Musings of the Sugar Addicted

by Zera Henna

These will be my personal writings. I will most likely post headcanons and maybe some poems. My personal insights on fandoms and other crap will be posted here. Expect long lengths of no posting and sudden multiple postings in one day. I find it calming to write things out. If you read these they might make you think. I ponder things that most people ignore. Maybe you can to.

6. Siblings

I hate it when my siblings decide they are going to cry. You can see it all on their faces before its truly there.

Its like a fucking science. They calculate the situation. What impact will I have if I give a little sob? Not enough for the situation? Okay. I'm going to fucking scream me head off now. Make myself throw up. Throw a fucking fit.

I'm already fucking sleep deprived and you're acting like a little shit on purpose. No I'm not going to fucking look at you with fucking pity. When I was your fucking age I had to play with my fucking self. These little shits are only half related to me. My dad decided it would be funny if he got my stepmom pregnant literally right after my little halfbrother was born. Two kids a year apart.

I've never liked kids. They get under your nerves. Pretend they are smarter than you. Push your buttons. It's a whole new kind of mental abuse.

No wonder I'm going mental. I guess I had no choice.

Its hilarious, really. I avoid them at all costs. Its not like I think their "tainted". And I feel really fucking sorry they have to share my dad. I hope he doesn't mentally fuck them up. He did with me and my mom. God knows what he'll do to them.

Whats funny is the fact that I value my other brother the most. He's not even related to me. My stepmom had him before I even met her. Another guy.

He's fucking fantastic. Rants about Doctor Who and silently ships JohnLock. He makes sexual jokes and references like no tomorrow.

"How was homework?" "Hard." "You bet it was. You probably made it throb." That's my boy. You make those dick puns. You go, boy. You fucking go.

He's 12. I think I started working at making him an inappropriate bastard from the get-go. I have done quite well, if I do say so myself. My dads annoyed. Before, he was so submissive. Easy to manipulate. A new target for his constant mental haggering.

And then I taught my brother something big. That you don't have to fucking bend backwards to make others' happy. If you are perfectly fine and not doing anything wrong, fuck them. Tell them to lay off your case. You're not a personal butler. Want the remote? Don't stare at me as if I should hand it to you. Its a yard from your fucking face. Get it yourself.

My dad can't touch him. He's out of his reach. Way above his head. Does what he wants when he fucking wants.

I'm pretty sure my dad hates me for that. It's one of the very few things I love me for.

I choose to not look too closely at the irony of that.