I do not own Pokémon or Familiar of Zero in any manner, and expect no monetary profit from this endeavor.

Episode V: The Show Must Golem

Tristain Academy, built according to the extravagant demands of nobility, was much more extensive than one would expect in a school. Besides the classrooms and dormitories, there were dozens of dozens of extra rooms, ranging from kitchens to closets. Normally, these closets were of no interest to any at the academy. They only served to store things that people really didn't care for and forgot after depositing them. However, their anonymity and seclusion from school life made them perfect locations for impromptu meetings.

"I'm telling ya," Meowth's voice broke through the darkness, "it's the perfect place for a secret base."

"I don't know," James said hesitantly. "It almost feels unethical- for a thief's code, I mean. Just doesn't seem like what a crook usually does. It's like having your base in a prison."

"My point exactly," Meowth countered. "This team is built to surprise the unsuspecting, so nobody will anticipate our move. Besides, the best part of the deal is that the defenses are already installed."

"Except those defenses will keep us from getting in in the first place," Jessie pointed out.

"Don't worry," Meowth reassured her, "I listened in on an interesting conversation that revealed a special flaw in the system, one we are at: tunneling.

"Who else knows about this?" James asked.

"Just the Professor and a secretary," Meowth said dismissively. "Nobody to be concerned about. The thing is, we'll have to be careful if we want to keep this a surprise for the Boss…"

Their conversation was sent to an abrupt halt as a powerful explosion engulfed them. As the dust faded, they stared out of the now light-filled and broken closet to see their leader glaring at them." "There you are!" she said, hands on hips in anger. "I've been looking all over for you three. Now, stop this lollygagging; we have work to do, and only a day to get things perfect."

"Perfect for what?" James asked.

"Don't you peasants know anything?" she said. "Tomorrow is the Day of the Void."

"Day of the Void?" Meowth asked, baffled. "What's dat? Some kind of eclipse?"

"Idiot!" Jessie shouted, pounding him to the floor. "Any shopper knows that the Day of the Void is only the biggest retail sale of the year."

"No, no, no!" Louise screamed in frustration. "It is a special celebration in honor of the Founder Brimir and his mastery of the Void."

"Brimir?" Jessie asked. "Was he a Master or Champion or something?"

"Indeed," Louise answered. "It was through his valiant efforts that Halkeginia was made into what it is today, so it is only right that we give honor to his glory."

"I don't see what this has to do with us," James commented.

"The point," Louise explained, "is that the Academy uses that day for the annual exhibition of the familiars we summoned. And it's mandatory for second-years!" Sensing where this was going, James gently put a hand on her shoulder in comfort, only to be swatted away. Failing to hide her tears, Louise sobbed, "I'll just be humiliated again. Like always, I can do nothing but go forward and be shown to be the Zero I really am."

Nodding in sync, the three Rocket embraced her in a hug. This time, she did not protest. "Don't worry Boss," James said, "we won't let you down."

"Dat's right," Meowth said, "Ya can't give up. If you have to face humiliation, then go out with a bang! What do you have to lose?"

"We'll get to work right away," Jessie reassured her, "though it would have been nicer if you told us sooner."

Louise gave a faint smile before realization and anger shot through her. "You impertinent peasants!" she yelled, brandishing a whip, "It's a wonder I can ever keep you three under control. Now get to work!"

"Yes ma'am!" they said, saluting before dashing off.

"So what's the plan?" Meowth asked Jessie.

"You just told us," Jessie replied.

"Of course!" James exclaimed in comprehension. "When we show off our new secret base, we'll be the most infamous familiars in the school and the world!"

…

…

It was the Day of the Void, and the students were lined up for the opening ceremony. The Day of the Void was one of the most sacred days in Halkeginia, and the Academy was sparing no expense with the festivities. Even though the royal visit had been cancelled since that assassination attempt, spirits were high. Still, there were a few people with emotions contrary to the usual hope. Miss Longueville had accepted the extra work readily, but seemed almost impatient for something. Now that it was time for the ceremony, she had excused herself, saying that the chores had exhausted her. Osmond had let her depart for a long rest, although not before taking a poke at her behind. Longueville had kept the illusion of fatigue as she staggered back to her quarters, but her crafty eyes betrayed her hidden strength within. As she passed by the vault, her eyes darted towards it, each gleaming in anticipation.

Meanwhile, Louise's eyes were likewise darting back and forth with vigor. Instead of excitement though, they reflected distress. Where were her stupid familiars? She was technically supposed to be at the opening, but the introduction shifted straight to the competition, and she needed her performers. But, as usual, they had disappeared from her sight. In fact, she hadn't seen any of them since speaking with them yesterday. She had no doubt that they had kept their word, and were preparing at this very moment. One of her familiars' by the few positive qualities was their dedication to her. Unfortunately, their loyalty was compounded by their lack of any sense. Like the fact that it might be important to coordinate their act with her, rather than running off somewhere else.

Fortunately, Louise saw her luck pick up as two small figures rounded the corner in front of her. "That should be the last of it," Meowth said to Wobbuffet in exhaustion as he hauled a pile of dirt and rubble over his head.

"It certainly is the last straw," a girl's voice spoke from above him.

He looked up to see Louise staring down imperiously. "B…boss!" Meowth exclaimed, dropping his load in shock. "What are you doing here?"

"Performing in the exhibition," Louise answered. "At least, I should be. Instead, I am stuck trying to catch my stupid familiars who ran off without telling me. Now, where are those other two?" she demanded.

"Well," Meowth said sheepishly, "we'd come up with a big surprise for the show, one that would show who's the true boss of the school. The thing is…it's taking a little longer than we hoped. Jessie and James are still down there making renovations. We should be ready in an hour though."

"I'm on in fifteen minutes," Louise said, dragging the two Pokémon away, "and if I can't show off all my familiars, at least I'll show some of them. In any case, you're the most normal-looking of them, so you'll do just fine."

"Hold on!" Meowth protested in vain as he was carried away. He tried to grasp the walls with his claws, leaving heavy gouges down the halls. However, Louise's training had made her surprisingly strong, and she lugged him and Wobbuffet along with no difficulty. "What do you expect me to do?"

"Something that doesn't embarrass me further," Louise grunted, having arrived at the show in the nick of time. "Now get in there!" With that, she hurled the two onto the open stage.

Slowly squeezing out from under Wobbuffet's body, Meowth stared mutely at the waiting audience. "Er, hiya folks!" Meowth said, sweating nervously. "What a crowd! But don't worry, Meowth and Wobbuffet are here to amaze ya!"

"Wob!" Wobbuffet shouted in agreement.

"Okay," Meowth said, struggling to make an impromptu act, "Now first…"

...

…

The hills outside the Academy were peaceful as usual, the only sounds being the gentle murmur of insects in the grassy fields. Generally left undisturbed by the school except for occasional field trips, the plains enjoyed a state of perpetual serenity. Even the festivities of the Day of the Void failed to alter the harmony. The flocks of guests arrived via the main road in and hustled into the castle, leaving the fields to the back empty as always. Therefore, there were only butterflies to take witness as a cloaked figure passed through to sit on the edge of a small bluff. Once a solid part of the land as a whole, it had suffered the wear of a powerful storm, and was now fragmented. Much like her own life, having been broken by outside forces. While the rest of the area remained vibrant, the shattered hill remained bare, forgotten by the world around it. Such neglect brought ire to her heart, knowing how quickly Saxe-Gotha had been tossed aside and purged from the memory of Albion. But the faint green of vines encroaching on the rocks gave her hope that the once-abandoned stones of the past might rise up in defiance of those who destroyed them. It was only fitting then that she cast her spell on the rocky terrain, watching in triumph as the earth began to mold into an almost human, albeit gigantic, form and slowly began to march towards the Academy.

…

…

"And I predict," Meowth said with full seriousness as he closed his eyes and waved his paws wildly, "that the card you are holding is NOT the Ace of Spades!" "Wobbu!" his partner agreed, showing the card to the unimpressed audience.

"You know," one of the students whispered not-so-softly to another, "that would have been neat if he hadn't used that guess the last ten times."

"That's because it's the only thing he's sure of," his friend whispered back. "Or did you miss when he tried to hide a card when he got started?"

"Zero, get your familiars to spruce up their act, or get them out of here. We want to be awake for the other acts, you know."

Reddening in humiliation, Louise marched up to the stage. "Listen," she whispered, drawing the two Pokémon close in a chokehold, "do something right for a change, or I'll make sure the act ends with a bang. Understood?"

"Got it, Boss," Meowth said weakly. The question was what to do next. Magic tricks hadn't worked out, and neither he nor Wobbuffet were that great of performers. Maybe juggling would work. Plus, he could add a little extra twist to it. "All right!" he said. "For our next act, Wobbuffet and I will juggle these spears!"

"Wob?" Wobbuffet asked, confused what his own part in the act would be.

"It's simple," Meowth told him. "I'll toss the spears to ya, and then you'll use Counter to bounce them back to me!" Wobbuffet nodded, so Meowth carefully tossed one of the spears forward. Wobbuffet glowed, sending the spear flying back. Only it went a little faster than Meowth anticipated, so he had to dive to catch it. Laughs rang out in the audience, and Louise stared daggers at him. Dang it, he still didn't know what let him be so athletic that other time.

"Wobbuffet?"

"I don't need any backtalk from you!" Meowth snapped. Paw glowing, he threw another spear, this time with full force. Wobbuffet shook in fear, but reflected it back. Only this time, Meowth found that he could dash and catch it as if it were the easiest thing in the world. "I get it," Meowth said. "Ya need ta be serious for dis thing to work. So let's get cracking, shall we?" Wobbuffet tensed uneasily, clearly not liking the turn of events. In a flurry of throws, Meowth threw the spears like javelins, continuing to throw even as he caught the ones deflected by Wobbuffet. This was getting good now. Sure, he missed a couple of them now and then, but their act was full of energy. The prize was a shoe-in, now, and the Boss would be so…

Meowth paused and dropped his weapons as he was picked up by the scruff of his neck. With other hand, she let go of a couple of spear she had caught midair. As Louise grabbed Wobbuffet as well, Meowth saw what had happened to some of his misplaced spears. A few had lodged themselves into the stage, and some were pinioned in place between the bleachers of the audience, sometimes having missed guests by mere inches. And from the pale looks of a few of them, there would have been hits if Louise had not caught the last couple.

"Show's over," Louise told Meowth, dragging him and Wobbuffet off the stage. At least the audience was too stunned by the attacks to jeer at all as they left.

"Hey, what was dat for?" Meowth asked. "We were just getting to the good part!"

"Oh, the good part, he says," Louise snorted. "You just made a fool out of…" Louise paused from her tirade as she noticed an unusual and disturbing sight before her. Out in the courtyards of the Academy, a massive titan of earth was pounding furiously against the walls.

"Whoa," Meowth said in shock, staring up at the towering giant, "what is dat thing?"

"A golem," Louise answered uneasily.

"Dat's not a Golem!" Meowth countered. "Golems are round. And no Golem ever got to be that big."

Ignoring Meowth's babble- a habit she'd learned to cope with her familiars- Louise continued, "It must be trying to break into the Treasury."

"We can't let them do dat!" Meowth shouted in panic. "We have to stop 'em before it's too late!"

Louise narrowed her eyes on Meowth in suspicion, but was unable to question him further before a voice spoke from above them, "That's what you think." They gazed up to see a hooded person standing atop the golem.

Louise stared up at the mysterious attacker before realization shot through her. "You're Foquet, the Crumbling Dirt!" she exclaimed in fear. "The mage thief that wanders the lands in search of ill-gotten treasure! The one who has outwitted countless mages!"

"Actually," the cloaked man spoke, "the title is 'Crumbling Earth'. But I suppose that's the way with you nobles, always so lost and confused when something does not go as you wish. But, you are correct: I am Fouquet. And if you will excuse me, I will finish relieving this vault of its ancient treasures."

"We won't let you do that!" Louise shouted in defiance, briefly forgetting the danger in favor of pride.

"Dat's right!" Meowth added. "Dis here place is the thieving ground of Team Zero, and no other! So get lost, ya crook wanna-be!"

Although they could not see the rogue's face, the two could tell by the stiffening body that they had made a mistake in challenging the thief. "You children shouldn't be out here by yourself," the figure said threateningly, "otherwise someone could get hurt. You've already gotten yourself into trouble though, so I suppose I'll have to be the one to discipline you for your mistake."

With those words, the golem turned away from its siege of the wall and began to lumber towards the two small figures below. "Uh oh," Meowth said, turning to Wobbuffet. However, the blue creature had already slipped off, dashing away in fear. "Come back, you coward!" Meowth yelled after his retreating 'buddy'. "You know the old Team Rocket camaraderie- if one of us gets squashed, we all get squashed!"

"Can't you use your spears like before?" Louise asked desperately.

"You made me drop them when you dragged me off the stage, remember?" Meowth said.

"Well then," Louise said firmly, stepping towards the giant, "I suppose it's up to me then."

"Boss," Meowth said, his fear shifting from himself to Louise, "get out of dere! It's one thing for a grunt to get killed; it's a whole nother problem when a Boss gets killed."

"No respectable master would desert her familiar," Louise replied, "Even ones as unrespectable as you." Powering up a Fireball spell, she hurled the magic at the golem. Unfortunately, it whizzed past the automaton, continuing onwards until it hit the wall behind the golem. The spell then proceeded to unravel, transforming into a potent explosion that reduced the chunk of magically-enforced brick to rubble. Louise fell to the ground in defeat, waiting for the smashing footstep of the golem to finish them off.

Instead though, the golem turned back to the now-open Treasury." "Let it not be said that Fouquet is as cruel as the nobles he steal from," Fouquet told them. "I owe you a small debt for opening that vault for me. As thanks, I spare your lives. You can see the hopelessness of challenging me, so don't be any more trouble. I'll just take the Staff and depart…" Fouquet froze in shock as he stared at the sight within Treasury.

…

…

Jessie and James were not in a good mood. The plan had worked perfectly; a little tunneling and blasting, and they had burst through the floor into their waiting base. However, they soon realized something they never knew before (mostly since they had never gotten as far in the past): claiming a secret base was easier than remodeling one. Jessie was frustrated at the dusty and antiquated decorations in the room, while James was grunting at the extra menial work he had been corralled into. Still, they had made progress, and spirits were up until an explosion broke through one of the walls, engulfing them in dust.

"Take it easy Boss!" James yelled, stepping outside to confront the apparent culprit of the explosion. "If you'll just take a look inside, you can see that we've been very product…" He stopped, craned his neck upwards and stiffened.

"James," Jessie said, emerging from the hole, "what are you doing? Stop looking at the sky and help me explain to the Boss; if we work together maybe we can convince her to let us keep the place…" James remained mute with horror, but slowly pointed a finger up where he was staring. Jessie peered up, and instantly drew back in fear. "What is that thing?" she demanded.

"A golem," a familiar voice said in frustration from behind the giant figure, "and what are you two doing in there?"

"Er…Boss!" James exclaimed at recognizing Louise's pink hair. "Sorry we couldn't make it to the show. How did it go?"

"Never mind that," Louise said. "Just tell me what is going on!"

"You see," James said uncomfortably, before a rumble from the golem drove their conversation to a halt.

"I have had just about enough of these interruptions," a hooded man said from atop the golem. "Just suffice to know that I am the infamous thief Fouquet, and that you would do best to get out of my way."

"Listen here, 'thief'," Jessie shot back, "let it suffice for you to know that you are dealing with the world-famous criminal group Team Rocket! Prepare for trouble!"

"And make it Zero!" James added, starting up the motto.

Louise groaned in despair at having to hear the lame chant again, but was surprised when Meowth tugged on her shoulder. "Come on," he told her, "nobody's going to watch us while dere listening to the motto, and besides, we have to get in position for the big finale."

Meanwhile, Fouquet listened in bemusement as the Rockets continued to recite the motto. Finally growing impatient, she broke into their chant and laughed, saying "Team…Rocket? Don't tell me that you're the 'Team Fouquet' that has everyone in Tristainia running around in circles. This is what they were afraid of? A gang of bumblers who would be kicked out if they even tried to join a group of bandits, in fear that the incompetency would interfere with their raids?" However, the two remained undaunted, and continued to speak, their voices growing as they reached the finale.

"Team Zero," Jessie shouted, "blasting off at the speed of light!"

Fouquet drew back her golem, sensing that there was something dangerous waiting to happen.

"Surrender now," James said threateningly, "or we'll blow up everything in sight!"

"Meowth, dat's right!" The voice of Meowth could be heard within the vault, followed by a quiet ping. Those noises were quickly muffled by much louder sounds, as the entire Treasury rumbled as if struck by an earthquake. Fouquet watched in awe as the walls just…fell apart, like stacked cards. She had spent hours working at the shield, and they blew through it in less than a minute?

From the ruins of the Treasury, a massive figure emerged. Although at first it seemed almost a murky reflection of Fouquet's golem, as the dust settled its features became clearer. Fouquet did not know what to make of it. On the one hand, it was an amalgam of random pieces, as if a drunken Earth mage tried to build a golem out of a trash heap. On the other hand, it looked surprisingly advanced, brimmed with shiny and unusual objects that no doubt were weapons of some sort. Even with the news of the familiars' Gandalfr status, she had not expected her theft to become this complicated.

"How were we even able to get this running before the motto ended?" Louise asked from her spot beside Meowth in the cockpit. "There was only a minute or less to sneak into the vault and activate the teknoloji. Right?" Somehow, the passing of time during the motto seemed blurry to her, as if she felt herself going between the screens.

"Oh, that's deus ex something," Meowth told her, "meaning dat when you're out of the audience's sight, you can do anything you want, no time limits required. Ya need to remember things like that when you're secondary characters in the program; have to have some way to get the up on the heroes."

"Um, whatever," Louise said, filing the nonsense away for later.

"Enough talk," Jessie said, glaring at Fouquet. "Let's teach that thief not to mess with the real villains!"

"You got it!" Meowth said, pressing a red button, A small object pulled off from the main right arm of the mech and positioned itself to aim at the golem.

Fouquet had been frozen in shock at the turn of events, but her eyes widened and homed in on the small item. A large number of the attachments to the machine appeared to be staffs looted from the treasury, but the object in question stood out. A mail long, and shining with a strange, unknown metal, Fouquet recognized it at once. "That's…the Staff of Destruction!" she exclaimed, energy returning as the treasure waited just feet away from her. "And it's all mine!" Abandoning her fear for determination, Fouquet urged the massive earth golem forward, seeking to tear the opposing giant to bits. As the mech seemed to have been built in a rather hasty manner, it was feasible that enough physical force could make the pieces fall apart, including Fouquet's prize.

However, the assault was held back for the moment, as an onslaught of missiles erupted from the Staff of Destruction and other extensions, keeping the golem at bay. Jessie smirked in triumph. "Take that, you wannabe thief," she crowed. "Let a real thief show you how it's done!"

Meowth looked less sure. "We didn't get a chance to get all the ammunition loaded," he told them, "so that leaves us with this 'Staff' and a couple more cannons. Not enough to hold the thing back for more than a couple of minutes."

"How about you, Boss?" James asked, turning to her.

"Me?" she sighed forlornly. "What can I do? All I did before was mess up, a Zero as always."

"Hey," Meowth said, "don't be all down just because you missed. Even if you didn't hit that 'golem', you still pierced through that wall like a runaway Tauros. Imagine what an explosion like that would do to that lump of rock."

"You really think so?" Louise asked quietly.

"Sure thing!" Meowth replied. "Just get out there and start firing away and don't worry about aiming. With enough collateral damage, you're sure to hit the target eventually. As long as you reach your goal in the end, it don't matter how rough you leave the road you traveled."

Louise nodded, saying, "Of course. I can't let you peasants mess this up; leave this to a noble." With grace gained from weeks of dodging various training traps, Louise stepped out onto the machine's head and let loose spell after spell. Most of them missed, turning the Academy into even more ruins. Sure enough though, some managed to hit the golem, causing large chunks to fall to the ground and crumble to dirt.

However, Fouquet continued to march forward on the golem, steadily growing nearer and nearer to his quarry. Getting within range at last, Fouquet leaned forward with the golem to snag the item from the arm, only to be thrown off his feet. Louise's blast had destroyed one of the legs on the golem, which now teetered precariously before tumbling headlong into the mech. The two titans collapsed to the ground in a pile.

Team Rocket closed its eyes, waiting to be crushed, but instead felt themselves lifted away from the calamity below. Opening her eyes, Louise saw that she was resting on Sylphid's back, with Kirche smiling devilishly at her.

"Wow, Louise," Kirche noted, eyeing the destruction that the many explosions had caused, "you've really outdone yourself. A classroom is one thing, but half the school's walls? Impressive. I'll be sure to congratulate you whenever you have detention."

"It was to stop a thief from stealing the Staff of Destruction," Louise protested.

"Well," Kirche observed, looking down, "it looks like he's going to pull it off now anyways.

Fouquet had survived the disaster without a scratch, and was now slowly making his way towards the waiting treasure. Although the ground was now littered with various fragments, he moved forward with confidence, pushing aside a red level that barred the way.

Meowth paled in horror. "Oh no!" he screamed, "Don't touch that!"

"Er," James said weakly to Kirche and Tabitha, "could we please pull up a little higher? And a little to the side as well. As soon as possible, if you please." Sensing a looming threat, Tabitha nodded and had Sylphid fly a distance from the wreck. A few seconds later, the mech burst into a powerful explosion. Pieces from the mech went flying into the sky, including the Staff and Fouquet, before disappearing as stars in the horizon.

Staring blankly at the catastrophe, Jessie said, "I suppose we can't just pretend this never happened."

"I'm afraid that is not the case," Professor Omsond spoke, hovering beside the dragon with the roused faculty. Louise sighed. Well, at least her debut today was a blast, just not the kind she was hoping for.