Hey guys! Didjah miss meh? (hugs)
This installment goes from Over the Moon to La Vie Boheme B.
IMPORTANT NOTE: ROGER AND MIMI SWITCH PARTS IN I SHOULD TELL YOU. :D
I'll talk a lot more at the end.
:) You are spared… for now.
(At a performance lot somewhere in the nowhere land. Maureen is standing, mid-stage, behind a tall microphone stand.)
MARK:
TIME FOR "SITE MAINTENANCE".
MAUREEN:
LAST NIGHT, I WANTED
TO SCREAM. I FOUND MYSELF
WITHIN A WEBSITE, CALLED .
IT WAS TORTURE, I HADN'T BEEN IN A MOJO
IN A WEEK AND I WAS... DEPRESSED.
OUT OF THE ABYSS, WALKED AN AUTHOR...
OF CANON. I ASKED IF SHE COULD WRITE
ANY FICS. SHE SAID, "I'M TOO SICKENED BY
THIS RENT FANDOM... SO SICKENED IN FACT,
I CAN ONLY WRITE... (She hits a cowbell)... HARRY POTTER!
(reverb: Potter, Potter, Potter...)
SHE SAID, "ONLY THING TO DO IS BRING
YOUR CANON BACK!" THEY DON'T WRITE
ANYTHING REAL NOW - LIKE COLLINSANGEL,
MOJO, OR ROGERMIMI!
THEY'VE REPLACED IT ALL
WITH MARKOC, MIMIMO, COLLINSJO
AND... MARKROGER SLASH!
(reverb: Slash, slash, slash...)
BUT THERE IS A WAY OUT!
BACKUPS:
BRING CANON BACK,
BRING CANON BACK,
BRING CANON BACK,
BRING CANON BACK!
MAUREEN:
ONLY THING TO DO
IS BRING OUR CANON BACK!
I GOTTA GET OUTTA HERE!
'CAUSE NOW I'M BEING TIED
TO THE BEDPOSTS OF A
STRAIGHT STRIPPER GIRL,
PLAYING TAG UNDERNEATH
THE BEDSHEETS WITH THE
SAME MIMI WHO SHOULD
BE GETTING ROGER OUT OF THE HOUSE!
I GOTTA FIND A WAY!
TO BRING OUR CANON BACK,
ONLY THING TO DO IS BRING OUR CANON BACK!
BACKUPS:
BRING CANON BACK,
BRING CANON BACK,
BRING CANON BACK,
BRING CANON BACK!
MAUREEN:
THEN A LITTLE TEENAGER ENTERED.
HER HOBBY- WE HAVE LEARNED - WAS SLASHFIC!
AND ALTHOUGH SHE ONCE HAD PRINCIPLES,
SHE ABANDONED THEM TO WRITE ABOUT
MARK AND ROGER GETTING IT ON IN THE LOFT!
UH, 1, 2, 3, THAT'S BULL! EVER SINCE
THOSE KIDS TOOK UP THE KEYBOARD
OUR LIVES HAVE BEEN... SUCKY.
IT SEEMS JOANNE'S ALMOST BEEN
EVICTED FROM THE FANDOM AND FORGOTTEN...
MAYBE IT'S A 2ND GENERATION TREND OR SOMETHING.
'CAUSE WHO'D WANNA LEAVE FANFICTION ANYWAY?
SLASH AIN'T SO BAD.
MY HOMEBOY ROGER FOR INSTANCE,
HE'S TIRED OF IT AS FUCK,
QUITS FANFIC AND SAYS
TO THE WRITERS BOLDLY,
"I'M NOT COMING BACK, MOFOS!
NOT EVEN FOR ROGERMIMI!"
BACKUPS:
SHOT.
DOWN.
COLD.
MAUREEN:
THE ONLY GOOD STUFF IS CANON!
THE AUTHOR WHISPERED TO ME,
"A MOJO ROMANCE. YOU IN?"
SHE ASKED. FUCK YES!
SO I'LL SOON SUCCUMB MYSELF
TO THE PLEASURES OF MOJO CANON
AND BE IN THE GREATEST FANFIC
WRITTEN IN QUITE A LONG WHILE...
(makes a kissy kissy noise at Joanne)
"COME ON IN," JOANNE WILL SAY...
AND AS THE SITE PROCTORS REGAIN
CONTROL OF FANFICTION,
WE'LL FIGHT BACK,
IN THE NAME OF THE CANON!
WRITING - CANON FANFICS ...!
WE'LL RISE UP, SINGING...
ONLY THING TO DO IS GET RID OF THE SLASH!
GET RID OF THE NONCANON,
GET RID OF THE CRAP!
ONLY THING TO DO IS NOT,
ONLY THING TO DO IS NOT,
ONLY THING TO DO IS NOT
WRITE NONCANON!
WRITE REAL CANON...
NOT NONCANON...
BOOOOOOOOO!
BOOOOOOOOO!
BOOOOOOOO!
BOO WITH ME!
(the audience obliges.)
THANK YOU!
(The fanfic characters meet outside the Space, standing around, nursing the cold. They see an approaching figure, huddled over and shaking nervously. It is a Fanfic Author.)
FANFIC AUTHOR:
(flustered at the news of site maintenance, mumbling almost incoherently)
NO, PLEASE NO,
NOT TONIGHT PLEASE NO...
I WROTE A CHAPTER, AN ENTIRE SCENE!
MARK:
WHAT?
FANFIC AUTHOR:
NO, PLEASE NO,
IMPORTANT PLOT TWIST,
OH NO! CAN'T UPLOAD –
MARKROGER!
MARK:
(with a sigh) CAN'T I EVER HAVE
A ROMANCE WITH A HER?
FANFIC AUTHOR:
YOU HAVE FEELINGS FOR ROGER,
YOU'RE MORE THAN FRIENDS.
MARK:
THAT DEPENDS,
THAT DEPENDS!
HE'S ALWAYS BEEN
LIKE A BROTHER TO ME...
FANFIC AUTHOR:
YOU'VE GOT CHEMISTRY.
MARK:
FUCK NO.
COLLINS:
(suddenly louder, had been talking with Maureen)
THAT BENNY COFFIN THE THIRD?
IN A FANFIC? OH NO...
FANFIC CHARACTERS:
(in chorus) WHINE IN FEAR!
MAUREEN:
(adding) A BIG FAN OF IDINA
AND TAYE... AND WE PAY.
COLLINS:
OYE VEY!
BENNY:
(in defense) I'D LIKE TO PROPOSE
A TOAST - TO ME AND MAUREEN'S
NEW ROMANCE FIC! IT WENT WELL.
MAUREEN:
GO TO HELL!
BENNY:
WHY THE FANFICTION BLUES?
WITH BENNYMAUREEN WE'LL
HAVE SOME GOOD TIMES, ME AND YOU...
ROGER:
SO DID THIS CRAPPY...
BENNY:
(interrupts, correcting Roger)
AMAZING WORK!
ROGER:
... GET ANY REVIEWS?
BENNY:
THERE WAS ONE FLAME,
YOU'LL FIND THAT GOOD NEWS.
ANGEL:
(curious) WHO FLAMED?
BENNY:
CANON FAN... JUST TODAY.
MIMI AND ANGEL:
HOORAY!
BENNY:
MIMI, I'M SURPRISED.
ROGER REFUSES SMUT WITH YOU
AND HE'S ALREADY FORGIVEN...
WHAT HAPPENED TO THAT SPUNK?
YOU ALL PROTEST, BUT FANFIC'S
THE BEST... LIFE IS REALLY PRETTY GOOD...
AND YOU KNOW THAT THE AUTHORS
WOULD WRITE YOU A CANONFIC
NOW AND THEN - THE RENT CANON,
THE LIBRETTO! IT'S NOT EVEN IN THEIR HEADS!
IT'S THE DAWN OF A REVOLUTION
'CAUSE CANON'S NEARLY DEAD.
MARK:
(stands tall) DEARLY BELOVED,
WE GATHER HERE TO SAY OUR GOODBYES...
HERE SHE LIES, THERE IS NO FARCE IN,
THE BRILLIANT BRAINCHILD OF JONATHAN LARSON...
ON THIS NIGHT, WE SHALL FIGHT FOR HER RETURN!
WE'LL BRING BACK THE WORK OF THAT MAN IN,
THE VILLAGE WHO LET US BEGIN... LA VIE CANON!
FANFIC CHARACTERS EXCEPT BENNY:
LA VIE CANON... etc.
MARK:
TO WONDERFUL OCS,
NON-MARY SUES,
TO FUNNY CRACKFICS ABOUT NOTHING,
FANFICS THAT EXPRESS AND COMMUNICATE
AND SHOW A GREAT LOVE FOR RENT,
PUTTING A DENT IN ALL THE SLASH... !
TO ROGERMIMI THAT'S STEAMY,
TO COLLINSANGEL THAT IS DREAMY,
TO LETTING MARKY BE, BE HE, BE ME...
BE WHO I REALLY AM AND NOT A NUMB-ASS CAD!
TO WRITING CANONFIC TO ARCHIVE IN THE C2S,
GOOD NEWS! TO ANGEL IN PLATFORM SHOES!
TO ROGER'S BLUES, HIS ANGSTY LIFE,
TO APRIL WITH A KNIFE, TO CANON AS A FAD!
TO MARK NOT BEING WITH ROGER FOR ONCE –
AND OH HOT DAMN! LA VIE CANON!
ALL:
LA VIE CANON, LA VIE CANON!
MAUREEN:
(cuts in, continuing)
IS THE SITE STILL DOWN
FOR MAINTENANCE?
JOANNE:
IT IS, MAUREEN.
MAUREEN:
THAT MOJO IS GOING
TO MAKE MY NIGHT...
IF WE DON'T FIGHT.
BENNY: (clears throat to defend fanfics)
MAUREEN:
(quickly interrupts) TO MOJO SMUT,
TO JOANNE'S BUTT!
FANFIC AUTHOR:
(lists slowly) SO THAT'S ROGERMIMI,
MARKGOODOC, AND MOJO, COLLINSANGEL...
AND A ONESHOT WITH NO POINT AT ALL?
MIMI:
UGH.
MAUREEN:
WHAT'S WRONG WITH CRACKFIC?
MIMI:
IT HURTS MY BRAIN.
FANFIC AUTHOR:
AND ROGER ANGST AND PAIN,
WHAT MORE IS THERE?
MIMI:
(suggesting)
ROGERXHISHAIR?
(Roger scowls)
MIMI AND ANGEL:
TO EXCELLENT FICS
WRITTEN BY GOOD OLD TEENAGE FANS...
TO MIMI WITH ROGER AND ANGEL WITH HER MAN!
TO HUMOR, TO ROMANCE, TO ANGST AND DRAMA TOO!
TO SONGFICS, TO LONG FICS, TO LITTLE ONESHOTS, TRUE!
MAUREEN AND COLLINS:
TO BETAS AND GRAMMAR,
TO SPELL - CHECKING YOUR FICS!
TO CANON CREATIONS!
MARK:
AND NO MARK MASTURBATION!
MAUREEN AND COLLINS:
COMPASSION IN FASHION,
AND PASSION IN ROMANCE!
COLLINS:
TO THE LIFE CAFE!
MIMI:
TO THE CATSCRATCH!
ROGER:
WHERE MIMI LIKES TO DANCE!
COLLINS AND ROGER:
MARKROGER FRIENDSHIP,
WITH COLLINS ON THE SIDE!
DON'T BE SNIDE, CANON WON'T HAVE TO HIDE!
MAUREEN:
TO CONFIDE IN TRUE LOVE,
IN WHAT WE DO LOVE, TO...
MARK AND MIMI:
THIS FANDOM NEEDS MENDED
LIKE JLAR INTENDED...
TO BE MORE FIT FOR FANS!
ALL:
LA VIE CANON!
MAUREEN:
MAYBE WE SHOULD
TAKE OUR CLOTHES
OFF BEFORE THE MOJO!
JOANNE:
NO, MAUREEN.
MAUREEN:
WELL, PRETTY SOON WE'LL GO!
JOANNE:
(after a peck on the lips)
HOW SOON?
MAUREEN:
(looks at clock) SO CLOSE.
COLLINS AND ANGEL:
TO OUR PAIRING!
ALL:
REAL PAIRINGS,
THAT YOU CAN FEEL PAIRINGS,
PAIRINGS FROM CANON BECAUSE
CANON IS WHAT YOU WERE EXPOSED
TO WHEN YOU FIRST BECAME A RENT FAN!
RESPECT THE RENT, THE TRUE RENT,
THE RENT YOU FELL IN LOVE WITH
IN AN INSTANT, THE RENT THAT YOU WORSHIP!
TO MYSTERY, SUSPENSE, TO DRAMAEDY, COMEDY!
TO M RATED SEX FICS - OR RATED T!
TO NO SLASH, LARSON'S CANON NEVER BASHED!
COLLINS:
TO GETTING HIGH!
ALL:
TO DRINKING STOLI
AND EATING CAPTAIN CRUNCH...
TO MARKCAMERA!
BENNY:
LIES, LIES, LIES...
ALL:
LA VIE CANON!
COLLINS:
IN HONOR OF THE NEAR
DEATH OF CANON,
AN IMPROMPTU UPDATE SPREE
WILL COMMENCE IMMEDIATELY
FOLLOWING "MAINTENANCE".
MIMI MARQUEZ, CLAD IN HER
CATSCRATCH WEARS,
WILL HAVE A FLIRTY ROMANCE
FIC WITH OUR LOVABLE FILMMAKER...
'TIL ROGERMIMI FANS GET TOO STIRRED.
ROGER:
AND MARK COHEN
WILL BE PREVIEWED IN A
NEW FANFICTION
DISPLAYING HIS INABILITY
TO BE IN ANY FANFICS
BUT MARKROGER SLASH!
MARK:
AND MAUREEN JOHNSON,
JUST AFTER A SPECTACULAR
CANON MOJO BY A RENTHEAD
MAUREEN FAN WILL DATE ROGER
IN HIGH SCHOOL, GO TO PROM WITH COLLINS,
AND MAKE OUT WITH ME,
WHILE HAVING AN AFFAIR ON
THE SIDE WITH OUR FAVORITE
STRIPPER GAL, MEEMS!
BENNY:
(pulls Mimi aside)
YOUR BOYFRIEND
DOESN'T KNOW ABOUT OUR PRERENT?
MIMI:
(indignantly) THERE'S
NOTHING TO KNOW.
BENNY:
DON'T YOU THINK
HE'LL NEED TO VENT...?
MIMI:
IT WAS THREE WEEKS AGO!
BENNY:
BUT SHOULDN'T
HE KNOW I WAS WITH YOU?
MIMI:
HE'LL KILL YOU, I KNOW.
BENNY:
WHERE IS HE NOW?
MIMI:
HE'S RIGHT... WHERE'D HE GO?
ROGER:
(jumps out of nowhere)
MARK:
AND ROGER WILL ATTEMPT
TO HOOK UP WITH HIS GIRLFRIEND,
OUTSIDE OF A ROGMIMI SMUTFIC.
(Roger pulls Mimi from Benny's side and begins to passionately kiss her.)
MARK:
(shields eyes)BUT NOT UNTIL HE'S
AWAY FROM OUR SIGHT, PLEASE!
COLLINS:
ANGEL DUMOTT-SCHUNARD
WILL BE IN THE LATEST MARKANGEL
FANFICTION, RATED T, WHILE BEING
IN THE SUBPLOT OF A TEN-CHAPTER
MARKROGER FIC!
ANGEL:
AND COLLINS WILL
RECOUNT HIS EXPLOITS IN
A COLLINSROGER, INCLUDING
THE TALE OF HOW HE SUCCESSFULLY
GOT ROGER OUT OF HIS PLAID PANTS
WITHOUT EVEN SAYING A WORD!
ALL:
BRING BACK REALITY-
FIGHT BACK- FOR CANON!
BENNY:
FUCK!
ROGER:
(approaches Mimi) MIMI, ARE YOU STILL MAD?
I MEAN, I KISSED YOU... BUT
YOU ACTED LIKE IT WAS BAD!
MIMI:
(flustered) OH NO, BABY...
I MEAN, WELL MAYBE
IT'S THAT... I HAVE SOMETHING
TO TELL YOU - I DON'T KNOW THOUGH.
ROGER:
WHAT'S GOING ON?
WHAT'S WRONG, MIMI?
ARE YOU STILL GOING TO
CAROUSE WITH ME?
MIMI:
I SHOULD TELL YOU-
ROGER:
(knowingly)
WAS IT A FANFIC, MEEMS?
MIMI:
I SHOULD TELL YOU...
BOTH:
FANFIC...
OTHERS:
LA VIE CANON!
MIMI:
(with a small sigh)
A PRERENT FIC.
ROGER:
BENNY?
MIMI:
AND ME. A BENNY...
ROGER:
...MIMI.
(They move away from the crowd.)
MIMI:
(taking his hands)
I SHOULD TELL YOU...
IT WAS BENNYMIMI.
BENNY NAKED WAS NASTY TO SEE.
ROGER:
I'LL JUST FORGET
THAT MENTAL PICTURE,
AND FEEL SORRY YOU HAD
TO DO BENNYMIMI SCRIPTURE.
MIMI:
IT WAS PRERENT.
ROGER:
STILL KINDA CANON.
MIMI:
FUCKING PRERENT...
ROGER:
I SHOULD TELL YOU,
I BLEW APRIL LAST WEEK
IN PRERENT MODE.
MIMI:
(bitterly)
I'D FORGOTTEN APRIL EXISTED
UNTIL I SAW THAT UPLOAD.
ROGER:
BUT IT'S CANON...
MIMI:
(sighs) YEAH, IT'S CANON.
ROGER:
PRERENT CANON...
BOTH:
I SHOULD TELL –
WELL I THOUGHT YOU'D BE PISSED...
BECAUSE OF...
ROGER:
WHO I...
MIMI:
…KISSED. THIS PRERENT STUFF IS... GROSS.
ROGER:
(nodding) SO GROSS.
MIMI:
GUESS SO - BUT IT'S NOT
AS BAD AS SLASH...
ROGER:
(angrily) FUCK SLASH!
MIMI:
I WANT YOU.
BOTH:
BUT THERE'S MORE,
PRERENT THERE.
WHO WRITES ROGERMIMI?
WHO WRITES? OH NO...
FORGETTING PRERENT,
WRITING MORE FOR US!
LESS PRERENT WOULD
REDUCE THE FUSS!
CLINGING TO THE PAST
UNKNOWN IS UNHEALTHY.
LIVING FOR THE NOW IS
WHERE WE'D LIKE TO BE!
SO WRITE MORE ROGERMIMI...
MIMI:
FOR ME.
ROGER:
(correcting) FOR ME!
MIMI:
WE'LL SEE...
BOTH:
WHO KNOWS THEY
MIGHT SAY "HEY...
LET'S WRITE... ROGERMIMI...
LET'S WRITE... ROGERMIMI!
WRITE SOME... ROGERMIMI!"
(After echoing Mimi's earlier desires, they walk off, clearly not intending to wait until someone bothered to write them a fic. Meanwhile... back with the other Bohos...)
MAUREEN:
TIME FOR THE FIC?
JOANNE:
NO, MAUREEN.
BUT VERY SOON...
I SHALL REMEMBER THIS DAY.
MAUREEN:
HOORAY!
JOANNE:
AND YOU SHOULD SEE,
THEY'VE REOPENED THE SITE,
AND THERE'S RIOTING ABOUT
ROGER AND MIMI... THE SITE'S
ADMINS ARE GOING TO HUNT THEM DOWN...
MAUREEN:
OH FUCK.
JOANNE:
THOSE STUPID HICKS.
I CAN UNDERSTAND
CHASING DOWN ROGER,
BUT MIMI DIDN'T QUIT FICS.
ALL: YEAH!
(Pandemonium erupts among the characters, who are suddenly outraged and sympathize with Roger and Mimi's plight. They begin toasting things.)
ALL: TO MIMI!
ANGEL:
(raises glass) MY BEST FRIEND,
MAKES A LIVING STRIPPING,
LIKES TO KISS ROGER,
A HEROIN ADDICT,
WEARS LOTS OF FISHNETS,
SHORT MINI-SKIRTS AND KNEE-HIGH BOOTS!
ALL: ROGER!
MARK:
ADVENTURES AS BEST FRIENDS,
NO MARKROGER SLASH,
LIFE'S NEVER BORING,
DARK FICS, ONE SONG GLORY,
PLAID PANTS, FANGIRLS, GUITARS,
AND OF COURSE PRERENT WITHDRAWAL FICS!
ALL: CANON!
ANGEL:
WITH TRUE LOVE AND
TRUE PAIRINGS, COLLINSANGEL,
ROGERMIMI, MOJO, MARKSCARF,
AND PRERENT ROGERAPRIL,
MARKMAUREEN, AND BENNYMIMI!
ALL:
FANFICTION!
COLLINS AND MAUREEN:
PEOPLE BUTCHER ALL THAT'S REAL,
STRIP THE FANDOM OF ITS SEX APPEAL,
SLAP CHARACTERS TOGETHER
AND CALL IT LOVE, M RATED SEX FICS AND SMUT!
ALL:
TO CANON AUTHORS
THAT UNDERSTAND OUR PLIGHT!
MAUREEN:
WHY NOT TONIGHT?
MARK:
(echoing) TONIGHT!
COLLINS AND ANGEL:
TONIGHT!
ALL:
WE'RE READY FOR
THE TRUE RENTHEADS
TO SHOW - WRITE US GOOD FIC,
CANON FIC, EXCELLENT FIC,
FICS IN WHICH THE WORDS BEAUTIFULLY FLOW!
LET HE AMONG US WHO HATES RENT,
BE THE FIRST TO CONDEMN, LA VIE CANON!!
LA VIE CANON!!
MARK:
IS ANYONE OUT THERE WRITING FANFICS?
ANYONE ON ?
ANYONE ALIVE WHO SUPPORTS CANON?
TEAR DOWN THE SLASH, START TO BASH!
THE OPPOSITE OF SLASH ISN'T CANON... IT'S WHAT RENT IS!
ALL:
LA VIE CANON!
MARK:
THE RIOTS CONTINUE.
FANFICTION AUTHORS GROW ANGRIER
ABOUT ROGER'S ABSENCE.
OUTSIDE OF THE FANFIC
WORLD FOR AN INSTANT,
ROGER AND MIMI
SHARE A SMALL RENDEVOUS...
ALL:
VIVA LA VIE CANON!
Okay, I hope you liked that, it was very hard to write. XD
Please review and let me know what you thought.
I have to write a note about my newfound love, a little musical called Chess. I became familiar with it in December and began to fall in love with the music rapidly.
This week, Adam Pascal, Josh Groban, Kerry Ellis and Idina Menzel performed it in London for two special kickass shows.
I would've loved to go, but I found awesome videos of it.
CHECK THEM OUT!
I have some posted on my livejournal. You're welcome to go there and comment. My name on livejournal is the same as on here: xrajahx.
You won't regret it.
If for some reason the livejournal thing won't work, PM me and I'll hook you up somehow. It's too good to miss.
REVIEWWWWW!