A/N: Having a laptop really is convenient. You can write everywhere and you don't have to worry about there being a computer. Isn't it great to have your computer everywhere?

yoneld's sister: You tell me. I don't have a laptop. This is your laptop, remember?

yoneld: Yes, I remember. My memory is not that bad, thank you very much.

yoneld's sister: Yeah, whatever. Just get on with it and let me read the previous chapter.

yoneld: But you helped me write it!

yoneld's sister: First of all, you writing and me watching you is not helping. That's you writing and me watching you.

yoneld: That's not true! You wrote the entire shopping part!

yoneld's sister: That's right, I did. We should do that more often.

yoneld: That's exactly what I'm planning on doing.

yoneld's sister: We shall see… anyways, just because I saw it being written/wrote parts of it doesn't mean I don't want to read the final product.

yoneld: Why would you want to do that? And no, that last view of Chapter 5 from France was not mine, why are you asking?

yoneld's sister: *knowing smile* Sure it wasn't.

yoneld: Shut up. And please put my laptop between us so we can both write.

yoneld's sister: *failed British accent* But can't you see I'm drinking tea right now?

yoneld: *British accent* Why, yes, I can. I'm drinking tea too.

yoneld's other sister: I can't finish my tea, I'm giving it to you. *tries to pour her tea into yoneld's cup and spills about 99.9999% of it*

yoneld: Sis, you're supposed to pour it into my cup, not spill it over my laptop!

Once again, you get to hear from my sister. This is going to happen a lot, as we're co-writing.

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any of the characters other than my self-insert. Oh, and my sister owns Mary.

We spent the rest of the summer by each other's houses playing flying catch, talking about Hogwarts, and trying the spells and jinxes from my book and The Standard Book of Spells out on each other. Every day, I fed Athena and gave her water, and then I let her fly outside and cleaned her cage meanwhile. The cage was open at night, because that was when owls liked to hunt.

Mary had her whole class over for her seventh birthday on 15 August. They played some party games (pass-the-parcel, musical chairs, you get the idea) and then when it was time for cake, Mary somehow turned the eight candles into eight sparks, which soared out of the open window and exploded into fireworks, which somehow looked like her. I couldn't stop laughing for five whole minutes after that. After all her friends left, I said to her, "Who knows? Maybe you're a witch!"

"I can see Diagon Alley," she reminded me. "You already knew I was a witch."

"Me too!" Taylor said. "But I don't want to be the mean witch. I want to be the good fairy!"

We all laughed. Taylor said such funny things sometimes.

"Stop laughing!" she said.

"We're not laughing at you, we're laughing because you're so cute!" my mum said.

On the morning of 1 September, I was woken up at seven o'clock – again – by Mary.

"Why do you always have to do that?" I asked her as she turned the lights on and off.

"Because you'd never get out of bed otherwise," she said simply.

"How about this," I said, annoyed. "I'm not going to wake up until you stop it."

"But if I stop, you'll never get up!" she said. "Just get up and I'll stop!"

"Give me five minutes, okay?" I said.

"Okay," she said. "You'll miss the train. Not my problem."

"Don't be ridiculous," I said. "The train only leaves at eleven." I looked at my watch. "Now it's five past seven."

"Mrs. Granger's picking you up at a quarter past eight," she said.

"So? That's more than an hour from now!"

"But it takes you half an hour to get ready, you slow cow!" Mary said. "And you know Mum – she'd want to take pictures of you in your uniform."

"Have you seen my uniform?" I asked her. "How d'you expect me to walk around London in a black robe with a Hogwarts crest on it?"

"You'll take the robe off before we get out," she said. "Now get up!"

And she left.

I got up, put on my uniform (a white blazer, a black tie with the Hogwarts crest printed on the bottom, a dark grey V-neck, black trousers, and a black robe with a Hogwarts crest), took my wand and Athena's cage, lifted the trunk with my mind (come on, it was heavy!) and went downstairs.

My parents were already waiting for me with Mary, who as already in her school uniform (which was much more normal-looking than mine), and Taylor. They were all eating breakfast.

"Morning," I said, setting my trunk down and trying to figure out how to sit with the robe. "What's for breakfast?"

"You look weird in that robe," Mary said.

"Shut up or I'll jinx you," I told her, brandishing my wand.

"I'll just jinx you back," she said, unimpressed.

"What, with exploding candles?" I snickered and grabbed a pancake.

"Stop fighting," my mum said. "Eat quickly so I can take your picture."

I ate quickly. When I finished, my mum led me out to the front lawn, where she took my picture in my uniform, and then we went back inside.

"I can't believe you're leaving for three months. I'm really going to miss you," she said and hugged me.

"I know," I said. I really was going to miss my family, but I was coming back for Christmas.

"I'm going to miss you, too," my dad said and patted me on the back.

"I know, but it's only three months," I said. "They'll be over before you know it."

"I'm going to miss you, too," Mary said, hugging me.

"What will I do without you waking me up at Hogwarts?" I asked.

"I know!" Mary said. "Hermione can wake you up."

I smiled. Hermione was very punctual and wanted everyone else to be like her. "I don't think the dormitories will be mixed," I told Mary.

"She'll probably go into the boys' dormitories and wake you and Dean up," she said.

"I will miss you too," Taylor said.

"Who'll cheer me up when I'm upset?" I asked her.

"Like this?" She started pulling silly faces.

"Exactly," I said, laughing. The rest of the family laughed, too.

"You're funny," Mary said.

"No, I'm not," Taylor said angrily.

"Yes, you are," Mary said. The girls tended to get into those stupid arguments a lot.

"Stop fighting," I said.

"We're not fighting, we're arguing," Mary said.

"Same difference," I shrugged.

"No, it isn't," Mary said.

"Whatever," I said. If I started arguing with Mary, it'd never end.

The doorbell rang.

"You get it, Mary – I have to take off my robe," I said. "It's impossible to sit with that thing."

"You'll get used to it," she said. I went into the kitchen, where my trunk was, took off my robe, and stuffed it into the trunk. I heard Mary saying, "He's just taking his robe off, Mrs. Granger…"

I came back out to the hallway and wheeled my trunk. Mrs. Granger was there.

"Hello, Mrs. Granger," I said.

"Are you ready to go?" she asked.

"Yes," I said.

My mum pulled me into a tight hug. "Be good and stay out of trouble," she said. "And take this for the way," she added, giving me a small shoulder bag.

"What's in that?" I asked her.

"Food, water, your train ticket, and some spare change in Galleons," she said.

"Thanks," I said, taking the bag and strapping it over my torso. "And don't worry - Hermione will make sure I stay out of trouble."

"Don't forget to write," she said.

"I'll write so much you'll get sick of Athena," I said.

We went out. The Grangers' car was parked outside our house. Hermione was sitting in the back. I pulled The Muggle's Guide to the Wizarding World out of my trunk, put my trunk in the boot, got in the car, and sat to Hermione's left.

"Hi," I said.

"Hi," she said. I could tell she was excited and nervous about starting Hogwarts.

Mrs. Granger drove us to Dean's house, got out of the car, and came back about a minute later with Dean. We both greeted him and he greeted us.

We spent the ride in silence; Hermione and I read and Dean looked out of the window. Two hours and many traffic jams later, we were unloading our trunks at King's Cross Railway Station.

At the station, we got three trolleys for our trunks and Athena and walked towards platforms nine and ten.

"We have to make sure nobody sees us," Dean said.

"Why?" Hermione asked.

"I'll put it this way," I said. "What would you think if you saw five people with trunks and an owl running into a wall?"

"I see your point," Hermione said. "Well, it's not very crowded here."

"And it's only half past ten," I added, "so we've got plenty of time. The train leaves at eleven." I looked at the timetable. "Last train before eleven leaves at a quarter to eleven, and first train after eleven leaves at five past eleven, but by then we'd already be on the train. I say we go through at ten to eleven. That way there won't be too many people on the platforms, because one train will have just left and the next one will be coming in fifteen minutes."

"Well, I'm starving," Dean said.

"Now that you mention it," I told him, "so am I."

"Boys," Hermione rolled her eyes.

"We can have something small," Mrs. Granger said. "We only need to find a coffee shop."

"I have food," I said quickly, "so there's really no need –"

"That's okay," Mrs. Granger said. "You should save your food for the trip. Now, where is there a coffee shop?" She started looking around for one.

"I think there's one over there," I said, pointing to a sign that said La Pizzeria Reale. "Well, it probably serves pizza, and I bet it serves coffee, too." We went over to La Pizzeria Reale. Sure enough, one thing on the menu was "Royal Pizza" (you'd think they'd serve that, seeing as Le Pizzeria Reale means "the royal pizzeria" in Italian). We sat down. Mr. and Mrs. Granger ordered cappuccinos and Hermione, Dean, and I shared a Royal Pizza, which was very good. We paid ten pounds for the pizza and coffee and left. It was already ten to eleven. We ran towards the barrier between platforms nine and ten and passed through it.

We were in an old-fashioned train station which looked like it had been built around the 19th century. The train looked 19th-century too, complete with steam locomotive.

"Wicked," Dean and I said at the same time.

"It was built in the 1850s," Hermione said. "People needed an inconspicuous way to get to Hogwarts, so they built the Hogwarts Express."

"Cool," I said. "And they didn't think of that before because…?"

"I don't know," Hermione said.

Dean and I both gasped comically.

"What?" Hermione asked.

"Hermione doesn't know something?" Dean asked.

"Must be a first," I added.

"Shut up, you two," she said and went over to her parents, who were looking around the platform.

"Let's find a seat," I said to Dean. "Hermione'll come."

We went off and found a seat pretty close to the entrance.

"I'll wait for her," Dean said. "You stay here and save our seats."

"Okay," I said and stayed there and saved our seats. A few minutes later, Dean came back with Hermione.

"How long is this ride going to last?" I asked Hermione when she sat down.

"According to Hogwarts, a History, it's around nine hours," she said.

"Well, I brought stuff for us to do," Dean said. "I have cards."

"Cards?" said a drawling voice.

We all looked towards the door. Standing there were three boys: one short and blond with grey eyes and a haughty expression, and two gorillas.

"Why would you want to play cards when you can play Exploding Snap?" the blond boy drawled.

"Exploding?" I said.

"Isn't that dangerous?" Hermione asked.

"Who cares?" I said. "It sounds very cool!"

"Mudbloods," he said disdainfully and left with his two gorillas.

"What's a Mudblood?" Hermione asked, confused.

Dean and I gasped again.

"Another thing Hermione doesn't know?" I said.

"Are you feeling okay?" Dean asked, pretending to be concerned.

"I don't know everything," Hermione rolled her eyes.

"Well," I said smugly, "I do know what a Mudblood is." I opened The Muggle's Guide to the Wizarding World and read out a section entitled "Pureblood supremacy":

Pureblood supremacy is the belief that pureblood wizards are the supreme type of wizard. Wizards' blood status is divided into three categories:

Purebloods are wizards of no Muggle descent. These wizards are considered the most superior type of wizard by pureblood supremacists.

Half-bloods are wizards of mixed descent. These wizards are considered slightly inferior to purebloods by pureblood supremacists, especially if one of their parents is a Muggle or Muggle-born.

Muggle-borns are wizards who were born to two Muggle parents. These wizards are considered the most inferior type of wizard ("Mudblood"), second only to Muggles, and thieves of magic by pureblood supremacists, despite recent theories suggesting that Muggle-borns are descended from Squibs – non-magical people born to two wizard parents.

Purebloods and half-bloods that do not believe in pureblood supremacy are typically considered "blood traitors," second only to Muggle-borns in their inferiority in the eyes of pureblood supremacists. In recent times, pureblood supremacy is losing popularity among pureblood families and Muggle-borns have been treated as equal (at least by law) since 948, when then-Overlord of the Magical Community Richard Gryffindor, grandfather of Godric Gryffindor, passed a decree prohibiting any form of discrimination against Muggle-borns and half-bloods. Since then, Muggle-borns and half-bloods started gradually mixing into Wizarding society. In a 1500 wizard census, only three hundred families out of four thousand were completely pureblood. The latest census conducted in 1990 showed only one thousand wizards were completely pureblood out of one million wizards.

"So that blond boy is a pureblood supremacist?" Dean asked.

"It appears so," I said.

"But that's horribly racist!" Hermione said. "Isn't there something against racial slurs?"

"There are one thousand purebloods," I reminded her. "Out of them, I'd say maybe four or five hundred are supremacists. That's 0.05 percent of the population. That's really not something to worry about, and it's impossible to completely burn out racism. But enough of that! I say we play Spit."

We set out the cards for Spit. Three-player Spit was much more confusing than the regular two-player version, but we'd played the three-player version many times, so we all had practice. The game was won by me, followed closely by Hermione. I was very good at Spit, having had much practice with Mary and my mum, who were the best Spit players I knew.

We had a few more games before a woman pushing a trolley with many snacks. "Anything from the trolley, dears?" she asked.

I looked over at the trolley. There wasn't anything I knew, but it stood to reason that wizards would have different sweets.

"We'll take the lot," I said.

"That'll be two galleons, dear," she said.

I rummaged in my bag and found two one-Galleon coins. I gave her the coins and she gave me a large box with many sweets inside. I took it and thanked her for it.

I had barely managed to sit down before a round-faced boy with dark brown hair came in.

"Have you seen a toad?" he asked breathlessly.

"No," I said. "Why?"

"I lost mine," the boy said. "His name's Trevor."

"Need help finding him?" I asked.

"Yeah, I'd appreciate it," he said.

"I suggest we split up," I said. "Dean, you go with – what's your name?"

"Neville," he said.

"I'm Jonathan," I said. "Dean, you go with Neville. I'll go with Hermione."

We exited our car and split up. Dean went with Neville to the left, and I went with Hermione to the right. We asked about Neville's toad in every compartment. We also passed the blond boy and his two gorillas.

"What do you Mudbloods want from me?" he drawled.

"No need to be racist," I said evenly. "We were just going to ask if you'd seen a toad. A boy named Neville's lost one."

"No," one of the gorillas – the shorter, wider one – grunted. "Now get out of 'ere and stop bothering Draco."

"Draco?" I stifled a laugh.

Draco shot an irritated at the gorilla. "The name's Malfoy. Draco Malfoy."

"Bond, James Bond," I snickered.

"What?" he asked.

"Muggle thing," I said. "You wouldn't understand."

"Mudblood," he said. "Anyways, that's Crabbe –" He gestured to the shorter, wider gorilla –"and Goyle." He gestured to the taller, thinner gorilla. "Now get out of here," he drawled. "Wouldn't want Mudbloods tainting my air.

"No need to be racist," I said and we left. We continued walking and asking people about Neville's toad, saving the other side for when we came back. We reached the last car, where there were two boys; one had black hair and wore glasses, and the other had red hair and was raising his wand over a fat grey rat.

"Excuse me," Hermione said. "But have you seen a toad? A boy named Neville lost one."

"No," they said.

"Oh, were you doing magic?" she asked, noticing the redhead's raised wand. "Let's see, then."

"Hermione," I said, "I don't think we should –"

"No, it's fine," the redhead said. "Take a seat."

"Thanks," I said, sitting down next to the black-haired boy.

The redhead cleared his throat. "Sunshine, daisies, butter mellow, turn this stupid fat rat yellow!" he said. Nothing happened.

"Well," I coughed, "maybe with a bit of practice you could get it."

"But are you sure that's a real spell?" Hermione asked. "It must not be very good, then, is it? I tried a few simple spells at home, and they all worked out perfectly."

"Hermione," I said uncomfortably, "don't rub it in."

"I'm Hermione Granger, by the way," she said, ignoring me. "Who are you?"

"Ron Weasley," said the redhead.

"Harry Potter," said the black-haired boy.

"Harry Potter?" Hermione said incredulously. "I read about you in, like, a million books! You're in The Rise and Fall of the Dark Arts and Notable Magical Names of Our Age. It says there about how Lord Voldemort –"

"Don't say his name!" Ron Weasley said. "You can call him You-Know-Who or something like that, but not the V-word!"

I raised an eyebrow. "Seriously? You're afraid to say someone's name?"

"You don't understand," Ron said.

"I do, I read about this Voldemort bloke," I said. "But nobody in the Muggle world is afraid of saying Hitler's name!"

"Let's not get into it," Hermione said. "Anyways, the books say that You-Know-Who –" I rolled my eyes. "- tried to kill you as a baby and –"

"Calm down, Hermione!" I said. "He's sitting right here!"

"Oh," she said sheepishly. "Sorry." And she left.

"Sorry about her," I said. "She gets a little overexcited. I'm Jonathan Alderton, by the way. It was nice meeting you two." I left and joined Hermione outside the door. We kept asking about Neville's toad until –

"Oi! Is this the toad you two were looking for?" asked a voice in a thick Irish accent. We turned around to see a sandy-haired boy we had asked earlier holding a toad.

"I think it was," Hermione said.

"Yeah, how many toads d'you think there are here?" I said. "Thanks!"

We went back to our car. Dean and Neville were already back there.

"We found it," I announced when I came in.

"Trevor!" Neville said, taking it from me. "Thanks a lot, you three!"

"No problem," I said.

"Thanks," he said again and left.

It was already around five. I was getting really hungry, so I ate my sandwich and we all shared the sweets. There were licorice wands, Drooble's best blowing gum, chocolate frogs (which leapt and had famous wizard or witch card in the package; Dean and I started collecting them), and Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans (they really were every flavor; I got spinach, chopped liver, mint, chocolate, coffee, dirt, blood, grass, pepper, and lemon). We played another game of spit, and then the conductor announced: "We will be arriving at Hogwarts in fifteen minutes. Leave their things on the train – they will be carried up to the school."

"Well, we better put on our robes," I said.

We put on our robes and a few minutes later, the train came to a complete stop. We got off the train and heard a voice calling, "Firs' years! Firs' years over here!"

We turned and saw a veritable giant of a man holding an umbrella at the end of the platform. When everyone was off the train, the man called, "Firs' years, follow me!"

We followed him to a dock, where there were around ten boats.

"Everyone here?" the man said. "Everyone get inter a boat – no more'n four ter a boat!"

Dean, Hermione, and I went into a boat with the sandy-haired boy who had found Neville's toad earlier.

"Everyone here?" the man said again. "One – two – three – go!" He tapped his boat with his umbrella.

All the boats started moving. "Yeh'll see Hogwarts in a sec," the man said.

The boats turned a little to the right, and we saw a truly impressive sight. In front of us was a huge castle on top of a cliff. There were many towers, courtyards, and bridges.

"Mind yer heads!" the man said as we approached the cliff face. We all bent our heads forward and passed through a low curtain of ivy into a cave. At the end of the cave, there was another dock. The boats came to a stop and we climbed out.

"Everyone here?" the man said for the third time. "Follow me."

We followed him outside the dock. The boathouse seemed to have been built inside the cliff, because we exited the boathouse into a walkway, followed by some stairs. The stairs led to a large courtyard and bridge. We went across the courtyard to a pair of tall oak doors. The man knocked three times.

A/N: So, I'm finally at Hogwarts. I'm actually seeing it in my mind's eye as I'm writing – the train ride, looking for Neville's toad, Ron's failed spell, Hagrid, the boats, and the courtyard. It's really cool. Also, 3,814 words. HOW DOES THAT EVEN HAPPEN.

yoneld's sister: Because you're following the book chapters.

yoneld: I know, but I didn't think it would be that long.

yoneld's sister: To be honest, neither did I.

Review or you will be stuck in a cave full of POISON IVY! *evil laugh*