Bleach Drabbles

Title: Swearing

Characters: Byakuya, Renji, Rukia, OCS.

Spoilers: none.

Summery: Byakuya has a secret talent.

Word count: 546

Dedicated to: The creator of the fic "The Nine" [an AWESOME Naruto fic

Warning: May cause your brain to implode from vulgarity and overdose of WTF/crack.

Disclaimer: I don't own bleach. If I did, every hot guy would be screwin' Ichigo.

Karite was bored. So she decided to bother Byakuya.

Shinzui was also very bored. So he decided to join Karite.

Akkan was probably the most bored of the three, although he only tagged along to watch the inevitable fireworks.

"OHAYO KUCHKI-CUNTHEAD!" Karite greeted crudely, grinning a non-too-sane grin.

"WASSUP RENJI! You owe me monah, biotch!" Shinzui hollered, delivering a round-house kick to said tattooed fukatachiou's head. Renji, of course, couldn't afford to look weak in front of Rukia and Byakuya, so after recovering from said roundhouse kick, he tackled Shinzui, resulting in a minor brawl.

Akkan remained silent, only bowing his head to Rukia and Byakuya.

"Cease your infernal habit of insulting my being whenever you greet me, Ikatsui," Byakuya stated coldly, glaring at said fiery redhead. "It is most unlady-like and pathetic."

Karite, having consumed a whole angel food cake for breakfast, misinterpreted his statement as an insult to her swearing skills.

"Why, ya cock-sucking shithead? Ya think you can out-fucking-swear me?" She challenged, getting right up in the noble's face, and actually having the guts to smirk at him.

Byakuya's eye twitched and his reiatsu fluctuated, causing Renji, Rukia, Shinzui, and Akkan to step back.

"Fine, you impudent lil peasant!" He snapped, taking in a deep breath, before unleashing the scaryest and most vulgar tongue-lashing ever to exist in all of space and time.

"YOUR MOTHER IS A-(bleep bleep bleepity bleepbleep bloop censor censor)-ING-(Bleeeeeeeeep bleeep random nosies car honk whistles whistle HONK HOnk)-LORA MIERSON-(censoreeeeeed more random covering up noises)-STU RENDAN-(bleepbleep blink carhorn honks again train rushes by conveniant horn sounds)-TRAGULA-(beep beep beeeeeeeeeeeeep bleep censor baby crying gunshot street racing car)-HIPPOPATUMUS-(lots of birds cheep loudly for five minutes straight then are ravaged by growling cougar)-REPUBLICAN-(a large white whale falls out of sky and makes large boom Krakatoa explodes again leaving us deaf for a full thirty seconds)-KING CHUCK NORRIS-(a gong sounds in distance make everyone shiver down tot heir toes)-WITH A BUCKET OF-(nails on blackboard with a angry, wet cat that has not been clipped for months)-In a castle far, far away, where NO ONE CAN HEAR YOU-(a entourage of chanting monks passes by, taking their own sweet time about it)-SOUP-(a group of chattering cannibals start eating each other without proper table manners)-IN A TUB OF BUTTER-(the Big Friendly Giant passes by with tap shoes on)-MICKEY MOUSE-(The kyuubi breaks free and does disco with the Shinigami)-WITH A STICK OF DYNAMITE-(Kami declares that all beings except the ones listening must have a emergency choir practice with large symbbols)-KIDO-(Finally everthing grinds to a halt and Chuck Norris and all the other godly beings restore order)-BITCH!"

Insert a loud record scratch here as every single Shiginami in the vicinity stopped, dropped whatever they were holding, and stared at the panting noble.

Rukia could only gape at her brother, along with Akkan, Renji, and Shinzui.

Karite's eyes were wide with awe, as she threw her self to the ground and bowed before Byakuya.

"PLEASE MAKE ME YOUR APPRENTICE KUCHKI-SAMA!"

Next theme: Too much INTERNETZ.