Change of Heart

Chapter 6

The owl looked at Severus with its large eyes. The bird couldn't possibly understand what was in the letter it had delivered, yet it seemed to know all too well. "Answer the letter, Severus", the urgent stare told him, "even if her words don't allow for a reply". Maybe it was simply what he wanted to believe but it didn't matter. The owl hooted once and waited. In a manner that didn't suit him at all, Severus tried to pet the bird but it pulled back, astonished at his audacity. He sighed and read the letter once more.

"Professor Snape". He snorted at the title. It was her who had insisted to be called by her first name and now, she had taken it back, adressing him in a formal tone. "I sincerely hope you can forgive the way I spoke to you the other day. It isn't like me to be disrespectful and I feel awful for having been so rude to you! That said, I think it would be most wise if we forgot all about what happened between us. It wouldn't do either of us any good if anybody found out, don't you agree? Maybe, eventually, we will be able to see each other as friends". Signed, Hermione Granger... He pushed the piece of parchment away and looked at the owl that was still staring at him. A little voice -which he hoped wasn't the owl's- echoed in his mind. "You will write back. You know you want to." Well, of course he did but it didn't make sense to want that! Hermione was engaged to a handsome young man. What would make her throw that away? Not him... Either way, he started to compose a letter. It was the polite thing to do, he reasoned.

"Miss Granger", he stabbed each word on the paper before him, watching the ink settle. "You must know that by now, I have become accustomed to rudeness, thusly, your manner didn't affect me at all." Severus wondered if she would see through his lie. In a very confusing mood, he wasn't certain if he wanted her not to. "The possibility of friendship between the two of us seems absurd, at the very least, seeing as we have nothing in common. Among other reasons. You can go on with your life. I'm sure my absence from it won't make any difference. Do not bother me with your annoying need to make amends." Violently biting his lip, he signed his name under the angry words and then, shoved the letter in the poor owl's beak. The bird looked at him, contempt obvious on its face -was that even possible?- and it flew out the open window to carry out its task. For a split second, Severus thought about calling the owl back but since he didn't know its name, he gave up and started wallowing in self pity.

"Hello, Rufus, darling!"Hermione told her owl as he flew by her head. "What took you so long?". Noticing he was carrying an envelope, she took it and offered him a treat and the bird hooted happily before taking it. She held the letter in her hands for a moment. Ron was still asleep and she figured she had enough time to read and then hide it somewhere, or even better, burn it. Her eyes ran over the lines and anger overwhelmed her. She scribbled a quick answer on the back of the parchment "You will see me tonight." and sent a reluctant Rufus on his way again.

Severus threw the piece of paper in the fireplace. "I'm definitely not going" he tried to convince himself.

As he brushed ashes from his robes, Severus wondered what had possessed him and made him go to Hermione after all the very serious reasons he had thought of to prevent this meeting. He stood in front of her fireplace, taking in the details of his surroundings and couldn't help but notice all the photos of her and her smiling fiance scattered around their living room. The woman herself was standing by the fireplace, her arms crossed on her chest.

"I'm glad you could make it."Hermione told him but her tone betrayed anything but gladness.

"Against my better judgement, I assure you."he replied. "Where is mister Weasley?"

"Ron isn't here. His team is playing tonight. He won't be home until tomorrow."she said and sat down on the sofa, gesturing for him to do the same. "We need to talk. Talk, not yell at each other."

"As I am sure you know"he said , sitting down "I do not yell."

"I do. Loudly. But I will try not to lose my patience, I promise..." She nodded. "Would you like something to drink?"

"No, thank you."Severus said and crossed his hands on his lap.

Hermione marvelled at his ability to remain calm under any circumstance. She was striving to keep her heartbeat steady and her mind clear but his proud stance only made her more uncomfortable. If he felt guilty about anything, he managed not to show it. Was that admirable or stupid? She couldn't again, why should it matter?

"Your invitation makes me assume that you do not trust me to keep our secret." Severus told her, his eyes completely devoid of emotion. "I have kept secrets much more serious than this, believe me."

"It's not a matter of trust, Severus!"Hermione protested. Yes, she had called him by his name once more. It was becoming easier not to think of him as "professor Snape" but simply "Severus". It had a nice ring to it... "I simply want to make sure there are no misunderstandings and most of all, no hard feelings."

"What makes you think there are any feelings at all?"he asked, raising his brow. He looked at her and took pleasure in her mildly hurt expression which she managed to hide quickly. There was an amount of vanity inside her that he wished to stomp out with his cruelty. Not because he wanted to hurt her though, not really.

"I wasn't implying that there are. I know your heart belongs to someone else and I do not wish to claim it!"she spat.

"Did you ask me to come here so we could discuss about hearts and love and such, miss Granger? I find the subject very boring..."Severus couldn't believe the words that came out of his mouth.

"Was it someone else who confessed to me that he didn't want to be alone, then?" Hermione mocked him. "Because I distinctly remember you saying that. Am I wrong?"

"Do you also remember how I tried to persuade you to go home to your fiance while you tried to... seduce me, as you said? Or do you suffer from selective memory?"he smirked.

"I remember what I said..."she admitted. "But I was drunk and-"

"You were not that drunk!"Severus interrupted her. He stood up and started pacing to calm his thoughts. His previous resolve of remaining completely unaffected by what would be said flew out of the window. "Don't you dare accuse me of taking advantage of you! Don't you dare! I'm not an old pervert, searching for inebriated girls to abuse!"

Hermione stood up from her seat and approached him. "I wasn't going to accuse you of anything! Believe me, I know I was to blame!"she screamed, her cheeks blushing, due to both shame and anger. "This past week, I've been replaying my actions in my head, trying to justify my behaviour but I can't! You stopped me and I went on and that is torturing me! Whatever problems Ron and I have, it was wrong of me to..."she paused.

"You are a grown woman! You can say it!"Severus urged in agitation. "You slept with me! We had sex!"

Hermione could feel her cheeks burning. "I was going to say, it was wrong of me to cheat on him..."she whispered and then decided to attack him too. "And it's not the deed itself but thinking about it that I regret the most!"she yelled. "It's easy for you to sleep peacefully at night because you can do no wrong to a dead person! After all, you can't cheat on a memory! But Ron is alive and he's real!"

"I would advise you to be careful with your words, miss Granger..."Severus threatened.

"Don't you tell me what to do! I'm upset and-"

"And that gives you the right to say anything you damn well please?"he interrupted once more. "I'm upset as well! Did you hear me calling you a whore?"

Her hand landed on his cheek before he even realised she had raised it. He rubbed the sore skin and gritted his teeth. The blow wasn't that hard but his pride was deeply wounded. Closing his eyes, he started counting and breathed heavily when he heard Hermione gasp.

"Oh! I'm so sorry!"she said. "You're bleeding!"

"Don't be an idiot! You didn't hit me that hard!"he said in order to comfort her, oddly enough.

"My ring..." She held up her hand. Severus opened his eyes and saw the dreaded jewel glisten under the light. It felt almost impossible to stop himself from tearing it off her finger and throwing it in the cozy fire but he stood in his place.

"My ring..."Hermione said again and looked at it herself. Then, she went closer to him and wiped the blood from his cheek. The small, cool hand against the fire of his skin made him inhale deeply and all his anger evaporated.

"I'm so, so sorry, Severus!"she told him and her eyes welled up. "I didn't mean to hurt you!"

"I didn't mean to call you a whore..." Severus said, apologizing in his way and took her hand, removing it from his face but instead of letting it go at once, as he had intended, he held it tightly in his. He gazed in her eyes and found them captivating in all their sadness, and even though he wished she wouldn't start crying, he couldn't look away.

"Well, in a way, I deserved it." A small shy smile appeared on her lips. "Let's not fight anymore..."she said and squeezed the hand holding hers.

"I cannot be your friend..."he whispered, hoping to put and end to this madness, hoping that she wouldn't write or ask to see him after this night. "I do not want to be your friend."he stressed.

"Why not? I'm a good person! I haven't treated you nicely so far but I can do better! If you give me time... I promise I can do better!"Hermione whined, forgetting that they were still holding hands.

"I don't question your kind nature. I know you are a good person, I always have."he told her.

"Why then?"she let go of his hand as she raised her voice.

"Why? How can you even ask that?"he retaliated.

"I want to know the reason! Is that too much to ask?"Hermione said and stabbed his chest with her index finger.

Severus grabbed her arm violently. "The reason? The reason is that every time I look at you, I remember how your lips felt on mine! I remember the things you whispered in my ear! The way your touch made me feel! It isn't fair of you to ask me to put myself through this each time we meet and pretend that we are mates! You ran back into your fiance's arms and forgot everything but I didn't!"he hissed in her face.

Hermione gulped looking into the black pools that were his eyes. Forget? She hadn't forgotten. How could she? Even now, when he was so mad at her, she could feel the flames inside, threatening to swallow her whole and despite how bad she wanted to avoid it, she felt drawn to him. His mouth was inches from hers and she knew that with the smallest of movements, her lips would touch his and it would be too hard to stop from that point.

"Maybe I will, eventually."Severus continued. "But for now... Friendship? It's a joke! And if you can't see that, you are a fool! You want to clear your conscience? Find some other way to do it! Your damned ring has already done me enough harm!"

She pulled back, jerking her arm and freeing it from his grip. Her mind was screaming but she couldn't hear it as she took off her ring and placed it on the coffee table. Then she turned back and looked at Severus who understood what she was thinking. She took one step closer to him.

"No."

She didn't stop. "Why not?"she retorted.

"Are you crazy, woman? What were we just talking about?"he said, slightly intimidated by her determined look.

"This is different."she said.

"How?"Severus asked.

"I'm not drunk, for one."Hermione chuckled awkwardly. "It would also be the last time."

He didn't want to hear that. In fact, he wished he could erase the first time too because reminded of it, he felt his entire body respond to her invitation. He didn't want to give into the temptation but at the same time, it was all he wanted. Oh, the fall would be so much harder this time! The thing he had feared was already happening, no, it had already happened! Why else would he be standing there? He had already fallen. He had crashed... She came to a stop before him and stood on her toes, waiting for him to kiss her. She was absolutely sure that once he did, he wouldn't be able to stop either. Severus placed his hands on her waist and kept her at a safe distance. He'd used logic to stay away from her so far and it was failing him. This wasn't a random stranger, standing before him. It was Hermione Granger; insufferable, annoying know-it-all, brave, kind... The very person that went back for him when everybody else had given up. The one who had assisted him when he came back to life, the one who had reminded him how to breathe... He felt a lump building in his throat.

"Taking your ring off doesn't make you any less engaged."he tried to reason with her.

"Pushing me away doesn't make you any less willing."she retorted and pulled him close. She could force him to give into her request but a part of her wanted him to be overcome with passion, just as she was and let himself act on it.

"Hermione..."he whispered, holding on to the last traces of self control. "If you don't stop this..."

"What will you do?"Hermione murmured next to his ear and her lips grazed the injury on his cheek. Severus buried his hand in her hair and pulled her close, kissing her before she had the chance to say or do anything else. He was stealing moments, stealing kisses from her smiling mouth, inhaling her breath so that later, he could breathe on his own, without her. His heart started beating faster and faster as she pushed him towards the bedroom and Severus didn't stop to think from that point on.

Later that night, Hermione woke up, sore and possibly bruised but utterly blissful, only to realise that Severus had sneaked out and left while she was sleeping. It was for the best, she decided, as she retrieved her ring from where she had left it and put it back on her finger. She raised her hand and looked at it but with the lights turned off, the stone wouldn't shine. But isn't it supposed to always shine, she thought and with a sigh, she went back to bed.

A/N: Another chapter. Tell me if you like it! Even if you don't, tell me what you think I should fix! :)