a/n: New opener and historically-appropriate details, ft. Annie's POV just to make things interesting.

06. Fingering

Rating: NC-17

There's an weighted ache below her gut that has been stirring since yester-day afternoon. It wakes her first, come morning, insistent and pulsing, but there's nothing to show for it; still, she gears up accordingly, because a detour to the infirmary is unacceptable, and she's fought through worse fevers once divested of the body of the beast that sleeps beneath her skin.

So she won't be doing any practise with ODM gear, or horseback riding; not that she'll miss it. The mare assigned to her hasn't taken kindly to her like Krista's, and the stench of wet hay and horseshit just makes her surlier than usual. The point is, she'll fight through her pain like anything else. Tells herself as much when she brushes aside Carolina's concerns once before they leave for morning drills, then again during breakfast. She can feel Hoover's eyes on her, a constant, subtle expression of concern that she can appreciate without acknowledgement; even Braun's a little nicer. She doesn't want to ask anyone for help unless it's unavoidable.

In the heart of enemy territory, there is no one she can talk to besides the nurse, whose kindness leaves Annie feeling disgruntled and undeserving. The nurse, of course, will never really understand why, despite a cruel, calculated maturity in her eyes that sets her apart, Annie's not developing quite as fast as some of the other female trainees, stunted not only from malnutrition or the gruelling physical demands of using ODM gear, but her best-kept secret; if she lives to the full extent of her assigned term, she certainly won't be having children: the Marley already saw to that when they gave her the shot.

And yet she bleeds like any other girl. It should be an insult.

In the present, it's just another day out on the training field; the sky is unpleasantly bright, the clouds burn an impression into her eyes even when she closes them. There are some cadets like her, out training with the faux-rifles, but most of them are inside, given the heat, perhaps studying the inner workings of their manoeuvre gear with the nearest instructor, free-climbing on the cliffs offside base, or else finding other ways to avoid the approaching humidity, if they're smart. It's not yet laundry day.

Annie's only out here because she made a promise to get in some hand-to-hand practise with Jaeger — grudgingly. She could use a distraction to ease the monotony of this quotidian lifestyle. Jaeger remains an easy target on which to take out her frustrations, and his guileless nature is something that she has yet to understand, or try and question.

It's definitely not one of their more inspiring spars; she's able to block his offense without much trouble, but a few well-timed kicks are enough to reignite that heavy, throbbing pain and she shoves him back prematurely, wincing. Probably he'll think he must have gone too hard on her — never-mind the ludicrous idea of showing him mercy — but Eren isn't like most cadets, and so he calls: "Oi, you all right?"

"Fine. I didn't expect your counter, that's all." She steadies herself with unnecessary emphasis, squaring her shoulders, and digs her left heel into the dry earth.

Jaeger doesn't move. "Are you feeling all right?"

"None of your business." She raises her fists. "Come on, again."

He hasn't committed himself fully to the act; sensing that, she goes for his shin, ducking under his arm when he tries to block. The kick lands, eliciting a yelp of pain from Jaeger, but the pain and wooziness surge with that momentum, compromising her form.

She hisses, struggling quickly to right herself. There's not enough nutrition in the Academy's ordinary stew-and-bread to sustain any girl through puberty without risking the limitation of the body, much less a fully-operating Warrior. Most of the older female trainees are smart enough to choose bed-rest, or else avoid overexertion.

Jaeger's definitely noticed something is wrong, even if he doesn't know what. "You shouldn't push yourself — it's too hot for that. Want to take a break and get some water before we —?"

"The enemy isn't going to be merciful," she says through gritted teeth, but she can feel herself straining to keep in-place. "Come at me again, or we're finished for to-day."

He stares at her as though he might divine the reason for her change in attitude. So Annie decides to take the coward's way out and turns from him entirely.

It's not the first time she has shirked training. She carries herself stiffly, brow furrowing.

The main grounds and the wilderness beyond this split the difference at the edge of the field. She continues on, into the trees knowing she won't be missed — but Jaeger does not go off to the well like he suggested. Instead, he's tailing her. Now, either she could lead him to an early death, or… something else. She gets the feeling he would probably follow her anywhere, just to watch her operate. And it's not like a simple rendezvous is exactly a foreign concept to other trainees….

Or maybe her own reckless behaviour is simply rubbing off on him. She doesn't see fit to ask.

The forest only gets thicker as she progresses; when she thinks she's a good-enough distance from any onlookers she stops, uneasy, and poses the question without turning around: "Following me into the woods, Jaeger?"

"You're slacking off again," he accuses.

He really is an honest boy. "So?"

"So, I should make sure you aren't gonna — I dunno, sabotage the training equipment or somethin'."

She has to smirk at that. "It's going to look strange if you stay here with me." She turns around, pleased to see colour in his cheeks.

"Don't make it weird." As if self-conscious, he looks around the general area but there's nothing but wilderness. "Anyway, I thought we were sparring," he says. "You cut out earlier than usual, and you were holding back —"

"I don't hold back, Jaeger," Annie snaps.

"And you're a shit liar," he mutters, "I bet you weren't even in pain."

Annie's haughty smirk turns to something like a grimace. "You don't know how to leave well-enough alone, do you?"

Jaeger grunts ambivalently, watching her boots. "So, is this another lesson?"

Annie scoffs. "No. Go back to train with Arlert or something."

"Come on," he says bluntly, "you've been acting funny since we got out on the field. Are you gonna tell me what's wrong, or am I supposed to leave you here and hope you come back alive?" It's a genuine enough display of exasperation — or even worse, concern — that she forgets the pain, just for a few seconds. "You're always on about keeping my guard up — am I supposed to ignore you if you're hurt?"

Annie shuffles backward into the safety of a nearby tree and resists the urge to double over. "We can still — spar."

She'd meant it sarcastically, but Eren groans: "You can't be this stupid."

"Of course not, Jaeger." He stalks over to her with no small amount of trepidation, just gauging her expression or lack thereof. She's not sure what he's waiting for, but the idea of letting anyone this close while she's compromised is horribly inadvisable — and Eren, like the nurse and Mina Carolina, is just another Eldian who can't be expected to understand exactly what she's so afraid of —

"W-wait—" her palm splays against his chest; Jaeger hesitates. She glances at him, dazed. "What are you going to do?"

"I was gonna walk you back to the infirmary," Eren clarifies, suddenly more pragmatic than irritated. "Why?"

Annie shakes her head. "That won't — help me."

His brow furrows. "Oh — is it something embarrassing?" Annie shrugs, studying the divot of his collarbone, flinching when he tips her head up. "You, uh, can tell me, y'know."

It strikes her that Eren might've already caught on. She's nonplussed before she remembers: Ackermann. The thought only deadens whatever iota of hope she might've possessed to be left alone and, hot with shame, she snaps: "It's none of your goddam —"

He exhales sharply. "C'mon, put your arm around me; I can help you walk."

Though flushed, Annie is quick to salvage what's left of her composure: "It's not — I'm only bleeding, Jaeger."

He seems to relax, somewhat. "Oh. Then — c'mon, I can get you something for this."

"What?"

He flusters somewhat; she's definitely not as familiar — or perhaps familial — as whatever bond he shares with Ackermann. "If you're just, y'know — I can take you to the infirmary, and they'll be able to help you." Annie continues to stare at him uncomprehendingly; unwilling to relent, Eren takes her by the shoulder. "Oi. D'you have anything for this?"

"Back at the barracks — it's all right, though." She's scowling, her voice lowered to something much more furtive. "I should've told you before."

"Well, you've gotta let the instructor know. You can't be running around and bleedin'." He's caught off guard when Annie grabs his wrist. "What are you doing?"

The silence between them subsists — for five, seven, ten seconds — before she answers: "There's another way you could help me."

"Hunh?"

Adrenaline resurges. Her lips are dry when she licks them, anxious. "You could touch me."

Now Eren is the one staring incredulously at her. "Uh. How is that s'posed to stop the bleeding?"

"It won't, you idiot," she snaps, flushing terrifically, "it'll just help with the pain."

"O-oh." There's an awkward pause. "So, does… does it hurt much?"

Annie scoffs. "I've had worse."

Jaeger exhales, slow and shaky. "Well, if I…" — he strokes the inside of her leg, seemingly unable to verbalise the gesture — "you're sure it'll, uh, help?"

"You're going to get blood all over you," she mutters, as if this will dismay him.

"Yeah, I — maybe you should take those off first?" He motions to her chinos. Annie gazes at him a long, long moment, eyes brimming with relief, lingering doubt; all Eren does is offer her a nervous half-smile. "Well, I'm not a girl. So I dunno how it feels for you."

She would tell him to shut up but she's shivering under his scrutiny. She unbuckles her boots on her own, and lets him drag it all to her feet before kicking off her chinos like they've offended her personally. His hand moves over her naked thigh and she looks away.

"Oi," says Eren. "Are you really sure about…?"

"Are you?" she mutters, almost wary of him by this point.

His hands are warm on her naked flesh. A fresh swell of pain causes her to bite her lip — unexpectedly, he leans in to kiss her brow, and her hands fly up instinctively to ball in his shirt. "What should I…?"

She takes in an uneven breath. "I want you to touch me." Gingerly, she spreads her legs; there really isn't much to see besides the blood, she thinks, but Jaeger looks on in awe, or perhaps concern. The air tastes damp, and his hands are gentle — it's heady enough to frighten her.

She goes quiet again, averting her eyes. It's when he starts stroking her again that she self-corrects: "Nngh — I dunno, just…."

"D'you want me to stop?"

"No!" she snaps, exasperation tangible in her voice, melting when he parts her. "N-no, don't stop."

"O.K." He's rubbing slow little circles. Her hands ball up at her sides. "Are you sure you're all right?" He sounds afraid, but not of her.

"Yes," she stresses, all in a breathy hiss, head snapping up. "Don't worry about me, I-I'm…" Eren kisses her temple. His touch is rough and unpractised, but somehow timorous, and he keeps rubbing. He's not even hard. With one hand, Annie scrabbles feverishly at his chest for want of something better to do, while the other hand reaches down to stop him. "Th-that's enough," she mumbles, "I'm ready."

"Hunh?"

Annie widens her stance, breathing out slow. "Come here." Stifles a groan when he pushes into her without resistance.

"Does it hurt?" he mutters, wide-eyed.

"Not because of you."

"O.K." Gives her two fingers and she's shuddering, at his mercy; the idiot hasn't even rolled up his sleeves.

"Jaeger," she gasps, unable to stand it anymore and reaching out for his arm, "stop, you'll get blood on your clothes."

"Hunh?" He seems to realise what she's getting at. "I can always wash this later."

She snarls at the thought of having to explain herself to anyone else but him, and shoves him back, trailing blood. "Don't be stupid," she spits with unneeded vitriol.

It's clearly upsetting her more than him, but he shrugs out of his jacket, left only in his threadbare shirt. His right hand is still splotched up to the wrist. Annie sucks in a shaky breath when he approaches, and his fingers knead up her thighs, leaving ruddy blotches — she feels more like a cadaver about to be gutted.

She's relieved when he doesn't put his fingers in immediately. Just knocks her clit around with his thumb, which isn't terrible or anything, but won't replace the ache that turns to throbbing in her belly. "Jaeger," she almost whimpers, pathetic with need. "Put your fingers in again."

He glances down at her so earnestly she wants to mock him, moans instead when he obliges.

"Can you…?" she holds up her own hand, fingers crooked. Eren blinks, frowning slightly. "Inside me," she elaborates, going pink again.

"O-oh." His palm flattens against her and his fingers curl, drawing a gasp out of her. Eren stops. "What is it…?"

"It's… fine." A subtle strain creeps into her voice even as she's raising herself to the touch. "You can go harder than that."

He leans in, kisses her nose. She makes a surprised noise that half-catches in her throat, throbs in accordance with his touch, and he drags his fingers up inside until he's cradling her in heel of his palm. He keeps his eyes on her face; rather, the fringe of her hairline, the tip of her nose, because she's looking away, panting softly.

"Is it good?" he mutters.

"Shut up, Jaeger," Annie groans through her teeth, unable to conceal her blush. Her hair is still tied up, a little dishevelled, and she's shoved a hand up her own shirt, flushed all the way down to her throat and clavicle. She grips his jacket, afraid he'll slip away. Unexpectedly, he's drawing his fingers out to circle her again; Annie whines.

"Tell me when you're close." Her face contorts. Her fist smacks the tree at her side and he envelops that hand in his as if it will somehow negate the sting. "Relax," he says, not-so gently this time. Annie's hand twists viciously in his.

"Eren," she grits, pushing back against the heel of his palm, "I-I need — your hand, just — harder." Pressing her steadily against the tree, he starts pumping his wrist and she can hear the slick noises he's making. Annie gnaws at his shoulder through the linen and her muscles contract, which seems to alarm him, slowing down out of consideration before she clamps her legs shut, turning her face up to snap: "I said harder, goddam it."

It's almost funny the way he blenches: "Shit, you're gonna break my fingers."

Annie gives up the ghost, nips at his chin, murmuring: "I'm close, you idiot," before ducking into his shoulder again. She wraps her arms around his frame in an awkward embrace; he's not a particularly tall boy, but he's still broader than she is. Jaeger presses a kiss to the crown of her head. He starts to slow down and she barks: "Harder!" and he grunts, shoving her into the tree and her breath won't come back in time and she bites down hard on his jacket to stifle a low cry; overstimulation brings a painful undercurrent.

And Jaeger's tilting her head up, and when their eyes meet she jolts, unable to accept in full that she's been cornered, disarmed. There's alarm in his expression, yes, but something else, too, different than the ordinary enthusiasm that he shows every time they train together.

"Annie?" She tries to make a sound but all that leaves her is a ragged whine. She feels his knuckles brush impulsively over her brow to smooth back her bangs, and her eyes flutter open again. He hesitates, then kisses her cheek, chaste. "Oi, did you…?"

Annie makes a strained noise, like she's wounded. As he pulls away she grabs a fistful of his shirt before he can escape completely, resting her forehead on his shoulder, gradually becoming tense again.

"Are you all right?" he mutters.

Her shoulders lift. "It's not going to make the pain stop. Just a little easier to deal with."

"Oh," says Eren. She stares at his hand as he revokes it, the colour stark on her thighs; discontented, he makes an unsuccessful effort to wipe his hand on the tree, then leans down to hand her back her trousers. "Thanks," she says gruffly.

"Yeah," says Eren, and does not watch her redress, tongue-between-teeth. To combat the horribly awkward silence brewing between them, he adds, unprompted: "My dad, he was a doctor, so I reckoned…." His ears turn pink. "I've never heard of anyone doing that before."

Annie can feel herself flushing. "I shouldn'tve let you do that."

"You asked me. I could have said no."

"That's not — just forget it," she grumbles.

When he gathers his courage, looks her way, he's boyish again. "So," she says, uneasy on her feet. He offers his good hand. She takes it, like she's about to shake but he holds it firm.

"So," he echoes. "Infirmary?"

Annie shrugs half-heartedly, but offers no snide rejoinder.

a/n: I've covered menstruation in a past fanfic, Hindrance, and now we're apparently diving into the relatively unhygienic concept of menstrual masturbation.

There's a lot I missed in my endeavor to write about this previously. Because my nerdery knows no bounds, I grant you this concept: Self-adhesive pads weren't a thing until the 1970s, so if a woman was going to use a pads they had to wear belts, suspenders, "sanitary panties," (underpants with hooks/tabs/something else to hold the pad in place)—or else figure out some way to keep the pad stationary. In regards to menstruation, pads were either homemade or the women walked around bleeding through their clothes—hence, in some areas, like factories where there were a lot of women workers, they'd have straw laid on the floor to absorb the mess.

I'm pretty sure I'm overthinking this, yes. But hey, these trainees are all walking around in WHITE PANTS, and they already have harnesses for the ODM gear. So perhaps it's not implausible, given the co-ed nature of the training corps, that such matters would be taken into account—but I digress. If by some chance you want to read more about old menstrual tech, here's a link: www dot mum dot org / bilz dot htm