Author's Note-Short chapter but I feel like it contains a lot. Enjoy!

Disclaimer- Obviously I'm not Veronica Roth so I don't own the Divergent trilogy

The ride home from Candor is quiet for once, this time the teams are separated into the different trucks and Tobias is driving, I'm in the passenger's seat and everybody is contemplating whether they contributed to the team's winning or not, so nobody notices when Tobias slips his arm around my back or when I shudder because I can feel the magnificent electricity between us. Can he feel it too, or am I just an idiot, I mean obviously he is totally out of my league, but I think he likes me, if he likes me can he feel it? "Tryouts are finished next week," Four says interrupting my train of thought with a low tone so that only I can hear. "I'm going to try to get you're beating up those boys included in your scoring."

I glance over at him, shocked. "You can't give me extra attention just because you like me." I whisper back, serious about the extra points but teasing him with the last part.

"I would do it for anyone," he reassures me, "even Peter or Edward." This comment makes me feel jealous, I know it shouldn't but it does, I mean obviously I don't want bonus marks because we're… dating? I don't know what we are but I think we're more than friends, I hope so. Anyways, obviously I don't want extra marks because of our status but I'd like to think he'd be willing to do that for me. He must see my face drop because he adds, "That was really cool how you did that by the way, but you need to remember that proper dauntless are brave not ruthless." I know he's right but I start to get panicky and defensive.

"That very thought was running through my head as I beat up those bastards, I would've stopped if they had, it was primarily self defense." He takes his eyes of the road for half a second but I don't want him to talk so I continue, "I hate the monster that rips me to shreds from the inside out sometimes, it's just everything, people make me mad, Jeanine and her lackey's trying to take over the government position, my dad is in government for crying out loud, he would lose his job! And Caleb, how could he join them and how did I not see it coming? He was always reading and on his phone searching scientific words that I don't even understand, and sometimes I just feel like I don't belong here, everybody is so loud and so am I but I don't like to share my feelings when everybody else wants me to, factions are so stupid, nobody fully belongs in one, I mean what if somebody loves peace like the Amity Hippies but they can't join the police force to keep the peace because they have to exemplify it!" Oh. My. Gosh. Did I just say that out loud? Tobias doesn't respond and I'm grateful for that as he stops the truck in the school's parking lot and as I jump out at the exact same time as he does. I want to collapse and cry right here, right now in the parking lot, I'm sure some of the Abnegation and Amity initiates would come to comfort me but I don't because dauntless don't cry.

"Tris." I whip around, it's Al again. "Could you just…"

"What did I tell you last time?" I spit at him. "Just get away from me, your jealousy overcame your sense of judgement and for that reason I will never come and talk to you and I will never forgive you." I declare, delighted with my choice of words, I decide I sound smart and brave. "You are a coward and I hope that you fail tryouts so that I never have to see you again!"

"Please!" He begs desperately, I like how he sounds, it's like his whole emotional life is in my hands.

"No." I say and I watch his face crumple, but then I stop, the monster is taking over again and I'm suddenly afraid of myself and what I'm capable of. "Sorry." I whisper as I walk away, and in my peripheral vision I see him crying and I know that we are the same. We both have a war inside of ourselves, decisions we don't want to make and things we don't want to do, but we do them anyways, he looks hopeless, which is just the way I feel, we both have monsters but his showed physically and mine verbally. I could never date him but why not forgive him, he's human, I'm human, he just knows how to bandage his mistakes better than I do but I'm not allowing him to do that by repeating one simple word, "No." the word that break hearts and kills people on the inside. Instantly I whip around to speak to him, to apologize. I forgive him and he needs to know, but he's gone and I catch a glimpse of his paintball splattered pants as he disappears inside the school. I sprint after him. I'm faster than he is but he's far ahead of me "Al! Stop!" I shout to him but he doesn't stop. He's following my example now, my terrible, terrible example of bottling up my feeling and smacking people with them without saying a word. I don't want this, I don't want factions and I don't want emotions but I of all people know that pain demands to be felt, pain is an unfortunate privilege that people try to avoid but only end up hurting more. I continue to race after Al and I hear Tobias call my name, does he know how I feel? Al whips around into the cafeteria and I skid after him, almost smacking into the door I fling it open and see him, I see all the emotions that I feel, they're displayed on his face and it's all my fault, they're displayed on his face as he looks back at me, as he hangs onto the railing of the balcony and as he throws himself over it and as he falls, seemingly in slow motion and as he takes that escape I see regret creep in to the mixture, as well as joy that he will never ever have to deal with pain again, and I'm sure that all the horrifying emotions are displayed on my face as well as I collapse to the ground, leaking tears like a river, I finally let the cork of my bottle fly and all my emotion come tumbling out in the form of increasingly loud sobs.

Cliff-hanger- sort of! Do you like it? I'm really happy with it! Did anybody notice the TFIOS reference in there? I probably won't post another chapter tomorrow. Oh, and by the way, I'm a Christian and so I don't really believe that you don't feel pain after death (depending on whether you go to heaven or hell), it just sounded better in the context. Thanks for reading! Please follow and review!