Hello my lovelies now it's finally time for chapter 6 and you deserve it so here we go!
Looking bedraggled and beat-up, the foursome trudged down the corridor back to their suite. As they stopped and Phil went to open the door, Alan stopped him.
"Wait guys. What about the tiger? What if he got out or something?"
"Oh fuck!" Rachel sighed, exasperated.
"I know, we keep forgetting about the goddamned tiger. How the fuck did it get in there?" Phil wondered aloud.
"I don't know. I also don't know where we got it or who it belongs to, because I don't remember." Stu said harshly, looking at Alan.
"Stu." Rachel warned, although Alan looked indifferent.
"Yeah, one of the side-effects of roofies is memory loss." he said gravely. Stu looked astounded.
"You are literally too stupid to insult." he groaned.
"Thank you." Alan said, confusing Stu further. Rachel and Phil, who grew tired of looking from one to the other during this conversation, cut in.
"Hey, shh!" Rachel commanded quietly as Phil unlocked the door and stepped in. They were all surprised to hear Phil Collins 'In the Air Tonight' greeting their ears as they walked in.
"Did we leave the music on?" Phil inquired.
"I don't think so. I don't think we ever turned it on this morning." Rachel said before Alan slamming the door behind her made her jump out of her skin.
"Hey! Shut it!" Phil shout-whispered at Alan before scanning the villa briefly, "Don't make any sudden movements-"
He was then cut off by a grunt and Stu's girly scream as he backed into a large, burly black guy in a fedora hat and stylish coat.
"Who the hell are you?" Rachel yelled, having had enough of these unexpected surprises for one day.
"No, who the hell are you?" The man threw back.
"Quiet, quiet!" ordered another voice from the living area. Another black guy sitting at the piano seat turned around and revealed himself to be none other than world famous, Mike Tyson,
"M-Mike Tyson?" Phil all but stuttered at seeing him. Rachel rolled her eyes at his behaviour.
"This is my favourite part coming up right here." Mike said before drumming to the beat in the air and singing.
"I can feel it coming in the air tonight! I need a chorus line, guys."
"Oh, Lord." Alan was the only one not stars truck and able to oblige him as he continued to sing.
"Well I've been waiting for this moment for all my life! One more time guys."
"Oh, Lord!" this time they all sang, right before Mike right- hooked Alan, knocking him out cold. The other three crouched next to him in concern.
"Why the fuck did you do that?" Rachel cried. However, she was unacknowledged. The burley fedora hat guy turned off the music and addressed them as they stood up.
"Mr. Tyson would like to know why is his tiger in your bathroom." he said imposingly. Phil got up from beside Alan and tried to calm him down.
"That was completely unnecessary- I'm a huge fan by the way- but honestly, he's a child on the inside-"
"Explain." The burly man persisted; Phil took a deep breath before explaining for the millionth time.
"Look, we were drugged last night. We have absolutely no memory of what happened."
"Whatever man, this guy's talking bullshit." Mike groaned. Rachel, now pissed off to the max, lost it, not caring if this guy was quite possibly the toughest one in the world.
"It's true! We got in all sorts of trouble last night and now we can't find my brother so do me a favour skip the bullshit!" she screamed. Phil looked at Rachel with a mixture of pride and fear and the two black men before them looked fuming. Stu, who was too tired to be terrified, just sighed.
"Look, if you wanna kill us now just go ahead because I don't even care anymore."
"Stu, what are you talking about?" Phil asked, concerned and shifting instinctively close to Rachel.
"What? I don't care." Stu assured with an indifferent face. Mike and his associate looked between them, not wanting to hear more of their issues.
"Look, listen up you crazy-ass fools, why the fuck would you wanna steal his tiger?" the associate queried threateningly. Phil tried to lighten the mood and laughed as he answered.
"We tend to do dumb shit when we're fucked up." No one found him amusing.
"Phil, shut the fuck up." Rachel said gently, smiling and patting his back to let him know she appreciated him trying, before realising something herself.
"Wait a minute. How did you guys find us?" she asked the associate, who pulled a black jacket out from under his own.
"One of you guys dropped your jacket; we found it in the tiger's cage this morning."
he tossed it to Rachel.
"Oh my God, you guys this is Doug's." she exclaimed.
"Yeah, erm... Doug. His wallet and his room key are in there." the associate explained.
"That's our missing friend." Phil told them.
"I don't give a fuck." growled the associate.
"What was that, asshole?" Rachel snarled angrily. Phil held her back as the associate made ready to start on her.
"Whoa, whoa, Rae calm it down." he warned, Rachel did calm down but still glowered at the associate. Phil loosened his grip on her but his hand still hovered at her waist, but she didn't seem to mind.
"There's something wrong with this bitch." the associate said to Mike.
"Excuse me, what did you call her?" Phil asked, now just as pissed off as Rachel. He and the associate started arguing loudly and angrily before Stu shouted over them.
"Hey, shut it!" he then became sheepish again as the angry associate then looked at him, "Erm, did you guys see Doug?"
"I was fast asleep." Mike put in.
"Yeah because if he was up, this shit wouldn't have gone down so smoothly." the associate added.
"The tiger probably ate his ass like Omar." Mike laughed as the associate took off his hat.
"Respect." he murmured.
"W-wait what happened to Omar?" Phil asked, having restored his cool.
"Ah, don't worry about Omar; he's not with us no more." Mike said surprisingly calm. Phil rubbed his face, stressed and took a deep breath.
"Ok, I know that this is a lot to ask but do you think that there's any way we can go to your house and just look around and see if there's any clues there for our friend?" he inquired as politely as he could.
"Absolutely. How do you think we're gonna get the tiger back anyway?" the associate said before turning and leaving.
"Wait, what?" Rachel asked after him impatiently.
"We're not gonna put it in the Bentley. You brought it here, you bring it back. In, what do you think, about forty minutes?" he asked Mike.
"Don't make me come back for him." Mike warned before leaving behind his associate. The three of them were left standing speechless for a moment until Stu leaned into the other two.
"That was Mike Tyson." he reiterated, stars truck again.
"Yeah, no shit that was Mike Tyson." Phil sighed.
"I'm just saying, he's still got it." Stu smiled. then they heard Alan stir on the floor behind them and they all rushed over.
"Oh my God, Alan are you ok?" Rachel asked. Alan only murmured incoherently.
"Holy shit." Phil groaned, clicking in Alan's face to test his reactions.
"Jesus Christ I can't believe he's still living after that punch." Rachel said, concerned as she and Stu turned Alan over and helped him sit up.
"You ok, buddy?" Stu inquired, shaking Alan's shoulder slightly.
"Y-yeah. Mm ok." Alan managed quietly. Rachel and Stu grabbed and arm each while Phil supported his back and together, the three of them hauled Alan up.
"Hey, take it easy." Rachel ordered as Alan tried to walk and stumbled. She and Phil guided him to the sofa and sat him down, letting him lie on the cushions. They looked at each other nervously.
"What-what happened?" Alan asked slowly.
"Would you like the long version or the short version?" Phil said with his hands on his hips and his lips pursed anxiously.
"Short please." Alan moaned politely like a child. Rachel and Phil looked at each other again, not knowing how to shrink the events down. Stu saw their expression and sighed loudly in annoyance.
"Basically, we're fucked!" he stressed. Rachel and Phil didn't know how to sugar coat it.
"Well... yeah." Rachel sighed.
Alan looked horrified at what he'd heard. He sat up and muttered groggily.
"I'm really sorry guys."
"No worries, Alan. Right now we need to focus on finding a way to get the goddamned tiger back to Tyson." Phil put in. A few moments of silence passed as they thought, then Rachel's face lit up.
"Rea? I know that face, that's your idea face. What have you got?" Stu asked excitedly. Rachel turned to Alan.
"Alan, do you have any roofies left?" she said calmly. Alan nodded but the other two looked confused.
"Really Rea? Do you really think more drugs is the solution to this problem?" Phil sighed angrily, "What, do you just think another hit will make us undo everything we did-"
"Shut it, you lunatic!" Rachel cut him off, "They're not for me, they're for the tiger."
Realisation dawned of Phil and Stu's faces and they smiled at their friend's genius.
"If we can just knock him out for long enough we can get him there without him killing us." she explained further.
"But how do we get a tiger to take roofies?" Alan queried, poking a hole in Rachel's plan. Stu stepped up.
"Don't worry guys, I got that covered. I'm gonna call room service, Alan get the pills. Rachel and Phil... entertain yourselves for five minutes and leave this to me." Stu said surprisingly confident and excited considering his previous mood as he skipped out of the room and into his bedroom and Alan went into another room to search for his stash.
Rachel and Phil, now alone, stared at each other for a minute, and then looked away feeling awkward. Phil then turned back to Rachel.
"That was a good idea, Rea." was all he could think to say, she nodded with a smile but didn't say anything. She turned around and sat on the sofa and Phil followed suit, moving some empty cans from the seat and sitting next to her. A few more moments of silence passed before either one of them spoke.
"So, you're a dancer now?" Phil asked politely, remembering what he had heard at Jade's earlier.
"Yeah, well technically I run a drama school for kids that covers performing, dancing and singing but 'dancer' is close enough." She smiled at him. "Why do you ask?"
"No, I was just happy for you, I mean you were always dancing around and singing with those ridiculous old, 80's headphones and now you're doing it professionally." Phil explained, both laughing at the memories, "I couldn't be happier for you."
"Well, what about you? What do you do now; you said back at the police station that you were a schoolteacher?" Rachel queried.
"Yeah, I got my degree in English and I teach in a private junior high school." Phil explained.
"Wow! You got your degree? That's great." Rachel beamed again.
"Always the tone of surprise." Phil teased. They both laughed again.
"Yeah, we both actually got where we wanted to go." Rachel remarked, and then the laughter died down. They were both reminded of the painful memories that put them where they were now. Another pause followed before Rachel took it upon herself to try and lighten the mood.
"So you teach in private school, you hang with your buddies and come home to what? A girlfriend, fiancée... gay lover?" she joked. Phil laughed again wryly.
"Oh, aren't you funny?" he said sarcastically, tickling her sides. She squealed and struggled until she was so close to him their heads were only inches apart. She looked away but didn't move.
"You didn't answer my question." she muttered, her smiled faltering.
"No, I don't come home to anything or anyone." he answered honestly, "And you?"
Rachel turned her head to face his again but didn't dare look him in the eye.
"There've been, mmm... a couple of guys lately. Really bad guys. I haven't really comfortable with anyone since..." she trailed off as she accidentally looked into his eyes, losing herself in their azure-blue hue.
"Since..." one again words failed her. Almost losing herself completely, she leaned closer to Phil, her gaze moving from his eyes to his lips. She was so close that Phil became intoxicated by her scent, which drew him nearer to her. He leaned in closer, too lost in her to be shocked at the fact that she was doing the same. Their lips only a centimetre from each other, they paused and hovered there for a moment. They were just about to kiss when Stu came bursting back into the room, making them jump apart again.
"Ok, I've got this covered. I just ordered a raw steak from room service and it's on its way." he explained. Rachel busied herself fixing her hair.
"Um, yeah that's a really good idea, Stu." she assured nervously as Alan walked in with the rest of the pills.
"I got 'em guys. They weren't easy to find, though. Someone shoved them in an empty condom box in the room down the hall." he said, holding the pills up. Phil and Rachel merely looked at each other awkwardly and shot up and away from each other. Alan placed the pills on the table and the others all stood around it.
"Ok guys, so who's gonna give the tiger the steak?" he pondered, looking around at the other three.
"Fuck, we didn't think of that!" Phil exclaimed, thinking hard.
"Um, rock, paper, scissors. That's the easiest way." Alan suggested. The others were too tired to argue and think of something more grown up so they just nodded.
"And before we do, I think we should let Rachel out of this." Phil said.
"What, why?" Stu asked.
"Because this was her idea and she's a lady, Stu. Be a gentleman. Now get over here, Alan, you too. C'mon." Phil ordered as they all gathered in a circle and put their fists in the middle.
"Rock, paper, scissors!" they all cried. Stu and Alan used Rock, Phil used Paper.
"Ok, that's me out. Now it's out of you two." he stated, stepping back next to Rachel.
"Ok, c'mon Alan. Rock, Paper, scissors. Shit!" Stu cried as Alan used Paper and he used Rock.
"Well, Stu I guess that means it's you." Rachel sighed.
"That's not fair!" Stu complained as Phil sat down at the table and Alan started jabbing pills into the steak.
"It's was rock, paper, scissors. There's nothing more fair." Phil stated calmly.
"Alan should do it." Stu persisted."
"Alan took a punch from Mike Tyson!" Rachel exclaimed.
"Yeah, c'mon man, for Doug." Phil agreed.
"Fine." Stu huffed sulkily. "Why are you peppering the steak, you don't know if tigers like pepper."
"Tigers love pepper- they hate cinnamon." Alan assured as he put down the pepper.
"Phil just do it. You should do it." Stu pleaded, Rachel rolled her eyes.
"I would but you lost, man. It wouldn't be right." Phil shrugged.
"Alright, fine." Stu grumbled.
"Right, I jammed 5 roofies in there. That should knock him out for at least an hour, just go in there and throw it to him." Alan explained. Stu grumpily took the steak and walked into the bathroom.
"Make sure that he eats the whole thing!" Phil called after him.
There was a short pause after Stu walked into the bathroom, partially closing the door so the tiger could get out but so he still could. Stu then screamed and ran out of the bathroom after hearing the tiger roar. Slamming the door hard he turned but to the others.
"What do we do now?" he asked.
"We wait." Alan confirmed. The four of them went back to the sofas and sat down. Stu then got up and walked to the grand piano, starting to play and sing. As he played, Phil looked at him with a weirded out expression, which was doubled by Rachel as she looked up from the magazine she had been flicking through that she had found on the floor.
What do tigers dream of, when they take a little tiger snooze?
Do they dream of mauling zebras?
Or Halle Berry in her Cat woman suit.
Well don't you worry your pretty striped head,
We're gonna get you back to Tyson and your cosy tiger bed.
And then we're gonna find our best friend, Doug,
And then we're gonna give him a best friend hug.
Doug, Doug, oh Dougie Dougie Dougie Doug Doug!
But if he's been murdered by crystal-meth tweakers...
Well then we're shit outta luck.
As he finished, Rachel turned to Phil, the same expression still plastered on both of their faces.
"He still does that when he's stressed?" she asked.
"Oh, yeah. It's actually got worse." Phil replied.
"I liked it." Alan cut in. Phil and Rachel then looked at him in sync with matching looks of disbelief. They then heard the tiger groan followed by a thud.
"I think that's the tiger out. Come on, let's get him." Rachel said, getting up and following the guys to the bathroom, before realising something.
"Wait, we need to get him downstairs... wait I saw a luggage cart in my room when I went to shower this morning. I'll go and get it." she disappeared into the other room and the guys went into the bathroom. They each picked a side of the tiger and hauled him up, carrying him back into the main room. Rachel now stood there with the luggage cart and a sheet. As they plonked the unconscious animal onto it, she held out the sheet.
"Here, put this over him. That way no one will see him." she explained. Stu covered the tiger.
"You are literally the best." Phil smiled at her. She smiled back cheekily.
"I know."
They then wheeled the cart out of the door, Alan nearly knocking it into the doorframe. As they let and Phil and Rachel followed, Stu once again returned to his stressful self.
"By the way, we're all gonna die." he murmured. Phil and Rachel just rolled their eyes, not bothered to argue. Rachel closed the door behind them and Alan nearly drove the cart into a wall, but luckily, they managed to successfully get the tiger into the elevator, out of the hotel and into the back of the Mercedes without detection.
On the way to Tyson's house (which they had cleverly put into the sat nav while drunk) the four of them were all squished into the front seat. Phil was driving, Stu was in the middle and Rachel was mushed between Phil and Stu, and as a result had to change the gears as she was blocking Phil from doing so. About a mile from their destination, Alan broke their nervous silence.
"Hey guys, when's the next Haley's Comet?" he asked out of the blue.
"Who cares, Alan?" Phil sighed, barely able to keep his eyes open and on the road.
"Rachel, do you know?" Alan queried.
"Nope." Rachel said, annoyed.
"Stu?"
"I don't think it's for, like, another 60 years." Stu estimated.
"But it's not tonight?" Alan checked.
"I don't think so." Stu stated uncertainly.
"But you don't know for sure?" Alan inquired. Stu shook his head, "I had this cousin Marcus who saw one. He said it absolutely blew his mind and I'm gonna make sure I don't miss out on another Haley's comet so if you guys know when there's gonna be one-"
Alan was cut off by a grunt and a growl from the backseat. The four of them looked back and saw the tiger get up again. He roared and thrashed his head around. The four of them screamed and he raised a paw to them, scratching Phil's neck. They all stopped in the middle of the road and piled hastily out of the car, locking the tiger in.
"Rea! Stu! Stu, it got me!" Phil cried, clutching his neck.
"Oh my God, you got clawed!" Stu screamed.
"You're bleeding!" Rea added. They could do nothing then but stand back and watch the tiger eat up the entire interior of the Mercedes with horror. He put a striped foot through the window. After that he seemed to calm down, but they didn't want to risk getting back into the car with it.
"What do we do now?" Rachel asked.
"We'll have to push it. Come on!" Phil commanded, "Alan, put your arm through the front window and steer."
"Erm, ok." Alan said hesitantly, reluctantly sticking a shaky, chubby arm through the front window cautiously.
"What about me?" Rachel inquired.
"Get yourself back here and help us push the car." Phil ordered rudely.
"Oh, out of all the glamorous jobs." she remarked sarcastically, getting behind the car with them and pushing as hard as she could, which was quite hard considering her small stature.
About halfway to Tyson's house from the spot where they had abandoned car, Alan quaked and removed his hand hastily from the car window.
"I can't do it!" he whined.
"Get your fucking hand back in there and steer the car!" Phil yelled, showing no sympathy.
"I'm too nervous." Alan persisted.
"Alan, we need you buddy, this is your time to shine, ok?" said Stu, trying his hardest to calm Alan down. Alan went to steer again, but couldn't.
"What if he takes my hand off?" Alan complained. Rachel sighed.
"That's nothing compared to what I'll do to you if you don't get your fucking hand back on the wheel!" she growled and Alan quickly shoved his hand back through the window. Stu and Phil gave her looks of gratitude as they neared the gate of Mike Tyson's mansion. Pushing the car into the drive and knocking on the door, the associate answered.
"You're late." he said grumpily.
"Whatever, man. We had to push it the last mile." Phil groaned.
"Come on in. Mike's got something he wants to show you." the associate said, clearing a path for them. They all followed him to the sitting room when Mike was on a stylish sofa with an ugly dog on his lap in front of a huge TV screen. The four of them sat of the sofas, Stu and Alan on a separate one and Phil and Rachel sat next to Mike of his.
"When we got back we took a look at the security cameras, and this is what we found." Mike explained, holding a remote out to the screen and pressing play. To their great relief, they saw the five of them, Doug included, staggering across Mike's yard laughing with bottles of alcohol.
"That's Doug!" Rachel cried.
"Oh thank God, he's alive." Stu gasped.
"That's our missing friend." Phil pointed out.
"Yeah, we're all best friends." Alan said like a child.
"Why don't you just pay attention, I don't have all night." Mike said grumpily.
"Sure." Phil said certainly as they continued to watch. Now, Alan was standing on the rocks by the pool and pissing into the water.
"You're gonna overflow the pool, man." TV Stu slurred. Mike looked at Alan angrily.
"I think- should I wait outside?" he asked sensibly.
"I think that's a good idea, Alan." Mike said calmly as Alan scooted past Stu and out of the room.
"Don't touch anything out there, either." his associate warned.
"He's not our good friend, we don't know him that well-" Stu tried to explain, but was cut off by Mike's mean glare. He awkwardly stared back at the screen. They then saw themselves heading toward the gates, Phil with the tiger on a leash. Rachel rubbed her head, embarrassed.
"By the way, where did you get that cop car from?" Mike asked, seeing it on the screen.
"We stole it from these dumb-ass cops." Stu chuckled wryly.
"Nice!" Mike laughed, his reaction shocking them. But as long as they were on his good side they wanted to stay there, so they laughed along with him, high-fiving him one at a time. Then they saw TV Phil piling the tiger into the back seat of the cop car. The real Phil tried to cover his actions.
"I just wanna say I've never seen a more beautiful, elegant just regal creature." he made up on the spot, before looking at himself once again on the TV with horror.
"Check it out, Stu; I'm gonna fuck this tiger!" TV Phil laughed, pretending to shag it. He looked at Mike, who stared back at him in disgust. Hoping for better, Phil looked back at the TV: luck was not on his side. TV Rachel stepped up to his side, smiling drunkenly.
"Don't fuck the tiger, fuck me, baby!" she cried, shutting the car door and caging the tiger with a swing of her hips and wrapping her arms around Phil's neck, forcing a kiss on him. TV Phil wrapped his arms around her waist and kissed her back hungrily. Then, (not very distinctively because of the poor grain of the camera) they could just make out Phil unzipping his pants and leaning into Rachel, who hiked her dress up and raised her leg, hooking it around Phil. Mostly obscured from view, luckily, he fucked her against the cop car. The real Rachel was so embarrassed she stood up.
"I'm sorry, I'm-that's gross I'm gonna be si- I'm waiting outside with Alan!" she stuttered, shooting up and out of the room as Phil groaned and sighed in regret and disbelief.
Rachel waited quietly outside with Alan for some minutes before Phil and Stu exited. Phil and Rachel's eyes met once, but were immediately and awkwardly diverted. They were escorted silently from the building, the door being closed behind them after barely giving them a chance to get out. They silently piled into the trashed Mercedes, this time Rachel got into the back, and they drove that way for a long time.