Set Me Free - Chapter 6
Rated: T
Mercy
Chapter Summary: Johnny displays the amazing depths of his unconditional kindness and Ash isn't sure quite how it handle it.
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Pulling herself from her stupor for the thirteenth time that day, Ash groaned into the couch cushions she must have crashed in. Cringing at the drool staining her lips that she uncaringly wiped into the pillow under her head with a disgusted moan.
Between sleeping or wrecking more of Lance's possessions to simply release the building tension in her chest, she had quite a busy few days since the Moon Theater crashed to the ground with her precious red Fender (and her career hopes) inside.
Ash spent most of them wallowing around in her own grief from the crappy hand that life had dealt her. Mourning her guitar and career by pathetically sobbing into two containers of half-melted pints of fudge ripple ice cream, bags of greasy potato chips, and a few stale cookies scattered around the premises.
When she wasn't sleeping or stuffing her face with copious amounts of sugar and salt, she was busy carving large X's into Lance's possessions, shredding and ripping down the rest of his posters she'd always secretly despised. Finding the few scraps and remains of the pictures she'd ripped in half or quarters; going back to tear them into indiscernible confetti before throwing and flushing them down the toilet.
…Yet nothing still seemed to ease the growing hollowness in her gut…
Within the span of three days, Ash essentially turned into one of those dumped, depressed girls from any of the many horrid chick flicks she loathed almost as much as Lance and if anything, that just made her more downcast. Perhaps if she was honest, she'd begun to take a better look at herself; partial blame landing on her shoulders for her own discretion.
There were so many signs she should have paid more attention to…
Multiple times Lance had come back in the middle of the night after a "solo gig" smelling of strange perfume and the lame excuses that never made a lick of sense. Mixed along with the instances where he belittled her talents, painful words hidden behind a veil of his laid-back quips; undermining her capabilities as an artist by pushing her down to elevate his own "artistic genius". For years she'd taken it without a defense; allowing his less than kind words to go over her head or brush them off her shoulders with a shrug.
Ash had always been far too willing to give Lance the benefit of the doubt; trusting his judgment when it came to their band and the direction their careers and lives were heading.
Of course the doubts were always there in the back of her mind but time after time, she ignored them. Hoping that it was just a phase; that they would eventually make it big with Lance's guidance and at the time, her idea of his "superior" talents. Hoping in the end that they would finally get their big break and those small voices in her head telling her otherwise would ultimately be proven wrong…
Ash shook her head; recalling every single instance of his cruelty veiled by a lazy smile or passionate kiss. The misdirection and how he played her like a fiddle. Toying with her frail emotions and using her to get to his ultimate destination; how easily he found her to be replaceable as soon as she showed the first signs of any independence. For those years he wanted her to just be wrapped around his little finger and bend to his every whim like a limp palm tree enthralled in hurricane winds.
Lance had never had her best intentions at heart; never cared or loved her at all like he said he did for the second she decided to do something for herself (and their career/lives indirectly), he traded her in like you would a faulty appliance. To dump it to the side; discard it as if it meant absolutely nothing…
Suddenly, her heart sank when she came to terms with who really was the biggest fool in all of this - her.
Ash had fallen for it hook, line, and sinker.
Perhaps it was karma paying her back for her foolishness; destroying any chance for her career for being so damn asinine and naive in her relationship with Lance - if you could even call it that. It was more of a slave/master or king/court jester relationship - she was always the one providing while he sponged off of her stupidity; paying her back with his mere presence and holding it over her head that he was the only reason she'd made it so far as a musician and singer at all.
Like she owed him something…
Those days, weeks, and months she'd practice the guitar under his "guidance". The groans of disgust barely covered by his lazy sighs when she messed up over and over again; the words he sometimes spoke were like barbed arrows. They wouldn't sound that hurtful at first glance or first puncture but then rip her up from the inside out when the cruel undertones of his sugary-sweet voice melted away and were pulled out. Yet before she could fully understand the unbelievable cruelness he actually spoke with, he'd chuckle softly, caress her cheek or kiss her before she could legitimately question its connotations…
Stomach churning at the memories Ash didn't care to ponder anymore. The past was the past…and it deserved to stay there. She lay her head back onto the pillow; sorely tempted to fall back into a hopefully dreamless sleep when her doorbell rang once more.
So, that's what woke her up…
Ash groaned, reluctant about going to get the door when the horrible thought of Lance on the other side came to mind. She'd received multiple texts and missed calls from her ex but she dared not read them or listen to the long-winded messages he left.
Instead, she blocked him in hopes he'd leave her alone.
A part of her questioned why he was calling at all. It sure as hell wasn't to apologize or get her back considering what happened with the Moon Theater. She doubted if it was to see if she was uninjured because when did he ever care about her well-being? If she was a betting girl, she'd probably put it towards questioning if she in the hospital after seeing the destruction on the news so he was free to go pick up the remainder of his stuff from their apartment. She was just glad she'd had the foresight to change the locks immediately after throwing his adulterous ass out.
"There isn't anything viable of his left anyway…" she thought with a dark chuckle tickling at her mouth - served the bastard right.
Ash flinched; brought out of her thoughts when the doorbell rang yet again.
"Dammit…" Ash moaned into the pillow; body aching from sleeping on the couch (her bed was still too strange to sleep in alone) and stomach turning from the lack of real nutrition this past week.
One thing was certain - she really didn't want to get up.
It all grew silent for awhile and she was relieved that perhaps they left, but instead of taking a hint, the person outside resorted to lightly knocking.
The migraine developing from the sound was when Ash finally relented.
"Coming!" Ash grumbled loudly when there was yet another gentle knock at the door - it stopped instantly when her voice broke out.
When no one spoke out, she knew for sure it wasn't Lance. The guy was notorious for screaming at her to hurry up through the door - he had no where near enough patience to wait as long as this person had…
It raised far more questions than answers.
Just who could itbe and what was so important to bother her in the midst of her emotional life crisis? Knowing how her luck was currently going, it was probably her landlord to kick her ass out for all of her incessant sobbing at all hours of the day and night or wrecking her entire apartment (none too quietly mind you) this past week.
It just had to be…
Swallowing back her pride, Ash pushed herself to her unsteady feet.
Mentally preparing herself until she was good and ready to face the Rhino; hoped he was prepared for the tongue-lashing of a lifetime for she was not in any kind of mood to deal with this shit…
Ash swiftly unlocked the door. Mouth open and ready to speak out when she swung the door open but to her surprise and dismay while she stood there with mismanaged quills and dirty, stained and slept-in clothes - the one who was standing there was definitely not Matthew, her two-ton Rhino landlord…
…it was Johnny.
If the gorilla noticed her horrifyingly embarrassing state of appearance, he said nothing. Standing there looking down at her with that normal gracious smile that she did not deserve after how she went off on him like a blood-thirsty jackal a few days ago.
The memory vivid of her guttural screams and the look that crossed his face in response to it all…Before she could think about it too much, she pushed those distracting thoughts away.
A demented part of her wanted to scream at him again for perhaps the only reason knowing that he wouldn't argue back; just someone to absorb her anger but she knew it wasn't right for he did nothing wrong. Quite the opposite really - he'd done more for her in this past week than most people had ever bothered to do for her…
It was only in this moment she began to deeply regret going off on him that day but she sure as hell was still not going to apologize for it now. As of now, all she was concerned with was wondering what he was doing here completely unannounced while she made it very clear she definitely did not want to be disturbed.
Especially looking the way she did now…she thought with a cringe.
"'ello." Johnny greeted after a moment when she said nothing to acknowledge his presence.
"...What do you want?" she asked in a tired grunt. Not intending whatsoever to be at all pleasant about this unexpected visit. Sleep still clinging to her heavily-bagged eyes, she wiped her hand over her face when suddenly, it fell when Johnny's arms appeared from behind his back.
The tiredness that clung to her system was instantly gone as she took in exactly what was in his hands. Ash stood there and time completely froze upon glancing at the item - a scratched, dented black case; the one covered in now unrecognizable stickers and smudged silver sharpie…
The very one that held her treasured red Fender guitar.
The one that she was certain had been crushed and lost forever within the rubble of the Moon Theater.
…how had he…?
Ash's icy blue eyes looked beyond the case to the large hands holding it; white and beige bandages covering parts of his fingers and a few scratches were visible on the base of his hairy knuckles. Fingernails were cleanly cut short but she could obviously see where they were either chipped, scratched, or had slight dirt embedded underneath. Past that, she looked at his clothes; slightly dusty and the knees of his jeans looked a bit more worn than they should be.
…he must have…
It only dawned on her now exactly what he had done and it broke whatever small amount of sanity she had left…
"I didn't check inside; I'm pretty sure the case took the brunt of any kind of damage, but you might want to -" Johnny's words immediately halted in his throat when Ash made a grab for the case; placing it gingerly onto the floor of her apartment before she collapsed to her knees in front of it.
Staring at sheer reverence for the first few moments before Ash flicked aside the locks with her thumbs; the guitar case opened with a creak. She was completely silent once the case was ajar; staring inside at its contents for what felt like a lifetime.
Ash's icy blue eyes glued onto the guitar she feared she'd never see again. She traced every single curve she'd memorized with her eyes before her trembling hand reached out to caress at the neck, strings, along the smooth wood of the main body, the star sticker, even twisting the volume knob just to hear it squeaking lightly underneath her fingertips. A relief she was unaware she could feel washed over her entire body as she stared down at her red Fender. The interior surrounding the guitar was unimportant; the papers seemingly untouched and notes all the way she remembered…
…it was completely undamaged…
Shoulders slumping in vast amounts of relief; the sting of tears building in the backs of her eyes but she forced them back. It appeared as if the emotional roller-coaster had not yet finished but she was determined not to cry in front of Johnny again; (even if these tears would be joy) twice was enough already, thank you.
Ash heard Johnny shift a bit, somehow terrified he'd flee. Before she realized what had occurred, she was on her feet. Standing, she faced the gorilla who stood rather awkwardly at the doorway; his large hands still a bit proffered as if still holding the case. Her body moving of its own accord, she grabbed onto one of his hands in some desperate attempt to keep him here.
For whatever reason, she really wasn't sure.
Perhaps enough time for her heavy tongue to begin working again so she could at the very least utter some form of thanks. Johnny's fingers slightly twitched under her own when she ended up grabbing his index and middle finger in her tiny fist.
"Thank you." Ash managed to mutter out; the gratefulness echoing through her quiet voice and it seemingly calmed any confusion on his part.
Johnny looked a bit shocked at her voice at first; not speaking as his face fell for a moment to look at their conjoined hands for a split second before his brown eyes met her icy blue yet again. This time, a laid-back smile was quietly bestowed upon her. So taken aback by his toothy smile, she didn't even realize when he grasped her hand back by curling his unbound fingers around her paw.
Yet after a few awkward seconds passed, it dawned on her.
Ash stared down to their joined hands and as if just realizing any implications, she swiftly retreated as if burned. Nervously brushing at her wrinkled skirt praying that the clamminess on her palms was definitely not the embarrassment, or some other emotion she was not prepared to confront, coursing through her body. Hating how her stomach churned and this time, it wasn't the copious amounts of sugar and salt contributing to it.
Johnny, seemingly unfazed by her action, spoke, "You're welcome - just glad I got there in time. They actually started to bring in cranes and bulldozers to remove the rest of the debris this morning. I would have got it sooner but it was cordoned off for longer than expected. Anyway, once I told them the situation, the crew did most of the work, I just had to figure out the location - which wasn't easy. It ended up at the other end of the building." tapering off when he realized he'd been slightly rambling.
Ash watched him for awhile.
Light brown eyes straying from hers; one hand scratching nervously at the back of his head and foot tapping nervously. …was he worried she was going to yell at him again or something? The barest hints of regret brewing in her nervous gut were ignored in lieu of remaining quiet to see what perhaps he'd say next.
A part of her wanted to ask more questions - so, so many - as to why he had done this for her; someone who yelled at him a few days ago for no damn reason whatsoever except the simple fact that he was there. Dared to help her, to care for her injury and drive her home so she didn't have to wait for the train or bus. He was someone who had been nothing but kind, accommodating, and encouraging while she'd been a little less salty than a rabid rottweiler.
Yet, the questions pretty much answered themselves for Johnny had already showcased his nature; his kindness that exceeded any sort of realistic capacity that she had ever dealt with in her life. To think this guy, who had been a stranger a week ago, went out of his way to protect her from deadly debris by using his own body as a shield, wrap up her ankle, give her a ride home - and even after she yelled at him for no damn reason whatsoever - he got her guitar back.
It didn't make a lick of sense and even made her a tad suspicious of any intentions however pure they may seem. She swiftly pushed those notions aside for Johnny did not have to do this; frankly shouldn't have considering the circumstances and absolutely nothing to gain…
Ash wasn't even aware that people like him even existed…
"How's your ankle?" he asked and it was her turn to be surprised by the suddenness of the voice.
Now that he said it, Ash had almost completely forgotten about it except the day after it happened. Once she'd taken off the piece of his jeans and popping a few Tylenol, she had felt much better and it hadn't caused her any problem since. It probably helped she did little more than lay and mope around which helped in the healing process.
"It's fine." she shrugged; the tension so thick you could carve through it with a dull butter knife. Johnny had soon opted to just hook his thumbs into his jean pockets and nod at her answer.
"That's good." he said after awhile.
There was a slight awkwardness after those words finished escaping out of his mouth. An obvious unspoken tension that still remained between them and Ash knew it was her fault. Hating having yet something else hanging over her head when he'd been unbelievably nice, Ash broke it the only way she knew how.
"Listen, "Ash shrugged with eyes straying to her feet, "I'm sorry for the other day." she blabbed out faster and quieter than she probably intended.
"No. It's quite alright." Johnny replied with a shake of his head.
For some reason, being let off the hook for being such a cruel, rather conniving bitch was not what she needed right no. This guy had gotten a part of her heart and soul back, it was only fair that she clear the air.
"No. It was messed up of me. I shouldn't have snapped at you like I did. I - I was upset and you didn't deserve it - "
"Ash, I -"Johnny tried to interrupt but she put her hand up to halt any words he may or may not say.
Johnny grew silent.
"No. I was a real bitch. I wasn't mad at you, I was…frustrated - at everything I suppose. That didn't make it right to take it out on you, so, for that…I'm really sorry." the words felt so strange as they echoed past her teeth and lips.
"It's alright, I underst-" Johnny started before she silenced him with a harsh glare.
"Listen, you better just take the apology cause I don't do it very often." she clarified firmly; arms tempted to cross across her chest but she supposed her tone was threatening enough.
"...Okay. I accept your apology." Johnny chuckled, voice raspy and thick in his throat. She ignored how her hairs prickled pleasantly when she heard it.
Ash just nodded; it was only now she realized he was still standing outside.
"Did you…uh, want to come in? I could make you coffee or something." she suddenly asked; own words surprising her and by how his eyes widened - they surprised Johnny as well. Warranted she supposed for she'd been less than accommodating the few times they already interacted.
There was confusion in his stare and her own anxiety suddenly building for she knew just how trashed her apartment was. A quick glance behind her said he probably already noticed - wrappers, strips of Lance's posters, shredded clothes, confetti bits of pictures, and etc. that littered the floor. The haphazard mess of pillows and blankets that made up the couch were probably already seen by him since he was so damn tall.
"I'd love to but I may have to take a rain-check." Johnny spoke gently as he maneuvered his sleeve to reveal his watch, "I have an appointment in 10 minutes actually." the way he said it had her questioning its validity but she wouldn't lie, it was kind of a relief he wouldn't see the true horrors of her wrecked apartment.
"Oh...okay." she replied with a terse nod.
Dammit, why did she suddenly sound disappointed?
To cover it up, she spoke again, "Thanks again. You know, for getting my guitar back."
"You're welcome." Johnny nodded before he turned away and began the short journey back toward his vehicle.
For some odd reason, she watched him as he left.
An sense of something remaining being left unspoken plagued the air but she dutifully ignored it. Without the Moon Theater, the competition, or any obligations really, a part of her wondered if she'd ever see him again. She tried to disregard how her stomach sank slightly at the very thought…
"I - I'll, uh, see you around, Ash." Johnny spoke up again to seemingly answer her question; his smile easy as he waved to her from where his truck was parked by the curb. He didn't even wait to see the shock that suddenly rose on her face before he climbed into his vehicle and swiftly drove away with a squeal of tires.
It took another few seconds after watching his truck disappearing into the distance before she went back into her apartment. As Ash closed the door and leaned against its grains, she stared down at where her guitar lay in its case. Something she thought she had lost was now back in her life; a genuine smile suddenly tickled her lips; chest feeling a lot lighter than it had in a long time…