Disclaimer: Harry Potter does not belong to me

I almost dreaded putting up this chapter since I know I'm dreadfully late and probably have a great many readers who are upset with me right now. SORRY! I really am very sorry that I've been so lazy! I'd originally intended to put up a different chapter but then decided to stick this one in since it fits better chronologically.

Anyways, please do enjoy and once again, my sincerest apologies.

Warning: language

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Chapter 5

"Harry, stop it!"

Her cries ricocheted around the shabby room, the rest of the occupants seemingly frozen stiff in shocked silence.

Hermione cringed as another chair crashed into the wall with a dull thud, the old wooden pieces splintering upon impact and ripping into the faded mustard wallpaper. The Boy-Who-Had-Lived-To-Lose-Everything stood heaving in the centre of the destroyed room, his flushed and sweaty face reflected in the multiple shards of what used to be a fireplace mirror scattered all over the worn grey carpet.

"It's not fair…"

The hoarse whisper rang deafeningly loud in the tensely charged atmosphere. Blood dripped from jagged cuts on his clenched fists where more glass had sliced through earlier that night. She could almost imagine hearing the sound of it hitting the floor, a blatant reminder of just how fragile and laughable a shield human flesh really was.

Drip. Drip. Drip.

Harry lifted his head wearily, those warm green eyes Hermione loved so much shadowed by both physical and mental exhaustion. He had lost too much weight lately, pouring over battle plans with Kingsley late into the night and returning from yet another gruelling Horcrux search empty-handed and desperate.

"You have to stop blaming yourself, Harry."

Hermione took a tentative step towards him, ignoring Ron's light warning brush against her elbow.

She wanted nothing more than to run over to him, to throw her arms around his neck and shed the tears he could not. The old Hermione would have done so easily and without hesitation but the new Hermione did not. Because the new Harry no longer accepted it. No longer allowed himself to relax or to show weakness of any sort. Weakness that could be exploited by the enemies, weakness that involved any possible thought that maybe he just wanted to give up.

One of her best friends was dying inside and Hermione had no way to help.

"Why?"

His eyes focused on hers, ripping a hole in her heart with the infinite wealth of despair in them before the impenetrable shutters of late snapped shut as if to protect her from his thoughts. The explosive rage that had gripped him ever since Lupin had choked out the latest report was finally gone, slipping instead into that hauntingly visible, mind-numbing pain with which they were all too familiar.

So much pain.

"Tonks…Tonks' death isn't your fault. It's Voldemort's. No one else's…"

"Voldemort!"

An uncontrollable, hysterical laugh filled the air and everyone jumped, frantically looking around for its source until they realized that it was coming from the tall, lean frame of the boy standing alone in the centre.

Hermione took another step, gripping her wand tightly as her brow furrowed in consternation.

"Harry?"

"You all blame Voldemort! Voldemort this; Voldemort that! But all you're really doing is tip-toeing around the fact that it's all because I'm not strong enough! That Harry-fucking-Potter is a bloody failure at being a hero and that's why good people are dying left and right while he's running around the country looking for who knows what piece of rubbish is carrying Voldemort's rotten soul!"

Ron let out something similar to an anguished moan, his orange head shaking vehemently as he strode towards the boy who was literally vibrating in anger. This time, it was McGonagall who stopped him with a bony hand on his shoulder.

"He needs to get it out. Let him."

Harry continued to rant as though he couldn't see them.

"Well, you know what I think? Maybe a piece of him is in me! Yeah, how'd you like that now? Bloody Potter shares a fucked up mind connection with Voldemort already so why not a piece of his soul? That'll be ironic, wouldn't it? Hidden all this time up here in this little souvenir he gave me…"

At that, he began to claw at the distinctive scar on his head, fingernails digging in deep enough to leave angry red gashes.

Hermione screamed, launching herself forwards to knock his hand away from his head, sobbing wildly as a jumble of words spilled from her mouth.

"Please, Harry! Stop this…please, stop…"

Large hands were forcefully pushing her away but she clung on, sight obstructed by both her tears and her tangle of matted curls.

Hermione could hear Ron yelling in the background, the sound of others rushing forwards to grab hold of both her and the boy in her arms, yanking at her until she couldn't move. Something kept making a strange tapping sound but all she could focus on was the memory of Harry ripping into his own skin, the old blood from his hand smearing into the fresh trickles oozing over his forehead.

"No, stop!"

Tap, tap, tap.

"Harry..."

"Harry!"

Hermione jerked upwards, panting desperately as she stared unseeingly into the heavy, mahogany dresser in front of her bed. Her wide-eyed reflected stared back at her. Dim streams of sunlight shone a path into the curtained room, the early morning air chilling her sweat-soaked body back to reality.

"Just a dream…"

Her voice was raspy with sleep, the relief evident in the quiet. Pressing a shaky hand to her head, she closed her eyes briefly, willing her heart to slow down.

Tap, tap, tap.

That irritatingly repetitive sound penetrated the daze that still seemed to carry remnants of the scene playing out in her head. Extricating herself from the tangled crimson sheets, the girl swung her legs over the side of the bed, toes curling until she located her slippers. Shivering, she wrapped herself in a robe and padded over to the window where the sound seemed to be coming from.

Pulling back the heavy velvet curtains, Hermione blinked at the sight of a large barn owl hovering outside. Fumbling open the latched upper window, she let the bird in, stroking its rough feathers absently as it alighted on the cushioned ledge.

"You're awfully early this morning."

In reply, it stuck out its leg, hooting softly as she removed the attached scrap of parchment.

Hermione,

The boys are going to practice this morning. First of the season so you've got to come!

Meet you down at the Quidditch pitch at 6:30.

Love,

Allegra.

"Ugh, more Quidditch."

Shaking her head in amused resignation, Hermione quickly jotted down her agreement. Tying her response back around the owl's leg, she shook her head again as it looked up at her expectantly.

"Sorry, you caught me a bit unawares just now. I promise I'll feed you something if you come see me at breakfast later. Will you still take this to Allegra for me?"

Ruffling its wings appraisingly, the owl hooted once before sailing out of the room. Hoping that meant yes, she dragged herself off into the bathroom.

-o-O-o-

"Oi, Granger! Here to cheer for me, love?"

Shielding her eyes from the somewhat obscured sun, Hermione looked up to see Will's grinning face as he circled above her on his broom.

"Good morning to you too, Wills. That depends on if I see anything worth it for me to cheer about."

"Awww, you wound me! But fear not, my fair lady. Your handsome knight is more than capable of making you swoon today!"

They laughed easily together, the smell of fresh grass damp with dew hanging in the air.

"Here, Hermione! Over here!"

A pale arm waved in the air. Promising to cheer loudly for him at least once, Hermione made her way up the stairs until she reached the Gryffindor stands where the girls were huddled. Sitting herself down between Allegra and Monessa, she greeted the rest of them.

"Good morning. Do you guys always watch them during trainings?"

"Nah, usually just for the first session, or when there's something exciting going on. Here, have a drink; it'll warm you up."

Gratefully accepting a steaming mug of hot cocoa, Hermione squinted up at the players several feet higher in the air. The sun shone off their gold and crimson uniforms as they flitted around, obviously practicing some sort of game formation.

"So who's who? I saw Wills as I was coming up here but that's about it."

"Well, there's my Callum, he's one of the Beaters. The other's Gideon, of course; he's the one yelling right now. Constance plays Keeper; she's lovely, you've got to meet her later. I heard she got together with Ian Nickelsmot over the summer."

Gossiping excitedly, the girls huddled together closer, occasionally clapping whenever one or other of the players made a particularly impressive move. They screamed when Wills shot down directly towards them, pulling out of his dive right above their heads in an imitation of something Hermione could not, for her life, remember the name of.

She did, however, let out a burst of laughter despite the other girls' outraged admonishments, when he pouted exaggeratedly until she cheered for him as promised. The boy swooped down to muss up Mae's picture-perfect hair and inched just out of reach when she attempted to swat at him in mock indignation.

"Ah, so I see I did manage to impress my lady. Want to up the ante and offer me a kiss, love?"

"Stop flirting and start training, mate!"

The exasperated shout came from their right as the Quidditch captain flew in, his face flushed from the bite of the October air. The other boy shrugged knowingly.

"Don't like others moving in on your territory, eh? Understandable. Quite a catch you got there, mate. Makes a bloke envious, really."

Winking at a spluttering Hermione, Wills slapped Gideon on the back and spiralled away towards the opposite end of the field. The tall boy still hanging in mid-air in front of the stands grumbled something, running a hand through his windswept hair before flashing her a smile.

"Morning, Granger. How's it going?"

"G-good. Yourself?"

"Tired as…"

"'Course he's good! He's got a whole bunch of gorgeous girls dragging themselves out of bed to watch him right in the morning."

A slim, freckled arm hooked itself into Hermione's as Allegra bounced up to stand beside her.

"Sure you didn't hit your head on your way out here, Red? Don't see any gorgeous birds nearby."

His grin slipped a notch when the redhead gasped dramatically, her eyes sparkling with mischief as she turned to Hermione.

"Did you heard, 'Mione? Gideon's basically saying you're not good-looking!"

"What? No! I didn't…I meant you, you…"

Giggling at his flustered attempts to backtrack, Allegra pressed her advantage, pointedly ignoring the elbow Hermione planted none too gently in her side.

"Oh, so you mean you do think Hermione's gorgeous? Not that we didn't know it already but it's always nice to have someone proclaim to the world just how much they adore you."

"What? Gideon said he likes Hermione?"

The other girls clustered around, eagerly poking the two of them for more details on what they had missed.

"I can't believe you said it just like that, Gideon!"

"Oh, Laura Lumfy from Ravenclaw will be so disappointed!"

"Serves her right, the silly twit. Did you know I heard she said my feet were too big?"

"Matilda, he didn't say anything of the sort. And your feet aren't big at all."

"You ought to ask her to go with you to Hogsmeade, you know. Not just blurt it out before breakfast all of a sudden."

Gideon gaped, inadvertently leaning back from the avid group of girl chattering away in front of him.

"Uh, right. Got it. I'll um…see you all at breakfast then."

With that, he sped off, throwing a confused backwards glance over his shoulder which Hermione returned sympathetically. Ron and Harry had always skirted off in a similar manner whenever Lavender and Parvati grabbed her into one of their 'girl-talks.'

"Actually, speaking of breakfast, I'm getting a bit peckish. They should be finishing up soon; you guys want to head back to the school first?"

A chorus of agreement sounded and Hermione found herself being tugged in the direction of the school. It was all somewhat overwhelming. For her entire school life, she had spent most of her time with her boys and other than sharing the same dorm with the other girls, she rarely hung around with them much.

It was different but nice at the same time. She had sometimes wondered what it would feel like to have girl friends, although the often silly antics of her roommates had provided little incentive.

Right, like Ron and Harry were so much more mature.

The thought was accompanied by memories of their various escapades, usually involving Hermione berating them for getting into yet another rule-breaking scrap but resignedly thinking up some way to get them out of it all the same.

"Again, Ronald? I can't believe it. How many times do I have to remind you that the Bufuddlement Draught uses scurvy-grass, not sopohorous. All that would do is put the drinker to sleep."

"Put that down, you two! Professor Moody's going to throw a fit when he gets back. And no, I'm not going to cover for you again."

"Please, Harry…stop, please…"

Shaking her head violently, Hermione sucked in a deep breath, the nightmarish scenes from before threatening to overwhelm her again.

Please, make it stop.

"Hermione? You alright?"

The other girls had stopped to peer at her in concern. Forcing a watery smile to the surface, she nodded briskly.

"I'm fine, thanks. Just a sudden headache."

"Are you sure? You're awfully pale."

"Nothing some pancakes can't fix. I'm starving."

They looked at each other but had no choice but to follow after her as she swept on towards the looming doors of the Great Hall.

"Maybe you caught a cold. I told them that you probably wouldn't want to come down here so early but Gideon kept insisting that we should get you more involved. That git; he'll be sorry if you really are sick because of him."

"It really was sweet how he kept wanting you to make sure to ask Hermione though, wasn't it Leggy?"

The talk turned to musing about Black's possible crush on their new Head Girl. For once, Hermione was grateful for their fondness for gossip. Pulling open the doors, she turned back to face them, effectively hiding the relief at being able to escape from their curious eyes.

"Sorry, but I'm going to have to head off to the head table. Catch you in Charms later?"

The girls protested.

"Can't you sit with us today? You don't look so well and I'm sure the boys will want to check up on you."

"No, it's alright. I don't want Riddle to go off complaining that I'm neglecting my duties. Don't worry about me; I'm fine, honestly."

Waving wanly, she made her way through the gradually filling tables as more and more bleary-eyed students filtered in behind her. To her dismay, the seat next to hers was already occupied, the impeccably groomed Head Boy stirring a cup of weak tea.

She really didn't have the energy to deal with this right now.

"Riddle."

"Granger."

Requisite greetings over and done with, Hermione plopped a fluffy pancake on her plate, slathering it with plenty of syrup. Chewing slowly, she stared out into the sea of talking students.

Do they know? Do they have know what's in store for them in the future if this whole thing fails? Do they have any idea what it feels like to be forced to give up your childhood, to be forced to kill just to stay alive?

A loud clatter broke her out of her reverie.

"Damn!"

Hurriedly blotting at the orange juice spilling over the table, Hermione wondered what the hell had happened.

"Five points from Gryffindor for language, Granger."

Jerking around to glare at the placid boy indifferently buttering a muffin next to her, she scowled angrily.

"Fine, whatever! Leave me alone."

"I was."

"Pardon?"

Tom barely spared her a sideways glance. His icy gaze was fixed wandering over the Hall, visually checking for signs of misbehaviour.

Insufferable swot.

"I was leaving you alone. Your hand was shaking."

Her hands clenched reflexively on the napkin she was holding. The heavy pounding in her head became a thumping roar as the memories inside crowded together behind the barrier she had set up, screaming to be let out. Hermione swallowed hard, that familiar sensation of gut-wrenching hopelessness borne of frustration clouding her vision.

"You…"

Finally, he turned to look at her. Dark eyes took in the way she was hunched over the table, her long brown curls trailing heedlessly into the pool of syrup on her plate.

"Yes?"

It was the cold way he said it that set her off.

You don't care. You don't know that it's all your fault. And even if you did, you still wouldn't care. In fact, you'd probably laugh.

"Get away from me, you sick freak! Why don't you crawl back into whatever hole you came out of and just die?"

Jumping up from her seat violently enough that her chair scraped back with a screech and fell over, Hermione threw the scrunched up napkin in his face. It struck him with a wet splotch, the remnants of her drink smearing over that perfect face that was staring at her with narrowed eyes and tightly pursed lips.

He made no move towards her, simply removing the offending weapon from his lap and placing it back on the table in a single, graceful motion. His eyes never left hers as she took in the sudden silence that had befallen the entire room, all heads turned to watch them in horrified fascination.

"I…"

Choking as she rushed down the steps and out of the Great Hall, Hermione paid no attention to the shocked calls of 'Miss Granger' nor to the alarmed cries of her friends. Pushing past a couple of baffled fifth-year Hufflepuffs, she blindly ran down the corridor, lost between the future and the present.

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A/N: I felt that it would be a good idea to create more of a sense of this school environment first. I know there hasn't been much Tom lately and this ending actually turned out much more differently than I had expected. Certainly when I started writing this chapter this afternoon, I didn't mean for Hermione to make any sort of attack on Tom so early in the story but the words just kept pouring out so ... I'll try to run with it as best I can.

No set update date as of yet. My moot court is coming up on March 9 so I want to prepare for that but I'll try working on this fic on the weekend after it. Thanks so much for reading and please do review!