A/N Sorry this took longer than usual, I have camp to prepare for AND I went through several rewrites on this one which is atypical for me. I kept having to pull it back from being too dark or too hot.
So, I'm really sorry that I haven't responded to reviews as much from last chapter. I really appreciate them! One of you inadvertently planted an idea in my head that Edward seemed to like and tried to run with in this chapter.
All characters are property of Stephenie Meyer.
Music:
Sugarland, "Just Might"
Modern Skirts, "Pasedena"
This chapter has been modified from it's original version, certain details have been added to enrich the story and make it sync up with "The Freshman" and "The Search."
Some part of me deep down wondered if this was real or if my hallucinations had taken on a new veracity. How many times had I dreamed of this moment? Edward Cullen was here. He was back. I still loved him and he had said that he still loved me. Why couldn't I make that step? I didn't know what was holding me back. Edward Cullen, the real Edward Cullen, not a figment of my pathetically overactive imagination, stood in my tiny living space.
The apartment was mostly one room the kitchen, dining room, and living room were all one small square. My bedroom and bathroom came off of the back across from the front door. Bookshelves dominated a wall with my favorite volumes lined up on the same shelf at eye level. The furniture was battered and worn out the same as almost any other college student's. Edward looked around, and suddenly my heart stopped for a second. I had blown up some photographs and hung them, the one I worried about was the most prominent – the meadow. Before leaving Forks for Florida I went there and grieved and took photographs. The best one was now hanging front and center over the couch, a close up of a small flower at the edge of the meadow with the rest of it clearly identifiable in the background. It was flanked by a photograph of the light bar on Charlie's police cruiser and one of Jake taking a dive off of one of the cliffs at LaPush. He stopped and smiled at the flower. He would, of course, recognize the meadow immediately.
Would he be angry with me for disregarding his request that I not go into the woods alone? It wouldn't have surprised me if it did anger him. Even when my safety shouldn't be his concern he cared. I hoped that his overprotective tendencies didn't cause a fight. It was the wrong time for us to yell. The night had already been too painful. He and I had both reopened the festering emotional wounds left behind by our relationship and it was time to dress them so that they could heal properly.
Concerned as to what his reaction would be I busied myself by moving my saddlebags to the kitchen table. I pondered what it was that stood between me and everything I had wanted for four years. Was I too far gone? I looked over my shoulder to see him standing in the same place looking at the picture. I guessed that I couldn't hide from reality for much longer; so, I crossed the room in a few short steps. His head turned slowly toward me, a gentle smile touched his lips.
"The meadow," He breathed. "Did you take this picture?"
I could only nod. He wrapped an arm around me and we stood staring at the photograph for a long time. The picture reminded me of days lying in the grass with him, the sweet smell of rain dampened flowers and grass pricked the edges of my memory.
"It's beautiful," He exhaled into my hair.
I didn't know whether or not he understood that the picture in front of him was all I had left of him. It served as a portrait since he took every picture I had. It hung with the abstract representation of my father and the very real image of Jake. Did he grasp the significance of it hanging here? The photographs represented the three men that I loved, and Edward was in the center.
I stood with him a while longer, curling into his side and wrapping my arms around his waist. It was nice to finally stand with him and feel no anger from either party. We were home. He seemed to relax into the pose.
"It's getting to be early morning. Do you still want to talk?" He asked the top of my head.
"I don't know what I want," I murmured into his chest, smelling him. I yawned.
"Perhaps I should go and let you sleep?" He started to pull back but I couldn't bear the thought of him leaving.
"Please stay tonight." I looked up. My invitation seemed to please him.
"If you want me to, I'll stay forever." He stroked the hair back from my face.
A very large part of me wanted to ask him to stay forever right then. I didn't ask because I wasn't ready to commit to forever. It wouldn't be fair to ask for forever after just a day in four years. I wasn't the same person anymore. I was more self sufficient and less willing to let him protect me from every one of life's dangers. Would he be able to handle not protecting me every second of the day?
"Let's not talk about forever yet. I'd like to get through a much shorter period of time first." I mumbled. Exhaustion was starting to take hold now that I had relaxed. It had been years since I allowed myself to be comfortable to just be still and rest.
"Bedtime for the human." I found myself off the ground, cradled in his arms. He carried me into my bedroom and gave me a moment to remove the boots. My feet ached and my knee twinged in pain. I unbuttoned my jeans while he pulled the blanket over me. I considered leaving the jeans on but they were too restrictive to sleep in. I removed them under the covers and dropped them by the bed.
Edward stood by the bed for a moment like he didn't know what to do. That made two of us. I patted the bed next to me and he laid down on top of the covers. He slid closer to me and I caught my breath. My lullaby drifted through the room as I fell into a deep sleep.
Dawn came and a dim gray light shone through the curtains. I turned to find Edward still holding me and my heart fluttered for a second. He really was back; he was with me. I rolled over to face him, still not speaking and gently touched his face to make sure that he was there. My skin touched cool marble and my heart misbehaved again. He was so beautiful.
"I'll let you have a human moment." Edwards lips gently brushed my forehead and then he headed for the door to the living room.
I smiled at him as he closed the door behind him. It was odd to wake up and not feel emotionally battered. The hole in my chest protested his absence from my side but I did need to get cleaned up and dressed. I rushed to the bathroom, showered, and dressed donning the designer jeans since I'd barely worn them for a few hours the day before and a fitted t-shirt. I exited my room to find Edward in the kitchen digging through my cupboards.
"Looking for something?" I leaned against the cabinets.
"I was going to make you some breakfast but as it turns out there's more human food at my house than yours." He smiled over his shoulder and opened the fridge.
"I've been eating out or on campus." I raked a hand through my wet hair. He stood and looked at me; I had accidentally intensified the my scent in the room by moving my wet hair and the look on his face confirmed it. He wasn't thirsty but it looked like he was still trying to hold himself back.
"No, you haven't been eating." He corrected me.
"I eat! I just don't cook anymore. It seemed kind of pointless with no one around to eat it other than myself." I shrugged my shoulders still casually leaning on the cabinet.
"I called Esme while you were in the shower. She's bringing you some groceries later." There it was, he was taking care of me again. I felt a lump building in my throat. I was just fine, I didn't need someone to watch over me like this. "What's wrong?" He was directly in front of me in less than half a second.
"I'm just not used to being taken care of anymore." I managed to swallow the lump back down. "I really am fine on my own. You don't have to worry so much about me."
"Please let me do this. I know that you don't like it when I take care of you but I've really missed doing it." He unleashed the full power of his dazzling eyes on me and I succumbed; he still knew how to get what he wanted. "Since there's no food here, do you want to hit the dining hall?"
The dining hall, school! What were we going to do about school? I moved slightly away from him and stared shocked into his eyes. Had last night cemented things? I still didn't feel ready to let myself be with him.
"Edward, what are we going to do about school?" My voice shook just a little. He took my hand and led me to the table. We sat down and he looked intently into my eyes.
"I can drop the class if it makes you more comfortable." He didn't release my hand. I was glad that he was as eager to maintain contact as I was. A look crossed his face but he quickly changed it. "Or, we could leave. We could go somewhere, just the two of us." He smiled.
I laughed a bit at that. Of course being a Cullen he could just pick up and leave school without a second thought. I didn't have the same luxury, there were responsibilities that I couldn't abandon. I shook my head still smiling.
"Why don't we start with you dropping the class?" I looked at him through my eyelashes and then took a moment to study our entwined hands. It was odd after so many years to look at a hand holding my own, not only that but one that was actually paler than mine.
"If that's what you want." He looked defeated.
"Did you really expect me to just drop everything and leave?" I ducked my head a little into my shoulders shocked that his suggestion seemed to be serious.
"I'm just being a bit greedy. It's been so long and I really want you all to myself." Something about his tone had a hungry feel to it that made me blush. He moved his free hand to my face and ran a cool thumb across my cheek. I turned my face reflexively and kissed the palm of his hand.
"Maybe we could go somewhere for the weekend," I conceded and ran my free hand down his arm, he gasped at the unexpected touch and I stopped.
"I don't want to be away from you for any reason," He whispered.
"I think that you're asking for a lot after four years of being apart. I've changed a lot and I don't know if you're going to want to hang around. Asking me to give up this scholarship and walk away is a big commitment for only one day," I explained hoping not to hurt his feelings.
"I never should have left." he released my hand and got up from the table.
"No, you shouldn't have but you did." I instantly wanted his hand back.
"Whatever it is I have to do to convince you that I'm not going anywhere, I will do it." His voice was determined and although his back was turned to me I could bet that his jaw was set.
"There's more risk involved in this for me than for you," I voiced what I had been thinking. "You have to understand that you have advantages that I don't. I don't have unlimited time or resources to go to school."
"You could, I would give them to you." He turned back to me to make this offer.
"If everything works out but if things don't work, then what?" I caught a glimpse of the time and decided that it would be better to finish this conversation while checking my bag to make sure I had everything I needed for the day.
"It's going to work out." I felt his hand on my shoulder. "Do you want me to check with Alice?"
I couldn't help but laugh.
"Edward, I just feel the need to use caution this time around. You can't fault me for that." I didn't look at him.
"No, I suppose that is one of the consequences of my actions." He ran a hand hesitantly through my hair. I could tell by his voice that he was thinking about the scar on my side. It ached a little as I thought about it.
Satisfied that my bags were packed I closed them up and turned to him. He was still standing very close. His face was downcast. I wanted caution, but not to hurt him. I pulled him into a hug. He held me delicately, like a bird.
"Can I just ask – What are you afraid of?" He cut right to the heart of the matter. I was scared to death of this relationship and the damage it could cause me not only personally but professionally, and not just if it didn't work out.
"It's hard to put a finger on it but I'm not sure I believe that this is real yet. I'm afraid that if I close my eyes you'll disappear again." I met his intense gaze. "I'm also a bit afraid of becoming a vampire if things do work out," I sighed.
"Well, I am not going anywhere and you don't necessarily have to become a vampire." He looked down at me his face was soft with love and tenderness.
"And exactly how is that going to work? What happens the next time I get a paper cut or worse? Are you going to flip out and leave me again? Are you going to move me with you all the time even when I'm an old woman? Not to mention the fact that there's no way for us t-to... well... be together without me becoming a vampire and I just don't think that this relationship is cut out for a lifetime of celibacy." I couldn't help but laugh at that. If things held true to form, and it seemed like they would, I would spontaneously combust one evening.
"Celibacy would be difficult, but as for the other concerns Jasper has greatly improved his control in the past four years. He's blamed himself for my emotional state this whole time. I think he might have been as happy as Alice and I were to find you alive. As for the old woman thing, I think you'd be a very cute little old woman." If he had been human or a werewolf, I'd have hit him. This was seriously not going to work. Instead I laughed.
"No. I can't even imagine what it would be like for me to be all old and wrinkly and still in love with this young, hot, teenager at which all the girls are still throwing themselves. I don't think that my pride could deal with that." I tried to slide around the table away from him.
"You're not leaving me many options." He set a hand on my hip before I could slide far and brought me back in front of him. "I'll give you time. I'll give you all the time you want." As he whispered his breath flew into my face and I couldn't help but kiss him.
Before I knew what was happening his arms locked around me and he pulled me up onto the table. My lips parted to exhale in shock at the sudden movement and he made a move. He kissed me deeply but still tenderly. My body shook as he held it to his. I pulled him in as close as I could. My hands ran through his hair. He laid me down on the table leaning onto it with me. His body gently hovered over mine as he kissed my neck. I attempted fruitlessly to catch my breath. My heartbeat thundered in my ears.
When he came back up to my mouth there was a sudden creaking noise followed by a crack. Suddenly I was being held by nothing more than a pair of arms in the air. I panicked for about half a second as Edward struggled to get a better grip on me and keep my body from crashing to the floor along with my now broken table.
"Rules?" I asked as he set me down on the floor.
"We should definitely stick to the rules, and try not to break the furniture," He laughed.
"It's time for school. I have a class this morning and you need to change your schedule," I sighed.
"Are you sure that you don't want to just drop out and stay with me for a few hundred years? School will still be there," He purred in my ear.
"Do you ever stop?" I separated us and grabbed my bags off of the now ruined table, laughing. He followed dangerously close behind me while I collected my jacket and put it on.
"Not the bike again!" He practically begged.
"What's wrong with the bike?" I groaned zipping up and grabbing a hair tie.
"You're just really crumbling my resolve here. Now that I know you can handle it, it's intensely... it's sexy and I have a really hard time controlling myself." He gave me a tormented look.
"Oh! So, you like the motorcycle?" I grinned impishly.
"I really like the motorcycle. I just prefer not to think about it." His hands were in his pockets like he was trying to restrain himself.
"I'm finished at noon today. We could race," I leaned into him and whispered seductively in his ear raising an eyebrow.
"rules, rules, rules..." He whispered under his breath just loudly enough for me to make it out.
"Come on, if you want me to hit the dinning hall before class we need to leave." I opened the door and made my way down the steps with him trailing behind me at slowly. He caught up with me as I attached my bags to the saddle.
"You are very dangerous. You realize that right?" He kissed me leaving me breathless and waltzed over to the Mercedes. "I have to go get the others, but I'll see you there." He flashed me his crooked grin, knowing that I was as worked up as he was before he got into the car and drove away. I took a minute to gather myself before putting on my helmet and riding out to face the day.