"Going out again, Katie?" my mom asks as I cram a few more things into my backpack.

"Uh, yeah," I say. Suddenly I'm trying to look a bit less suspicious. It's probably not working.

"You've been out of the house a lot lately. Where are you always going?"

I knew it was going to come to this at some point. Probably should have come up with a decent alibi in advance.

"To…" Saying something school-related runs the risk of her trying to verify it with a teacher. "Hang out with…" And I can't really say with who.

Oh god, here it comes. "My boyfriend."

...

"You want me to WHAT?" Lance shouts over the phone.

I can't fucking believe this either.

"Just for tonight and hopefully never again," I grumble. It's a plan so simple not even Lance can fuck it up. It's ME I'm worried about not pulling it off. "Just pretend to be my boyfriend when you come pick me up."

"So, is this our first date, or have we been serious for a while?" Lance asks.

"I don't fucking know, just act like you like me or something!"

"Pidgey, I can't believe you think so little of our relationship!"

"Holy shit, Lance, it's not a relationship, it's a cover story."

"Don't lie, Pidge, you think I have pretty eyes."

"Lance, believe me, I don't like this any more than you do."

"Hey, who said I didn't like this? And I DO have pretty eyes."

"Yes, your eyes are very pretty. Now can I count on you to help me out?"

"Pidge, you can do more than count on me. This is going to be the best date EITHER of us has ever had!"

"For your sake, I hope not," I say.

"No, it will," Lance says glumly.

"Well, then, we'll have to fix that later." Though I don't think I'm the best person to enlist for help. I probably should have volunteered Hunk instead.

This means, of course, that I should act like I'm actually getting ready for a date. God, what do people do for those? Makeup and shit? I don't have any. Cute outfits? I'm not even a cute PERSON. Do people ever go on dates where they hang out and do homework? That sounds like something I could do convincingly. I stuff an extra book into my backpack.

I hope Lance shows up soon because I'm feeling really on edge right now. My mom follows me to the door.

"Hold on, honey." She tucks something into the side pocket of my backpack. Pretty sure I already know what it is. "Whatever you're doing, we want you to do it safely."

You can't say they're not good parents.

I bet Matt would have been one well-adjusted kid if he were still here.

"So, how did you meet this boy?" my mom asks.

Hurry up, Lance, this conversation might go south at any moment.

"Uh, you know, at school."

"Do you have any classes with him?"

"No. We met at… recess."

Shit.

My mom chuckles.

"I'm sure he's a lovely boy. What's his name?"

The doorbell rings with my salvation.

"Good evening, milady," Lance flourishes. "Come to trip the light fantastic?"

He's got flowers and a bowtie. I'm in a t-shirt. There's probably a reason I don't go on dates.

"And you must be the radiant Mrs. Holt!" Lance takes my mom's hand and kisses it. Maybe I was wrong about him being an inconspicuous fake boyfriend.

My mom laughs. "I am. And you are?"

"Who am I? I'm your daughter's handsome boyfriend from trigonometry! Surely she's told you all about me!"

"His name is Lance," I fill in. God, Lance, shut up before you blow this.

"Lance, then," my mom nods. "Where will you two be going tonight?"

"We're going to play a very romantic game of laser tag," Lance says.

"Yup. Very romantic." I don't think my face is selling this.

Gunther's come over to sniff Lance's hand.

It's funny, Lance totally strikes me as a dog person, but he doesn't put his hand out or anything. He actually looks kind of scared.

"It's okay, he's friendly," my mom says.

Lance hesitantly reaches out.

"Last time I tried to pet a strange dog, it turned out to be a werewolf."

My mom laughs. I am doing the opposite of laughing.

"Well, I hope that didn't end too badly," she says.

"Oh, no, it's totally fine," Lance says. "I mean, I had a couple of stitches, but I haven't bitten THAT many people."

My mom seems to think he's a joy. I am nothing short of mortified.

Gunther's on the same page as my mom and gives Lance a lick.

"Well, it looks like Gunther approves of you," my mom says.

Fucking dog hasn't been nice to me ONCE and yet he already likes Lance. I don't know what I've done to deserve that.

"Guess I'll stop embarrassing you now," my mom says. "You two have a good time, and call me if you need anything."

I think I'm embarrassing MYSELF more than anything. But it doesn't un-fluster me that Lance ushers me into the car like a damn servant.

"You won't regret this lovely outing I have planned, milady."

"Okay you can stop now, Lance."

He doesn't.

"I know not what wondrous words I've spoken to reach milady's heart, but- "

"Well I WOULD have picked Keith, since he's closer to my age, but I can't really ask him to come out in the daytime, and of course, you have access to a car."

Lance slams the door.

"Thanks, I'm flattered."

"I mean, at least it worked. Flowers weren't a bad idea."

"Actually, those were Hunk's idea."

"Well, my mom sends YOU a gift, too."

I reach around and hand him the pack of condoms. Finally I'm not the only one who's flustered around here.

"Holy crow… looks like your mom had more plans for this date than *I* did."

"Yeah, what ARE the plans for tonight, anyway?"

"Laser tag, weren't you listening?"

"I thought you just made that up."

"Well, Shiro figured we should all go out and do something fun tonight. You know, since we're not doing that TOMORROW night."

Tomorrow night's the full moon.

"So does that mean Keith's coming, too?"

"Yeah, we're going out after dark. Can't believe your mom didn't say when to be home."

Yeah, me either. I wonder if Matt would have abused that privilege if he were here.

For some reason, thinking of Matt makes me sad.

"So. Where did you learn to tie a bowtie?"

"Oh," Lance blushes, "my mom did that, actually."

"Wait, you told her about this?"

"Yeah? You told YOUR mom."

I have no response to that. At least now I know his mom's not dead.

"She's so excited for me," Lance says with a twinkle. "Course, she just wants me to hurry up on the grandkids. Not that that's first date material, milady."

Not that that's dating ME material, period.

For a while, we're driving in silence. It strikes me that for all that Lance never shuts up, I've never had an actual one-on-one with him. I should probably take advantage of this opportunity, but I don't know what I ought to say. Fortunately, he says something first.

"Keith's actually a bit older than he looks."

Right.

"By how much?"

Lance shrugs. Ruminatively.

"Hey Pidge, do you remember that freaky news story from last year? With the body in four pieces and blood on its face?"

Hard to forget THAT one.

"Where did THIS come from?"

"Just wondering."

You don't JUST WONDER something like that.

"Did KEITH do that?"

"No, no, I was just wondering…"

I'm a little unsettled about this fake date.

But I know something that makes me feel less unsettled. It's Shiro.

"So how did you meet Shiro?" I ask.

Lance sits back with a smile. Seems Shiro has that effect on everybody.

"Probably the same way you did. Course, my family had him so swamped he almost didn't get the note to me."

"So your parents actually TALK to door-to-door missionaries?"

I hope I'm not dealing with Christians here.

"TALK? Heck, my mom invited him in for cake!"

Oh, great.

"Shiro doesn't actually BELIEVE that stuff, does he?"

"Well…" Lance hems, "not in the way most people do. He isn't serious about the pamphlet thing, if that's what you're wondering."

"I sure hope not, because the one he gave me was horrifying."

"Yeah, mine too. Did you get the one where the kid gets beaten to death?"

Holy fuck. What the hell is wrong with Christians? I sure hope Hunk didn't get a booklet like that.

I guess I shouldn't berate Christianity around Lance too much, but it's kind of a defense mechanism at this point. Have I seriously been friends with a Christian this whole time? A Christian who hasn't once told me that my body embarrasses their Good Lord Jesus? Man. I actually want to know more about this.

"So, do you, like… go to church and stuff?" I ask.

"Not since I learned I'm going to Hell."

I'm really not sure if that's a joke or not.

"Is that a joke?"

"Eh..."

"I really don't think being gay makes you go to Hell."

"SCUSE me Pidge, does this date LOOK gay to you?"

"This isn't a real date."

"But I put on a REAL bowtie and everything!" Then he looks out the window. "I'm not gay."

I have a few items of counter-evidence, but something tells me to hold my tongue. The idea of going to Hell never hit me very close to home, but I guess if it ever had, it would feel pretty awful.

"Do fairies have an afterlife?" Lance asks me after a moment.

"I don't even think HUMANS do."

"Well, werewolves don't, that's for sure."

"How do you know that?"

"Shiro."

Hmm. If Shiro told me something I thought was ground-shattering and impossible, I'd probably believe it too.

"How does SHIRO know all this stuff, anyway?"

"He's…" Lance hums for a moment. "Well, you should probably ask HIM and not me." There's a short pause. "Have you SEEN those scars?"

Scars, plural? Like, besides the obvious one?

"What, his arm?"

Lance claps a hand to his mouth.

"Nope, never mind then."

He looks like he's dying to talk about it but, for once, won't.

"You know, I really shouldn't be talking about Shiro behind his back, but if you want to know any of HUNK'S secrets, I'm his best friend so those are mine to tell."

"Duly noted."

Somehow I don't think Hunk has any secrets I could possibly be interested in.

"How about Keith's?"

Lance sighs.

"I'm worried about that kid."

"Really? Why?"

"Because he's too afraid of making friends that are just going to die out from under him. But what's the point of living forever if you're just going to be lonely the whole time? And yeah he's got Shiro, but… things that aren't permanent can be important, too."

He looks like he's trying to convince himself of this.

I feel like I've stumbled into a very bad place in the heart of Lance McClain.

"Lance… do you, like… need a hug or something?"

"At the next light."

I hug him at the next light.

"Thanks, Pidge. Like I always say, nobody should be alone."

I don't even know which of us we're talking about anymore.