Hello, everyone! Welcome back to Aizen Sosuke: Psychological Therapist! Once more, I bring you tales of psychological thrillers (or maybe not...). Is it art or "trash" (Not today, Ulquorria, not today...)? You decide!
I don't own any of the materials within this fic... yet.
Toshiro Hitsugaya gazed coldly at the empty office around him. It was typical of such an easy-going screwball as Captain Aizen to be late, but the fact that Toshiro was waiting in his fellow captain's office just felt ridiculous. He could be performing a million other tasks, like sighning documents or playing soccer, or working on getting some respect out of his Lieutenant... Deciding that Captain Aizen was probably out doing something incredibly frivolous, like playing golf or dancing the cha-cha while wearing a hat made out of fruit, the young captain sighed and decided to try again some other time when a voice spoke up right next to his ear.
"Waitin' for Captain Aizen, are ya'?" giggled Gin, smiling like a cat as he stood in the doorway. "Sorry if I scared ya', Lil' Shiro."
Hitsugaya flinched as the silver-haired manchild spoke Momo's embarrassing nickname for him, but he held strong. "Don't worry about it, Captain Ichimaru. You don't scare me. I'm just irritated that Captain Aizen can't keep the appointments he makes."
Gin gave an exaggerated, childish nod.
"Ya' got an appointment with Captain Aizen? Are ya' one of his psychill-o-logical patients?"
Hitsugaya sighed again before answering, "I'm not a patient, Captain Ichimaru. I'm a client."
"I thought ya' were just shor-" Ichimaru began, but instantly regretted it as Toshiro Hitsugaya, the youngest captain to ever join the Gotei 13, leapt into a close-range flash step and tackled the fox-faced Gin without even slowing down. The takeoff, which splintered the walkway beneath them, was impressive to say the least. Roughly thirty meters away, Hitsugaya and his victim came in for a landing right in the middle of Aizen's koi pond, where Hitsugaya began pounding on the unfortunate Gin while holding him under.
"Say I'm short again, Gin! Just say it!" Fortunately, Gin couldn't tell the furious captain anything, as his head was full submerged beneath the murky water. Unfortunately, he couldn't breathe for the same reason. Hitsugaya grimly considered holding Gin under until he stopped struggling, but a light tug on his shoulder brought him to his senses.
"Um, Toshiro-kun?" Momo Hinamori, knee-deep in the pond, began worriedly, "I... understand that Captain Ichimaru can be... pretty creepy sometimes, but you don't have to drown him..."
Toshiro shifted backwards and let go, allowing Gin to rise from the pond, his smile unsurprisingly absent. Another person appeared behind Hinamori. This person happened to be wearing a hat made out of fruit...
"It is my understanding, Captain Hitsugaya," Aizen Sosuke explained, removing his fruity hat, "that you have stated that if any man makes Momo bleed, you'll kill him. I have similar opinions about-"
"I'm terribly sorry, Captain Aizen," stammered Hitsugaya, "I should have thought about how you consider Captain Ichimaru to be a friend as well-"
Aizen snorted with laughter, "Gin? So sorry, Captain Hitsugaya, but I was referring to my koi."
"What."
"Didn't you hear me the first time? My koi." Aizen explained with his gravest voice and (eerily) his brightest smile, "If you make any of my koi bleed, I'll kill you."
Unperturbed, Hitsugaya raised one eyebrow and stared into those scary, shiny glasses. "Great."
Next up is Toshiro Hitsugaya
After gingerly stepping out of the pond, apologizing profusely to Gin, and promising to pay for the damage to the walkway, Toshiro was led back to Aizen's office, where the captain- slash- psychologist produced the fruity hat once more. Once he had sent Momo out for some tea, Aizen turned to Toshiro, put on his hat, and told the young captain his prognosis.
"I've decided that your condition involves anger management."
"I haven't even told you my problem," grumbled Hitsugaya in a low voice.
"I know. Fortunately, I was able to see your problem firsthand."
"But- Captain Ichimaru! And the crazy popping out of nowhere! And the 'Lil' Shiro' and the 'Short' thing!"
"Calm down, Captain Hitsugaya, I understand. Nicknames can be quite demeaning-"
"I agree, and that's what I came here to ask you abou-"
"So why do you call Gin "Captain Hannibal"? I don't believe that he eats people. Gin, do you eat people?"
Hitsugaya quickly turned to see the ever-smiling Gin standing in the doorway. While most captains could move very quietly, Gin's skill was just... unreal.
"Nah, I don' eat people, Captain Aizen," he smirked, "I jus' nibble a lil'. Nice hat, by the way. And speaking of lil' stuff: hello, Lil' Shiro! I see yer calmed down now. That's ...nice."
Toshiro cringed, resisting the urge to strangle Gin.
"Why are you calling me that?"
"Callin' ya what, Lil' Shiro?"
"That! Why are you calling me Lil' Shiro?"
"Oh! That. Well, I-" Gin fidgeted before Hitsugaya muttered through his clenched teeth.
"Spit it out, Gin."
Gin's smile came back unnervingly quickly.
"I found this in Hinamori's room," he giggled. Gin reached into his kimono, pulling out a small book bound in leather. Hitsugaya gasped: the bindings were basically leather straps that had been carefully woven and tied to make the spine of the book. But as anybody with a brain could probably figure out, a handmade book isn't exactly gasp-worthy.
The cover, which was gasp-worthy, bore the two words that made Hitsugaya desparately want to crawl into the deepest hole he could find, and dig deeper.
"Momo's Diary? The hell?"
Aizen cleared his throat, "Actually, Captain Hitsugaya, I believe that I am to blame for this occurrence. You see, I found this on the washing machine, and I just had to read it."
"It's exceedin'ly goodly writt'n," chimed Gin.
"I really had no idea that you would be featured in Lieutenant Momo's diary, Captain Hitsugaya. I truly am sorry. Now, don't you want to read?" Aizen nodded his head and Gin held out the diary an arm's lenght away from the unamused captain. Hitsugaya lifted one eyebrow.
"We have a washing machine?"
"What a ridiculous non-sequester. It's almost like you think you're in a dream or something."
Hitsugaya didn't miss a beat, "The only thing ridiculous here, Captain Aizen, is your hat."
Dead silence filled the room. The two captains stared at each other while Gin was caught between a giggle, when looking at Hitsugaya's super-serious face, and a bemused smile, when looking at Captain Aizen's delicious headware.
A slight breeze wafted through the room, carrying with it a lone cherry blossom that came to rest between psychologist and patient. Hitsugaya reached for his sword. Aizen did likewise. Gin vanished.
"It was a simple question, Capatin Hitsugaya. Reading all of those secrets could be... relaxing."
"I would rather fly into a rage every other minute than destroy our friendship."
"How... touching. Go, Gin!"
Hitsugaya turned, but he was far too late to dodge the gallon of honey that Gin had somehow managed to sneak behind him. After the vat of honey was empty, he was simply too stunned to evade the pillowcase full of feathers and too perplexed (and sticky) to avoid Gin's index finger colliding with his forehead. Incredulous, Hitsugaya toppled backwards onto a canvas that Aizen had rolled out during the chaos to avoid messing up the wood floor.
But Gin wasn't through just yet; crouching down next to Toshiro's head, he chirped, "Not so high and mighty now, huh, Lil' Shiro?" He then reached into his robes once more, pulled out a can of whipped cream, and gave Hitsugaya a moustache and beard. He had just gotten up to leave when Momo Hinamori returned with the tea in hand.
It was an odd sight, with her captain in a hat decorated with various assorted fruits, her best friend covered in honey and feathers with a creamy white beard and moustache, and Gin... well, being Gin. She would have ignored it if it weren't for a corner of a leather-bound book stucking out of Ichimaru's kimono. In one swift motion, she set down the tea, flash stepped over to Gin, and reached for the book.
In one swifter motion, Gin slapped her twice across the face with the diary, slid it down the back of her kimono while pulling it over her head, and pushing her so that she fell with her face on top of Toshiro's. When she rose with her zanpakuto drawn, Gin reached again into his kimono and pulled out a helium ballon, which he jabbed into her mouth, causing her to inhale in surprise, before pushing her down again and sauntering out of the office. Hinamori rose again to inflict her unholy rage upon the smug captain, but doubled over with laughter at the sound of her scream of anger. With his work done, Gin nodded curtly.
"It's a wonder how you can do that all so smoothly," commented Aizen.
Gin giggled and grabbed his forehead in mock fatigue, "Hoo-boy! Inflictin' all this meanness really wears me out! Bye-bye!"
Hitsugaya was doing his best to unstick himself from the canvas when Aizen appeared over him.
"Actually, Captain Hitsugaya, I'm not going to fix your anger issues. It's really too much fun when you're so serious. Now how 'bout another dip in my koi pond, eh?"
Lil' Shiro didn't even have time to scream.
To answer everyone's two main questions, yes, Gin has the universe inside his kimono, and yes, he is a Hitsu-Momo shipper.
See ya' later!