Carlisle arrived home just as dawn broke, always so careful, always so calm. I didn't understand how he managed while I was tearing apart at the seams. I never knew what emotion would flood through me next. It was all they could do until night fall to let me loose outside again away from the general population. Being cooped up began to drive me mad. It wasn't long before they were suggesting that we move to a more secluded place to give me more freedom. I tried my best to rein myself in, but I often flew off the handle for no apparent reason. I felt guilty for this when flashes of my previous life bubbled up. Later that morning Carlisle sat down and discussed his transformation with me. I couldn't imagine the pain that flooded him, and how alone he felt. I was able to see him in a new light. He didn't do this to hurt me, but he was trying to help me. I understood that now, and I couldn't hate him for it. He was hoping some of that lost vivacity would still come through. He never got mad at me, even though I deserved it. Sometimes I felt like he was exasperated with my antics, but he never showed his anger. He did however have to restrain me a few times.

As time went on, I began to calm. Little things bothered me less and less, and I was more in control of my thoughts and actions. It no longer felt as if I was being controlled by some alien being. I was also learning how to control myself around humans, ignoring the burn and desire to feed on them. Carlisle and Edward had made the decision to move either way. I had reeked havoc and people were starting to ask questions. They, and I, thought it best to find a new place to go. They didn't seem upset about picking up and leaving their home. I began to feel bad, as if it was all my fault.

"We'll have to move either way." Carlisle told me one day "We've been here long enough. Try not to believe it's your actions alone."

"But in part?"

"Unfortunately. Please Esme, don't place any burden on your conscious. It's time."

"Thank you for being honest." I was very grateful for that, and it came as a surprise that I managed to keep my calm throughout the conversation.

"Are you alright Esme?" Carlisle asked looking at me intently.

"Yes, I was just thinking… realizing really that I must be calming down."

"You are, you're doing very well."

"Thank you. For everything" I said quietly. "I know I haven't been easy to be around."

"I understand. It all has to do with being new to this life, Edward and I weren't any different. As time goes on you will calm down more ." Carlisle explained. "Besides soon we will go somewhere where there are less people, and you won't have to worry so much. After a year or so and we know that you can handle yourself, you're free to move on. I honestly don't ask you to stay now against your will save for your youth, and that we must remain unknown."

"Unknown?" I asked hesitantly.

Carlisle got a thoughtful look on his face, almost like a memory before he spoke.

"Have you heard Edward or I mention the Volturi?"

I didn't need to think long to know it was a new subject. I shook my head.

"They Volturi are… like the law makers of our world. The first and most important law; Keep the secret."

"And if you don't?"

"Then they will take your life."

"I thought it was hard to die… like this."

"Hard, but not impossible."

I let that sink into my head along with everything else he had told me. I quickly understood something he said.

"Carlisle." I said quietly as he went to his library wall.

"Yes, Esme?"

"I'm not here against my will. I quite like being with you and Edward."

Carlisle smiled wide, showing his strait sharp teeth, and lighting up his beautiful face.

"It's nice to hear that. Despite the ravages of youth, I quite like having you around too. I think Edward does as well."

I smiled the thought of a little family appeared in my head. A happy little vampire family I thought with a smile

"What are you thinking?" he asked looking back at me

"Just wondering where we'll go next." I said as it popped in my head.

"Well…" he reached up to grab a book "as soon as Edward is home, We'll have a good idea."

"He's so young"

"He's older than he seems"

I nodded in realization that he'd become my guardian in some ways, even now he was trusted with the task of finding a new home. He really was more adult than I gave him credit for. I watched Carlisle work around his library, and felt an odd regard for him, a deep desire to be in his presence. I didn't completely understand it yet, but it felt like it fit.

Edward came back less than a week later to tell us about a place in northwestern Montana. It was secluded out in the woods, plenty of hunting lands, and a few small rural places and a miners in real need of another doctor. Carlisle agreed that would be a good place. He especially liked the idea of heavily wooded areas. He was feeling more and more remiss for keeping me in the house all day. I had calmed down enough that I was now trusted to roam the house. Usually with a book in hand glancing over, Edward always kept a close eye on me. He tried not to obstruct me from my queries, he'd often share books, we'd discuss languages, he was teaching me Spanish, and how to play the piano. He was always understanding, correcting my mistakes in a patient fashion. It was all I could do to keep calm until Carlisle came home. I didn't understand this attachment of mine to him, but it seemed to be growing stronger. Edward knowing my thoughts better than I did endeavored to keep my mind busy. I tried to turn my thoughts to our impending move. I asked Edward the same questions every day about where we were going, what it looked like and what the house was like. He exhibited the patience of an older brother explaining the rules of a new game. I felt like a child re-learning my emotions and how to control my self. It became increasingly easier.

Carlisle had finished his time out at work while Edward and I went ahead to set everything up. I was enthralled with the house he'd found. It was a beautiful custom farm house with five original bedrooms, two that were converted into offices for Edward and myself. I thought it was a nice gesture for them to have given me my own office. Edward and I shared the second floor, with Carlisle residing on the main floor. In the basement a giant library was set up for the three of us, and there was even a storage for the motor cars. I loved my bedroom, there was a large four poster bed, the kind I'd always wanted, even if it didn't get used, it was pretty to look at. A lovely white vanity sat under the large window. It was light and airy and like a dream. Edward's room was of a slightly darker tone, he had a large chaise, and top of the line hi-fi. Many books and records covered his wall, and a few fine black and white photographs decorated his wall as well. I hadn't seen Carlisle's room as of yet, to me that was still his private sanctuary.

I was anxiously awaiting Carlisle's return with trepidation and hope. I missed him, I actually missed him. Carlisle pulled up in a 1924 Jewett four passenger coupe. It was a beautiful, black, with a fifty horse power engine. It was last year's model but… That was all I retained from Edward before my mind was consumed with the glee of his return. Edward sensed I was then a lost cause. I watched the headlights twist up our long drive way, Edward motioned him down the small hill to the car port. Edward and I helped him carry in the few small items he had brought with him into the house. Edward showed him around while I put his belongings away. I could hear their conversation while I retreated up the stairs to my chambers.

"She's really missed you Carlisle" Edward told him.

" Well, I can understand the familiarity. How has she been?"

"Calm. I think she's about out grown the new born stage. She helped me do all this. But I don't think she missed the familiarity."

I could hear something in Edwards voice that clicked for him. Some mental puzzle that he'd solved. I wish I could see their faces. Instead I settled for looking out my window at the deep pines that surrounded the house. I wondered what I could do to show them just how much I truly appreciated everything they'd been doing for me.