"It's okay, Danvers. You don't have to do this," Maggie was trying to explain. "I can find a proper apartment now." She took a deep breath. "I was stuck in that place as I was paying off some medical bills. But my last payment is next week. So I can look for an apartment on my day off tomorrow. I can start to live like an adult!" she tried to smile, to stop Alex from worrying.
"Medical bills? Your aunt?"
Maggie nodded. "She did have insurance. But it didn't cover everything. And I didn't want her to worry. It's no big deal."
Alex knew that Maggie didn't want, or need, her to make a fuss. "Okay, Dimples. But please stay here until you get somewhere. We can take turns on the couch if it makes you feel better. You can't go back to somewhere with no heating. If it makes you feel better, you can cook for me sometimes. And I have that course at Quantico next Wednesday, so I'll be away for eight days anyway. I need somebody to take care of Barbara," she grinned. "You can't abandon my bonsai. She's used to daily conversation."
Maggie could see that Alex really did mean it. "You're a good friend, Alex."
Alex shrugged. "What can I tell you? I'm bored with pizza every night."
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"It kinda sounds like you're coming out to me Alex," Kara sat on the bench next to the water. Alex was clearly agitated, and Kara wanted to be clear.
"I've been up, all night, just thinking about it," Alex said. "And I think it's because of Maggie. Well, knowing Maggie. That's what helped me realize this about myself. And I realize that maybe I've had thoughts like this before. And before, it scared me. But now, I think, maybe this is something that's true. About me."
"So Maggie, are you and she...?"
"No!" Alex was vehement. "This is not about Maggie. I mean, it is. She helped me. And she's … I mean, you've seen her. You know. But she has a girlfriend. And we're in really different places. But she thinks maybe this is something that I shouldn't bury. Maybe I should go out. On the scene. See how I feel."
"I think that sounds like a great idea."
"Are you sure? You're okay with this? I don't know what I would do if you were disappointed in me. If you're not okay with this."
Kara took her hand. "I would never be disappointed in you. And I am SO okay with it," Kara insisted. "But I think I owe you an apology. For not creating an environment where you felt like you could talk about this with me. All those years we spent together growing up, those endless nights, talking and sharing. Now I realize that they were all about me and my secret. There has never been room for you, and that's my fault. I am so sorry. And I do know how it feels to keep a part of yourself shut off, to keep it inside, and I know how lonely that can make you feel. But Alex, you are not alone."
Alex's voice broke. "I can't do this without you."
"You don't have to," Kara pulled her into a hug. "I'm here for you. Always."
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Alex felt lighter when she left Kara's apartment. Kara always acted that it was Alex who took care of her, but so often it was the other way around. Without Kara in her life, it would feel so empty. She may not be related by blood, but their bond was so much deeper than that. She pulled out her cellphone to text Maggie.
AD to MS: "Just came out to Kara."
MS to AD: "Danvers! How did she take it?"
AD to MS: "Good. She says we should try that bar with you and Mack, if you're still up for it."
MS to AD: "I'll text Mack now. Hey, I think I found a great apartment, 3 blocks from your place, available in 24 days. Think you can tolerate me a couple more weeks?"
AD to MS: "That's great Maggie. I think I'll cope."
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Maggie knocked on the door, and smiled when Mack answered. She looked hot, in jeans, a white tee and a leather jacket. God, she was such a cliché, and Maggie loved it.
Mack stepped forward and kissed Maggie. They had still not been intimate with each other, and every time they kissed, Maggie loved the thrill of surprise that ran through her. Mack had intuited that Maggie was a little fragile, and that she had been dealing with stuff that she hadn't yet wanted to talk about. So she was giving her the time that she needed, and Maggie was grateful. She wasn't a virgin – far from it – but Maggie took time to trust anyone. She had had a one-night stand once in her life, and she had hated herself for it. So now, she wanted to be sure before she took that step, to try and prevent anyone from getting hurt.
Mack took her hand. "Are we meeting them there?"
"I said we'd call by Kara's apartment for them, it's on the way."
Mack nodded. "So how was your week?"
"Good. Found an apartment, moving in in just over three weeks."
"That's great. I'm so pleased for you."
"How was your week?" Maggie asked.
"Busy. Lots of new clients. Was up until 1am doing a ship inspection. But it's all good."
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"Drink," Maggie placed a beer and a double shot of scotch in front of Alex. "It'll help you relax." She could feel the waves of tension rolling off her friend.
Kara was already up and dancing, laughing and having fun.
"You don't have to DO anything, Alex," Maggie reminded her, in a gentle voice. "But you may like the look of someone, just relax and take your time. We can just have a few drinks and then head out. Whatever you're comfortable with."
Slowly, Alex started to get her head around being in a lesbian bar. There were lesbians of all shapes and sizes around her – and all levels of femininity from extreme butch to the opposite end of the spectrum. But everyone looked safe, and happy. Some were dancing, some talking, some casually holding hands. Others had found darker corners and were making out. Alex began to relax.
About an hour after they arrived, a light-skinned African American woman approached, holding a bottle of beer. "The barman said this was your brand. May I join you?" she asked Alex.
Alex looked up, startled. The woman's eyes were kind, and she was undeniably beautiful. "Uh … okay … sure," she gestured to the seat opposite her.
"Let's dance," Maggie grabbed Mack's hand and dragged her toward the dance floor.
"Maryanne," the woman held out her hand.
"Alex," Alex shook her hand smiling. "Wow. This is ..."
"Your first time?" Maryanne intuited.
Alex gave a small laugh. "It's that obvious?"
"It kinda is. Relax. Let's dance," Maryanne stood and held out her hand.
Tentatively, Alex took it and allowed herself to be led onto the dance floor.
Over the course of the evening, Alex danced with three different women, and found each time easier. Maggie stayed close by, keeping a watchful eye over her, to make sure that she was happy. Kara did the same, all the time making new friends and smiling and laughing with everyone around her.
"That wasn't so bad, right, Danvers?" Maggie asked, as she leant into Mack for support. She, too, had been enjoying the whiskies, and was now feeling very little pain.
"It was good," Alex agreed. "Thanks." She intuited from Maggie and Mack's body language that their evening was only just starting, and she was desperately keen not to get in their way. She flagged down a cab. "You two take this cab," she said to them. "Kara and I will get the next one."
Maggie smiled, grateful for her friend's intuition. "You okay with that?" she asked Mack.
Mack's eyes had darkened with desire. "Works for me. Good to see you," she said to Alex and Kara, and opened the door of the cab, holding it for Maggie.
"See you tomorrow," Maggie called.
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"You sure?" Mack asked, as they entered her room at the hotel.
Maggie was surprised that the family business had paid for Mack to stay at a hotel for six months, but she was happy to take advantage. "Very sure," Maggie turned into Mack's embrace. They had waited weeks for this. "Very, very sure."
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Alex turned over in bed again, unable to sleep. Her mind was in turmoil. The evening had been unsettling – wonderful, but unsettling. She heard Kara make her way up the stairs to her bedroom.
"Move over," Kara demanded, as she climbed into the bed with her. They had spent many nights as teenagers in the same bed, but in those days, it was Alex who had heard Kara crying and had crept into her bed and just held her.
Kara flung an arm over Alex. "Sleep," she instructed. So Alex did.
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Alex was surprised to see Maggie on her run the next morning. Sure, they had a regular Monday/Thursday morning routine, but she had expected that Maggie would have stayed with Mack. She realized that Maggie's running clothes were too big for her, so she must have raided Mack's closet. She looked cute with her leggings rolled up.
"New fashion, Dimples?" Alex asked, to break the tension that had suddenly appeared between them.
Maggie grinned. "You know I can carry this look off, Danvers," she bantered back. She saw that Alex was clear-eyed and seemed relaxed. "You okay? After yesterday?" she asked, gently.
Alex nodded. "It was good. Thanks, Maggie," she slowed her pace, and then stopped. "I am grateful. To both you and Mack. For helping me out. It's kinda weird, at my age. To be finding these things out about myself."
"We enjoyed it. We all want you to be happy, Alex," Maggie said. "Hey, Little Danvers was having a great time, right?"
Alex smiled. "Kara always does. She makes friends wherever she goes."
"So, did you get any numbers last night? Or give your number to anyone?" Maggie wanted to know, as they started to run again.
Alex shook her head. "Baby steps," she said, with a small smile. "Talking of … you and Mack. You have fun?"
Maggie grinned widely.
"I don't want details," Alex added hastily.
"Are you sure?" Maggie decided to tease her. "Because she did this thing with her..."
"Stop!" Alex held up her hands in protest.
"I'm just torturing you, Danvers. It was nice. She was nice. I'm still not sure we're really going anywhere. She has to go back to New Orleans in a couple of months. She's just here setting up a branch office. And neither of us is ready for anything serious."
"But you're having fun?"
"We're having fun," Maggie agreed.
The truth was, Maggie couldn't get Alex's revelation out of her mind. How could she settle with anyone when she was falling for Alex? She knew it wasn't fair to Alex to share this with her. Alex deserved to experience this for herself. Everything was new and shiny to her, and she needed to find her own way. Maggie wasn't stupid, she saw the way that Alex looked at her sometimes. But those relationships never really worked, and Alex was too important to her as a friend to risk anything. She couldn't imagine her life without Alex in it, she meant too much to her. And Maggie was phenomenally bad at relationships, that was one thing that she knew about herself.
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Alex got home after a long, tiring day at the DEO, to find the apartment filled with a delicious aroma. The sight of Maggie in her kitchen, wearing shorts, t-shirt, apron and ridiculous fluffy slippers made her smile.
"Danvers!" Maggie called. "Please tell me you like homemade ravioli. I've even made the pasta, just for you."
"It smells amazing, Mags," Alex gave her a quick hug. She looked her up and down and smirked.
"I stole your t-shirt, is that okay?" Maggie gestured to the yellow 'hello sunshine' t-shirt. "I got behind with my laundry. I'm doing it now, it's in the dryer, I just needed ..."
"What's mine is yours, Maggie," Alex realized that this was true. There was nothing that she wouldn't give to Maggie. And she trusted her, 100%, so she knew that Maggie wouldn't poke through her drawers unnecessarily. Maggie had taken that shirt off her pile of laundered clothes that was sitting in the bathroom, that she needed to put away.
"You look tired," Maggie said.
Alex yawned. "Long day. And I have to catch a 6am flight to Quantico tomorrow, so I'll have to be out of here at 4.30am. You take the bed tonight, if I stay on the couch, I won't disturb you when I leave."
"No deal, Danvers. You need to sleep. Hey, I'll get the bed to myself for eight days while you're away. No arguments, or you don't get any ravioli."
Alex smiled. She knew there was no point in arguing.
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"I know it seems weird," Maggie said to Mack in the morning two days later. "But it doesn't feel right, you coming to Alex's apartment when she's not there. It's not like she'd mind, in fact, she told me it would be fine. But I'm just not comfortable with it. It's her bed, you know?"
Mack gave a lazy grin, and turned over to face her, tracing her fingers down Maggie's naked torso. "It's no big deal. These hotel beds are great. You coming over tonight?"
"Not tonight," Maggie sat up. "I promised Kara I'd go to games night, she wants to go ahead with it even with Alex away. You can come if you'd like?"
Mack shook her head. "I have a lot of paperwork. You have fun."
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Maggie's phone buzzed as she walked along the street on the way to work.
AD to MS: "Hand-to-hand training is EXHAUSTING."
MS to AD: "Tell me about it Danvers. Barbara is missing you."
AD to MS: "I hope you're talking to her."
MS to AD: "Of course."
Maggie was surprised by how much she was missing Alex. She had only been away for four days so far, but it seemed to Maggie that she had been gone forever. Maggie had spent her evenings well; she had spent one with Mack, and the rest of the time, she had been cooking up a storm, so that Alex's freezer was now filled with one-portion meals. It was the least she could do to thank her friend from saving her from that cold room.
Alex was grateful that Henshaw had, indeed, sent her to Quantico. He had reasoned that she needed to be convincing as a Fed – also, she needed the relevant training. So while he was going to supervise most of her training, every three months she would go to Quantico. He was also going to ensure that she received instruction from a range of laboratories around the world, so that he could make the most of her sharp brain. This job was really going to stretch her, in every way – and Alex couldn't wait. And she would be in a better position to protect Kara if her own secret ever came out. Alex hoped that day would never come, and that Kara would continue along her career path to become a journalist. The world already had a hero in her cousin. Kara was too precious to risk.
So far, Kara was convinced by Alex's story of lab work for the government. As long as Alex threw in enough tedious scientific details, Kara would glaze over and nod and smile. Alex hated lying to her, but she knew that Kara would baulk at any hint of Alex putting herself in any danger.
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Alex was touched when Maggie met her at the airport, with a handmade sign with 'Danvers!' on it, with a smiley face just to embarrass her. "I thought you'd be seeing Mack tonight," Alex said, with a broad smile.
"Nah. She's busy. I'm seeing her on Sunday."
Sunday was three days away. Alex was surprised that Maggie was so casual about seeing her girlfriend, but she didn't like to say anything. It wasn't her place.
Three blocks from Alex's apartment, Maggie casually gestured up. "That's my new place," she said. "Eighth floor. You'll get some peace at last. Just ten days to go, Alex, and you can have your sanctuary back."
Alex looked over at the building, and then looked at Maggie. "I really have enjoyed the company," she said. She winced.
"What?" Maggie missed nothing.
"It's nothing," Alex said. "How are you, anyway?"
"I was fine. Now I'm worried about you. Spill," Maggie demanded, as she pulled up outside Alex's place. She was grateful that her usual parking spot was still available.
Alex grimaced as she pulled her left hand out of her pocket. "Got blindsided by some drunken asshole at the airport in Washington. I think I may have a broken finger," she gazed at the purpling fingers. Damn it, she didn't need this.
Maggie reached over, and very gently took her hand. "This is bad, Alex." She started the car again. "We're going to the emergency room."
Four hours later, they returned to the apartment. Alex was pissed, but Maggie had been right. Two of her fingers were broken, so her hand was now splinted and supported in a sling.
"You go change into some pajamas. I'll heat us something up," Maggie said.
Alex nodded. "Thanks," she said. "I'm sorry I was such a bad patient."
"That's okay. Kara said you'd be a bear."
"Kara?"
"I texted her while you were in x-ray. She wanted to come over, but I said you were probably too tired, was I right?"
Alex nodded. She was suddenly exhausted. She made her weary way to the bedroom. With difficulty, she changed into her pajama pants, and shed her shirt and t-shirt. And then she had a problem. She held a t-shirt to her front as she made her way to the kitchen. "Maggie," Alex didn't know why she was so embarrassed. Most women wore bras. She knew Maggie did. She gestured over her shoulder. "I can't get this undone."
Maggie turned around, and had to swallow. God, Alex was beautiful. Standing there, in her pajama pants, with just a bra and her t-shirt held over her front. She smiled at her. "Of course, Danvers," she kept her voice gentle. "Turn around."
Efficiently, Maggie unhooked the bra.
"Thanks," Alex said, as she scuttled off.
Maggie let out a deep breath. She had many times dreamt of removing Alex's bra, but the context had been a little different. If only things were different, she mused.