"Sasha?" Quentin called out into the night. "Dude, it's cool! It's me! And I don't have heavily armed forces backing me up, so, you know, chill!"
Sasha sighed, appearing right behind Quentin. "Hello."
"Woah!" Quentin yelled. "A little warning would be nice next time, bro." He hugged Sasha. "Hey, I know Bobby and Benny are full of crap. It's cool. And I'm gonna be a psychologist, so if you wanna talk about your feelings in stuff, it's cool, 'cause psychologists have this thing where they don't tell anybody what their patients say, ever. They don't even have to tell the cops."
Sasha just looked away and put a hand to his chin, being deep and cool as is the way of the Jedi. When he looked back at Quentin, he said, "I think that using certain psychic powers triggers a speed up in age. If we could set Milla up to have to use levitation, it should age her to whatever age she was when she started using her powers heavily."
Quentin smiled, "Yo, coolness! And she'll totally be mature-er and everything, so she won't be ticked off at you." Then he leaned over to whisper in Sasha's ear his plan for tricking Milla, which, for suspense reasons, is audible only as whispery sounds. When he was finished, he added, "And I put spiders and itching powder in Bobby and Benny's underwear, so don't sweat it, my man! Life is good."
Sasha rolled his eyes. "Well, let's get started before a bear attacks us from behind, thus stealing our souls, hearts, and chewing up our bodies."
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Milla had poked Nils 4586 times. Nils was counting. And, now, Nils was frustrated as heck. He wanted to tell her to stop, but his perverted nature said that, technically, a girl touching him was good. Even if that touch left the entire left side of his head totally numb.
Meanwhile, Raz was finding out that Kitty was God awful to cheat with. She'd spent twenty minutes talking about shoes.
Boots, ankle boots, sandals, high heels, hooker heels, sneakers, Velcro sneakers, bunny slippers, panda slippers, shoes that zipped, shoes that buttoned, shoes that were white, brown, green, blue, yellow, red, pink, fuchsia, violet, plum, black, lavender, grey, beige, golden yellow, dandelion yellow, sky mountain purple, robin's egg blue, crystal blue, sky blue, blood red, screamy red, soft red, hot pink, cool brown, icy orange, soft mixed orange, harsh silver, flaunty gold, dazzling glitter green, forest green, metallic russet brown, and boots that buttoned, shoes that had those little tiny clasps on them, shoes that had hard soles, shoes with padded insides, snow boots, pointy shoes, thigh boots, sequin pointy shoes, pointed shoes with a gliding heel and patterns in them, boots made from fur, metal, wood, leather, fish skin, fake fur, scrap cloth, patterned cloth, wool, string, and woven fur, shoes with bells, shoes with patented French bells for that high class look, shoes with stripes, thigh boots with heels, shoes with spots, shoes with multiple buttons, high heels with sequins and pointy ends that had spots, high heels that had little tiny heels, thigh boots with sequin patterns on them, retro boots, retro shoes, retro sandals, and retro Gatorade brand shoes available only in Western Siberia, sandals with rhinestones, wooden shoes, fish skin shoes, boots woven from alpaca fur, high heeled boots with stretchy backs, shoes with glitter and shoes without; shoes with animals on them, shoes with tye dye swirls, shoes with ankle support like boots but with the cool Velcro of shoes, shoes that were unisexual, shoes that went with green socks and blue socks and white socks, boots with polka dots, sandals with beads, thigh boots with leopard print, sandals with bells, shoes that were from India, shoes from Russia that had woven ankle support but you couldn't tell cause they looked normal, thigh boots made out of fur, thigh boots with bells and stripes, thigh boots with bells, grey and blue striped tennis shoes, ski boots, flip-flops that had flowers by the toes, flip-flops with polka dots, boots with stripes and zippers, shoes made from fur, metal, wood, leather, fish skin, fake fur, scrap cloth, patterned cloth, wool, string, and woven fur, and finally multicolored shoes.
Then she started talking about socks.
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Milla was out by the Lake, talking to Linda. Linda was finally marrying Sam Pokeylope, and she was nervously trying to find a wedding dress. She and Milla talked about the details of the marriage – where the new couple would live, how many mutant turtle-fish babies should they have, and stuff like that.
"Sam is a great guy," Linda said with a smile. (Sort of, you couldn't really tell with her.) "He puts up with all my bad habits and he still loves me. He even cooks."
Milla tried to envision Mr. Pokeylope cooking. The result was the mental image of him in an apron, flipping pancakes while whistling. She sighed. "Darling, can I ask you a question?"
"Yes, formerly tall human child?"
"How do you know if you're in love with someone?"
"You'll feel you have little fishes in your stomach," Linda said wistfully, "Your face will turn green in joy when he talks to you. One day you will find yourself dreaming of laying eggs for his children. Then, on that day, you will go to him, and tap his eyeball with your claw five times. That is love."
"…" Milla was silent, because in her head, a chibi-Sasha-merman was poking a chibi-Milla-mermaid's eye while, in the background, a priest in a diving helmet was pronouncing them Man-Trout and She-Salmon. (You may wag your tail at the bride.)
"Darling," Milla finally said, "I don't think it works that way for humans."
"Well," Linda said meditatively, "You could always do what the crawfish do."
"What's that?"
"Each year, twenty females who want to marry gather upon the shores of the Lake. A priest cougar comes wearing his best grass skirt and golf hat to help with the boiling of the sacred oils that are gather from the top of the camp's septic tank. When the solid bath tub is filled with these oils, they then throw the three hundred males who wish to marry inside the tub. Wait five minutes and stir until they start jumping out. Those who live marry. Those who come after the first twenty become the meat like patties they serve at the local schools, and all is well." At the end of this speech, Linda grinned.
Milla stared at her, anime eyes wide. "So you want me to throw Sasha into a pot of boiling "oil" that comes from a septic tank?"
"There are other ways, but I have found that the afore mentioned ones create a deep bond," Linda responded. "And if you are so picky, the suckerfish way is to bite each other's tongue."
Milla just sighed and stood up, realizing with a sinking feeling that she had school in the morning.
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"-And then Debbie said that Mandy said that Chelsea said that Cory said that Tim said that Sammy said I said that Laura's dress was like so whatever but I said that my Dad said that my lawyer said that his firm said that they'll take that to court 'cause I'm the most important girl in the world." Kitty didn't notice that Raz was now stabbing the table with his fork, eyes crossed and muttering about the Collective Unconscious to himself.
"Oh, and you'll never guess what Manny said that Laura said about my shoes after Debbie said that Mandy said that Chelsea said to Cory that said that Tim said that Sammy said I said Laura's dress was like so whatever! Manny told me that Laura told Chelsea that I like this guy in Australia named Flick but there are lots of cuter boys there, like Joe and Tom and Frank and Chris and Zack and Robby and James and Thomas and Louis and Michael and Mitch and Jake and Vince and Theo and-"
"GAH!" Raz screamed in fury. "I can't take it! LILI!" She turned from where she'd been standing. "YOU WIN! YOU WIN, OKAY? I CAN'T TAKE THIS PREP!"
Lili smiled. Good thing too. I was about to ask Chef Cruller for a date!
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Author's Notes: It's kinda short, and not much plot development, but I'm working on it. I just haven't recovered from last week, when my school served Fiesta Turkey Macaroni Casserole with White Sauce (the kind they put on spaghetti) three days in a row… Well, actually, two days in a row for lunch and the day after they served it as breakfast. Anyway, three more reviews will get you another chapter of this insanity.