Umbrellas
Chapter 6: Patch's Lessons
30.9.2011 Deathy: Okay! I've been lazy, yes. I've been drawing my OCs from Unsure of Title. So yeah. Lazy me. On with the story! NOTE: If you haven't had health yet, you may not want to read this. Especially if you're a boy who doesn't understand these things.
Disclaimer: Dude, has anyone seen my drum sticks?
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Miles walked into his house. Alicia and Rosy didn't come back to the gym. This annoyed the fox to no end. "Alicia still has my credit card." Miles complained as he run the newspaper out. It had begun raining while he was still at the gym. The newspaper was a good shield from the rain. But it wasn't good enough.
"Don't be too mad mon ami." Patch advised him.
"I've been robbed Patch! I think I have all rights to be mad." Miles stated. "I shouldn't have given Alicia my card."
"Zat was your negligence, but you can't fix it now." Patch said wiping his feet on the rug.
"Why did you insist on coming home with me anyway?" Miles sighed as he finished ringing the newspaper out.
"You seem a bit stressed out." Patch stated following him inside.
"I am not," Miles said as he tried to close the door against the mighty winds. CLANK! "Stressed out!" He said as he sighed with relief that the cold air couldn't bug him anymore.
Patch crossed his arms and looked hard at the fox. "Very well." He sighed. "Why don't we have a talk?" He suggested, waving his arm to the couch.
"About what?" Miles said with a disdain tone.
"Mon ami, zere are so many zings we must talk about." Patch insisted.
Miles raised an eye brow at him. "Like what?"
"Like ze fact zat you have a girl living with you." Patch stated as he sat the fox down. His eyes were wide and shocked. After a moment, Miles shook his head and his shock away. He looked up at Patch who sat in front of him on the reclining chair that no one had sat in for years.
Miles gritted his teeth. "There's nothing to talk about concerning that subject." He stated.
"Qui, zere is so concern." Patch stated holding his finger up to Miles's lips to halt his talking. For once, Patch really truly seemed concerned. "You are only 11 Miles. 11. You do not know how to live with ze women. Zere are many zings zat you still don't understand." He said opening up the discussion. Miles didn't want to hear this talk, but he was going to. "First off, I zink you should be informed about a woman's cycle."
"What cycle?" Miles raised an eye brow. He had no clue what Patch was referring to.
"Well, women have zis cycle. Everyone calls is PMS. It stands for ze Pre Mentral Syndrome. I, however, call it Possible Murder Suspect." Patch explained.
"Why?" Miles asked, actually becoming interested in the topic.
"Well, zis happens once a month." Patch went on. "Ze women, zey bleed for several days at a time. Usually it only last for 7 days. Zough if you're lucky, it'll last for only 3 days."
"They bleed!" Miles exclaimed sitting up straighter. "Why? Where? We need to go take them to a doctor!" He said starting to charge up and go find Rosy."
"Hey!" Patch said throwing his body back on the couch. "Zey are fine. They do it all the time. It ez ze way nature works. Where zey bleed, however, I don't zink I can say zat in zis fanfiction." Patch stated. "I'll get you book on that." Patch sighed as he looked at Miles's confused and innocent face thwart with worry. "Don't worry so much. Zere's more to discuss. During this time, you'll notice that Rosy will be very moody, like moodier zan normal, and may even crave certain foods. You'll have to do your best not to upset or anger her. Also, women take really long baths. So you may not be able to ze restroom. Zey hate ze smell of sweat so she'll probably demand zat you shower. Zey also like for zings to be put up in zeir proper place. You'll have to set down some rules, and major strict ones. Because sooner or later, you're going to come home and find that Rosy has done rearranged everything in your whole house and you can't find anything!"
"Patch, I get it. All women are crazy." Miles stated. "Though, I doubt Rosy will do to me what Alicia did to you."
"Don't doubt me mon ami." Patch warned. "You have no real clue what ze women are like."
Just then, Rosy came through the door with an umbrella fighting away from her grasp. "This umbrella is such a pain!" Rosy complained as Alicia followed closely behind her and helped her closed the door. "Can I hit it with my hammer now?" Rosy questioned.
"Do you want to break it?" Alicia asked backed.
"No." Rosy answered as they finally got the door closed. She turned and counted the bags. "Are you sure this will be enough groceries?" She asked.
"Of course!" Alicia stated. "How much are you planning on eating in a month Rosy?"
"Well, I know Miles eats a lot more than most people. He can eat two whole pizzas all by himself. His stomach is a black hole!" She laughed as she began walking to the kitchen.
"Nice to know that's what you think of my eating habits." Miles crossed his arm and glared at the pink hedgehog.
"Oh, hello Miles!" Rosy laughed. She walked up to him and showed him the bags. "Alicia and I went and got groceries!" She said like a proud child, trying to show her parents how good she was. "May I try to cook dinner tonight? This lasagna stuff sounds like a good choice. What do you think?" She pulled the box out of the wet bag.
Miles raised an eyebrow at her. Patch tilted his head in confusion at the girl. Miles reached up and patted her in the head. "Sure. You can try to cook the lasagna." He replied standing up. "Just let me get the fire extinguisher first."
"Okay!" Rosy said hopping up and down.
"Are you sure she's going to bleed for a week?" Miles asked Patch with a concerned look. "She seems perfectly fine. You made me think she was dying."
"Patch…" Alicia crossed her arms. "Where you trying to explain things to Miles?"
"Yes." Patch answered.
She shook her head as she walked up to him. She took her whip out and hit him hard with it. "You idiot!" She called him. "You don't explain those things to an 11 year old boy! It just doesn't work! Especially with Miles! You should not be giving him those talks!"
"He needs to be informed!" Patch yelled back standing up.
Rosy stood there confused. Her face was slightly red. She then hung her head as Miles hid behind the couch. Rosy followed him.
"Can you help me put the groceries up, Miles?" She asked kindly. "I don't know where things go."
"Okay." Miles said as he crawled out from behind the couch and followed Rosy to the kitchen. On his knees, he was ready to curl up into a ball and stay that way for several hours.
"They'll stop bickering soon enough." Rosy stated as she placed the bags on the kitchen. "You're safe now; you can stop crawling." Rosy stated as she looked down at the graveling two tailed yellow fox. His blue eyes afraid of Alicia's crackling whip and Patch's sharp blade. She sighed. "Some taste you have Rascal." She thought to herself.
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10/1/2011 Deathy: It's the 1st of October! Wow! I'm amazed! I've finished this chapter! Patch's accent is so hard to write. I need more work on writing a French accent. Also, I know that I got in a very touchy subject of women's puberty and for those who are uncomfortable with that, I'm sorry. But I think Patch needed to discuss something like that to Miles. Sort of to tell him how hard it is to live with a girl. And Miles, being 11, and living on his own, doesn't exactly understands it, so I wanted to explore that some. Next Chapter is dinner. So that'll be a cuter one. When Alicia stops beating Patch…. -_- Please READ & REVIEW!