Disclaimer: I really don't own this~!
6. Plotting, Hufflepuff Style
Seeing Phoenix hunched over a map with a muggle notebook and graphite pencil, Jason grinned. "I sense plotting~!" he sang, plopping down across from his friend.
"You could say that," Phoenix answered with a grin.
"So? Spill!"
"I'm trying to fond dear old dad's house, but even with the address granddad gave me..."
"Did you just call the Head of the Black Family... granddad?" Antony asked. His two crazy friends screamed and nearly fell out of their chairs, throwing their hands up as they jumped. Antony just blinked blandly at them. "Well that was over dramatic," he drawled. Pulling himself fully back into his seat with a sharking hand, Phoenix glared at his secretly insane friend over the rim of the table he'd commandeered.
"Du bist schrecklich," he growled, causing his friends to give him curious looks.
"Phoenix... the Nazi's were only defeated a few years ago. Why are you speaking German?" Jason asked.
"Because emphasis!" Phoenix declared, finally settled back in his chair. "Also... ANTONY?! WHEN DID YOU GET THERE?!" The Goldstein blinked 'innocently' at the Black.
"Just after Jason," he said, "I'm kinda surprised you didn't notice me." Jason gave him a blank look while Phoenix shook his head.
"It's easy to overlook you in the face of my insane awesomeness, Tone," Jason drawled. Judging by the glare Antony was giving him, the other boy really didn't appreciate the nick-name.
"ANYWAY!" Phoenix declared, slamming his hands onto the tabletop and calling attention back to himself. "Plotting. Blacks. Stubborn house that doesn't want to be found. Granddad who's expecting a letter from me in return for allowing me to claim him as family. Christmas Party Crashing," he outlined. Jason blinked.
"Whoa. So you're plotting to crash the Black's Christmas party at Grimwald Place, you can't find the place on the map, you want to have something resembling a plan before you send your letter to the Paterfamilias Black, and you're calling said Lord 'granddad' even without being formally claimed. That about sum it up?" he said. Phoenix nodded.
"But I'm not planning on letting Arcturus know I've decided to call him granddad already. I'm planning on making my first letter as funny and natural as I possibly can," he said.
"Huh. Sounds like you're a little concerned he won't like you," Antony deadpanned. Phoenix shot him a Look.
"He wants me to write to him because he's bored, Antony," he drawled. "This implies that if I'm not entertaining enough, he won't like me. If he doesn't like me, I might get formally disowned. This is something I do not want. If I were to be formally disowned it would be a huge disgrace and I'd be forced to take my mother's maiden name of Funar and that's just not cool. Phoenix Kuma Funar? Nah. Phoenix Kuma Black is way better. Though... hearing Professor McGonegall shouting, 'Mr. Funar, you get back here this instant!' would be amusing."
"Your mother's name is Funar?" Jason asked while Antony seemed to be having trouble with hiccups on Phoenix's left.
"Yep," Phoenix confirmed, popping his 'p',' before turning to Antony. "You, ah, you okay there, Antony? Need a glass of water?" Antony waved him off with a small smile.
"Yeah, yeah I'm fine," he said. Phoenix shared a look with Jason. Had that been mischievous glee in Antony's eyes? Surely not... Right? He was the sane one... wasn't he? "Anyway, I see your reasoning," Antony told his circus-raised friend. "Now, you can't have a proper planning session without snacks so I'm going to make a kitchen run. Anything specific you guys want?"
"If they can make papanasi or placinta cu branza dulce si stafide, that would be awesome," Phoenix muttered, back to scribbling in his notebook. A moment later he noticed his friends were staring at him. "What?"
"What kind of foods are those?" Antony asked, sitting back down.
"Well, they're Romaian for one thing so I'm not that surprised you don't know about them. Mom was from Romainia and has a cookbook from grandma Funar. Anyway, papanasi is cottage cheese rolled into a doughnut like shape and stuffed with sweet cream then topped with berry jam. Placinta cu branza dulce si stafide is just fried dough with sweet cheese & raisins," Phoenix explained.
"Simplified like that, I think the house elves might be able to deliver," Antony said with a nod. Jason looked at him curiously.
"You mean Brownies can and will cook for their families? And Hogwarts has a kitchen full?" he asked. Phoenix blinked.
"Wait... really?" Antony grinned at them.
"I'm going to enjoy teaching you poor muggle-raised boys about the reality of magical creatures," he remarked before departing for the kitchen. Phoenix turned to Jason.
"I think my mind is about to get blown all over again," he remarked dryly. Jason laughed hollowly.
"Mine's already going," he stated.
/*/
Fifteen minutes later, Antony returned with three mugs of hot chocolate, a plate of chocolate chip cookies, and a smaller plate of... "Flying Graysons, is that what I think it is?"
"Well, what do you think took me so long?" Antony asked, setting the fried dough in front of Phoenix. "So, how far did you guys get?" he prompted, biting into a cookie with the more innocently curious expression on his face. Phoenix gaped at the boy for a moment... until Jason's cackles brought him back to reality.
"Right. Well, I know it's going to be Christmas," Phoenix said. Antony gave him a bland look.
"That's it?" he asked, sipping on his coco. Phoenix sighed.
"Yeah."
"Also, didn't you know that old Pureblood homes are often charmed un-plottable?" Antony inquired. Jason and Phoenix stared at him.
"Un... plottable?" Phoenix asked. Antony nodded and swallowed his cookie.
"Yeah, so muggles can't map out their house. I'm pretty sure the Blacks have more than that guarding their home though. Most say their as black as their name since they've got a history of dark wizards, nasty curses, and a few rituals of dubious morality," he explained. Phoenix grinned.
"Well, being a Black myself, even if I haven't been formally claimed, I shouldn't have much of a problem with that. And it's just the house that's unplottable, right? So, the subdivision should still be visible," he said before turning back to his map. "Ah-ha! Found it! And... yeah, I should be able to make it there on my own with little trouble, as long as the schedule stays the same."
"Schedule?"
"What, you think just because it's Christmas the Circus will shut down?" Phoenix asked. Jason joined Antony in staring at the Black in shock and dismay. "Oh come on! Life in the circus is fun! Every day is a party! Though, there are a few hangover days. Usually when payday comes around, ironically enough. And when there's maintenance that needs to be done."
"Remind me never to join the circus," the other two chorused.
"You're just jealous of my totally awesome family," Phoenix declared before putting away the map and pulling the notebook closer. "So, now that I know where I'm going and what route I'm going to take to get there, what time should I interrupt and what should I do as an opening act?"
"You could always introduce yourself like the performer you are. Possibly with a little added bravado or arrogance," Antony offered, biting into another cookie. Phoenix nodded, writing down the idea. "You could even have your family help out. I'm sure one of them would get a kick out of this little escapade." Jason gaped at him while Phoenix chuckled, low and dark, as he jotted that down as well
"And at what point should I bust in?"
"Well, old families usually have a formal welcome and/or lunch. You could bust into the dinning room then."
"And here I thought you were against this whole idea, Antony," Phoenix remarked while Jason began cackling too hard to do much of anything else.
/*/
"Who would have thought Goldstein would be one of the crazy ones?" Jackson asked his roommate.
"Well, you have to admit, Phoenix isn't too bad. His antics are actually kinda funny," was his reply. Jackson sighed and shook his head before a shiver went down his back at Jason's cackles.
"But you have to admit they're kind of creepy," he said. His table mates shivered as well and nodded.
"Definitely the Creepy Cete," they agreed. The so-called 'Creepy Cete' either didn't hear them or just paid them no mind as they plotted and worked on homework in equal measure, sipping hot coco and munching on cookies and fried dough.
"Wouldn't mind trying what Phoenix has though. Looks tasty," one of the girls remarked.
"You should ask him about it some time. Ya know, when he's not plotting chaos," her friend told her. The others at their table chuckled and nodded.
"Actually... when isn't Phoenix plotting chaos?" Jackson asked.
"Um... I'm not sure. Maybe when he's sleeping?" one of the girls offered.
"Nah, I bet he's plotting in his dreams too," one of the guys countered.
"You guys, don't you think you're being kinda mean?" the first girl asked nervously. The others shared a look before looking down at the table, chastised.
"Then again, Phoenix might take our comments as compliments," Jackson mused.
"You're right. I do," Phoenix said.
"See? It's not mean if he appreciates it," Jackson said with a nod.
"Want some Placinta cu branza dulce si stafide?" Phoenix offered, holding out his somewhat depleted plate.
"Great Helga's Ghost! When did you get here?!" the table shouted... more or less. The sentiment was the same, even if the words weren't.
"Just a long enough to over hear your chaos disscussion," Phoenix anserwed easily before refocusing on the first girl. "So, would you like to try some, Rose?" She blinked as she reached out a hand to take a piece.
"How do you know my name?" she asked timidly. He smiled at her, his face lacking his usual manic energy.
"Well, our House is like our family, right? Why wouldn't I learn my sister's name?" he asked. "Ah, I should ask, you're not lactose intolerant are you? There's cheese in that."
"No, I can handle cheese," Rose said before biting into the not-quite-a-pastry. Her eyes went wide and she looked between the crispy dough in her hand and the smiling boy beside her table in rapid succession.
"This is amazing!" she remarked after swallowing. "How did you know about this?"
"My mom has grandma Funar's cookbook so sometimes she'll make traditional Romanian foods. I described this to Antony and he told the kitchen staff and somehow they made it perfectly!" Phoenix explained. A moment of quite pleasure passed before he adopted a pensive expression. "I should really think of a way to thank them for this. It's truly amazing that they could recreate a recipe from just a description of the finished produce, especially in such a short time." He looked to Rose with an adorably open and curious expression. "Do you have any idea how to thank a House Elf for a job well done?" he asked. She blinked at the attention her Housemate was giving her before letting out a small eep and hiding behind her homework. Puzzled and mildly hurt, Phoenix turned to Jackson.
"Well, you could always visit the kitchens and thank them personally," Jackson offered. "They may also appreciate other recipes to experiment with." Phoenix beamed happily at the boy and gave him a respectful nod.
"Thanks! I was planning on visiting eventually, so I guess I'll prepare a few recipes and ask if they want to try them out when I do. Let me know if there's anything I can help you out with later!" he said, clapping his fellow First Year on the shoulder before walking back to his table... leaving a few slices of his Romanian treat behind.
"Ya know," the other girl at their table remarked, munching on the flaky snack, "Phoenix really isn't all that bad." Jackson shrugged and took a piece as well.
"I never said he was bad, just a little creepy from time to time," he remarked before biting into the desert. It really was pretty tasty.
/?/
A/N: the last scene kind of ran away from me. And now I have to write a chapter where Phoenix goes to the kitchens to thank the house elves.
...
Who thinks they're gonna love him?
…
Me.