Chapter 6 : Karma
Even after all this time Jane's stomach started churning as he pulled into the driveway of the neglected house in Malibu. Insensitive souls had approached Adam about its availability; the land alone was worth a fortune, even if the property were demolished. It appeared people were not put off by its ghoulish history in the slightest. The cachet of living in a prime location, outweighed any feelings of taste or sensibilities and the notoriety even added to its attraction for some; it would certainly be a talking point at a dinner party.
Jane rebuffed all offers, despite Adam's attempts to convince him of the logic for disposing of the house, thinking it was a macabre mausoleum for Jane's lost life. They all missed the point; Jane didn't go there to relive his past, the memories of Angela and Charlotte were etched into his memory palace and not in bricks and mortar. All personal effects were in storage and all that remained was a shell of a house; a bleak reminder of his hubris and culpability.
If his resolve ever wavered, Jane could go there to torture himself, to lie in his penitent cell on the mattress beneath the mocking red symbol. To relive the horror of that night, convincing himself he was doomed to suffer for the rest of his days. The guilt was transposed from Red John to himself, from the dark recesses of his memory he would recall the words of the prophet Isaiah.
"Behold, I Myself have created the smith who blows the fire of coals,
And brings out a weapon for its work;
And I have created the destroyer to ruin."
Although Jane saw himself as the creator, that would not stop him exacting revenge on the instrument of the heinous crime executed on his wife and child.
Jane would convince himself that he did not deserve to move on and would leave sadder but more resolute in his purpose. The desire for revenge still smouldering, having been stoked up by the fires of guilt.
The house had been damaged at the front; not the usual place you would expect a forced entry in full sight of the outside world. On closer inspection it was evident the damage was largely superficial, the building had not been breached. It was just gratuitous damage, designed to raise an alert.
Jane had suspected as much when Adam phoned, wondering if he would be walking into a trap. Of course he wasn't as naive as the team thought; he had come prepared. Max Winter's gift had made quite a few outings, when Jane was entering unknown territory. While he may not like firearms, they were a useful backup on his lonely quest, although he would happily rely on Lisbon to be his protector in the field.
Jane smiled to himself each time Lisbon's texts arrived, he missed her more than he cared to admit. Trying to isolate himself from these feelings of attachment, was one of the aims of the next few weeks. The veneer of detachment had been slipping, he had allowed himself to form attachments and he didn't deserve that.
In between the routine tasks around the house, there would be long walks along the beach dipping into the memory palace. Recalling Charlotte rushing into the sea, wearing her green frog armbands to help build up her confidence in the water. She had flatly rejected the pretty pink water wings which Angela had favoured; no matter how hard she tried Angela could never mould her into a little princess. Charlie was inquisitive and fearless, always covered in minor bumps and bruises from her escapades. The water wings were soon dispensed of as she took to the water, too fearless for her own good; they could never leave her unattended, as she would soon go out of her depth.
There would be tantrums, if they tried to fuss over her or curtail her fun. Much to Angela's chagrin, she was very much the tomboy, happier in her dungarees than the fancy dresses Angela would buy for her. Alone with Jane, Charlie would pull faces at the dresses with the extravagant pink bows, which she had been made to wear. Jane would struggle to keep a straight face, as he tried to persuade her to wear it for Mummy and would grin as she walked away disgruntled, with one white sock rebelliously wrinkled round her ankle.
His thoughts inevitably wandered to another angry little princess, who refused to go away much as he tried to banish her from his thoughts.
Jane had been expecting them to come at night and kept the gun to hand in the evenings, so it was a complete surprise when they arrived one lunchtime. Three hooded men advanced through the open patio door, there was no escape or means of defence, as the gun was upstairs in its box. There was no time to grab the phone, which was unceremoniously smashed against the wall before they began their assault on him. Despite the defensive position assumed, the kicks and punches soon rendered him helpless. So this was it; there was a certain karma if it all ended in the place that symbolised his folly.
Instinctively Jane memorised the characteristics of his attackers the timbre of their voices, their build, smell and accents, not that he expected to have the opportunity to make use of the information. Few words were spoken, the beating was relentless. Jane tried to induce a state of calm to slow his systems down, rendering him cold and lifeless until eventually they left him for dead.
Jane's arm was broken and his head was still spinning but instead of trying to make his way outside to get help, he summoned his last reserves to drag himself upstairs to lie on the mattress in their bedroom.
So this was the final reckoning; how fitting it would be to die here, where they had died before him. A half smile formed on his bloodied face in grim acceptance of his fate, he would not fight it. He slipped between states of consciousness, interspersed with bouts of delirium as dehydration set in. The passage of days was marked by the transition from light to dark and as Jane become more detached, it was impossible to distinguish between reality and the imagined, especially when he took comfort from the scent and sound of a familiar presence before drifting back into his own world.
Apart from a quick refuelling stop Lisbon had driven straight through to Malibu, fuelled by the adrenaline that coursed through her veins. Jane's car was parked out front and the door was unlocked, so she tentatively made her way into the dark building, feeling her way to find a light switch. It wasn't the first time she had visited, so she had a mental picture of the layout as she carefully made her way round. The signs of the attack were visible, dried blood on the marble floors and the smashed remnants of his phone. Instinctively she phoned Cho to get some backup, talking to her right hand man as she made her way up the stairs, guessing where she would find Jane. A sob escaped when she saw Jane's broken body beneath the familiar red sign.
"I've found him Cho, he's taken a beating. I can't see whether he is dead or alive."
Cho breathed deeply, expecting the worse and knowing the effect that would have on Lisbon.
She knelt beside his body, feeling his cold hand for a pulse. "He's alive but barely Cho, call the EMT's immediately while I see what I can do. I'll call you when they arrive."
She surveyed the wreck of his body, unwilling to do anything that might worsen his condition. She got some water and tried dripping some water into his mouth through his cracked lips whilst stroking him and talking gently to him through her tears. She would do nothing over than moisten his mouth and sooth him until the medics came, in case an anaesthetic was required later. It was impossible to guess the extent of his injuries and she had to fight hard to overcome her desire to just do something.
"Patrick it's me Teresa, I'm with you now. You're safe again. Just relax help is on its way."
The eyelids flickered in recognition of a familiar sound but after an incoherent groan he passed out again.
"Don't you dare leave me Jane. Stay with me. Damn it Jane, why did you go off by yourself? You knew we would have helped." The tears streamed down her face as she waited for the medics to arrive; they asked her to leave them while they examined him, so she gave her statement to the local police who were in attendance. The medics stabilised Jane as well as they could before transferring him to stretcher, where he was immobilised to prevent any further damage in transit. Lisbon followed them in her car to the hospital, quickly briefing Cho on the latest situation and promising to keep him updated.
In her capacity of Jane's medical power of attorney, Lisbon arranged for Jane's medical details to be sent over to the hospital. When she was questioned, she told the hospital she was his partner and let them make their own assumptions from that. Adam turned up, fearing the worst when he saw Lisbon's tear streaked face. Despite his efforts to persuade her to take a rest, she wouldn't move from Jane's side. So Adam sorted her out with a drink and snack before leaving for the night, insisting that she call him if things took a turn for the worse.
The X-rays had revealed multiple injuries and some internal bleeding, though nothing life threatening. Initially apart from keeping him immobilised, the doctors thought better of doing anything major until he was rehydrated. They allowed Lisbon to stay with Jane, as he lay there in a drug induced haze, the whole situation was exacerbated by his dehydration. His breathing was more regular but he still remained in a state of unconsciousness.
For the first few hours that Jane came round he was still a bit delirious, bemoaning the fact he was still alive and asking why they had not let him die. It could have been over, no more pain or torment he lamented.
Lisbon spoke firmly but kindly "What about us Jane? We care for you and need you - think of us, if you can't think of yourself."
He squeezed her hand gently and a tear ran down his face before he drifted back to sleep. When he woke again he was reconciled to the situation, relaxing under Lisbon's gentle ministrations as she soothed his brow. In as much as his injuries would allow his face relaxed into a vestige of a smile, as ever she knew exactly how to deal with him.
In his semi-conscious state, Jane had heard Lisbon say things that she wouldn't wish him to remember. That both buoyed him up and yet left him with a profound feeling of regret, that he was not in a position to act. Those words would be treasured and the sentiments were largely reciprocated, but he would not embarrass her by acknowledging he had heard them - neither of them were ready for that.
Finally he woke properly, squinting at her through his half closed eyes. "Hey, did I miss something" he said ironically.
"Well I would guess my week's been better than yours." Lisbon let a smile break out, as she looked into his eyes.
He couldn't smile that well due to the split lip and the bruising on his face. The broken arm had been set at some point but was still immobilised. Every bit of him ached when the painkillers started to wear off.
"I don't suppose a cup of tea would be too much to ask for?" He asked more in hope than in expectation.
"We'll see what the nurses can do. But be nice to them, no need to be snarky if it doesn't live up to your expectations." She hid her concerns behind her flippant responses.
A gentle squeeze of the hand was her reply.
"Anyhow, I've got a bone to pick with you mister going off by yourself without any backup, but that can wait for now."
"I wasn't alone, I had my friend with me." Lisbon knew he was referring to his gun, picking up on her comment from a few weeks ago.
"Shame you left him in the box. There's no point having a gun, if don't carry it on you," she retorted.
"Minor detail Lisbon, besides they didn't come when I expected them."
"The fact that you expected them at all, means we're going to have a serious conversation about this at some stage in the future." Lisbon couldn't maintain her stern look for long. Her relief at seeing him on the road to recovery, overrode any feelings of irritation.
Jane tried to lift his head to look at her."Lisbon, I can't remember much, but one of the voices sounded familiar. I can't place it at the moment. The old memory palace is a bit shaken up at the moment, but I'll know it if I hear it again."
"Probably best if you keep that to yourself for now," she cautioned; the last thing they needed was another attempt on his life. "Anyhow, I've spoken to the medics, they see no reason why you can't be discharged at the weekend provided that you've got someone to look after you. My place is too small as you need a proper bed, so Cho has offered to let you stay in his spare room. We'll all take shifts to stay with you."
Although he hated being dependent, Jane's eyes welled at the thought of the team rallying round like this. Jane was too weak to argue now, although Lisbon knew it wouldn't take long for him to start getting restless.
Lisbon had been reluctant to have him stay at her place, the situation between them was still unresolved. There was no spare bedroom and he needed to be able to rest properly. Cho and Jane were both solitary types in their own way and would cope with each other for a while, although Cho would have no secrets by time Jane left. Jane could also see the wisdom of the arrangement, although now his guard was down, part of him wished he was staying with Lisbon.
"You know, you really ought to think about getting somewhere permanent to live," Lisbon said to Jane's surprise, it was strange she would raise it at this juncture.
"Whether you wish otherwise, you are alive Jane and you need to start living. Whatever you eventually intend to do with Red John, there's no reason to punish yourself constantly. You have been beaten to within an inch of your life - surely that is punishment enough? I know the darkness will still prey on you, so make the most of the lighter times." She wasn't saying it for herself, she genuinely thought he needed to try and live a semblance of a normal life.
Cho was ever the practical host, unfussy, matter of fact and importantly he respected Jane's privacy. In return Jane was inquisitive, taking full opportunity of Cho's absence to learn as much as he could about his inscrutable colleague. They had always liked each other in a tacit way, the über cautious Cho was perceived as being straight edge but he had committed to Jane's outlandish schemes with gusto.
Of course the best times were when Lisbon visited, Cho would usually make himself scarce at these times. They would share a takeout and chat about the current case. Lisbon had brought some of the case files to look over to stop Jane going completely stir crazy. They had fallen back into a companionable friendship, the boundaries back in place for now, as neither acknowledged what had gone before.
Jane's resolve to distance himself from the team had failed completely, he was closer to them than ever. Lisbon's words, which had pierced through his armour in his semi conscious state, played constantly in his mind.