Disclaimer: I do not own CCS

Hello there! I'm not late this time!

Okay, so this chapter is a bit longer 'cause there's history in it and a lot of explanation. I don't know if you'll find it interesting, but you (readers) needed it. 'Cause I know the whol story and you don't... obliviously.

I worked all day long so I'm a bit tired, but I worked really hard to correct my errors.

There's true facts in this chapter, but not everything is true (the volcanoes thing). Well on with the story, I don't want to be boring, :P

Tchüss!

Destiny against Choice

Chapter six: Back and Forth

Current era: Japan

Once on the platform, I turned towards Li-san. I was in pain, I wanted to cry, but I remained emotionless. I was not done with him. I had some more questions.

"What are you going to do now?" He looked around us, surveying the area.

"Well, I'll find a hotel and I'll go shopping for a few clothes. I didn't bring any luggage."

"You're planning to stay here?" He nodded.

"For a little while; I have some research to do and I feel you have some more questions." I nodded.

"There's no hotel in Tomoeda." Li-san seemed embarrassed.

"Oh. Didn't see that coming."

"You'll be staying at my house. Touya's gone to visit his boyfriend's family. Here's the address. Go get what you need and come to my home. You still have few hours before the closure." I knew I was acting like a robot, but I couldn't do otherwise; I needed to be alone, but I needed to be able to reach him whenever I wanted to even more. I believe he understood how I was feeling.

"Okay, I'll pass by." Li-san left after calling a taxi for me. He didn't seem too thrilled by my idea though... I didn't know why...

Once I was in front of my house's door, I took out my keychain and observed it. What mess had I brought myself into? Since the very beginning I was told that I could choose my battles and at this moment, I felt like I couldn't escape from this one. I sighed and tried to paste a smile on my lips. I didn't want my father to worry about me; therefore I needed to smile like I almost always do when I'm with him.

I unlocked the door silently; I wished to give him a surprise.

"Dad! I'm home!" I heard fast footsteps coming towards me from the living room. My father appeared into the hall, happiness sweating from his facial expression and voice. I instantly felt soothed; I was home.

"Sakura?! What are you doing here? I thought you weren't coming home for the holidays!" He strongly embraced me. I giggled.

"I wanted to surprise you; of course I was planning to spend Christmas with you!" My father brightly smiled; it made me so happy. I had almost forgotten about this horrid story of reincarnation.

"I'm glad you did." While asking me how I had been, he helped me to bring my bag to my bedroom. Once back downstairs, I talked to him about Li-san.

"Dad. Since Touya said he wouldn't be there, I invited a friend here."

"Do I know your friend?"

"No, you don't. He didn't know there wasn't any hotel in Tomoeda, so I invited him over. Is that a problem?" I saw a hint of nostalgia in my father's eyes.

"No, there's no problem. Is he your boyfriend, Sakura?" I denied it. After talking a bit more with my father, he offered me to go take a bath while he was cooking a meal for us two and our guest. I gladly accepted his idea and went to my room to take some clean clothes and then headed towards the bathroom.

I entered into my bath after showering and cleaning myself. The warmth of the water was soothing my tensed muscles and my confused mind. I made myself comfortable and allowed my brain to think about what I had learnt during the day.

Information number one: My dreams were no dreams. It had happened... Long time ago. Second: I was one of the major characters of this story. What now? Did this mean that I had no choice, but to stay by Li-san's side? Was it a good thing or a bad thing? I always thought that I was the master of my life... and what would happen if Li-san and I really got together? Would the ones who want to separate us be mad? What would they do? Who were they?

Tomoyo-chan.

I thought about my first dream; Xiao Lang's woman looked exactly like Li Meiling... and she was there, thousands of years later trying to keep him away from me. Was it really the same for Tomoyo-chan? Her old self and her current self were exactly the same too. Back then, she didn't say a word, but she was there... holding me while I was dying... Surely it would be enough reason to keep me away from Li-san. It would explain why she had told me to keep away from him because he would hurt me.

So she knew something! Why?

Why did she know about this story while I had been lost in the dark? In my dreams, Ying Fa was the one to know why the Kami-samas had chosen Xiao Lang and her... Yet her brother had said that they had disapproved their relationship...

Ying Fa's brother! My brother! He had been included into this mess too!

For a moment, I felt extremely dizzy and it was not the fault of the steaming water. I wanted so much to close my eyes and realise it was all just a dream! I was not fit for this kind of... adventure. I had been dreaming about some, but they were much more cute and romantic. This one was a nightmare!

Taking a deep breath, I got out of my bath and wrapped my body into a nice thick towel.

I had a choice. No one, not even the gods, could decide of what I would do, who I would like and what I would think. Destiny is a myth; people have the choice, no matter what.

And I chose to learn a bit more about the situation. If I was to fall in love with Li-san, it was going to be my decision, but at the moment, I wanted to know more about what had happened...over the centuries and I wished to understand why Li-san was here. How did he find me? What were his intentions? So many questions...

Quickly, I put a white shirt with long sleeves and a pair of black pants. I tied my slightly curled hair into a ponytail and headed downstairs. When I got into the kitchen, my father was cooking lasagne for dinner. I helped him by chopping some vegetables and arranging the table.

Suddenly, the door bell rang. He was there... I left everything and went to the door. I opened it on a really serious Li Syaoran. I noticed his hands were tightly clutching the bags into his hands. I frowned, anxious of his expression.

"Did something happen?" His lips tightened.

"No, but... Listen, I don't know what will happen in there... Your father might be..." I stopped him. I didn't want to hear that.

"Stop this sentence immediately or you'll regret it. We'll see, okay? Now, please follow me and don't say anything weird. My father is happy to welcome a friend... let's not alarm him, please." I was frightened by the idea Li-san had suggested. My father was so loving and caring; he couldn't be one the people who wanted to take away my right to choose!

I took his new clothes and let the bags in a corner of the living room. Normally, I would have brought them to the guest's room, but I wanted to make sure that everything was under control first.

Slowly, I entered the kitchen followed by Li-san, my heart racing into my chest. Instantly, my father raised his head from his cooking and looked at my companion.

He was smiling. My father quickly wiped his hands with a dish towel and walked to Li-san to present himself. My "friend" bowed to my father; I could see relief in his eyes. I exhale; my father would always be someone I could rely on.

"I'm Li Syaoran, nice to meet you. Thank you very much for allowing me to stay here for a few days, I didn't know there was no hotel here." I was happy to see that Li-san was normal with my father. He was nice and polite. He was showing so much self-confidence that no one could doubt his honesty.

"The pleasure is mine. My name is Kinomoto Fujitaka. I am happy to receive you in my house. My daughter has not told me much about you, why don't you tell me your story? The dinner should be ready in a little while. Would you like something to drink?" After politely rejecting the offer, Li-san, my father and I went to sit into the living room. My dad took the sofa, leaving the couch for my companion and me.

Li-san answered to my father's question about his roots neglecting to say that his family was highly unpleased with his presence in Japan and I have to admit that they were both enjoying each other's company; I understood why a bit later in the conversation when my father asked about Li-san's parents. His mother was a really nice woman, but devoted to her duties. Her son had always been taught to behave like a true leader and was never really allowed to be a child; he couldn't. His mother had inherited her husband's company who had died when Li-san was sill at a young age. Therefore, it had been decided that he was going to be the new leader of it when he would be old enough. Of course, during his growth, his mother had wanted him to be prepared and forgot to see in her son a mere child. It wasn't really her fault... Moreover, she was seeing in her son her deceased husband... No one could blame her for being under a great amount of stress and sadness and therefore, makes mistakes. Anyone would.

I eyed Li-san politely talking to my father. His eyes were shining and he was smiling. I knew how it felt to miss a parent's presence and I knew how my dad had the ability to provide this sensation of belonging to his family.

After a moment, we went back to the kitchen to eat dinner. My father began to tell us how his trip to his archaeological site had been. Few weeks ago, he was in Hokkaido, learning the past of the Ainu people with their oral legends.

They have a characteristic language so he had been in need of a translator, but he was happy with what he had been able to find. Since I was almost positive my dream was about Ainu people, I informed Li-san about my knowledge.

"The characters of the story you told me about earlier today were one of them." Li-san nodded, understanding what I meant, but since Li-san was coming from China, he had no idea who the Ainu people were, so my father educated him a bit.

"The Ainu people were the first one to set foot on the lands of Japan. We, archaeologists, believe they arrived from northern Russia, but some believe they might have come from Australia, Philippines and such. They came in Japan before the invention of writing, but even now, they don't have any writing system. Their knowledge is passed only orally; it might explain why they're losing their culture. About a thousand years later, a great lord and his army coming from the East forced them to retreat into Hokkaido's island. The majority of the Ainu people died, but some traveled east and adapted to those lands while others established themselves where they had been pushed to. A lot of Japanese have Ainu's blood in their veins, but very few know it; over the centuries, most quitted their little village to live like new Japan's population. "

I looked at Li-san while my father was talking about his work; he was drinking every word. Maybe Li-san was realising that he had not chosen the good job: stars were shining in his dazzling eyes making him even more attractive.

"One day, I found a cave in Hokkaido where drawings had been painted there. This cave had been buried; an earthquake I believe. Now, like a told you, the Ainu people use rarely writing or painting to teach their knowledge; therefore, what I had found was something that was not supposed to be forgotten by them. I asked to those people what was drawn on the cave's walls. It was the legend; the one I told you about when you were little Sakura. Up until then, I never had the proof that Nadeishiko's, my deceased wife's, story was true. I believe she got it from her family... maybe they're descended from an Ainu family... Oh! I'm sorry, you surely don't know about this fairytale..." While he was telling Li-san about the forbidden love, the drama and the spirits' angst, I thought about my mother's family.

I didn't know much about them. They had not accepted about my mother's marriage with my father and had ceased to contact her. I had heard my mother talking about them to my father once when I was little, before her death. I believe she had said that they had wanted to control her life like they had done for everyone in the family and had refused to inflict this to her children. I was glad she had done so, but I would have liked to know more about my mother's family.

I returned my attention on my father's speech when he attracted my curiosity with a weird founding he had done.

"I took contact with a friend of mine, a geologist, and asked him about the Mount Fuji's eruptions because it is the highest and most important in Japan, therefore the one into the story. Thanks to his diggings and tests in laboratory, he can tell approximately when it had erupted. The technique has its limits, but he was able to date one of its eruptions around 3 500 years before Christ, so a bit after Ainu people's arrival in Japan and before their expulsion meaning that they might have believed that this eruption was a consequence of the Wolf's and Wild cat's love. But there's more! My friend told me that in his researches and while exchanging some information with his colleagues in different parts of the World, he had realised that earthquakes and volcanoes' eruptions had occurred into the same period of time! He is searching for a cause, but for the moment he can only provide hypothesis. It's hard to know how was the magma's activity back in 3 500 B.C."

I looked at my father completely stunned: there were proofs! I couldn't deny the existence of this adventure ever again.

The problem still was that I was not her; I was not Ying Fa! I had her soul, but I would always be Kinomoto Sakura and I had the right to decide what I want to do with my life.

I listened to me father and Li-san's conversation; they had changed subject. Li-san had not seemed really surprised by the information we had received, though I was almost sure he had never heard about this story before. I guessed that he was not "overreacting" like I was because he didn't have any doubt about this whole tale while I was desperately searching for some.

"What do you think Sakura?" My father looked at me, not aware of my confusion.

"I'm sorry, what?"

"Li-san believes in destiny; the path of the genes." I eyed my partner; he was smirking. Clearly Li-san wanted to tease me. Well, he was about to see that I was not that easy to play with.

"Then that would be saying that if a thievery gene was going to be discovered, the baby who'd be caught having it would, with no doubt, become one and we would have to watch him from the very moment he opened his eyes for the first time. However, this attitude towards him could be the cause of the transformation into a thief because we would be implanting in his mind this idea that it's all he can be. It's the Pygmalion effect also named the self-fulfilling prophecy. Another example: the movie Minatory report with Tom Cruise. Who can really tell the future? People can change if they want to." Li-san's smirk had not vanished once. He was still looking as confident as ever.

"I never said that people can't change. I did change. However, they have limits created by genes or Kami-sama, whatever you believe in, and they change according to those limits. Someone who is extremely shy won't be the life of the party even with the best therapy. Weren't you listening to your teacher the day I accompanied you to your class?" He had won the game. I gave him a small smile, showing him I was surrendering.

"I'll make the dishes. You two can have coffee in the living room." It was the least I could do to thank my father for the dinner.

"Actually, if I'm going to stay over for a few days, I'd like to help with the dishes." Li-san respectfully bowed to my father to ask him if it was okay with him. He had no problem with this, but he felt he should stay and take the place of his guest.

"I can stay and help." I smiled to my father.

"No, you rest or... Don't you have to hand in your exams' results to your students soon?" I could read surprise in his eyes.

"I forgot! Thanks my heart!" He left the kitchen.

Li-san came to my side and took a towel from its hook on the wall.

"Your father is nice." I nodded.

"I'm sorry for yours."

"It was a long time ago." We stayed silent for a while, but after a moment, I just couldn't support it anymore.

"What's going to happen now?" I did dare to look at him. If I was to see his gorgeous face, all my logic thoughts would drift away from my grasp.

"You're going to hand me over the plate you're washing." I raised my eyes to the ceiling before looking at him. Bad move. I felt even more intimidated now that I was alone with him. How could he have such a power on me? It wasn't fair: I certainly didn't have any influence on his mood.

"You know I wasn't talking about that." He nodded gaining back his seriousness.

"There's something I didn't tell you." I shivered.

"Tell me now."

"Every of our past lives ended up by our death at a young age. Only once we managed to... connect... our first life. If our babysitters don't succeed in keeping us away from each other, than they kill us before we manage to become one. It seems that it is what they fear. I don't why though. You knew back in our first life. " I stood still. Sex. It's always about sex.

"I won't sleep with you if it's what you want from me." A dry smile appeared on his lips.

"It wouldn't work anyway. In one of our life, I did it with you to get this whole story over with; I wanted to live. You were serious about me, but I wasn't and I screwed everything. Over the centuries, I was often selfish..."

"You were an asshole."

"And I have been one in this life too. I changed." I, who had never done something bad and wild in this life, was highly curious of what he meant by those words.

"What did you do?"

"I was waiting for your arrival. I don't know how, but you had always been able to find me no matter where I was. However, in this life, you were absent. You were supposed to come when I turned twenty. You didn't. At first, I thought it was great... I was fourteen years old when my father died. The night after learning about his death, when I had finally fallen asleep, I woke up after dreaming about us. Confused, I headed towards my window and looked at the full moon. It was like if someone was loading hundreds of lifetime's information into my brain. I don't know if I fainted, but when I gained back consciousness, oddly, I was still looking at the moon. However, I knew this life was not my first one and I knew every one of them had ended tragically at twenty. From this moment, I began to do everything I wanted. I tried drugs, I smoked, I entered into gangs who would do illegal car races, and I was one of the drivers, I played with women... because I knew what was about to come and I wanted to have fun before dying. Psychologists told my mother it was because I was traumatised by my father's death. And even if I was screwed up, I was still one of the best when it came to my studies. I thought that life itself was mocking me. I was good in everything and still, I was destined to die at twenty? For a woman's assets? Come on!" I listened to his little speech, completely silent. I could understand his reasons for behaving this way, but the more he was talking, the more I was thinking he really had been selfish; he had the right to hurt himself if he wanted to, but he had no right to hurt others.

"Then, I turned twenty. You were supposed to come a bit before my birthday, but you never did and I was so happy; I was free. I began to act less drastically and entered the head council of my father's company while I was still in university. I accepted Mei Ling as my fiancée even if I was still going out with other women. I accepted her because I knew I wouldn't find someone who would fit with me, but I still had to search for THE person. Finally, one night, Mei Ling tried to seduce me into her bed to show me she was worth my attention. I thought that since she was my fiancée, I should like his fiancé too, so I responded f..." I stopped him: I really didn't want to hear that. His sexual life wasn't something I wanted to talk about.

"Okay, we're done with the dishes. Come I'll lead you to Touya's room. It will be yours for the time being." I headed towards the living room and took his packages. I heard him sigh behind me while helping me out with his luggage. Upstairs, I opened Touya's room's door and put the bags on his bed and turned around to leave the room, but Li-san had silently closed the door behind us. I tried to see if I could just push him away and leave... No chance.

"You didn't let me finish." He was frowning, unhappy that I was unwilling to let him continue his little story.

"It's not my business." He took a step towards me.

"I responded to her..." I couldn't let him go on. I didn't know why, but there was something inside of that was screaming, begging for him to stop.

"Stop! If you have no self-respect, then please respect atleast my will!" He was standing in front of me; hurt darkening his eyes and his head low, looking at me.

"I responded for a little while, but when it got intense, my breath died into my throat and a throbbing pain pulsed into my chest. I ran out and went to my room. The pain was gone, but I knew why I had panicked, why I had felt so... guilty and dirty. I respected Mei Ling very much, I still do... and I had come to the conclusion that I had to settle down and forget everything I knew. However, the moment I told myself that, I realised that no matter which path I'd choose, I'd feel lost, guilty and lonely; you had to be in my life. I had tried everything, but one: you. Selfishly, I decided that I had to find you. I had not grown into a good man because I had not chosen wisely my way; I had to know if you were the path I had to choose." I felt a bit insulted; I was no prize of consolation!

"No. You didn't need to come. We were both fine when we didn't know each other, well I was and I'm certainly not responsible for your bad luck: I didn't even know you! Since my sixteenth birthday, you were only a dream and I was perfectly fine with it. I was not in danger."

"You are right. I endanger you, but tell me something. Was your life before my coming thrilling? Were you fully satisfied? If you had died before meeting me, could you have said that you had lived every moment of your life knowing nothing was missing into it?"

"Of course not! I'm only twenty!"

"At twenty years old I had done almost everything that could be done and I can tell you that I would have been miserable if I had died before meeting you."

"Now what? You're going to tell me you fell in love at first sight?!" He chuckled.

"You're such a romantic! Let's say I was attracted at first sight. I told you before: I want to know you." I didn't say a word, walked round him and exited to my room next door.

I closed my door and stayed there for five minutes. My legs weakened under me and I slipped on the floor. Refusing to think about what Li-san had told me, I weakly got back on my feet, put on my pyjama and left my room to go see my father. He was in his study room still correcting exams.

"Dad?" I entered the room and hugged him from behind; he patted my arms.

"Coming to say goodnight?" I nodded. He turned towards me.

"Sakura, are you alright?" I nodded with a smile, but my father was not convinced.

"Did you have a fight with Li-san?" I shook my head.

"No, I'm just tired... Time goes by so fast!" He pursed his lips.

"Did you try to talk to Li-san about that?"

"We're not a couple, dad." My father chuckled.

"Even if you're not, this man seems mature enough to listen. And he seems really attached to you."

"How can you know?" The corner of my father's lips rose up.

"Are you not the one who always told me eyes were the mirrors of our soul? Well his eyes are pretty expressive." I sighed.

"What if he's searching for another woman? What if he sees her into me?" He frowned.

"Then, if it's really the case, you have to open his eyes. Someone who likes someone else would do what's best for this person. He would listen to her." I hugged him.

"Thanks dad. Goodnight!" I walked back to my room, but when I passed in front of Li-san's room, I couldn't help, but knock.

"Come in." Li-san was sitting on Touya's bed. He immediately rose up when he saw me, but I could guess he had been thinking while resting his chin in his hand because it was slightly reddened.

"I am not Ying Fa."

"And I'm not Xiao Lang."

"I don't want to die." Tears were forming into my eyes and I was fighting to keep them inside; I didn't want to show him how weak I was. Li-san looked down.

Suddenly, he took his bags, went round me and exited the room. I stayed stunned for a while before following him. I caught him at the door while he was putting his shoes back on.

"What are you doing?" I knew the answer and it felt wrong. Since when did I begin to throw guest and nice people away? Since when did I begin to bend in front of destiny or strangers? Since when did I stop believing in myself? It was my life! I owned those murderous shadows nothing. I can fight if I need to and there's one thing that I'm sure of: I have the choice.

"I can still say goodbye." Rage was building up in my chest.

"I can too, but I won't. You're staying." Li-san ignored me and put his coat on, avoiding my eyes. I grabbed his coat and forced him to look at me.

"I don't love you, but I like you and whoever they are, they can't choose who I can or cannot see! There must be a reason for our reincarnation. We wouldn't be coming back if our link was against nature! I don't want to die and I won't. I'll find out what's the meaning of this story, but I need you." I meant every word: I did like him. Li-san was nice, polite, smart, sensitive and amusing for what I had been able to witness. He was not a bad person no matter what he had done before our meeting. Moreover, he talked; men rarely talk about what they feel or think... if not with other men than with women. I could see myself falling in love with him and it felt more right than chasing after Yuuki-san.

I took his coat off and grabbed his bags.

"I don't know what will happen, but I'm the only master of my life and right now, what I want is your presence by my side." I wanted to add that I felt more complete with him around me, but I didn't; he didn't need anymore flattering.

"You're really a confusing woman, do you know that?" I smiled.

"Part of my charm." We headed back to Touya's room.

Okay, so sorry for all the blabla, but you really needed it. Mommy knows best (kidding)!

Well, I'll be working hard on the next chapter, don't worry, there will be more action! I'm not an old lady :p

Okay going to sleep now!

Review if you feel like it! I answer back.

Lune-diamant