News of the marriage between Tatsuki and Renji spread throughout Karakura City like wildfire sparking hope in the males as they duked amongst themselves using whatever martial arts they possessed of, to see who would marry her sisters, ignoring Jyuushiro's decree, demolishing any buildings that they come in contact with andthroughout the whole city. In the midst of the said brawl, one of the said brawlers got himself flung towards a café and smashed into a table disrupting a certain diminutive red head lady's meal, causing the fiery red-head to join in the fray to display her wrestling prowess over their loss of meal and with her tall blonde boyfriend protecting her back and bemoaning the fate of their lost meal.

With such violence and disorder echoing throughout the whole city, causing Kenpachi along with his whole police squad to restore law and order back to the town. Much to his disappointment as he was very sorely attempted to hunt out the strongest especially Kurosaki Ichigo to test out his skills once more. But alas duty needs to be seen to, so he reluctantly imposed a curfew to the town.

Despite of that, no one seemed to be fazed by it at all, in fact they all crushed themselves in one small apartment, having a time of their lives, namely throwing a huge bachelor party for Abarai Renji in a big send off towards the unknown chartered waters to hell known as marriage.

"KAMPAI!!!" the idiotic looking brunette yelled as he raised his mug of beer in the air as he hooted loudly his congratulations to the said man.

"True Abarai-san, like Keigo-san says congratulations for the wedding." The demure black haired boy hiccupped as he downed the cup of sake.

"So Abarai-san, spare us the details. Was she a tiger?" Shunsui leered as he was having a ball of his life as his wife, Nanao, was busy chaperoning the makeover of Tatsuki who was screeching and protesting that she would not marry a certain monkey king and the makeover not even a fifty foot pole. Renji rubbed the spot on his jaw just where Tatsuki had decked him and gave a very thoughtful look.

"Yup, she is really a tiger and she screams really loudly." Renji innocently replied as he recalled their fight, fortunately Jyuushiro due to his poor health was unable to attend the party, or else he would do something terrible that consisted of impaling Renji with stakes and liquefying his internal organs upon hearing these words.

"Ah, that's satisfied my curiosity and to congratulate you I like to give you this." Shunsui beamed very brightly after wiping off the blood from his nasal as he handed a book titled 'Kamasutra' to Renji, soon it was followed by the others not wanting to be outdone by the others. Isshin handed a very big bottle of Viagara along with a bottle of Tongkat Ali, whom Isshin conspiratorially added if that did not work then that herb might perform the wonders in their sexual life with a very flirtatious wink thrown along with it causing many who were sober enough to raise their eyebrows.

Even the normally shy Hanataro gave Renji some CDs that he had innocently stol- I mean borro- wait I mean-obtained from the hospital. That he also added that might widen and improve their experience.

"Do you know that you and your girlfriend thrashed me so badly back there that I could barely walk or even write for months …" The tall white haired man with red tear streaks under his eyes lamented as he gave a disapproving frown at Renji who was not bothered by it. In fact he gave the old pervert the middle finger for his pervert ness. The old man was not even fazed by the insult as his somber face in fact took up a perverted look and gave double thumbs up sign at him.

"But then, your explosive relationship gave me so much inspiration for my latest book, and from the bottom of my heart as the icha icha paradisu series author, I, Jiraiya, like to present you this!" he gushed as he whipped out a book from the inside pocket of the vest, titled 'Icha Icha Violence' along with a tall pile of previous volumes of the Icha Icha Paradisu series in front of Renji. The sight of them was enough to make a certain masked silver haired guy with his right eye covered in an eye patch's single eye widen in wonder and disbelief. The masked silver haired guy then quickly made his way towards Renji who was flipping through the contents of the book to see how much torture could he come up with to thank the lecher for his 'gift' and slung his arm around Renji's shoulder.

"Ah, Renji-san long time no see, how are you?" the silver haired man drawled causing Renji to raise his eyebrow at him.

"Who are you besides that you are the owner of this apartment?" Renji asked with suspicion in his voice. The silver haired Cyclops then expressed a mock look of hurt but Renji was not even bothered at it.

"Ah … you wound me … how can you forget me Hatake Kakashi, we met at Camp Konoha when we were in our teens." Kakashi replied with his mind focused on and fingers itching to get that uber rare volume that will not be released until a month later. Renji then slammed the book shut but his actions didn't seem to faze Kakashi at all.

"OH …. That! Oh course I remembered especially you put that … (beep beep)… snake among my belongings and stole my clothes while I was bathing and threw them up that (tooot) tree that was (beep beep beep ) high and did I mentioned that I was chased and stung by those (tooot) bees while climbing up there without wearing anything at all! Including tossing me into that (tooot) deep pond with what's his name Aso- something. " Renji asked very calmly as his voice seemed to increase in volume causing Kakashi to shiver and look nervously.

"Um… Sorry I think I got the wrong person." Kakashi mumbled as he scooted away from the raging ape who looked like he wanted to execute very violent moves inspired from the said book on him (Not that type of moves! Ye Perverts) and screaming about Kakashi forcing him to go to the infirmary and stealing a particular blonde nurse with one good rack, Tsunade's undergarments and wearing them incurring her wrath and bloodlust, causing Jiraiya to scribble furiously in his little black notebook and giggled pervertedly for his next upcoming volume ….

Chapter 4: The Marriage …Finally

On the wedding day, it was a grand and elaborate affair; everyone contributed their efforts even up to the last minute to ensure that this wedding go off in a big bang. The sun shined brilliantly, the puffy clouds lazily drifted by lending shade to the Ukitake household gardens creating a very cool and comfortable weather for the wedding to be held outdoors and the birds were singing their blessings to the soon to be wedded couple and not littering the ground with their droppings for once. In the middle of the garden, the five stories high wedding cake- thankfully not created by Orihime- stood majestically among the deceptively innocent food- is it me or does the beef look purple and the chicken looks greenish yellow? Anyway a scowling and fuming Tatsuki was standing at the aisle, being unable to get out of the marriage, was dressed in elaborate white satin wedding gown decked with sequins, lace and diamonds and embroidered with flowers and butterflies on it and was ready to be given away and get married. The gardens were packed as none of the guests were late and wanted to miss this very memorable event for never have they dreamed that the harpy would be finally hitched and they wanted to see the unlucky bastard in person. Speaking of the groom …where is he?

Renji cursed very loudly, driving toards the venue at an insane speed. He could not believe that he had practically overslept on his big day…

Beginning of flashback

"Damn, why must I be the one?" Kakashi grumbled as he poked the slumbering boxer clad Renji without any interest in the attempt to wake the ape king up for his wedding in time for his own fiancé had practically threatened him to be on time to witness the event or else … he shivered at the thought. So far his attempts were unsuccessful as his 'tenant' just flipped to one side and sucked his thumb. Kakashi wanted to scream in frustration at the sight as time seemed to be ticking too fast for his liking.

"Oei, Renji, time to wake up, for there is a wedding for you to be there." Kakashi growled as he booted Renji's ribs very painfully enough to be wake but Renji just smack his foot away.

"Mommy, I dun wanna to go to school, the boys are mean and icky." Renji whined in his sleep causing Kakashi's uncovered eye to widen in surprise.

'That will be a very nice blackmail especially I need to get some favors from him.' Kakashi thought. 'Anyway, seems like I have to do this!' he put his two forefingers together and thrust them straight into the area … where solid waste had to pass thru … effectively waking Renji up.

"KONOHAGAKURE FURUI TAIJUTSU SUUKOUJUTSU: ITAMI no SENNEN!" (Hidden Leaf Ancient Taijutsu Supreme Technique: 1,000 Years of Pain)

"YEOWWWWWW!!!" Renji jumped up his bed and nearly crashed into the ceiling from the sheer pain from his –umm- rear. As he landed on the firm ground called earth in a very painful manner, a very pissed gorilla emerged from the ground and grabbed hold of Kakashi's shirt ready to maul him into pieces.

"What in the nine levels of hell did you do that for!" his grip on Kakashi's shirt tightened as he growled out his rage. Kakashi just merely showed him the alarm clock that he quickly grabbed, praying that he would be spared from the impending violence. Renji's eyes widen at the time displayed on the clock. Screaming all sorts of vulgarities that could (not) be found in the dictionary, he scrambled from the floor, grabbing whatever clothes he could find. As Renji hurried to dress himself, his pants zipper got caught onto his flesh, causing him to squeal very loudly and hopped around in pain. Kakashi meanwhile watched the scene in amusement not lifting a single finger to assist the poor bridegroom….

End of flashback

Renji reached the Ukitake household in time to bump into a black faced Jyuushiro who was stewing in anger as Jyuushiro was beginning to suspect that Renji at the last moment had decided to become the run away bridegroom and was about to hunt him down without any mercy for knocking up his daughter (which Renji did not do at all).

"Ah, you are finally here, Abarai-san … WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS!" Jyuushiro looked with shock and distaste over Renji's state of apparel which consisted of an unbuttoned and untucked crumpled shirt showing his abs, unbuckled belt and unzipped pants that had seen better days of laundry.

"THIS IS YOUR WEDDING DAY FOR CRIPES SAKE!" Jyuushiro dragged Renji in an attempt to lead him to the changing room to change into more suitable clothes. But somehow Renji ended up leading Jyuushiro towards the wedding reception.

"What! Tsuki-chan is marrying me, not my clothes. Be glad that I did not come here in buff!" Renji exclaimed very stubbornly and loudly as they reached the place just in time for the ladies to hear Renji's protest and started to have very impure thoughts about him and swooned with massive nosebleeds after seeing his toned and ripped body and their men-folk started to crack their knuckles. The wedding then started without any delays despite the beginning hiccups.

"Ahem, ahem, cough, wheeze, we are here today to gather to …" Shigekuni Yamamoto-Genryūsai intoned, but was interrupted by the monkey god.

"Stuff it you $$&& old windbag! The way you !#$#$ conducting this, you are holding a funeral!" Renji cursed at the priest, earning himself dark looks from the said priest, Jyuushiro and some of the guests, but he was not even fazed by them at all. The priest then resumed giving his speech, but once again interrupted by Renji's swearing, but his swears were so unrefined and crude that was enough for the elderly priest to drop the bible in shock and Tatsuki to stare at him in amazement. As the priest stooped down to retrieve the book, Renji beat him to it, by slamming the said book on his cranium and gave him such a cuff that poor Yamamoto fell to the ground and was knocked out cold. They had to replace him with his assistant, Sasakibe Choujirou, to proceed with the wedding. However Renji continued with his contribution of profanity that left the poor assistant and Tatsuki blushing and trembling with fear.

"Shit! What have I gotten myself into?" that was the only thought echoing in their minds. Once exchanging the vows minus the kissing after receiving patented death glares courtesy from Jyuushiro and Tatsuki much to the male audience's dismay, well things went practically downhill to a disaster when it came to the drinking of the sake. Renji just drank half of his cup and threw the rest of it to the shocked assistant's face. Instead of apologizing, Renji roared with laughter at the sight. Everyone in the garden shot him with glares.

"What! His mustache looks so thirsty so I gave it a drink." Renji replied giving a much original innocent look that any five year old child could pull off, robbing everyone of their ability of speech. Never had they witness such a mad wedding that you really doubt the mental capacity of the groom. Renji had decided to go wild from the beginning to see his plan to temper with his new shrewish bride. After everyone had recovered themselves, they then turned their attention to the feast that Jyuushiro, Orihime and plus many others had so lavishly prepared for them. However Renji had other plans.

"Sorry, folks, looks like Tsuki-chan is coming home with me" Renji announced to the crowd who just blinked stupidly. When it finally sink into their minds …

"WHAT!!!!"

"How can you do this? How can you miss this once in this lifetime when the all the flames of youth have come together to become one?" a green spandex clad teenager with big round eyes, bushy eyebrows and a bow cut hairstyle exclaimed in horror upon hearing the announcement.

"Yosh Lee! With your youthful speech, the flames of youth will be ignited once more!" the older version of the said boy leapt out of nowhere showing the thumb up sign and flashing his sparkling smile blinding everyone on the spot. The wedding reception suddenly disappeared and in its place was a setting sunset on a tropical beach as the bushy eyebrow duo ran forward intending to embrace each other.

"GAI SENSEI!"

"LEE!"

While they are racking up time, air and page space with their cries and hugging, their male bonding had practically scarred everyone on the spot and the image was burnt right into their retinas that no matter how much soap and lye they used, they were unable to wash away that horrendous image. As their cries getting higher, louder and more frantic, a freckled faced straw blonde teenager couldn't stand it any longer; she whipped up a sandal out of nowhere and smacked the bushy eyebrows duo to oblivion, restoring the scene back to its original backdrop. Everyone was grateful for her intervention, even her grinning bowl- head boyfriend was glad for once that he was not at her receiving end.

"What do you mean that we are leaving now?" Tatsuki and Jyuushiro demanded at Renji who was just picking his nose.

"Why Tsuki-chan, Kyoto is a thousand miles away from here and will take hours as we are driving up there." Renji replied with a dead pan look on his face causing them to splutter.

"But … you mean you are not staying here for the feast?" Jyuushiro spluttered stupidly. Tatsuki started to panic as she heard from one of the maids, Matsumoto that once a woman get bonded with a man, and they will have to spend a night alone doing only god knew what ….

"What will our guest say if we leave like that? Papa will lose his face if we do that." Tatsuki pleaded very desperately hoping that she could at least delay the inevitable. Jyuushiro nodded his head in approval but Renji just give her a glance.

"Screw them, we are leaving now." he replied very simply, causing Tatsuki's eye to twitch in annoyance.

"You said you love me, prove it by staying here." Tatsuki snapped as she stomped her foot and pouted. Renji found that she looked very cute but he remained firm to his decision.

"DAMNIT! You said you love me! This is really bullshit! You want to go so badly then go! The door is open!" Tatsuki turned to the crowd. "Everyone let go ahead with the feast and ignore this fool."

"If you say so, Tsuki-chan!" The monkey-boy replied in a sing-song voice, as he swept Tatsuki up and flung the shocked dragoness over his shoulder and slapping her bum at the same time.

"Enjoy yourselves everyone, as my wife tells you. But I'm leaving with my wife." Renji informed the crowd cheerfully as he squeezed her rear. At these words, Tatsuki recovered from her shock and started to pound his back with her fists.

"PUT ME DOWN THIS INSTANT! PUT ME DOWN YOU BARBARIAN!" Tatsuki screamed loudly in hopes of freeing herself but to no avail.

"Why Tsuki-chan, I didn't know you are so eager to give me a back massage. Seems like we must hurry back home so that we can do it in my bedroom." Jyuushiro fainted after hearing Renji's cheeky reply. Tatsuki pounded even harder and faster to be free from his grasp, but Renji's face took a look of pleasure.

"Ohhhh…. Tsuki-chan how do you know that I like my back massages to be faster and harder." Renji moaned causing Tatsuki to stop her administration on the spot. As he was about to leave the place, his path was blocked by the busty honey blonde maid, Kiyone, a brunette who has a cloth hair ribbon tied on her head and the freckled straw blonde girl.

"STOP! YOU CAN'T LEAVE THIS PLACE!" the foursome replied in a very firm voice, glaring at the gorilla with menacing looks on their faces.

"Matsumoto! Ukyo! Hiyori! Kiyone!" Tatsuki cried with grateful tears streaming down her face as she gazed at her friends with a grateful smile on her face from the comfortable position that she was in but her happiness was short-lived.

"You can't leave this place without tossing the garter and the flowers to the crowd. The tradition should not be broken!" they gushed, causing Renji to smirk and Tatsuki to face vault.

"TRAITORS!" Tatsuki roared at the sudden betrayal, baring her fangs in anger at them. But they ignored her as they were eyeing at Renji.

"Karin-san, Orihime-san, why do they need to throw the garter thingy and the flowers away?" Rukia asked with a confused look on her face.

"Oh, Kuchiki-san, it's a tradition where if a lady catches the flowers thrown by the bride and the gentleman catches hold of the garter then they will be the next to get married. I hope I can catch hold of the flowers so that I can be with Ishida-kun." Orihime gushed in hopes that Ishida be the receiver of the said item. After hearing the reason behind this very strange tradition was enough to spark Rukia's interest that she prepared herself to catch hold of the flowers despite her horizontally challenged status and mentally hoped that Ichigo caught hold of the garter or else she would kick his ass.

"Why didn't you say so?" Renji grabbed the flowers that Tatsuki was holding and tossed it behind his back with such force; he had to dodge the trio as they rushed with such haste in a mad rush to be the one owning the bouquet. He then plunged his fingers underneath Tatsuki's skirt to tug her garter off her thigh, causing her to squirm and squeak at his action. The garter followed just after the flowers, turning every bosom friends into enemies as they rushed and fought among themselves to be the beholders of the said items. Renji quickly scooting away from the battle site along with a stunned Tatsuki slung on his shoulders. No one noticed as they were very busy ripping each others' hair and clothes and shoving each other to grasp the elusive items. Even fists and clothes were flying all over the place. The married couples including a few singles were passing popcorns around as they found the rugby from the stone ages highly amusing and entertaining that they did not interfere at all.

"Yosh! If I cannot get hold of the garter, then I will run five thousand laps around this beautiful city dressed only in a tutu!" Lee exclaimed as he rushed towards the flying garter but he received a flying kick by his teacher.

"Sorry Lee even though I support your endeavor with Sakura but I need to get hold of it so that I can get married to my pigtailed goddess." Gai yelled but was unfortunately was knocked unconscious by a sword wielding poetry sprouting samurai wannabe with intentions to getting married to his dream harem.

Tatsuki's eyes widen in surprise and her breath was taken away when she saw the wedding car. The car … well… was so battered that you might think that a rouge elephant did a very big number on it, the paint was peeling off from every nook and corner of the car, heck even the car door was swinging precariously from side to side. The car decorations consisting of can streamers, flower decorations could not even do justice to the car.

"So Tsuki-chan, how do you find this baby? I got this at a very good price. Even the seller decorated the car as well." At Renji's words, the car door had decided to give away and drop to the ground with a shuddering groan.

Meanwhile …

Everyone at the wedding venue blinked and was too stunned to even squeak as they stared at the receivers of the garter and flowers of discord for the next 'wedding'.

"Ow! Who in the bloody hell put a brick inside these weeds?" Ichigo groaned as he rubbed his poor aching crown as he was holding the said flowers in his free hand. He suddenly noticed the heavy silence in the air. He then looked up and saw everyone staring at him as if he was from outer space, even Rukia, he felt a thousand stabs in his heart, had a look of horror, pain, disbelief and despair written on her face. Rukia then pointed a shaking finger with tears spilling down her porcelain heart-shaped face. Feeling puzzled his gaze followed the direction in which her finger was pointing. His face was quickly drained of life-giving blood. The garter was innocently hanging over a clueless Kenpachi's hair spike, who was also wondering why one of his police staff, Ichinose, even his girlfriend Retsu were giving him such strange looks.

'Ew ... Renji, when we meet again, I'm gonna to gut you using a rusted butcher knife.' Ichigo was quaking and gawking at Kenpachi and found his hand was not responding at all.

T.B.C.

Winter-chan: Poor Ichigo ... I wonder how is he going to comfort Rukia who has been scarred for life... and at the same time hunt Renji. The waking up of the groom was inspired from one of my older sister's high school projects on the wedding cultures yeah. I hope that you all like the musk of lemon and lime fragance on this chapter... Man the garter part and the waking of the groom practically got me cracking and nearly admitted myself to the bedlam. Anyway ... All the Naruto, slayers, ranma 1/2 characters belong to their respective creators, i just simply kidnap and blackmail them thru various means as it's so troublesome to invite and negotiate with them...

Meanwhile thanks to everyone for making my fic to hit a 31 reviews ... I'm so happy as it was my first fic to able to garner so much especially:

ice illuser: gee ... I was more in line of thinking poor shiro-chan and ishida and hope you are able to recognize ur favourite characters in this chapter.

ayako nazuki: thanks for enjoyin the previous one and hope you will enjoy this as well and laugh your heart out as well.

karenkate-kitty: thanks for loving the creative and sadist story and hope you like the slight ichiruki part.

(): yup well hope the misadventure of idiotic renji got u cracking.

next up: seems like renji's landlord have a lot of embrassing Renji stories to share ... how is Tsuki-chan goin to face Renji? Meanwhile could you all review to at least 10 reviews to encourage this poor Winter chan to write more... By the way before i go and to thank everyone I would to present you ...

All the bleach male captains from all 13 divisions, except Kurotsuchi and Yamamoto, to perform a striptease dance to the 'I'm too sexy' song ... C'mon shake ya booties as well.