AN: This chapter is ssuper short. I'm sawry! Hope you still enjoy though :D
Was I cut out for this? My hand gripped the warm hand that I held on to; I wasnt. Every few minutes I found myself looking at his pocket that held his phone. I found myself not focusing on the beautiful scenery around me, but the words he had spoken to me and who else he had told the exact same thing to. I wanted to be cut out for this kind of relationship because it was the only relationship I'd ever have with Mello. If I couldn't be okay then I would for sure loose him. I didn't want that, Mello is my everything.
The feelings I had for him wouldn't let me be. As we walked through the park I hadn't listened to a word he had spoken to me. He noticed.
"Matt, I feel like I'm talking to the air. Are you listening?" He had stopped walking to look at me. I let go of his hand, my heart racing, the need to hold him close overwhelming me. I felt that maybe if I had, time would stop forever and then he would finally be mine. It was a dumb fantasy. I wanted him, but he didn't want me.
"I'm sorry Mello, I just have a lot on my mind." It wasn't a lie. He was on my mind, but I couldn't tell him that. He said he never wanted to hear about it so, what was I supposed to do? I couldn't talk to him and if he had known what I was feeling I'm sure it would scare him off. Instead I smiled weakly at him. "We can go to my house and eat something now if you want."
Mello pulled his phone out checking it before locking it and shoving it back in his pants pocket. He looked at me briefly before patting the top of my head. Everytime he patted my head like that it never failed to make me see the difference in our maturity. I felt like a child.
"I can't. I have somewhere I have to go. Maybe I can stop by later?"
Mello gave me a pleading look. Only because he knew that we both knew where he was going and what he was going to do and there wasn't a damn thing I could do about it either. It killed me as I nodded my head 'yes' and kissed him, sending him into the arms of some other guy who too would kiss and touch him.
I think what got me more as we parted ways and I began to walk home by myself is that after he was done he would be coming to me for more. How, can I say no to him though? How could I tell the man I love no? I was just as dependent on him as he was on me. The only difference was I was in love with him.
What was even more pathetic as soon as I got home I took a quick shower and sat in my room as I waited for him. I waited and waited and waited. I'd be waiting for Mello for the rest of my life I feared.