'You know what I'd do if I had a time machine?'

'Hmm?'

'I'd go back to… relive all those moments. You know, holding her tiny hand, putting her up on my shoulders, just… I can't believe those times are gone.'

'I know, Castle, but think about all of the great times you have to look forward to in her future… and in ours.'

'Yeah… assuming there is a future…'

- Richard Castle and Kate Beckett

They sit in her office for over an hour going over her statement. She felt like she was getting the third degree from the agent who had made himself comfortable on her couch, but understood that it was par for the course. She'd dealt with his kind before, but as she looked over at Castle, who was standing in the corner with his arms crossed and looking more disturbed than she had ever seen him, she had to wonder if he would be able to handle this. She'd caught a glimpse into his current mental state, and she knew that he was teetering on the edge of his emotions.

"Okay, I think I have everything I need from you, Captain," the federal agent said. "Mister Castle, you're up." They waited for him to come out of the corner, but after a moment, realized it wasn't happening. In fact, his arms tightened ever so slightly across his chest.

It wasn't until Beckett stretched out her arm to him, that he finally met her gaze. This wasn't how she wanted it to go down. She didn't want to hear what happened with an audience in the room, but that ship sailed and was long gone now. He came to her then, taking the vacant chair next to hers. Her hand clasped his, a show of unity and support in the face of a man who seemingly wanted to cut down their stories, not unlike being cross examined on the witness stand, which was something they all had to look forward to in the coming months.

She immediately flashed to Castle on the stand, and was once again astounded by how quickly Caleb had cut him down. Granted, in the end, that was for the better as his statement could have sent an innocent woman to prison – but still.

Castle delved into his tale, and found it hard to continue when he reached the part where he left his P.I. Office and family in the capable hands of Haley. That woman – he didn't know what he'd do without her. She was a fierce warrior, like Beckett. So, he broke his promise to Beckett and left. They both avoided eye contact at the admission. It was one thing to know it was true already, but to hear him say it out loud, it was something different. It struck chords, and she couldn't even be upset about it because she had gone and done the same thing. What a pair they made.

"I hailed a cab," he said. "It was the first one I got in."

"That's good," the fed muttered, writing down his notes, despite the fact that a tape recorder was sitting between the three of them. "We'll be able to use the traffic cam footage from outside your office. I imagine Mr. Flynn – was it? – would have been sitting there for a long time waiting for you to come along."

"Possibly," Castle ground out. After a moment, he carried on about the music for a few minutes, trailing off in a ramble that Beckett pulled him out of with the gentle squeeze of her hand. She didn't care how sweaty his hands were (hers were equally so), she wasn't going to let go. "He held me at gunpoint around the corner, cuffed me, blindfolded me, then drugged me, and when I woke up, I was strapped to that table. I thought he was going to torture me."

Beckett shifted uncomfortably in her chair at the mere thought of someone breaking his fingers, pummelling his face. God, she remembered the psychological terror of the bag of spiders on his head, used in an attempt to extract her whereabouts when this all started. While she was confident he didn't have a clue at the time, if he had, there was no way he would have given her up. His loyalty surpassed all others, and she didn't enjoy the feeling of knowing she had put him in the crosshairs because of that.

"But no, he said he would rely on science, instead. So, he stuck another needle in me and gave me a dose of his truth serum."

"Truth… serum?"

"I know, right?" Castle scoffed.

"Mister Castle, I need you to be serious here. This isn't one of those fanciful books you write."

"I write mysteries, not fantasy you as-"

"Jesus, Castle!" Beckett interrupted quickly, looking from Castle to the agent. "Look, he's telling you the truth."

"Because he's under the influence of a truth serum? Give me a break."

"Because he has no reason to lie. The doctors took his blood. They're testing it right now, and there's more of the substance at the scene for you to run your own tests. But, let's just cut the crap here, hmm? You're a top agent, they wouldn't have sent you otherwise. I'm sure there are all sorts of things you keep under lock and key, and I would lay odds that a truth serum would be one of them, whether it's the real deal or a theory about to become the real deal and this Flynn guy just… beat you to it."

"And you would be wrong, Captain." He turned his attention back to Castle before Beckett had a chance to call 'bullshit' on him. "Mister Castle, what happened after he dosed you with this substance?"

"He called it a chemical truth agent, agent. The second he put the needle in… I knew he wasn't bluffing, and even the possibility that it would work… it scared the hell out of me. So, he waited for it to kick, said that within the hour, I would tell him everything he wanted to know – and then I would die." Castle kept his eyes pointedly on the agent. He couldn't bear to look at her, but she really wished he would.

Castle delved into what little he knew about Flynn, and how he was raised by the state, didn't have a family. "He started asking questions," Castle shifted anxiously in his seat.

"What kind?"

"Personal questions. About Beckett; about how I fell in love with her; why I fell in love with her. And I… answered; couldn't control myself."

"Tell me more about your conversation."

"What does it matter?" Castle growled. "He's a sick sociopath who messed with my head."

"It all matters, Mister Castle."

"He blamed Beckett, alright? He said it was her fault that I was on the table in the first place. That if it weren't for her, I would have a much longer life ahead of me. Are you happy, Agent?" Beckett's breath caught in her throat, and she immediately felt the bitter sting of those words, words she had already been beating herself up with. "And he asked if after everything, would I want to go back and have a do-over." Castle turned his gaze over to Beckett, and she saw his emotions sitting in them, ready to spill over at a moment's notice.

For a second, she feared the answer.

"The answer was no," he said, and just like that, all the air came rushing out of her. She squeezed his hand harder, eyes welling up. "But… after what I did…"

"Rick…" she whispered.

"LokSat came in. Mason Wood. I couldn't believe my eyes. I thought the serum was screwing with me, but it was him. He st – he started asking me questions." Beckett felt Castle quiver, the tears came as he relived it for the record. "I couldn't… I couldn't stop myself." All the people he gave up, the names of those he loved who knew about LokSat. It was especially hard when he got to his family. "I tried to stop… I did. I begged him not to, but then he left to get you, Kate… I… I..."

"If you knew this LokSat was so dangerous… did it not occur to you, to either of you, to keep your families out of it?" the Agent asked.

Beckett looked up at him furiously, hot tears in her eyes, too. "We're done here," she snapped, rising from her chair and putting herself between her husband and the agent. She couldn't let Castle go through another second of this. She reached for the recorder and shut it off, handing it back to him.

She escorted the man out of her office, and when the door shut behind them, she turned to look at Castle, who was hunched forward in his chair, head buried in his hands. She came to him and sank down to her knees in front of him. Her hands reached out, taking his wrists to gentle his hands out of her way. "Oh, Castle," she whispered, seeing his eyes, so full of despair. "You have to know this isn't on you. Please tell me you know that."

He just shook and bowed his head further.

"Castle, I need you to listen to me now, and really hear me, okay?" she said, her own voice nearly faltering. "Hey…" Beckett needed to see his eyes, to know he was listening, and when he looked up at her, she was grateful that he hadn't completely shut down yet. "What happened to you today, it's horrible, but this isn't your fault. It's his. You are a victim in this. He violated you."

Her words struck him. A victim? No, no, no. She had it backwards. He was the villain. "I gave up everyone, Beckett. Everyone… how can you even… I couldn't control my words… I knew exactly what I was saying as I was saying it."

"Babe – Rick – listen to me." Beckett reached her hands up to cradle his jaw. "You said it yourself; you had no control. I know you and you would never give us up."

"What will mother and Alexis think when they find out…?"

His thoughts had already taken him to some pretty dark places, she could tell. Beckett brushed her thumb along his lower lip. "They'll understand," she assured him. "I understand, and I don't love you any less for it. It only makes me hate them that much more." She paused for a moment, letting him soak up what she was saying. "And if you want, we don't have to tell them." She felt him suck in a breath at that. "Whatever you decide, I am at your side, Castle. Always."

Castle nodded, letting her know he was taking her suggestion seriously. Good. "We made it, Castle," she murmured to him, leaning in to press her mouth against his. Her hand coiled around the back of his neck, and his wrapped around her, latching onto her leather jacket as their mouths danced together. In that moment, it all fell away like it always did. It was just the two of them wrapped up in each other.

Parting for air, she looked him over. His tears were nearly dried, and he was starting to look more like himself. Of course, she knew this wasn't the end of this, but it was dealt with for now. "You should call your mother, Alexis and Hayley," she said, knowing it was selfish to keep him to herself.

Castle just shook his head and pulled her onto his lap, and she came willingly, draping her legs over the arm of the chair. "Not yet," he said.

She nodded, but she would push again soon. "How close was I to losing you, today," she whispered, the question a rhetorical one as she took him in all over again. The thought alone made her heart thunder in her chest.

Her father was the first visitor to enter the private room. Beckett didn't dare move. She was still afraid to blink, fearing that somehow, he would just vanish in that split second. Nurses had come and gone, checking his vitals on a much more regulated schedule. "Katie," Jim said, coming to the side of her bed. Her back was to him, but he didn't want to stand between her and her husband. It seemed wrong.

"I can't reach him," she whispered, gripping the rail.

Jim looked towards the door, considering bringing it to the administration's attention. Resolves, he came around the side of her bed, stepping into her line of view. Her eyes darted up to him for a second, questions dancing there. He gave her a smile, the mischievous sort he gave her when they'd mess with her mother, his wife.

When he started to fumble with the latches on the railing, her heart fluttered, finding new depths of love for her father. It was all happening too fast and too slow at the same time. Unlocking the wheels, he gentled her bed closer to Castle's, and she reached for him the whole way. She grasped his hand through his own rail, but she didn't care. Her bed was right alongside his now, and if it weren't for the railing, the monitors or the sterile scent of the room, she might think they were just laying in bed, having a lazy Sunday morning.

She gasped at the simple touch, the gentle coil of her fingers collecting his in her palm. "Castle," she whispered, tears anew in her eyes. "I'm here." His hand wasn't cold, though it wasn't the warmest she'd ever felt it either. Color was lacking, too, but it didn't matter because he was still alive.

She heard the deft click of the door closing, and she knew that her father had left her to be alone with him. Bless that man. "You have to come back to me now," she said, "because I'm not letting go. And you have so much to live for, babe." Beckett pulled his hand through the rail, mindful of the IV he was attached to. She brought their hands to rest on her stomach, her hand splayed over his.

"Our future, it's finally here…"

A/N: Just so you know, I totally busted out my Caskett Always mug today. It's not vital information for you, but every time I took a sip, all I kept thinking was, "I hate you, ABC, I hate you."

ANYWAY, this update turned out to be longer than expected. Any mistakes are obviously my own, and considering I wrote most of this into the wee hours of the morning on my PHONE... in bed, and THEN had to go to work... well... that's how much I want to keep you guys entertained.

I'm about to start a new tradition, I think, and I hope I can keep up with it. In honor of CastleFicMonday, I think every Sunday night, I am going to watch one episode, from the very beginning. And on Monday, I am going to post a story called 'Gaps', and this will be a collection of stories, filling in missing scenes from the seasons as I go along.

That's the dream, anyway... since muses are fickle things.

Except Kate Beckett. She's not fickle at all.

BTW, I had a question about the artwork for this fic, and the answer is that yes, I drew it personally, and I hope to meet Stana one day so she can sign it for me. I also have one of Castle/Nathan, too.

So, I hope you enjoyed the update. As always, let me know what you think, or even how you're holding up in the face of a Castle-less Monday coming up.

Next Chapter might see the return of a long lost character.

Toodles!