I See Red
Chapter 6: Red Girl
Sunday went by rather dully compared to the day before. The Okita siblings went to the park. Sougo went for a run, and Mitsuba read a book while sitting on a park bench and took in much-needed fresh air for her lungs. Later Mitsuba treated him to coffee before going back to their apartment so he could study.
He read and re-read his notes. He knew that he would pass the exams easily but for some reason he felt restless. Maybe it was because of Mitsuba, who was happily munching on the 2M Scoville Unit pizza in the kitchen. Maybe it was the 2-hour Weather Bonanza Special with Ketsuno Ana which was making sufficient noise in the background. Maybe it was constipation. In any case, he felt a heaviness in the air, some dark foreboding that he couldn't define or justify.
The next day was the first day of exams. A mixture of nervous and sleep-deprived students marched towards the gates. Ever since the renowned mad scientist Gengai came back to teach at the high school, exams in Gintama High became notorious for being super hard. Even the A-classes were having a hard time coping, and mortality rates for these classes were high, whether or not the students went to cram school or not.
More so for the slobs of 3Z. Apart from Okita himself, he could only see Imai Nobume (who had no emotions) and Saitou Shimaru (who was mute, and also had no emotions) as the only other people who did not look like they were dancing on the edge of a sharp knife and/or had the life sucked out of them over the weekend.
For example, these idiots. "Th—this is bad!" Glasses screeched. "Why did I eat breakfast? Why did I think that the breakfast burrito with black eggs and black ham and black tortilla and black material was harmless? My memory… no, scratch that, my vision is fading! I won't make it!"
"Shin-chan~ you aren't blaming the tamagoyaki burrito I lovingly prepared for you this morning, hm? It was meant as a calorie-dense nutritious meal so your brain doesn't starve during exams." Even though her tone was sweet, shadows and tension was etched into every line of Otae's face, making her look like a character from Fist of the North Star.
"F-forget calorie-dense… It was dense with something else entirely…"
"You should be ashamed of yourself, Shinpachi. I'll help you commit ritual suicide," said Kyuubei, looking honourable and standing threateningly over the weeping Shinpachi. "… and then I'll come after you… my vision is turning black too… I'm sorry, Otae-san… I'm not worthy of your food!"
"Kyuu-chan! Get a hold of yourself!" Sarutobi yelled, stomping in between them. "Before you go and hurt Shinpachi, you better do me first! Here, my whip! Come on, I need it to concentrate before the exams start! (Also, as a warm-up before G-ginp-p-pachi-sensei whips me with his… eeeee!)"
Was China really serious about protecting these retards? If anything, society needed to be protected from their potential to create massive and perverted man-made disasters. He watched this scene absently and realized that the seat next to his was empty. However, just as the first bell rang, the red-haired, twin-bunned girl in question ran into the classroom, huffing and puffing with rivulets of sweat dripping down her face.
"Damn! I woke up late! I had to run from my house to here!" she announced, dropping to her seat in a heap.
"Don't you live, like, 10 km away?"
"Yup," she said. She was munching on a plate of fried rice already. "What's your point, Sadist? Oi, Zura, this is good!"
"It's not Zura, it's Katsura," said the long-haired wig, who decided for some reason to make fried rice for everyone in the classroom while dressed as a waiter. "Leader, I remember you telling me you had stress barfs because of the exams, so Elizabeth and I lessened the portion."
It was a normal portion. "That's super nice of you, Zura! I couldn't keep anything down so I was actually thinking of eating something light too! Chomp chomp."
"I hope you do well in the exams, Leader." He glanced at Okita and gave him a dark look. "If you fail, I'll make sure that the corrupt Shinsengumi pays for their failure."
"And I'll make sure you're expelled," said Okita in his usual deadpan way. "Terrorist wannabe."
Katsura said nothing more and went to his seat, where Elizabeth was stressfully writing on a signboard. (We're gonna die, Katsura-san. Die. Die. Die. Why did we spend all morning making chahan!)
Okita tried to ignore the annoyance welling up inside—that tended to happen whenever he interacted with Katsura—and turned his attention back to Kagura. "Hm. China. You're not wearing a tracksuit anymore," he commented.
For once she looked like a proper student. Her sailor uniform was only slightly rumpled, and she was even wearing her student ID, which hung from a striking red ID lace around her pale neck. More importantly, her arms were snow white and clear and fresh, as if nothing had happened. The skin under her skirt and above her knee-high socks was also unmarred. Not a single cut or bruise in sight. "Well, duh, Sadist. They might not give me my test if I'm not in proper and complete uniform."
She was beaten and bruised three nights ago. This doesn't make sense. This girl is totally an alien, thought Okita, but not without wonder. "You have to take me on an all-expenses paid trip to your home planet if you pass all the exams."
(He tried not to let his gaze linger over her skin for too long.)
"What are you talking about?" The second bell rang and interrupted their conversation. Ginpachi-sensei lazily entered the room and took his place behind the teachers' desk.
"Yo. As you slobs know, today's exam day. Put all your crap in front of the classroom and take your seats. Uh, right, I have to explain the directions. So basically you shade the circles completely in these scantron sheets, and, uh… dammit, I have no energy to explain everything." He started passing out the answer sheets. "So you guys are all in high school anyway. If you're too stupid to get how this works then you might as well fail. Open the textbooks in your hearts, but if I catch any of you brats opening anything else, I'll open up a new gateway to—"
He was interrupted by the slam of the door against the wall. 3Z, who were all on edge (thanks to Ginpachi-sensei too), faced the door, brandishing all their hidden weapons.
"Tsk. Sensei, I thought this was exams, not a school rumble."
Okita's eyes widened at the newcomer.
"Tch." Ginpachi looked tense for a moment, but seemingly forced himself to relax, turning back to his slack, fish-eyed self. "Making a scene so early in the morning, Takasugi. Sit your ass over there at the back."
Takasugi Shinsuke, the delinquent of legend, was back. Except for the fact that one of his eyes was covered with a bandage, the crazed look in his eyes, the one Okita remembered clearly from two years ago, remained the same. His uniform was untidy and loose, and he carelessly ambled over to the seat where Ginpachi made him sit.
Okita glanced quickly at his classmates from the disciplinary committee. Kondou, Hijikata, Yamazaki, and Saitou caught his glances. They were all thinking the same thing.
This guy… what's he playing at?
"All right kids. Make your poor ol' overworked Ginpachi-sensei proud. Good luck."
All the students flipped their questionnaires over, fighting off the tension that was taking over the room. Ginpachi, as a proctor, needed to roam around the room and make sure he didn't need to open up a gateway up someone's ass to Laputa's Castle in the Sky. In his usual lazy stride, walked from one aisle to the next, momentarily feigning indifference to the so-called legendary delinquent, who was quietly answering their Geometry exam.
The first two exams, Geometry and English, were quite painful. By lunchtime, everyone was either weeping, laughing inappropriately, or were complaining of hallucinations. Kondou-san was so stressed he started stripping almost automatically before Hijikata and Yamazaki stopped him.
"Oi, Sadist. This is bad. They'll deport me to Timbuktu if I don't make it." Sitting across him with another plate of chahan, five pieces of garlic soy chicken, and three cups of chocolate pudding in front of her, Kagura had a look that was between defeat and utter emptiness. "I'm totally going to crush your nuts if I fail. Yup."
"Not if I skin you, shred your innards, and sell what's left of you to the black market first, you sow," grumbled Okita. "At this point I don't even care what Ginpachi-sensei will do to me. I'm totally going to kill you if you don't pass."
"I'll kill you first. Totally. Yup." Kagura bit lifelessly into her drumstick. "A light lunch for me today, too… I've lost so much of my appetite. I feel like I'm wasting away."
Okita munched on a hotdog sandwich tiredly. The exams were pretty difficult, but doable. If China failed and let their punishment stick, he swore to himself that he'd deport her to Timbuktu personally.
"Okita-kun. Long time no see."
His guard up, he sharply turned to the side and met Takasugi's one crazed eyeball with his own gaze. The members of the disciplinary committee suddenly stood up from their seats on high alert.
"Whoa, jumpy. Calm down, my dear Shinsengumi. As you can see, I'm a reformed man," he said, waving his arms around, as if to show everyone in the room that he had nothing to hide. "I'm just here to greet an old acquaintance and…" He tilted his head as he turned to the red-haired girl seated across Okita. "… his new girlfriend? Very cute, Okita-kun. You better introduce us," he drawled.
"How about no?" said Okita, earning him a mocking laugh from the delinquent. Kagura and the rest of 3Z were looking at them anxiously.
The delinquent laughed-it had the rasp gained from years of tobacco use. "I didn't think you were the possessive type. You don't have to worry. I won't steal her from you... different story though, if she decides to pick me instead."
"Not that I care, but if you went out with her, it'd be a felony. What are you, 25?"
"18."
"Takasugi." From the other side of the room, Katsura momentarily stopped serving his classmates their fried rice desserts. He stopped in the middle of them, making his body a barrier. "Sou-kun and Leader aren't in that kind of relationship. Let's not worsen the misunderstanding."
"Is that so, Zura? The rumours of the Yakuza Princess and her Yankee Prince aren't true? I thought I'd have some interesting people to spar with when I came back." Takasugi grinned at them.
"I'm no yakuza, you damned Yankee," seethed Kagura, clenching her fists. The tension around her grew, and Okita knew that she was keeping herself again from going violent.
"Oh. So she speaks Japanese. Aren't you interesting." The one-eyed man motioned himself to come closer to the redhead and was reaching out to grab her ID-lace to read her name, but Okita stood in between them.
Wordlessly, he glared at the delinquent. Next thing he knew, his other classmates followed suit—the members of the Shinsengumi, the Sadistic Sisters, the Shimuras, and Kyuubei and Sarutobi all stood behind Kagura, as if to protect her from Takasugi.
"Oh. How cute." Takasugi laughed. "You guys are overreacting. Sheesh, a guy like me can't be friendly with new students anymore. At least one question, though. Where'd she come from?"
"Enough." A strong, authoritative voice sounded from the front of the classroom. To everyone's surprise, Ginpachi-sensei was watching the scene unfold before him for who knows how long already.
He ambled his way in between Takasugi, Katsura, and everyone else. He then flicked Takasugi on the nose. "Don't act like such a punk. Characters like you with a complex and dark backstory with bad-ass looking facial injuries are never the Big Bad Guy anyway, so quit acting like one."
Momentarily losing his poise, Takasugi rubbed his nose in irritation, before composing himself again and clearing his throat. "Hai, sensei. I didn't think I was acting like a bad guy anyway."
"Hm. I thought so." Ginpachi-sensei looked dully at everyone else. "The rest of you—finish your damn chahan and take your damn seats. You think the next exams are easy?... Oi, Zura, gimme my dessert."
One by one, everyone went back to their seats to tensely eat their lunch. Okita went back to his hotdog sandwich. Out of nowhere, a plastic bag fell on his table with a resonant thud.
"What's this."
"Yakulk. A peace offering. To show you and your red girl that I mean no harm," said Takasugi with a deadly smile before going back to his seat at the back of the room, hands in his pockets.
"Hmph. As if you can buy peace with Yakulk… What's that guy doing, adapting all those clichéd bad-ass poses…" Suddenly hearing gulping noises beside him, Okita turned and watched blankly as Kagura chugged bottle after bottle of Yakulk.
"Glug-glug-gulp…" Kagura looked at him, and then turned green. "S-sadist… this is bad… my stress barfs… my stress barfs! Hrrgh!"
Okita nonchalantly pushed her head to the opposite direction as she hurled, and it just happened to be where Kondou was seated, eating a suspiciously black burrito with his fried rice plate. "Ahhh! China-san! You barfed on my lunch! And on me too!"
"K-Kondou-san. I feel sick too. Hrrrgh!"
"Oh no, not again! Toushi! Help me! Hrrrrgh!"
Thankfully, 3Z had enough time to transfer to the school gym for their afternoon exams. Kondou, however, had no time to get a change of clothes and had to take his exam at the far corner of the gym, with a mosaic covering his nether regions.
After the initial shock of the first day, the next day and the day after that were more tolerable. Okita supposed that it was due to people either getting used to the stress or just plain giving up on trying. When Kondou tried to strip out of stress again, no-one lifted a finger to stop him.
After classes, the active members of the Shinsengumi, allegedly under the instruction of the committee adviser Matsudaira-sensei, discreetly watched Takasugi's movements around campus. While he still had that same crazed look on his face, he didn't seem to be doing much of anything. He read The Prince by Machiavelli (the English version! exclaimed Yamazaki in admiration) in between exams, and went home as early as he could. Sometimes he hung out with the creepy Lolicon guy and the kind-of-popular ukulele guy from 3-Y, but they all went home early each time.
Maybe he's serious about being a reformed man…? That could be why Ginpachi-sensei seems like he trusts him so much, typed Kondou in the group chat.
Dunno about that. It's been a few days. He might do something drastic after exams, replied Hijikata.
I, too, feel bad vibez around him. Those guyz from 3Y feel suspiciouz as well. Zzz (sleeping emoji), typed Saitou.
In any case, even though it's exams, we can't drop our guards. Yamazaki, continue giving us your reports. Might want to drop out of Badminton club for a while.
Eehhh? Hijikata-san, that's too much! Minton is life! (crying emoji) And you promised to reimburse me for all the anpan I ate while doing stakeouts last week orz I'm poor plz help
I'll stick that racket so far up your XXXXX that XXXXXXXXX
The screenshot that Hijikata sent him ended there. Okita deleted the file and looked at Hijikata, who was regarding his reactions.
"So?"
"We just keep watching our backs," said Hijikata. They were hanging out near the river just outside school grounds, away from prying eyes. "Smartest move for any one of us at the moment."
Okita mulled over the information in his head silently. All of them had a good reason for reacting the way they did when he came back. Takasugi Shinsuke was at the center of a massive disaster in Gintama High three years back, when he, Hijikata and Kondou were in their first year of high school. Many regretful things happened. The awful conclusion was that many students ended up needing hospitalization, and the three of them were expelled.
It was such a huge scandal that since then, section Z had a bad reputation with the rest of the school for being a class full of delinquents. It was Ginpachi-sensei who picked up the pieces of the class and fought for the school to give Kondou and Hijikata a second chance, because as he said, the modern world evolved so that Gorilla and a Demon Mayora can be of good use to the society.
The two of them only got held back a year and were now doing their best to pay back as members of the Disciplinary Committee, which was given the nickname Shinsengumi after the historical police force, since Hijikata instilled his demon-like disciplinary code over the entire student body.
In the present, they have been doing well. While known as a class of misfits and weirdoes from outer space, the student body began to trust in section Z again. So it came as a surprise for everyone that Takasugi was allowed to come back, and even enter as a third year, after passing the third year entrance examinations with only two mistakes. Apparently, Ginpachi-sensei must have seen something in him that also warranted this second chance. The utter injustice of it angered Okita, though he tried his best not to show it. Besides, something else apart from ancient history bothered him…
"Any idea why he's so interested in China?" He didn't appreciate how he called her red girl, nor did he like the way he looked at her when she wasn't looking. It was eerily similar to how he looked at Mitsuba years before. Hungrily. Like she was something to be used. And Kagura was infuriatingly oblivious to all of it.
Hijikata sighed deeply, similar to the way he would when he still smoked cigarettes. "No clue. I've an inkling that those girls got the courage to target that brat because of him. But I can't make a connection yet. It could be as simple as he and that Lolicon having the hots for China…"
Suddenly Hijikata was doubling over in pain. Okita had a dead look in his face and had automatically hit him in the stomach with his fist. "W-what the fuck, Sougo… you damn Sadist!"
"Don't say dangerous things in public, Hijikata-san. I'm only trying to protect you."
"Bastard! Just because you have it too, doesn't mean that—" Okita had him in a headlock at this point, and just as Hijikata almost ran out of air, he heard a girlish voice behind him.
"Okita-kun! Hijikata-san! What are you guys up to?" Soyo, who was flanked by Nobume and Kagura, saw them from a distance and was waving at them. Okita let go of Hijikata, who fell to the ground gasping for air.
"Hi, Princess. We were just jogging," he said blankly.
"The Sadist lies." Kagura said, munching on an ear of corn. "They were probably peeing in the grass side-by-side and looking at each other's xxxxx in secret, yup."
"Oh. Is that why you were trying to kill Hijikata-san again? Did his xxxxx offend you?"
"It was offensive in that it was leaking a mayo-like substance at one end of it."
"O-oi, what the hell are you telling these girls, you disgusting brat!"
"Yuck! I knew it, yup! Mayora, you should stop eating so much mayo! It's making your xxxxx sick!"
Hijikata was turning into a furious shade of red. "We w-weren't doing anything like that! Be serious. We were just talking about the exams today."
"The Mayora lies. He's totally hiding his xxxxx disease, yup. And Sadist will never have his stand up again."
"Like I said, China, want me to prove to you that I don't have it?"
"You guys should really stop talking about xxxxx's! Apart from making me sick-" Hijikata pointed his finger dramatically at Nobume, who was hastily scribbling down on a notebook. "She looks like she's enjoying this too much! Oi, what's a so-called elite brat like you doing with that kind of filth?"
Nobume held her notebook, labelled "BL (HijiOki Serial #21)" written in huge, block letters, closer to her. "… it's one of my bestsellers," she said nonchalantly, as a line of blood appeared from under her nostrils.
Further chaos ensued, with Soyo gushing about how excited she is for Nobume's next chapter, Hijikata stammering about how long was this going on and is that why a lot of fan girls panted around him so much when he was hanging out with the Shinsengumi all these years, and China…
China was just laughing her ass off over the whole thing. While it wasn't the first time that Okita saw this, it was the first time that she was laughing so openly and boisterously around him. It was probably the first time she had her guard down, and Okita knew that he needed to make sure to protect that laughter of hers.
As that inappropriate thought made its way into his head, he felt that irrational need to punch Hijikata in the gut once more.
AN:
Thought 1: ... the latest Porori-hen episode... orz all I want is more canon Okikagu interactions sob sob sob
Thought 2: My favourite things in the Gintama anime are dick jokes, canon Okikagu interactions (especially when they kick each other's asses), Gintoki being shamelessly lazy, Patsuan screeching, Sa-chan squealing when she gets turned on by thinking about Gintoki, Kondou yelling "Toushi!" and those scenes in the opening themes where they zoom in onto Takasugi's one evil eyeball even though Takasugi doesn't have any cameos in that given story arc. These elements are mishmashed carelessly in this chapter so I'm kind of happy about it.
Thought 3: I bet Nobume is a total fujoshi.
Thank you once more for reading, reviewing, and/or fave-ing and following this story! :D