"
Shinobu felt a wave of conflicting emotions, both annoyance and confusion, as she thought over his comment, even as she felt her cheeks begin to blush and she furiously glanced down in a vain attempt to conceal her mixture of irritation and arousal.
"So when I look at, say, Sakura, Ryoko, Ryunosuke or even you it is not because I am slighting anyone," Ataru waved his arms grandly and beamed proudly, "I love you all in different ways, but I like you best because you're the one who best understands me."
Despite herself Shinobu found herself glancing up and asking shyly, "You mean that? You...really like me best?"
Ataru laid a hand to her shoulder and said, "Shinobu-chan, we've known each other for years, ever since we were children, and we've been together through so much, so...of course I like you best. You're the cutest girl in our class, and with all the other hot babes around Tomobiki that's saying a lot, eh?"
Shinobu colored again, glancing down to hide how flattered she was, and how his words reminded her that they had been through a lot together, and the reason she liked Ataru was because she understood him so very well...
"...And so that's why I've got to be me," Ataru continued, "I've got to grab all the gusto I can while the blush of youth is upon me, because there's more than time enough later to worry about settling down in relationships and all that other adult nonsense..."
...Which was partially the problem, and the prime reason why Shinobu felt compelled to deck him for that ludicrous statement.
BWAM!
"Baka!" she snarled as she towered over his prone form, "Grabbing women's fannies and chests is the reason you were on suspension for a week, and why Sakura-Sensei had a restraining order slapped on you. Keep this up and you won't have any youth to speak of, especially if Mendou carries out his threat to take your fool head! Think about that the next time you try to put the moves on his sister!"
Ataru just lay there hearing the chirruping of birds around his head, but by the time he recovered his bearings, Shinobu had long since stomped off in the general direction of Tomobiki.
"Shinobu-san?" Ataru asked as he felt his jaw to make certain it was still attached. When he was certain that she was really gone he sighed and got back to his feet, then smiled and said, "She really likes me. Maybe one of these days she'll understand why I need my freedom."
He smiled as he hefted his bookbag over one shoulder, heading off to Tomobiki while thinking of all the pretty ladies he had yet to sample and musing to himself that life was good, even if of late it was starting to feel a little...predictable, if not quite boring. There was a certain sameness to his days that he had become aware of very much of late, as though something vital were missing, some element of the exotic and unusual that he intuitively sensed should somehow be present. As yet he had not been able to identify just what it could be that was missing...unless it was the absence of success in his efforts to get farther than a fondle with any of his current amorata.
Having girls to chase and admire from a distance was fun, but-aside from Shinobu-none of the women he desired would have anything to do with him. Even his own mother disdained showinng him the kind of serious affection that he really coveted deep down. There was no one who seriously desired him for himself, apart from Shinobu, and they rarely went anywhere beyond a few miles radius of Tokyo. In short his life was becoming a bit too predictable, and even having foils like Shutaru Mendou hardly made up for the lack of novelty and excitement.
He mentally shrugged and decided to stop thinking about the whole subject. After all, adventures sounded like a lot of fun when they happened to someone else, but to actually live through them took a degree of masochism that Ataru happily lacked. Whatever he was missing in his life, he could probably do without it. Life was good enough so long as he had cuties to ogle, and Shinobu was good company, even if she seriously had to work a bit on controlling that temper...
Little did he realize but a pair of eyes were taking him in from the concealment of a nearby bush, and then a wheezy voice chortled with glee, "Heehee...that boy does have some potential." Wonder if it's too late to take on a new apprentice, one who was bound to be more appreciative of the arts Happosai had to teach. Unlike his current ingrate of an apprentice, who had given him the literal boot on account of his merely wanting to spend some time showing the new ladies his appreciation...
Ataru wondered why he felt a shudder go down his spine at that moment, but quickly dismissed the thought as needless superstition. If wanted something like that, he would have consulted with Sakura's Uncle Cherry, and besides, he wanted to catch up with Shinobu to see if she was still sore about their latest "misunderstanding."
Little did he realize but his unvoiced quest for adventure and excitement was about to be realized, and well beyond his most terrified imagination...
Akane stood there panting, wrath plain upon her features as she contemplated the new hole that she had just put into the dojo ceiling, her eyes still focused on where a dwindling form had been one moment before she had kicked him into low earth orbit.
"That...that...PERVERT!" she exclaimed as though it were her ultimate put-down, "The nerve of him, and in front of guests no less..."
Ranma stared at where the object of Akane's wrath had been one moment before then said, "Man, what is it with that old freak anyway? If Lum's lightning didn't warn him off, and being squashed with a table hardly phases him..."
"Aiyaa," Shampoo agreed, having been the unexpected target of said now-absent pervert.
"He tries to do that again with Darling, he will answer to me!" Lum declared hotly, showing off her cute-girl fangs, which everyone else noticed were as sharp as her pointed ears and those equally cute little horns that were atop her head, all reminders (as though her greenish hair was not a definite giveaway) of her alien pedigree, to say nothing of her claims to be a Princess of the Oni.
"Don't know how to tell you this, guys," Nabiki volunteered, "But that old guy puts the moves on just about anything female, especially if you're cute and bodacious. Kasumi and me have pretty much learned how to fend him off, but it's poor Akane who got saddled with the burden of putting up with him 24/7."
"Is this true, Tendo-kun?" Genma asked of his old sparring partner.
"Um...well, yes...in a manner of speaking..." Soun nervously confessed while rubbing the back of his head.
"Dad," Akane turned her annoyance towards her father, "Why don't you tell your old friend how you stuck me with the old Hentai because you were too gutless to tell him to take a hike, and I still can't believe that you'd sacrifice your own daughter like that! Have you got any idea what people say about me behind my back in school? And all because of your stupid ideas about my training!"
"Training?" Ranma asked, "What kind of training could you get with a dried up old fossil like that anyway? How to cop a feel around women?"
Akane's cheeks flushed a furious shade of pink as she glared at him and said, "It's none of your business! And for your information I am not a Hentai, even if I train under one..."
"This one does not understand," Shampoo spoke up, "Why train under Elder if you no respect him?"
"It wasn't by choice, believe me," Akane calmed a bit down with some effort, "About a month ago, when he showed up around our place, Dad went into his groveling mode and prostrated himself in front of the guy...something about burying him in a cave that was sealed off with dynamite and prayer strips that's supposed to have trapped him there for about ten years..."
"Ah..." Genma exchanged nervous looks with Soun, and the two of them began profusely sweating.
"Ten years?" Ranma blinked, "How could he survive like that? If he was trapped in a cave without food, air and water..."
"There are ways of doing so, Husband," Lum helpfully suggested, "Some life forms can put themselves into a state of hibernation, or they wrap themselves up in a cocoon to preserve their life essence until such time when you can free them..."
"Yeah, but Gramps isn't an alien," Nabiki pointed out, "He's human...at least, we think he is..."
"Oh my," Kasumi remarked, "Can you imagine what he must have felt like being trapped in a cave without food, light, air or water for all those years? Small wonder Grandfather seems so starved for affection..."
"Oh no, he was always like that...er," Genma stopped himself as he caught the looks that he was receiving from both his son and his two brides, to say nothing of the suspicious glare that he was getting from Akane.
"Well," the latter said, "Master Happosai said he was willing to overlook what you two had done to him...IF you agreed to resume your training under his guidance. Instead you begged off on that and told him to take me on as his new apprentice. At first he wouldn't agree to the deal, but then you practically offered me up as a sex slave if he'd agree to train me instead of you, Daddy," she put extra emphasis on the word to stress her level of annoyance on that issue.
"And is that why you have such a bit issue with what you call 'perversion?'" Lum inquired, "Because you have been forced to pay so much time with that...that Darling molester?"
"Actually," Nabiki spoke up once again, "Akane's always had a problem with the male half of the species, especially since Kuno Tatewaki started chasing after her and stirring up all that trouble among our classmates. Then Akane ate the Super Soba noodles prepared by Gramps and got the really buff strength she now uses and that only made things worse, not better. Now, in spite of being able to kick ass on the male half of Nerima, she finds herself with twice as many admirers as she had to start out with."
"This one no understand," Shampoo admitted.
Kasumi smiled pleasantly and gently said, "Don't you have admirers back in China, Xian-Pu? People who look up to you and want to spend time with you and get to know you better?"
"You know?" Nabiki smirked sardonically, "Fans and would-be suitors? Guys who drool in lust over you and wanted to nail you as their honey-pie?"
Shampoo only blinked in confusion for a few seconds before saying, "Aiyaa..."
"Oh yeah, she knows what that's like," Ranma sniffed.
"All three of us do," Lum admitted before her lovely features clouded over with intense emotion, "And some would-be pests who can't get a clue to save their lives are still pursuing us to this day."
"Is this back when you three were just starting out getting to know one another?" Kasumi asked.
"Actually, it started before I even showed up in the Nyanchiczu village," Ranma nodded, "Lum and Shampoo-chan could explain it a lot better than me."
"It all began like this," Lum explained, "Back when Darling and I were returned from our travels to the Musk dynasty, and after our encounter with Prince Herb that wound up in the both of us receiving our Jusenkyo curses..."
"It is your own fault, you know," Perfume remarked, "You set yourself up for this every time you say something to upset your Airen."
"Ow!" Shampoo winced, glancing over her shoulder, "Great Grandmother...!"
"None of your backtalk, child," Cologne said sternly as she continued to apply the healing salve to the inflamed portions of Shampoo's naked body, "You need to learn to restrain that tongue of yours if you want to avoid looking like a lobster before you turn twenty."
"But all I said was that I did not feel like riding on the back of my Airen's tiger-form when crossing that river," Shampoo complained before giving her elder a funny glance, "What is a lobster?"
"I am looking at one, child," Cologne said clinically, "Good thing for you your Airen did not intend you serious injury or you would be faced with far worse than a few first-degree burns, which by rights ought to be treated by your mother if she were not away midwifing in another village."
"It was not what you said that offended the Princess, Cousin," Perfume insisted, "It was the way you said it, as though you were afraid of her while she was in Battle Cat form."
"This one did not fear her Airen," Shampoo insisted, wincing slightly as more salve was applied to her bared bottom, "This one does not fear anyone or anything..."
"Is so?" Perfume asked skeptically, "Then why did this one hear you say you rather jump in lake than ride tiger upstream? Sound almost to this one like you afraid she get hungry while you crossing."
Shampoo winced this time from something more than her discomfort, but mostly as she dreaded the way her elder would respond to this information, and-sure enough-she could feel Cologne's hands stiffen slightly while in the process of soothing the ache of her great-grandddaughter's tired shoulders.
"Shampoo," Cologne said with deceptive calm, "I am disappointed in you. You know our ways, you know what the law demands of us when it comes to an honor marriage."
"This one knows," Shampoo inwardly cringed, "Is the law of all Amazons that we respect our Airen and only treat them with respect and affection."
"'What this one knows of her Airen one loves,'" Perfume quoted as verbatim, "'What this one does not know about her Airen she will learn to love.' Is the law that Perfume hope to one day respect when she has her own Airen."
"Precisely so," Cologne nodded with great solemnity, "Always respect your Airen, unless-of course-he or she is doing something so enormously foolish that, as a dutiful wife, you must take steps to correct his or her actions. That is what I have taught you both to know and understand, and it ought to be second nature for you to respect your bride and to do nothing that will upset her."
"Especially when she is Princess of all Oni," Perfume added, "And they have big sky ships that can rain fire down on village, which would be both annoying and inconvenient."
"So, do you see now why you must at least try to get along with the Princess Lum?" Cologne continued, "As Tribal Champion you have certain obligations to uphold, and as the senior marriage partner your status in the tribe makes you a figure of great importance, the moreso since your bride has equally important connections of her own. Moreover, the people of Beijing are watching us with unusual scrutiny since our actions will have a direct impact on their good standing with the Oni. So...given all of that, would it be too much to ask that you not upset your Airen by implying that you are afraid that she is going to one day eat you?"
Shampoo winced again, but this time more from the mental image that this conjured up for her...of just how large and powerful were the jaws of her Airen's cursed form. If only she did not keep remembering that Outsider poem that her father liked to recite on odd occasions, something about a tiger burning bright in the forest, or was it that other limerick about the lady riding on the back of selfsame tiger that had her feeling like a timid dear about to be turned into a prime course meal?
Even as she thought this a familiar voice spoke up, "There is no reason why you must do this, Grandmother. Let me tend to Darling as a proper wife should."
Shampoo stiffened, moving her eyes without turning her head in order to see the green-tressed alien beauty standing at the doorway to her elder's house and smiling back her way as though having quite forgotten that she was the one who had gotten Shampoo like this in the first place.
"But of course," Cologne said as she moved away from Shampoo's nude body, further alarming her purple-haired heiress, "It was never my intention to usurp your place as Airen. Here is the healing salve that needs applying to Shampoo's body. Feel free to be liberal when rubbing it in as my granddaughter can always brew more of it as needs be."
"I would be only too delighted, Grandmother," Lum said with enthusiasm as she levitated across the room and came to kneel next to the motionless Shampoo, smiling with great anticipation as she accepted the jar of salve from Cologne and seemed more than ready to use it in generous portions.
Perfume only stared crossly at her cousin as she saw Shampoo fight for self-
control in an effort to remain motionless as the Princess Lum went to work applying her salve-slick hands to the reddened portions of Shampoo's all-too-
vulnerable body, but after a few tense moments the purple haired girl began to relax, and then sighed with surprising relief as the Oni's fingers proved remarkably sensitive, and with unexpected skill Lum started to soothe the enflamed nerves that remained yet untreated over portions of her skin that Cologne had yet to tend to.
The brown haired Enforcer only glanced away after a few moments, appearing both envious and uncomfortable as Shampoo's sighs gradually turned to groans of appreciation. Cologne registered this with an amused-but-tolerant expression, then she began to hop away towards the door saying, "We will leave you two to settle things between yourselves, but Perfume will remain nearby should you have need of her assistance."
Perfume gave a startled look towards her elder and said, "Great grandmother?"
"Recent events have convinced me that the relationship between Shampoo and her Airen is of such importance that they will have need of your companionship for the immediate future," Cologne explained in matter-of-fact tones that in no way hinted of mischief, "Though Shampoo is unquestionably the Champion of our people, and her skills surpass that of nearly anyone else but your own among your generation of our warriors, and there is no denying that the Princess Lum is herself quite formidable, recent events concerning the Musk Prince make it plain that they are yet vulnerable to outside interference."
"Aiyaa?" Shampoo murmured softly, only half listening since the bulk of her concentration was centered in the way that Lum was applying the salve to her lower back and spine, with every indication that the Oni had every intention of going much, much lower...
Cologne turned deadly serious as she glanced away, "As I said before, your marriage to the Princess Lum is of such importance that it must be preserved against all potential obstacles, and as Prince Herb himself more than amply demonstrated, you are still at risk so long as you are two women without an actual husband between you. Amazon law permits warriors to marry at their discretion, but the rule remains open that a man-should he be strong enough to defeat either one of you in battle-might yet become your husband, and when word of that reaaches certain ears there is no doubt in my mind that there will be those who seek to take advantage of this lamentable situation. I take it you know to whom I am referring?"
That got through the foggy haze of bliss that surrounded Shampoo's mind, and she opened her eyes wide in total realization, "Aiyaaa...!"
Perfume was equally sober as she asked, "You believe that he will try and force himself upon their union, Great-Grandmother?"
"I am certain of it, Child," Cologne replied, "Though he has been in voluntary self-exile for the past two years, word has doubtlessly reached him by now that Shampoo has taken another warrior as her bride, and he will at once leap to the conclusion that he can make himself Shampoo's husband by defeating her Airen. You know how cunning and resourceful he is, even given that in most other respects he is a clueless, half-blind moron. He will seek to use any advantage at his disposal to obtain his own desires. Therefore I am trusting you to protect Princess Lum and Shampoo from his diabolical efforts, as well as anyone else who might seek to impose themselves through unfair methods."
Perfume made a fist and crossed her chest in the manner of a salute, "You may count on this one, Elder. This one will not fail in her mission."
"You need not bother to act as bodyguard for us," Lum herself spoke up with a confident smile, "If anyone seeks to defeat either Darling or myself, then he had better be prepared to taste my Lightning."
With that the green haired girl balled a fist and caused it to glow with electrical fire...however, she had forgotten to take her other hand away from Shampoo, and as a consequence the purple haired girl started to writhe and spark as the healing salve acted like a conductive agent to transfer the power through her body and into floor through the blanket on which she was laying.
"Darling?" Lum glanced down, belatedly realizing her error, "Oops."
Shampoo still did not know what a lobster was, but laying there twitching on the floor as she was, she was beginning to feel great sympathy for the species...
"And who was it that you guys were so afraid of?" Nabiki asked.
"We are getting to that part," Lum replied, "But first we had a couple of visitors from my world."
"Relatives," Ranma grunted, "Can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em, no matter how much you'd like to try..." he added the last part with a sour glance towards his father.
"You mean...more of you Oni arrived in the Amazon village?" Akane asked, impressed despite herself at the colorful details of this story.
"Aiyaa," Shampoo rolled her eyes, "That is what you outsiders call...too, too much of an understatement..."
"What is it?" asked Perfume as she and the others gathered around in the home of Shampoo's parents to view a recently delivered postal package that was roughly the size of one of Shampoo's bonbori.
"It does not say," Shampoo replied as she studied the card that had been attached to the package, "It say that it was delivered to Beijing with a forwarding address for the Nyanchiczu village of Joketsuzoku, but there is no return address. It is very strange, but it names my Airen, for whom it must have been intended."
"Oh really?" Lum brightened, leaning over Shampoo's shoulder to peer at the box-
shaped object, "Someone sent a present to me? How nice."
"Careful," Shampoo's father, Hairbrush, cautioned, "It might not be a friendly package. There are all sorts of people in this world and some are not partial to aliens, I would imagine."
"Your caution is duly noted, Son-in-law," Cologne marked, "But I imagine those fools in Beijing are not so lacking in caution that they would have permitted a package to be transported all the way here if they imagined that it contained something as bothersome as explosives."
"Are you certain about that, Grandmother?" Comb asked, favoring her elder with a look that was normally reserved in the reverse direction.
Cologne paused to consider that then said, "You may have a point there, Child. They may not have known what to look for when they subjected it to the standard sort of tests to which they would logically employ upon a parcel of unknown nature. But still, the packaging has a courier's marking, which implies to me that it was of known origins, that the party that submitted it to the Beijing Postal system was considered reliable and trustworthy enough not to be diverted elsewhere."
"Either that or the security boys in the Postal department just got lazy," Hairbrush noted, "But whatever it is, I doubt it's anything as conventional as mere explosives."
"You are right, honored sir," Perfume remarked, "This one does not smell anything funny, and Great-grandmother has trained this one very well to detect outsider explosives. In fact, this one does not smell anything at all besides the packaging and the odd trace scents that would tell this one where the package has been of late."
"Why all the fuss about a simple package?" Lum asked impatiently as she clasped her hands together, "If it's a present for me, then I want to see what it is."
"It may be dangerous, Airen," Shampoo insisted, "Just because Perfume-cousin and Great-grandmother do not think it dangerous does not mean it is completely safe to handle."
"Just so," her mother nodded sagely, "You never know what sort of messy germs it might have picked up in its travels."
Lum beamed happily as she turned to Shampoo, "You're worried about me, Darling? That's so sweet!"
"Ah..." Shampoo said uncomfortably, belatedly realizing what her words might sound like under the present circumstances.
"Oh, go ahead and open it, Daughter," her father urged, "Whatever it is, I'm sure we can handle the potential problems it might create."
"Well then," Cologne said, "What say we open it and find out what the fuss is all about?"
"What say we do that outside of my house, Grandmother," Comb suggested rather pointedly, "Just in case."
"Your caution is commendable, Granddaughter," Cologne smiled as she poked at the package with her staff and caused it to immediately fall open, the wrapping and ribbon coming apart as though cut by an invisible pair of scissors, the sides of the box unfolding outward to expose the package contents, which turned out to be a very large...
"Egg?" Shampoo blinked as she stared at the white, featureless ovular shape.
"Oh my," Lum turned an appreciative glance towards Cologne, "That was so neat the way you did that, Grandmother."
"I agree," said Comb as she eyed her elder flatly, "You always were a show-off."
"But what about the egg?" Hairbrush asked with an appreciative expression, "Can you imagine the size of whatever it was that could lay that?"
"It is not such a problem," Perfume flexed her arms and produced her double-
bladed axes, "How do you want it, sunny side up or scrambled?"
"Hold," Cologne frowned, "There is something...peculiar about that egg. I am sensing enormous power contained within. It was dormant until now, but..."
All at once the egg started to shake and vibrate, startling Shampoo and the others, who were not prepared for such a thing to happen.
"Aiyaa..." Shampoo softly murmured.
"It's alive?" Comb marveled.
"Apparently, Dear," Hairbrush affirmed as the egg-shaped started to spin about with increasing momentum, then all at once it shot up from the floor and started to spin in the air as though suspended on invisible currents.
"Oh!" Lum declared in belated realization, "Now I know what it is..."
"A bomb?" Perfume nervously wondered.
"No," Lum replied, "It's..."
That's when the egg broke apart and revealed its true contents, a small boy, hardly more than an infant, bursting forth from his protective cocoon to hover in mid-air while his eyes went around in circles.
"Ohh...I'm so dizzy...I think I'm going to be sick..." he said in a surprisingly mature tone of voice.
"Jariten!" Lum cried happily, "Oh, Ten, it's been ages! How ever did you find me?"
"Ten?" Shampoo blinked, staring at amazement at the green-haired kid with the single horn projecting up from the top of his head, a tiger-stripped diaper being his single article of wardrobe.
"Must come before eleven," Perfume noted with a similarly blank expression.
"Lum!" the infant declared happily, floating towards her while waving his tiny arms and legs as though swimming, "I knew I'd find you if I mailed myself to you by express!"
"You mailed yourself, young man?" Comb marveled.
"Must have been pretty steep rates," her husband commented wryly.
Perfume and Shampoo exchanged puzzled looks as Lum reached out to receive the infant, who had drifted unerringly in her direction, then Lum happily lifted from the floor and spun around with the child in her arms, her long green tresses dancing about like a cloud beneath her.
"Well now," Cologne remarked with an amused expression, "This is an interesting development. It is obvious enough that you two know each other and are of the same race, but I was given to understand that you were childless, Daughter-in-
law, and had never known the touch of a man..."
"Oh, Ten isn't my son, Elder," Lum declared as she drifted back down to the floor, still hugging the child closely to her, "He's my cousin, the son of a very close aunt of mine who is no longer with us."
"Oh, I am very sorry to hear that," Cologne said soberly.
Lum chuckled softly to that and said, "Oh no...she's not dead, she just went on a very long expedition to the frontier and left Jariten behind under the protection of my parents. But...Ten, why are you here on Earth? I thought you would still be back at the palace on our home world."
"Aw, it's too boring back there," the infant scoffed, "I wanted some excitement and adventure, so I came looking for you, Lum. I heard from Uncle that you got married and I wanted to see who the lucky guy was and determine if he's worthy."
"Lucky?" Shampoo arched a purple eyebrow.
"Funny," Perfume remarked as she glanced at her own cousin, "You do not look like a man, and you surely do not smell like one either..."
"Ten," Lum chided softly, "Why did you wrap yourself up in a protective survival capsule and mail yourself all the way here? Why not just come by directly in your ship?"
The infant glanced down and his cheeks colored, "Um...well...I kind of...tried to do that, only I got...well...lost..."
"And did not ask for directions?" Comb gave her husband a wry look, "Typical male, you're the same on every planet."
"For your information, Dear, I am never lost," Hairbrush declared matter-of-
factly, "I always know exactly where I am...it's the rest of the world that can get a bit confusing."
"And never admitting when you're wrong is another typical male handicap," Comb persisted with a superior smirk that seemed to suggest that she liked teasing with her mate.
"Maybe that's true," Hairbrush countered with an affable shrug, "But we do have other uses..."
"So, where is he, Lum?" the green-haired infant persisted, "Where is your new husband?"
"Ten," Lum turned him around until he was facing Shampoo directly, "This is my Darling wife, Xian-Pu, and these are her family, which I now belong to as a member."
"Wife?" Jariten arched his own shaggy eyebrows, taking Shampoo in with a long glance, "You married a Juraian?"
"Juraian?" Shampoo repeated with an eyeblink, having heard that word before, though from where was difficult to place at the moment.
"Silly," Lum chided, "Darling is from Earth, not Jurai. Oh, I know that there's a passing resemblance, and she does have Juraian blood on her mother's side, that much is obvious..."
"Your side of the family?" Hairbrush gave Comb a puzzled look.
"Grandmother," Comb said as she turned to glare at her own elder, "Do you have any idea what he's talking about?"
"Ah...well...he is a child," Cologne pointed out, "And who knows where children get these strange notions..."
"Let me see if I have this straight," Jariten frowned in concentration, "You mean planet Jurai already staked out a claim on this world before we Oni could take it?"
"Not exactly," Lum assured the youth, "We think they colonized a portion of the planet as a long-range outpost, but then they forgot all about their colony since it was too remote out here on the frontier to trouble with even long-rage beacons. We Oni have just as viable a claim to the Earth, only we have an agreement with the Earthers that every thousand years or so we send a champion to fight with their champion in a winner-take-all match. I was the champion for this millennium, and I lost to my Darling, but when she touched my horns she also gave me the Kiss of Marriage, which I accepted..."
"Oh?" the infant asked, glancing at Shampoo again, "She proposed to you and you just accepted?"
"Of course," Lum turned an adoring look towards Shampoo, "I love my Darling, and she's certainly everything that I could ask for in a wife."
"You mean she's preferable to Rei or Lord Stinky Face?" the small green-haired boy observed, "Yeah, I suppose I can see your point on this..."
"Aiyaa?" Shampoo remarked in growing confusion.
"Wait," Perfume said, "You mean...there were other suitors who wanted to claim you before you met my Cousin?"
"Aw, you don't wanna know about them," the baby said with an affable smile, "Especially that pink haired fop who thought he was a gift to the Oni."
"Pink hair?" Comb arched both eyebrows then glanced at Cologne and said, "We are definitely going to have a talk about this, Grandmother..."
Cologne kept up an inscrutable guise, but all it took was a glance to see that she was inwardly sweating.
Hairbrush gave the young boy in their midst a curious study before saying, "So, you came out here all by yourself, little man? And what became of your spaceship?"
"Ah...well..." it was the green-haired boy's turn to look somewhat embarrassed.
"You crashed it, didn't you, Ten?" Lum said with a softened expression.
"That's why I had to bail out, Lum," Jariten assured her, "Until I can get it fixed...well...those nice men at the embassy promised to take care of it for me."
"I'll just bet," Hairbrush frowned briefly, then smiled again, "Well...then I suppose that means you will be staying with us until you get your feet back under you. That is...if this meets with the approval of both of yourselves, Dearest and Grandmother."
Cologne looked with grave solemnity towards the young boy in Shampoo's hands then said, "I do not foresee any obstacles that would prevent his staying, but...young man, you must respect the Amazon culture while you reside with us, and do nothing that would bring shame or dishonor upon our family or the house of the Oni."
"Oh sure, I can agree to that," the youth assured her, "I'm only here because I want to be close to cousin Lum, but if you're my family now, I don't see how there can be any problems."
Perfume blinked her eyes at this then turned to her Elder, "Great-grandmother, it is not my place to question your wisdom, but...is this wise? I mean...the child is an Oni, and-other than being kin to us through Shampoo's Airen-we know nothing about him, such as how a mere baby can talk to us likee an Elder..."
"Hey, who are you calling a baby?" Jariten asked with clear irritation.
"She raises a good point, Grandmother," Comb pointed out, "For a mere boy he does have quite a remarkable vocabulary."
"And it's also hard to imagine someone that small operating his own personal space ship," Hairbrush further suggested before shrugging and saying, "Of course, he could just be pretty advanced for his age..."
"I will vouch for Ten," Lum assured them, "He will be a good little boy while he stays with us and won't get in the way at all, isn't that right, Darling?"
"Ah..." Shampoo hesitated before saying, "Aiyaa..."
Perfume just scowled, "I still say this is a mistake, but I will not contradict my elders."
"Your opinion is recognized and accepted as such, Child," Cologne replied, "But until further notice, you are to respect my decision and will treat young Jariten with all proper respect to which he is entitled, until such time as your objections have been validated."
"Yeah, you hear that?" Jariten said to Perfume, "Try and get along with me. I may be a little kid, but I have feelings."
Perfume still looked somewhat ruffled, but she glanced away and said, "Feelings...do not talk to this one about feelings."
"Hey, don't be like that," Jariten dislodged himself from Lum's arms and started levitating towards the brown haired Enforcer, "Come on, let's kiss and make up. I'll even bet you're my type when you're not being such a sourpuss. Come here, lady!"
The little boy tried to embrace Perfume, but the brown-haired Enforcer instinctively shied away from him with a look of abject dread in her expression. Unconsciously she was thinking of Lum and her electric shocks, but the gesture was misinterpreted by Jariten, who took her avoidance not as fear but rather rejection.
"Fine!" the floating youth declared as he glared her way, then with a sudden intake of breath he breathed out fire like a flame-thrower while declaring, "SEE IF I CARE!"
Perfume was not prepared for the sudden intense wave of heat that wafted over her body and just stood there while the flames singed the edges of her clothing, but when the fire burst died down she was all reddened from top to bottom, as though her hypersensitive nervous system had reacted badly to almost being scorched. She stood where she was while her clothes smoldered for a bit, then said the word, "...ouch..." and she promptly fainted.
"Perfume-cousin?" Shampoo asked in surprise and alarm.
"Jariten!" Lum spoke harshly, "How dare you do that to a kinswoman, and after promising to behave yourself. Have you no manners?"
"ooops," the little boy said with a sheepish expression, putting a finger to his lips, "Didn't mean to do that...sorry...sometimes I just get a little upset, you know?"
"The boy breathes fire," Hairbrush remarked, then sighed, "Dearest?"
Comb was already crossing the room to tend to the fallen Enforcer, speaking with calm detachment as she said, "Don't stand around gawking, Shampoo. Help get me Perfume to a bed so that we can tend to her with more of that healing salve. She's going into system shock even as we speak and there's not a moment to waste in gawking."
"Aiyaa," Shampoo reacted, promptly moving to assist her mother and favorite cousin...
"I don't get it," Akane frowned, "Why did the fire hurt her that bad if she wasn't seriously burned?"
"Perfume-cousin...she has this...problem ," Shampoo said reluctantly, "She is very, very sensitive to pain, and in spite of intense training under great-
grandmother, she can still be hurt by little scratch and..."
"Don't say anything more than that, Shampoo," Ranma said, "It ain't honorable to tell others about the weaknesses of another warrior, even an enemy, especially not a friend. It's against the code of Budo."
"Um...well...yes, of course it is," Soun glanced towards his own best friend, "Right, Saotome?"
"Huh?" Genma blinked, "Oh...right, of course..."
"Aiyaa," Shampoo said belatedly, "This one did not mean to reveal that. Is hard not to say, though, when describing Shampoo-cousin Perfume."
"Tragic, really," Lum agreed, "Next to you, Darling, Perfume is the strongest fighter that I have ever seen, but to think that she cannot endure pain to any degree...it makes it understandable while she trains even harder than you. As long as she has her axes she is nearly invincible...except against my lightning..."
"Yes, of course," Shampoo nodded, "But Perfume have it very hard growing up in village since everyone know she really weak girl who can be beaten by a touch. That is why Perfume-cousin is so sensitive about touching..."
"Not that she has any problem about doing the touching herself," Lum further noted, "Especially when she meets a girl who fits her profile..."
"Oh yeah," Ranma sniffed, "Warm blooded with a pulse. Never met a girl who was so grabby in a shower..."
"You only say that because Perfume likes you only when you're female, husband," Lum gave the pigtailed boy a smile of open invitation, "You don't have to pretend around us that you mind it when she fondles you."
"Hey, it ain't like I go around asking strange girls to fondle me out of nowhere," Ranma scowled, "It's bad enough when you guys do it..."
"Oh ho?" Shampoo eyed him with a leer, "You no like it when wives show husband how much they like him?"
"Ah..." Ranma winced uncomfortably, clearly affected by the sensuous looks he was receiving from his ladies.
Akane scowled but Nabiki was curious so she said, "What about this character, Jariten was it? Where is he about these days?"
"Who knows?" Ranma glanced away over his shoulder, "Ain't like it's any skin off my nose what the little runt is doing these days."
"Husband," Lum's smirk became a scowl of disapproval, "I know you and Ten don't get along all that well..."
"The little brat tried to burn my mass more times than I can count!" Ranma snapped, "Why the heck would I have a problem about that?"
"You sound just like Perfume-cousin, Airen," Shampoo said in amusement, "She no like Ten either on account of how they meet, but she learn differently, and it only because he already related to family that she no go around calling him Airen."
"Ten and Perfume?" Lum blinked, "Now there would be a real odd couple..."
"A couple of what I'm not saying," Genma muttered under his breath.
"How is that, Saotome?" Soun asked.
"Oh, nothing," Genma replied, affecting his most unlikely of all expressions, the one he used while pretending to look innocent.
"But what about these other two men who used to be your suitors, Lum-san?" Kasumi asked.
"We were just getting to that part," the green haired Oni girl explained, "Jariten was only the first of my family to show up among the Nyanchiczu, but before I tell you about Rei, perhaps I should let Darling tell you about her troubles with a certain Duck boy."
Shampoo just rolled her eyes and said, "Aiyaa..."
"That stupid jerk," Ranma grumbled, "Blind as a bat and only half as intelligent."
"Husband," Lum chided, "You know that Mu-Tsu isn't as bad as all of that. He may have problems with his sight, and he might have gotten it into his foolish head that my Darling belongs to him, but I think, in his heart, he really is a nice boy who just has a few issues."
"You can say that even after he kidnapped you?" Ranma scowled more deeply.
"Kidnapped you?" Akane blinked, "When did this happen?"
"Shortly after Mousse return to village and learn about this one's marriage," Shampoo answered, "But that getting ahead of story. First to explain how boy of village of Nyanchiczu grow up to have such a blind obsession with this one, and the trouble it caused to her and her true Airen..."
Continued.
Comments/Criticisms/Daycare Centers for Oni: shadowmane
Okay, so it's the next chapter when Rei and Mousse put in their appearance, but in case you are wondering, no, Jariten won't be staying too long (annoying side-
kicks bother me and all that), I just felt like I had to include him for certain comic scenes that I am planning in the future. In regards to that, and (barring an excess of college computerized reports that I've been typing up for money lately), I fully intend to address these and other issues in: "Fianc Wars," or, "Have Beefbowl, Have a Cow, Man!" Be there!
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