I was so pissed off with Joey. I was trying not to make it uncomfortable, but of course it is going to be. Especially since we had an unspoken agreement to tell anyone. But I needed to tell someone. Someone I trust. Ross.
I was about to call a cab, but the thought of a nice long walk to clear my head sounded good. I decided it might be nice to take Emma with me, so I put her into her pram, grabbed my purse and left to go see Ross. He would like seeing Emma again.
I got all the way to the hospital before I realised that it was more than 24 hours since Ross's accident, he would be…gone by now. I let a tear run down my cheek, the last thing I had said to him was said angrily, I left him in tears, and he died hating me. After a few moments of looking like a crazy lady standing in the street, I decided to go in, maybe I would be able to see his body one last time. I went to the hospital reception, and asked the secretary where Ross Gellar's room was. Of course, I already knew, but I needed to hear someone else say it, only then I would fully believe it.
"I'm sorry Miss. He's gone."
"Ok, thanks anyway." I tried to keep a fake smile plastered on my face as I walked away from the receptionist. As I walked back home I remembered all I had been through with Ross…
"He broke up with Julie!" Said Joey. This was the best news I had heard all month. I couldn't believe it. "Really?" I asked, not able to keep the smile off my face. Ross looked at me with love in his eyes. "It's always been you, Rach." He hugged me. It was amazing- I never wanted to let him go.
And when we broke up…
"Y'know what, y'know what, I'm-I'm not the one that wanted that, that break, okay. You're the one that bailed on us. You're the one that, that ran when things got just a little rough!" He pleaded. I was so pissed off at him. How could he sleep with someone else? "That's neither here nor there." I told him angrily. How did he think he would get out of this, did he think everything would be alright? That he could just say sorry and I would forgive him? "Okay, well here we are. Now we're in a tough spot again, Rach. What do you want to do? How do you want to handle it? Huh? Do you wanna fight for us? Or, do you wanna bail? Look, I did a terrible, stupid, thing. Okay? And I'm sorry, I wish I could take it back, but I can't. I just can't see us throwing away something we know is so damn good. Rachel, I love you so much." He was on the verge of tears. He started to kiss me, why would he think I would let his betraying lips touch me like that? I walked away from him. "No Ross! Don't! You can't just kiss me and think you're gonna make it all go away, okay? It doesn't work that way. It doesn't just make it better." I hated him so much right now, why did this have to happen. I needed to get him out of my head. "I think you should go." I said quietly, almost crying. He took hold of my hands, "Look, look, there's got to be a way we can work past this. Okay, I can't imagine, I can't imagine my life without you without, without these arms, and your face, and this heart. Your good heart Rach, and, and..." by now we were both crying. I couldn't forgive him anymore, he was different. "No. I can't, you're a totally different person to me now. I used to think of you as somebody that would never, ever hurt me, ever. God, and now I just can't stop picturing with her, I can't, it doesn't matter what you say, or what you do, Ross. It's just changed everything. Forever." I didn't want this to be over, but how could I forgive him? "But this can't be the end. This can't be the end of us Rach!" He pleaded, my heart went out to him, but he was a totally different person now.
"Then how come it is?"
And when we had Emma…
"I'm pregnant" I told him softly. He froze. "Oh and you're the father by the way." He was literally frozen on the spot. I red a magazine while I waited for him to recover from shock. "How did this happen?" He finally burst out. "We used a condom!" So, he's going to be a father and all he can think of is the damn condoms?
"Here we go! Okay, keep pushing! Wait! I see something." The doctor said. Oh my god, labour hurts like hell, why did I ever do this in the first place? Ross went to look over at the baby, "What is that?" What? Was there something wrong with the baby? "It's the baby's buttock, she's breeched." The Doctor told him. Thank god, was she going to be alright? "She's gonna be fine. Okay, she's in a more difficult position so you're going to have to push even harder now." Oh god, I couldn't push harder if I wanted to. "Here we go!" Said the doctor, I pushed as hard as I possibly could, "Oh! Oh! She's upside down but she's coming! She's coming!" Yelled Ross, and then our baby came, so tiny, so beautiful. "Oh she's…she's perfect." And there were no more words to describe it.
As I thought of this, I smiled at my nearly 3 year old baby, wow it had been all that time. I remembered her first word, 'gleba' poor Ross would never see her grow up to be the scientist he wanted her to be.
Where would I go now? I couldn't go home Joey would be there. Instead I called a cab from my mobile and went over to Mon's house.