Eileen gasped when I showed her what I bought, and then explained why.

"What the fuck is that?"

"I believe this is the Linear Lace Balcony Bra, and matching . . . Ladypants."

"Are you out of your mind?"

"No, because, I have also I hired a guy to wear-" I pulled it out. "This Flame Leopard Harness Body." I grinned, proud of myself.

"That doesn't explain why you're not crazy!"

"See, Gideon has this kink, so when I told her Howard and I made out . . ."

"Ahh, okay, so you've pretty much hired a hooker?"

"Pretty much." I finished getting dressed. "Okay, shield the kid's eyes!" I walked out in a set of matching heels.

"You buy those too?"

"No, I had them." I walked flawlessly over to her, and she pulled her phone out of her bag.

"Day One: Vince has already started to knock the female out, by dressing up as a woman and hiring a prostitute. Currently, he walks in heels better than I do, which lead me to think he has done this before."

"Yep."

"We have a verbal conformation from Vince. Shall we check on our other contestants?" She walked out of the room, screamed, and walked back in, with what I could only presume was Naboo's share.

"Naboo?"

She nodded, stunned. "How did he even . . . it's smooth . . . it came out and . . ." She shuttered.

I fed the kids, but soon, the prostitute arrived, and I dressed him up. "This is ridiculous."

"Just be glad you get to spend a day without someone bumming you." We watched the television for a while, until Gideon got here.

"Vince!" Her mouth fell open.

"Oh, hey Gideon."

Eileen rolled her eyes.

"Who is this?"

"Oh, this is my boyfriend."

Her eyes widened. "Oh yeah? Prove it." I shrugged, bent over, and made out with the guy. "Fuck you." She threw the money at me, and stormed out. I broke away form the guy, paid him, and sent him on my way.

"That was utterly . . ." I looked at Eileen. "Amazing." I laughed. "What size is that bra?"

"I don't know, small?"

"I have scrambled eggs. I want that when you're done with them."

I rolled my eyes, going to get changed.

It got more awkward than I thought it would be, when it was just Howard and I. I had told Eileen about the whole me fancying him thing, which she agreed with, so she and Naboo were trying to make it even more awkward. Which is funny, because she was living in our flat for free.

Eileen sat beside me at the restaurant we were eating at, and kept playing footsie with Howard, and blaming it on me. I don't think he believed it, but it was still embarrassing. But the worst part was, in the middle of dinner, I got a phone call. I walked outside.

"Vince Noir, at your service."

"Vincey!"

"Leo! How the hell are you?"

"I'm good, I'm good!" I laughed a little bit. Leo was our old manager, for when we were trying the comedy, and the music.

"So what's up?"

"Well, I don't know what's up, but PieFace Records is down."

"What?"

"They want to sign you and the old one!"

"What? Why?"

"They have had an abnormal amount of requests on the radio for 'I Did A Shit on Your Mum' lately. It seems you two have become pretty popular on the internet."

"Oh my God, that's amazing! What songs?"

"What?"

"What songs are popular?"

"Oh, well, I Did A Shit, Love Games, uh, well, I don't know, but there's a lot of crimps. It seems to be becoming the new thing again."

"That's brilliant! I'll go tell Howard! Cheers Leo." I hung up, ran back in, told everyone, and we went home, so we could start working on new material.

"I can't believe it!" I was bouncing up and down in the air-plane seat. Beside me was Eileen, who I hired as my full-time nanny, and was holding the twins, in front of me was Howard, and beside him was our manager. Naboo and Bollo decided to hang back for the first tour. Oh, did I not mention that? A world wide tour. That's right.

Anyway, Naboo and Bollo decided to stay at the Nabootique with Gideon.

That was good though, one less person annoying me about Howard. I didn't like her doing it either, because even if I did fancy Howard, he has a girlfriend.

"Neither can I." She cuddled the twins, which were three now, but they didn't like being away.

"We're actually doing this, aren't we?"

"Yeah . . ." I exchanged a fearful look with her. "Next stop . . ."

"America." She smiled at me, nodding.