A/N: Thank you for all the great reviews, I appreciate them. Just a note to one of the reviewers who appreciated that I am doing quick updates, I knew I was doing this sequel but time was not on my side so for National Novel Writing Month (November) I decided to do the sequel for the competition of 50.000 words in 30 days. I started on November 1st and finished the competition on November 26th so right now the whole story is basically written it just needs to be fine tuned and edited, so I will post each chapter as I refine it. So the whole story should be posted in about 10 days. Again Thank you for taking the time to come on this journey with me...
Chapter 6
After the Break...
Everyone was back after the class, the Chief of D's had left and so did Sabrina, she told him she would see him at the end of the day at his appointment. Once everyone was settled, Elliot asked,
"Does anyone know why I told you all about the three defining moments in my life that changed everything for me?"
He looked at his six recruits, they all looked at each other and Brown said,
"So that we know what we are up against?"
Elliot nodded and said,
"I want you to know that the perps are reading us as much as we are reading them and they probably have us figured out faster. We all have things happen to us in life that change us on a daily basis and even when he think we are hiding it we are not someone sees it, some people don't say anything, like your coworkers and other people use it, like defense lawyers and perps. This job is a fine line we walk, for as much as we want to keep our personal life out of it, there are times when it is essential to use it. There are times when we can use it to our benefit like when dealing with innocent kids to help them trust us, but there are also times when it can be used against us like when I was going through my first divorce, I hadn't told anyone I worked with not even my Captain or Liv, they found out when a defence lawyer told me I was being biased against her client because my wife had filed for legal separation and had taken the kids and moved out."
Sanchez said,
"So we need to walk a fine line between normal and hero."
Elliot said,
"This job is like a game of chess, you need to be three moves ahead to win the case. But it is also a puzzle with a lot of moving parts. It all starts with the victim and how you relate to them because they are the key to getting the perp, once you have the perp it is how you relate to them that gets you the evidence you need to convict them, and its the ADA you have on the case who lets you know if you have gotten them enough solid evidence to convict the perp. Now the victim and the ADA want you to succeed at getting the perp but the perp will do everything they can to make you fail at getting them but in the end most perps make mistakes and are caught. Others have good defense lawyers that get them off but eventually they do make mistakes again and are not so lucky."
Elliot turned and took a paper off of his desk and turned back to the class. He said,
"Earlier I was answering your questions about my well being. Now I have a question for all of you, why does Munch believe in Conspiracy Theories?"
The class laughed. Wentworth said,
"He said you would probably ask."
Elliot laughed,
"We have all asked him and he has never told anyone til this class and I am just curious
One on One with Sabrina...
Elliot sat at his desk in his office, he was finishing up his summary of the day. As he closed his book, he was interrupted by a knocking on the door, he looked up to see Sabrina. She asked,
"You all done for the day?"
Elliot smiled and nodded when he saw her. He stood and waved her in,
"Yes I am. Come on in. Have a seat?"
He moved from the back of his desk to close the door and sat down in the chair beside her. She said,
"I figured since I am at the academy it would be easier to talk to you here, if that is okay with you?"
He nodded,
"I am more than okay with this. I got a message from Olivia that she is working late so I have no plans right now. I am going to bring her dinner before heading home later though."
Sabrina nodded and said,
"Before we start I am curious why you did not tell me about the 3 incidents you mentioned in class and secondly, why did you tell the class about them?"
Elliot nodded he had fully expected her to call him on his admission,
"I told them because I want them going into this job seeing it for what it is. I see a little of me in Marlow and Brown and I don't want them going all Wyatt Earp when they get into their squads. I want them to know that the perps are reading us as much as we are reading them and they probably have us figured out faster. It was just a lesson for the class it seemed like the right place to insert it."
Sabrina nodded. She then said,
"I was glad that Olivia came with you for that first meeting. It made me realize how much I really need to talk to you alone."
Elliot nodded,
"I agree. I now know why Olivia never could tell me about Sealview. Having this happen has really shaken me to my foundation."
Sabrina said,
"It has been 10 days since it all happened how are you doing now?"
Elliot stretched as he thought before he spoke. Sabrina watched as she saw his discomfort level rise. She said,
"Honesty please."
He nodded. Honesty was all she had ever asked from him,
"I am doing better but still having a hard time with some things."
Sabrina nodded. She knew Elliot was a guy who needed to control all things around him and that losing control was a hard thing for him to handle,
"Start where you are comfortable."
Elliot,
"I still feel dirty even after taking 2 showers a day. I have even showered with dish soap and that has not helped. Melinda gave me some surgical soap, you know the kind they ask patients to shower with before they have surgery, and nothing. I still can't bring myself to go to bed naked like I usually do, because I don't want Olivia to feel this dirt, I still can't kiss her on the lips..."
Sabrina saw his hesitation and said,
"You know she understands?"
Elliot,
"She says she does..."
He looked away and then said,
"You know that Olivia and I had just started getting comfortable with being more than work partners. We were finally starting to take that step to forever and then this happened. Now I am not sure where to go from here. I mean we fall asleep in each others arms at night and when I wake up she has her head on my chest but..."
Sabrina,
"But what?"
Elliot blushed and was a little embarrassed,
"I am so scared she is going to say she can't do this, and then I will lose her again. I could deal with it the first time because I walked away and it was up to me to win her back..."
He smiled his cocky smile and continued,
"And I did win her back to a certain degree and now this, she really does say she understands but I really don't know..."
Sabrina,
"You do not believe her?"
Elliot hesitated,
"I do believe her. I really don't know that it is fair for me to ask her to go through this with me. It's my issue not hers."
Sabrina asked,
"What do you mean?"
Elliot got up to get a couple of bottles of water, and as he handed one to Sabrina and opened his, he said,
"You know she still has not really talked to me about Sealview, she opened the door but she never really walked through. I actually thought that with her coming with me to see you and my being honest about my experience would allow her to feel comfortable enough to open up, maybe she never will be able to. As for me, I just don't know how long this will take for me to get over it, or even if it is fair to ask her to wait."
Sabrina put her open bottle of water down and asked,
"Why is it important to you for her talk about Sealview?"
Elliot nodded,
"Because it became a defining moment for her. She changed after it and it made me more protective of her. She did things that younger Olivia would never have done. I want her to be able to talk about it and not have it as a 'what if' between us. I want our relationship to go forward based on today and not on the past and I feel like Sealview is still part of today."
Sabrina,
"So you don't think she has fully dealt with it?"
Elliot,
"She is a doer and a helper. She will do anything for anyone and help them as much as possible, but she doesn't allow others to help her the same way. She has been on her own for so long that she doesn't know how to fully allow someone in. And to be honest I was the same way until I met you. I am hoping since you offered us both help that she will take you up on it."
Sabrina nodded and said,
"Elliot, do not rush things, I promise you that before you two go away, things will be much better. I know I do not know Olivia very well but from everything you have told me about her and from what I witnessed at my office and during the case, I see they way she looks at her and I saw the way she went from being cold with her new coworkers to a huge sigh of relief when she saw you. So I know you are important to her, we have time I promise you we will get he to talk but on her terms not ours. It can't be rushed or obvious it needs to be natural. Furthermore, I understand putting the physical part of your relationship on hold until you have your test results but do not put the emotional part on hold. You can be intimate without being physical, just show her how much you love her by your actions and by your words. I promise you the rest will come."
Elliot nodded and Sabrina asked,
"How is your appetite?"
Elliot smiled,
"Better, the shakes every day help. Still don't have my normal appetite but at least the mini meals are keeping me semi nourished, unlike last time."
Sabrina,
"And the nightmares?"
Elliot,
"Not as bad, but still there. I still see the erection part in my nightmare but still don't recall how it happened."
Sabrina,
"Okay I will talk to Dr. Skoda and arrange for him to meet us. How are the ribs and arm?"
Elliot said looking at the cast on his arm,
"Itchy, the latest x ray shows they are healing well though, almost done. 4 weeks left on the cast then I should be able to have it removed."
AT THE PRECINCT
Olivia was walking out of the interrogation room with Fin, she was rubbing her eyes. Fin said,
"How are things with Elliot?"
She looked at him and sighed,
"Good considering everything. He went back to work today whether he was ready to or not."
Fin said,
"I'd ask you if he was talking to you about what happened but I know Stabler well enough to know he is not."
Olivia stopped and pulled Fin into Interrogation 2 which was empty. She said,
"I know this will surprise you as much as it did me, but he is talking about it. He actually asked me to sit in on a session he had with Sabrina and he talked openly about it. He even opened the door for me to talk about Sealview and I couldn't."
Fin was surprised but pleased,
"You know I am surprised but I am really pleased."
She asked him,
"Fin, whether you believe it or not, you and Elliot are similar in that you are men of very few words. I don't know how to help him without pressuring him. If this happened to you how would you be helped?"
Fin shrugged and said,
"Liv, I saw as much as you did of what happened to El that night. And if that were me I would be mad as hell and frustrated. First of all he gets taken out at gunpoint, jabbed with a needle by a third party, stripped and tied to a table, and sexually touched against his will. I will never forget the fear I heard in his voice when he screamed 'Stop' as I was running down the stairs from the roof. He is always the tough guy the one who takes the lumps and saves you more than you save him, like I save Munch..."
Olivia started to object when Fin put up his hand,
"Liv, you are more than capable of taking care of yourself but you are much stronger with Elliot beside you. You have proven that since he has been gone, the last two years you have not been yourself. When he came back for this one case you were the old Liv, top of your game and taking no prisoners, even Amarro and Rollins finally saw who they heard you were. The thing you really need to know is I know you have never told anyone, not even El, outside of therapy what happened to you at Sealview but I think now is the time you really need to talk to El, I think he needs to hear your story and you need to tell it, it will help you get fully over it. That could quite possibly help him know you understand. I know it would for me, other than that I would just need to know you will be there no matter what and that I could count on you to stand by my side when the going gets tough."
Olivia nodded, knowing he was right she was not over Sealview, it was a matter of trust and she had lost a lot of it. Talking about it was one thing but she had never fully dealt with it. She looking curiously at Fin and asked,
"Fin, you never asked me about it. Why?"
Fin looked her in the eye,
"Was never my business, my business was to get your butt out of there unharmed. I am glad I got there before he could he went any further."
She looked at him. He said,
"Liv I walked in when his pants were open and his Johnson out and he had his hand on the back of your head trying to put himself in your mouth."
She got embarrassed. Fin said,
"My only goal was to get him away from you."
Olivia said,
"Why did I never think about what you saw? Why did you never mention it?"
Fin said shrugging,
"Because I knew how close you and Elliot were and I really thought you would talk to him. I knew you two were doing movie nights and dinners since he was divorced..."
Fin saw the look on Olivia's face at his admission and he smiled,
"Come on you two were the closest thing to being married without being married. But I never said anything to anyone not even Munch, I figured you two would work it out. I never realized you did not talk to him."
Olivia said,
"It wasn't because he didn't ask, because he did and always left the door open for me to tell him, but I went to therapy and then as time went by I just didn't see the need."
Fin said shaking his head,
"You do know you two really are a lot alike, right?"
Olivia looked at his curiously,
"What do you mean?"
Fin shook his head,
"You two tell each other everything but what really matters. You don't tell him about Sealview, he doesn't call after shooting Jenna, so far you are even. But seeing the way he is now since meeting Munch's fantasy girlfriend, Doc Ross, I think now might be the time for you to open up to him and get it out of your relationship."
Olivia looked at him,
"Dr. Ross has offered me her services anytime I need them. She has also told me if I wanted her present when I decide to talk to El she would be more than happy to be there."
Fin said,
"Liv he didn't walk away this time. I think that says a lot."
As Fin turned to walk away, she stopped him and said,
"Fin, you really are a good friend to both of us and whether he says it or not, El really appreciates and trusts you. I have to say I'm blown away by how therapy has tamed the tiger in him."
Fin smiled and added,
"Liv, we both know that therapy tamed the hyaena in him and made him a tiger."
Olivia just shook her head as they both laughed..
As they both walked into the squadroom, Olivia saw Elliot sitting at her desk, Fin cleared his voice and said quietly to Olivia,
"Times they are a changing."
Olivia smiled as she patted Fin's arm, and said,
"Thank you."
Olivia went over to his desk, as Elliot saw her he stood up and gave her a hug and smile, he said,
"I know you said you were going to be working late so I wanted to bring you a fresh coffee so you don't have to drink the swill Munch brews and a Reuben and fries."
Munch looked at him offended,
"Hey!Hey!Hey! It has taken me years to perfect that swill."
The four of them laughed. Olivia hugged him,
"Thank you so much. I am getting hungry."
She took a drink of the coffee and savoured the taste. She looked at Elliot and asked,
"How was your day?"
Elliot nodded, as Olivia started to eat,
"Good. Actually really good. Muldrew came into my class today and told me that I passed my evaluation with flying colours and the teaching job is mine until I retire from the academy..."
Olivia was so thrilled,
"Oh my god El that is excellent, I am so happy to hear that."
Her excitement over his announcement caused Fin and Munch to look at her. She looked at Elliot, he nodded and said,
"I just told Liv that Muldrew told me that teaching agrees with me and that I passed my evaluation with flying colours and the job is mine til I retire from the Academy. Oh and John the class told me in front of Muldrew that they want you as their substitute teacher if I need to take any more time off."
John said,
"You know I have to say I enjoyed my time in the classroom and I would love to do it again anytime. But did the Chief okay anymore field trips after Jones got shot and all your adventures?"
Elliot nodded,
"On the class's recommendation he suggested I do one case a year with each class because they found it very beneficial since they were able to see what I was teaching put into practical use. He said he would arrange it with Cragen to do them at this precinct. The only thing is, until today it did not dawn on me that the class did not see a full rape kit being done, which they want to see so I am going to ask Warner if she can come to my class and show one."
Fin asked,
"Who is going to be the victim?"
Elliot said shyly,
"I guess that would be me, since it is mine they should have seen."
His former coworkers were surprised and did not hide it. John said,
"I have to tell you, your female officers wondered whether or not you had ever taken part in the policeman charity calender. I told them no, but that they could start a campaign to get you into it."
Elliot said looking horrified causing the whole squad to laugh,
"You are joking right John?"
John just shrugged and walked away, smirking all the way, saying,
"They will see a lot less in a calender than a rape kit."
Elliot blushed, leaving everyone laughing harder.