Chapter 6

Kairen hit my head all of a sudden as we left their estate. "Ouch! What was that for." I shoved at him.

He stumbled further away from me. "Sigh. You're so embarrassing sometimes." He shook his in disappointment.

"Pfft. What's the problem. They said it was okay to visit again anyway." I walked ahead of him. Without warning he slapped my back lightly. "Oww! What are you doing." I groaned in pain. The wounds that were still healing stung so I began rubbing my back as a reaction.

"Just checking to see if your wounds have healed yet." He smirked.

"You could have just asked me." I glanced over my back at him with spiteful eyes.

"You would've tried to lie to me," he said with knowing eyes. "Speaking of which. You're still hurting aren't you."

My pace had immediately slowed at his words as I looked to the ground and halted.

Kairen stopped beside me, looking down at me, waiting for an answer.

"It's not easy for me to forget those feelings." I struggled with my words, not sure if that would make sense to him. "It was only yesterday that I still felt that way. If you hadn't come to me and asked father to speak with me..." I trailed off.

Kairen pursed his lips as he continued to watch me, only realizing now how small my physique was. He continued to think, his thoughts wandering into darker places, that I could disappear in just an instant. Rationally, he knew that wasn't likely since we were naturally sturdier than humans, but the thought of it scared him to death. He wondered what he would have done if I had just vanished, been put to eternal sleep, while he wasn't there for me. Guilt slowly wrapping around his mind again. It drove him insane, these sorts of thoughts.

I listened into the silence of the environment around us. Occasional chirps from birds nearby, the forest surrounding us and the hues of the sky gradually moving from blue, to red-oranges and accents of pinks refracting off the clouds. He hadn't said anything for a couple minutes now, so I peered up at him. His head bowed and face obscured by the hair that fell over his eyes. A slight breeze brushing his hair ever so slightly to the right so I could barely see the emotions buried deep within his irises.

I moved so I was standing directly in front of him. "Kairen?" When he didn't respond. I raised my right hand so I could touch his cheek, like he had done for me the night before when I could no longer contain the feelings that had been eating away at me. I rested the palm of my hand gently on his cheek.

He brought his left hand up and covered my hand with his.

Not wanting to forget the warmth of my hand on his cheek. He didn't want to think of a day where my hand no longer emitted that warmth, completely lifeless. He closed his eyes and just focused on that warmth, his lips slowly forming a smile filled with pain.

"Jeez. What's wrong with me." He whispered to himself, as he took my hand off his cheek and held it. He opened his eyes slightly and looked at me with forlorn eyes.

I pursed my lips at the look in his eyes. Having a bit of an idea of what he was thinking about. My lips drooped into a frown, knowing he was being tormented by distressing thoughts. I didn't like seeing him plagued with pain like this. It didn't help that I was also I was also suffering. I called for him, something I hadn't called him in a long time. "Brother…" I weakly trailed off. Memories of his smile and laugh flashed in my memories, seeing him like this broke my heart when he was normally so strong. I pulled my hand away from his and wrapped my arms around him tightly, burying my face deep into his chest.

His arms hung at his side, as if he had lost all will to live.

The thoughts of me disappearing from his side wouldn't cease. Like with the older sister I had never met. The horrors of what had happened coming back to haunt him. A barrage of negative thoughts filled with apprehension. He began to hear his own endless screams in his mind once again, pleading for her to stop, the hand in his memories reaching out to her. He didn't have the power to protect her. He slowly lifted his hands to press them against his ears, wanting the thoughts to stop, begging his mind to end the screams and shouts. He shut his eyes, and a layer cold sweat slowly formed over his blanched skin, his breath becoming shaky and haggard. He was at the mercy of these haunting memories. The nightmare replaying over and over, except this time I was the victim. The one who he couldn't protect, once again.

He fell to his knees, and I fell with him.

I pulled away to look at him, frantically calling his name. "Kairen?! Kairen?!"

He could barely hear my shouts. When he finally opened his eyes and saw he saw the worried look on my face. He was glad I was in front of him, healthy and safe. He still had his hands at his ears, the thoughts and whispers not yet ready to release him.

I immediately pulled him as close to me as possible, bringing his head to my right shoulder, holding him. I could barely keep my tears from spilling over. I had never seen him like this before. For the first time in my Iife I was afraid for him. I rubbed his back while gently holding his head on my shoulder. Slowly he removed his hands from his ears and he hugged me tightly, clutching onto the back of my shirt as if it were a lifeline. Moments passed, the birds ceased to chirp and the moon hung high in the sky, partially covered by a cloud, and the stars illuminating the dark sky. His breathing began to gradually even out, his breaths not as shallow and shaky as before.

You will never be able to protect her, the words that were constantly repeated, whispered only to him, after the horrific thoughts finally ceased and gave him mercy.

I felt him bury his face into the crook of my neck, as he shifted his arms so I was completely encircled by his arms.

"Please don't leave me. Don't disappear." A whispered plea that I was never meant to hear.

He gripped me even tighter, afraid that I'd evaporate if he didn't hold onto me tight enough.

I could feel his tears soaking into the collar of my shirt. My heart shattered into smaller pieces each time I heard his breath hitch and shake unsteadily as he inhaled. I had never even seen or heard Kairen cry before. Hours had passed as I wordlessly held Kairen in my arms, running my fingers through his hair. He shifted his head so he could see the forest to the right, still resting his head on my shoulder. He was completely soaked in sweat.

"Are you okay?" I softly asked him.

He didn't say anything for fear of his words coming out too shaky and weak.

He nodded weakly in response.

I knew he wasn't okay and it'd be better if he could rest at home.

"Let's go home okay?"

Kairen could feel vibration of the words through my throat, though my voice sounded much farther away.

He reluctantly pulled away and stood up, wobbling ever so slightly. He refused to lift his head.

I knew he didn't want me to see him like his, so I didn't try to peer at his face. I took his hand into mine gently and led him towards the direction of our home. The two of us walked in silence, his steps heavy and hesitant, so unlike his usual self.

When we arrived home, my father was waiting for us in the foyer. The minute he had heard the door open, he opened his mouth to lecture the both of us. He stopped the second he saw Kairen's condition. He knew what had happened.

I closed the door behind us and bowed my head. "I apologize father." I didn't know how to explain the situation to him, I lifted my head weakly. I knew my eyes were red and slightly swollen from earlier, so I avoided my father's gaze. I attempted to pull my hand out of Kairen's hand, but he firmly held on with no intention of letting go. I was surprised he wasn't allowing me to let go, but considering what had happened earlier, I understood why. My father had called for Kairen's name, I turned to look at him, but Kairen stayed unresponsive with his head down. He approached the two of us and grabbed Kairen's wrist and began walking. I wasn't sure if I was supposed to follow, but Kairen refused to let go of my hand. "Father?"

He didn't say anything and continued to lead us on. We stopped at Kairen's room where he pushed the doors open and turned on the lights, and made Kairen sit on the bed.

I stood in front of Kairen watching him, still holding his hand, wondering what had happened for him to be in this much pain. I could see past his hair, into his eyes, his red irises holding no will to live, as if expressing the unsaid words saying that he deserved to die. The pain I felt in my heart felt as if it would engulf me as a whole. I didn't want to see him like this.

"Kairen let go of Aerei's hand." My father's voice boomed through the silence.

His pupils shrunk at this command and he began to panic. A sweat beads forming over his skin once again.

He was mentally unstable, I could tell that much. It pained me to do this, but I tried to pry my hand out of his.

When Kairen wouldn't let go, my father held onto his wrist. "Kairen, let go."

"I can't. She'll disappear too. Like Alessa." Kairen's words hung in the air, the tension so thick it might be able to be cut with a knife.

"Kairen, I'm not going anywhere. But please let go." The pain in my voice was evident enough so my father could hear it as well. In the back of my mind, I wondered who Alessa was. Was she the one that was causing my older brother so much pain?, I thought to myself.

"N-No!" His voice faltered, his breath becoming shallow once again.

My father had to pry my hand out of his. "Aerei please call your mother here, after that you are dismissed." He said while restraining Kairen's attempts to reach for me again.

"N-No! Don't take her away! Not like Alessa! Not again!"

I looked back at Kairen sorrowfully as I walked towards the door, I didn't want to leave his side at a time like this. His gaze calling me to return to his side so I could comfort him. I turned away, breaking the gaze we held, for fear that I wouldn't be able to leave if I continued to watch him writhe against my father's strength. As I left the room, I could hear his shouts of desperation. I couldn't take it anymore, I needed to run. Run away so I could no longer hear his screams that willed me to go back to his side to stop my father so I could hold him until he felt better. I approached the room where my mother was located and pushed the doors open, my head bowed, voice solemn and quiet. "Mother…"

"Aerei." My mother could tell something was wrong. "What happened?"

"Father summoned you to Kairen's room." My voice shook with fear and pain.

She approached me and placed a hand on my shoulder. I looked up at her, my eyes watery, tears daring to fall. "Go wait in your room, okay?" A small worried smile graced her usual expressionless face.

I nodded automatically, her smile somewhat bringing peace into my rampaging heart.