Author's Note: For Kaguya-chan, who always makes me laugh.
Sango's POV
I opened my eyes the next morning… and promptly shut them again as bolts of pain lanced through my skull.
"Ooorgh," I moaned. "My head." Even speaking was difficult. My mouth felt so dry.
Something delightfully cool was pressed into my hand.
"Drink. You'll feel better." Miroku's voice was soothing.
Without opening my eyes, I grasped the bamboo flask and drank greedily, water slopping over the front of my kimono.
"Better?" There was the merest trace of amusement in the monk's voice and I bristled. Damn him for being so insanely cheerful when I felt like crap.
"This is all your fault, you – "
I sat up abruptly as I talked, forcing my eyelids open so I could glare at him. Big mistake. The sunlight pierced right through my eyes and into my already sore brain, multiplying my throbbing headache by a thousand-fold. I groaned and fell back…
… into something warm and soft. Miroku had caught me with one arm. He sighed, lowering my head back down to the pillow.
"Don't make any sudden moves, okay?"
Somewhere from the blackness, I heard Kagome moaning.
"I feel like hell. Please kill me now, I promise I'll never touch a drop of alcohol again if only this headache would go away."
I grinned weakly, my head pounding. At least someone was sharing my misery.
A rustling sound. I sensed Miroku moving away, presumably to attend to Kagome. Bringing my hand up, I rubbed my temples, trying to ease the pain in my head.
"Miroku-sama," groaned Kagome, "can you go to my medicine box and look for a bottle? Marked 'Paracetamol'?"
"Certainly, but why?"
"Mama told me before it can cure hangovers."
The words 'cure' and 'hangover' immediately caught my attention and I cracked my eyes open. Kagome's era was truly a magical place if they had managed to develop a cure for hangovers. As a young girl, I remembered seeing some of the men of my village getting very drunk and then horribly hungover the next morning. I was lucky Father never liked drinking: I could still recall the nasty retching and the headaches they complained of. Especially the smell of their vomit.
"Kagome, you had a cure for hangovers and you didn't tell me???"
Inuyasha appeared suddenly in front of us. I winced as the high volume of his strident tone sent spikes of agony through my already tortured cranium.
"Inuyasha, not so loud, please…" groaned Kagome. "And besides, I only just woke up, plus I didn't think I would be needing it." She raised herself just enough to shoot an ominous glare at Miroku as she placed heavy emphasis on the last few words.
I turned to look at my friend and almost recoiled in horror. Kagome looked quite a sight, her long black hair sticking out in all directions, her eyes so impressively bloodshot they bore a striking resemblance to Naraku's. I couldn't bring myself to laugh because I was certain I wasn't much better-looking myself.
"Oh, blame me for your hangover," came Miroku's amused voice as he came back, holding the bottle. "Last night, you seemed to be enjoying yourself."
Kagome stiffened suddenly and so did I. Frantically, I tried to recall the events of last night but all I could come up with was bits and pieces. All I remembered was drinking the entire cup of sake in one go… someone's arms around me… the weightless feeling of being carried…
Oh Kami. What happened last night?
Miroku pushed two tiny white pebbles into my hand. "Swallow this," he instructed, handing me a cup of water to go with them.
I obeyed, gulping down the water and immediately felt better. As I slowly sat up, I saw Inuyasha and Miroku also tossing back the white pebbles. Kagome sat with her head in her hands, presumably trying to remember what had happened last night.
"What happened last night?" she said finally, glaring at the guys from between her fingers, silently warning them to spill the details. I joined them, narrowing my eyes threateningly. We must have looked like a pair of Narakus, because both guys blanched and shifted back uneasily.
Inuyasha suddenly became shifty-eyed, looking anywhere but at us. Miroku, on the other hand, quickly regained his composure and merely smirked. My heart plummeted, my mind unhelpfully supplying all kinds of unpleasant 'worst-case' scenarios....
"Why, my dear, bold Sango. Are you telling me you don't recall what happened?" he murmured salaciously.
Kagome glowered. She gave Inuyasha her sweetest smile, sending the hanyou into a flurry of twitching.
"Inuyasha," she cooed. "What happened last night?"
He gulped audibly. "Uh… we all got really, really drunk…" His voice trailed off and he blushed. I had never seen Inuyasha look so abashed before. "I… don't really remember much after that too."
While all this was happening, that stupid, lecherous monk sat there grinning his lecherous grin.
Quick as a flash, I seized him by the front of his robes and shook, ignoring the stabbing pain in my skull. "You'd better tell us everything that happened, you lecherous monk," I growled as menacingly as I could. "I know you were up to something."
The infuriating man just laughed. Fuming, Kagome tried again. "Shippou-chan," she called. "What happened last night, after we drank the sake?"
The kitsune shrugged, much to our disappointment and Miroku's absolute glee. "I dunno, really. Inuyasha, Sango and you started acting really strange. Only Miroku was still normal. He asked me to go to sleep while he took care of you all."
A crafty look suddenly flitted over Shippou's face. "But I didn't trust Miroku to look after you guys, so I stayed awake."
Miroku paled.
"Oh?" I gave the monk a vigorous shake. "So what did we do, Shippou-chan?"
"… You mean you really don't remember?" asked Shippou curiously. Miroku quirked an eyebrow, the same question evident in his eyes.
"No. If you tell me and Sango everything that happened, no leaving anything out, I'll give you a whole box of Pocky. Chocolate-flavored," promised Kagome, her eyes gleaming.
That did the trick. The little kitsune's face lit up eagerly. "You mean… all for me?"
"That's right."
"Okay!" He plopped down on Kagome's lap and scrunched up his nose, trying to recall the events of last night. I shuffled closer to listen, not relinquishing my grip on Miroku, practically dragging him across the grass. Inuyasha came nearer too, a steady blush spreading over his face.
"Uh… Inuyasha was walking around in circles and crashing into the same tree and stone over and over again." The hanyou blushed harder. "Keh," he muttered.
"An' Kagome, you were laughing really hard an' then you 'sat' Inuyasha again and again, an' then he said something about him and Kikyou sleeping an' merging…" Shippou was on a roll, recounting his tale to his horrified, spell-bound audience. Miroku let out an involuntary snort.
Kagome's mouth fell open and she clapped a hand over her face. She looked completely mortified, almost as much as Inuyasha did.
I stared in horror, the mental images evoked almost far too perverted and disturbing to be a product of my mind; it suited Miroku's lecherous self more.
"Perhaps, I should inform you three of what happened…?" The afore-mentioned lecher interrupted. I glared at him.
"You lecher, what makes us think we'd trust you?"
He shot a meaningful look at Kagome and Inuyasha, disguising it as a casual glance. "Well… I'd be completely honest with you. Besides, I can assure you that it's nothing you're thinking." Mischief danced in Miroku's eyes and I wondered whether it was fine to trust him, da-ru or no da-ru.
Shippou guessed what was on my mind. "Don't worry, Sango," he said brightly. "I can confirm whether he's speaking the truth."
What did we have to lose? Besides, my curiosity was killing me; I had to know how bad had it been. Even Kirara had padded up and settled down, her red eyes trained on the monk.
I let go of Miroku. "Okay, spill," I instructed him, Inuyasha and Kagome glaring daggers at the monk at my side. "Make sure nothing but the truth comes out."
The corner of his mouth tugged upwards in a lopsided grin.
"Well, what Shippou meant earlier was that… uh, Inuyasha told Kagome-sama that he'd never slept with Kikyou-sama and that he was a virgin."
They both turned a spectacular shade of beetroot.
Shippou turned to me in confusion. "What's a virgin, Sango?"
"Erm… I'll tell you when you're older, okay?" A choking, laughing sound came from Miroku and I turned to smack his arm. "It's not funny, you lech!"
"Sorry," he gasped, trying and failing to regain his composure. Already irritated, I gave him a little encouragement to shut up, clouting him over the head with a fist.
"Get on with it," I growled.
"Alright, alright. Honestly Sango, you could have fooled anyone. Who would have known you to take such liberties with me and attempt to besmirch my honour?" He pouted prettily and covered his mouth with a hand in an uncanny imitation of a blushing village girl, the kind who flocked around him like bees to honey.
"What are you talking about, Houshi-sama?!"
He feigned astonishment. "Why, you practically threw yourself into my arms and tried to kiss me! You don't remember at all?"
I felt my face burn under the curious stares from Kagome and Inuyasha. "You perverted…!" I reached out and grabbed the front of his robes, shaking him so vigorously I could have sworn I heard his teeth rattling in his head. "Shippou, is that true??!" I cried, willing it to be another figment of the monk's perverted imagination.
The kitsune blushed as all eyes swiveled towards him. "Actually… yeah. Miroku was surprisingly well-behaved, though…"
Much to my amazement, Inuyasha nodded solemnly, the colour mostly receded from his face. "Yeah, I saw it too."
"… he fended you off and tried to put you to bed but…"
"But what?!" I could feel the headache coming back with a vengeance.
"But… you groped him."
"I… WHAT??!!" I was shocked speechless, my mouth opening and closing like a fish.
Kagome found her voice first. "Wow, Sango-chan!"
"But… but… I…"
Miroku put on a mock-hurt expression. "You see, Sango? I am innocent."
My shoulders slumped. So much for outsmarting Miroku while he was under the conditions of the da-ru. Somehow, that cunning man had managed to turn the tables on me.
Kagome sniggered loudly and Miroku winked at her.
"You're not much better yourself, Kagome-sama," he continued with a lecherous grin on his face. "I remember you offering to strip for Inuyasha."
She let out a squeak and coloured spectacularly again as Inuyasha looked anywhere else but in her general direction.
In spite of my acute embarrassment, I couldn't help but giggle a little at my best friend's plight.
"But don't worry, Kagome-sama, Inuyasha had the perfect excuse to protect your modesty," continued the monk. "He was quite right to point out that only I would take pleasure from your stripping."
"W – why you…" spluttered Inuyasha. "I'm gonna kill ya, ya idiot monk!"
Miroku squirmed out of my suddenly limp grasp and darted out of the furious hanyou's reach as Kagome sat in a daze; she appeared to be trying to digest all that had happened.
"Man, sometimes, I feel like the most mature one in the group." I heard Shippou mutter as he dipped a hand into Kagome's bag and pulled out a lollipop.
Kirara mewed. I could have sworn it was a sound of agreement but I decided to give her the benefit of the doubt.
Tuning the entire world out, I mentally reviewed the situation:
Goal: Take advantage of Miroku being unable to grope me.
Result: Take advantage of Miroku being unable to grope me by groping him myself – and remember nothing of it.
Goal: Curb his lecherous tendencies.
Result: Bring out my lecherous tendencies.
Goal: Utterly humiliating that lecherous monk for just once in my life.
Result: Utter, abject humiliation – for the rest of my life.
"Yowch!"
A snarling Inuyasha pushed Miroku back down on the grass, the latter now sporting a lump on his head.
"Are you sure that's all that happened?" demanded Kagome loudly, snapping out of her trance.
Miroku nodded, rubbing his head. "Inuyasha and I let you two sleep it off."
The energy left me and I moaned. Crawling back to my bedroll, I collapsed on it, not bothering to pull up the blanket. Kirara mewed sympathetically, nuzzling my face and curling up beside me.
"Please kill me now," I mumbled.
For some reason, I couldn't fall asleep immediately despite feeling completely exhausted. I listened to Kagome and Inuyasha argue over traveling for the day. The hanyou eventually gave in, conceding we would not be going anywhere today and settling down to watch over the camp.
I felt the blanket being pulled from under my body and over my shoulders. A hand tucked the warm fabric under my chin, lingering briefly over the skin. "Ah, Sango," whispered Miroku's voice in my ear. "The things you do to me."
If it hadn't been for the fact he'd said it without a hint of pervertedness, I would have abandoned all pretence and slapped him hard. As it were, I found it rather sweet.
Damnit, woman! You have no self-control when it comes to that perverted monk! scolded my inner voice.
***************************************************************************************************************
The next day, everyone felt well enough to travel. We were lucky Inuyasha chose to keep his complaints about wasting a day to himself, otherwise even Miroku and I might have not been able to prevent Kagome from 'sitting' him into hell.
After walking for a while, Kagome broke the silence.
"Well, I never want to even look at sake again, let alone drink sake for the rest of my life."
"Me too," I agreed.
"Me three," muttered Inuyasha.
"Hey! I didn't even get to taste some!" whined Shippou from my shoulder.
Miroku grinned and pulled out the sake jar, patting it lovingly. "Then I guess no one will mind if I finish this up myself."
Three scorching glares in his direction made him put it away hastily.
"Idiot," said Shippou in my ear.