Running Scared Chapter 6
Locating my phone with my foot, I push it off the bed and onto the floor. I make my way between my covers and reach over, shutting off my bedside lamp. To sleep, to sleep. I rest my head upon my comforting pillows, my many tears far from dry. Sometimes, it's like I'm drowning in a never-ending ocean of pain.
If only I really could drown my demons, and all my bad memories along with them.
ULQUIORRA
Wednesday December 10 2014 23:52pm
Hueco Mundo Apartments, Sereitei
Penthouse Suite A
I cannot stop thinking about her. My decision obvious, I will call her. I push myself out of my favourite chair and walk over to my neatly made low set, king-sized black wooden framed bed. I retrieve my iPhone from the charcoal doona cover, punch in my pass code, and key in her number. I put the phone on speaker. I feel as though I am a thirteen year old calling his crush for the first time. Ridiculous, I've known the woman since that time.
The number dialled continues to ring. I wait for her to answer my call, she does not answer. I let the phone ring out and disconnect. Before I lock the phone and turn it to silent for the night, I check the time. I let out a long sigh - careless, insensitive. It is nearly midnight after all, she is most likely sleeping. I will call her again in the morning.
As I make my way to my en-suite for a most welcome hot shower, I contemplate calling on Grimmjow for a late night jam session. I open the glass door and turn both shower heads to scolding. Grimmjow would certainly be up for it, the incessant night owl that he is.
As the steam in the room rises, I remove my hooded sweatshirt, faded gray Nirvana t-shirt, black basketball shorts, and finally, my boxer briefs. Testing the water's temperature with one hand and finding it agreeable, I step into the shower. The heat and pressure of the water flows over my skin, I revel in the glory of modern bathroom fittings. Such contentment is only bettered by a more primal form of physical expression.
I find myself feeling inspired. I want to act on it while I can. I know it is her. She is behind every song I have ever written. It is always her. There is no escape regardless of what I do or where I am, I am forever under her spell. The fiery red siren will lead me to my very death. I have come to terms with and accepted my fate long ago.
Before I let her back into my world – no, back into myself – I need to know exactly what happened eight years ago. Whatever occurred, it must have been monumental. Perhaps there was an element of force or duress? She would not have left me otherwise. The real question is will she tell me.
Is friendship the appropriate way of perhaps rekindling our relationship? Will she want more or less from me? How deep exactly am I prepared to take this? I highly doubt that I can be just a friend to her... No matter the amount of time past, the hurt suffered, or distance between us, she is never far from my thoughts.
As the water beats heavily down upon me, soaking into every pore of my skin, I am consumed again with thoughts of her. I find myself wanting to possess her, claim her, and be with her always. This is the way in which it has always been, ever since the day I first laid eyes on her beautiful soul...
FLASHBACK
Tuesday September 13 1998, 15:11pm
Karakura Middle School
Karakura Town
Ulquiorra Schiffer, 12 years old
The Counsellor's office is in a completely separate building to the main campus. I wait patiently outside Mr Arai's office door. It is closed. A horizontal strip of light is all that escapes from the room. I cannot even hear muffled voices or any tearful reactions. I cannot hear anything at all beyond the closed door. This room must be sound proofed. How curious. Definitely a good thing, particularly in my case.
School had finished 41 minutes ago. Mr Arai is not usually late. I wonder what is holding him up. My appointment was scheduled to begin at 15:00pm sharp. I have better ways to spend my time. Band practice with Grimm and Nnoi is in precisely – I look to my left wrist – 17 minutes. Unacceptable.
I'm seated on a bright red and incredibly uncomfortable fabric couch. Posters align one windowless wall promoting positive thinking, positive choices, and positive attitudes. Ridiculous. Things cannot possibly be such a way all of the time. Pamphlets and brochures hang from a rack to my right. Their content signifies more realistic problems, for those who really are not fortunate enough to have it together.
Drugs, delinquency, depression, and parental and familial relationship breakdown, are among some of the subjects on display – nothing at all about how to effectively deal with and recover from one's father brutally murdering one's mother with a brick.
I open my backpack at my feet, and rummage around for a roll up or an apple. Finding an apple amongst my homework, I bring it to my mouth and take a big bite. I start tapping out a beat with my foot. I will remember this for later. Inwardly I sigh, I do not want to be here. No advice this man has can help.
Looking again at my watch, there are now 14 minutes until I have to be at Grimm's house. How tedious. I take another two bites of my apple before tossing its core in the rubbish bin across from me. I bend down to retrieve my backpack, sling it across one shoulder and stand up. Just as I am about to walk out of the office and make my way to Grimm's, Mr Arai's door bursts open.
A wave of auburn hair rushes past me, the smell of coconuts and the beach surrounding me. "Miss Inoue, please come back!" Mr Arai yells, but it's too late. That girl is long gone, out the door so swiftly I am surprised she did not knock me over. Mr Arai does not even make a move to go after her. I turn to him, apparently he is quite stunned. 'That I presume is the reason for your delay this afternoon?' with that said, I turn on my heel and stalk out of the office. I do not require his assistance any longer; the insufferable fool cannot even control a little girl.
Pushing the doors to the building open, I walk steadily towards the back exit of Karakura Middle School. Luckily my bi-weekly counselling sessions are located towards the school's rear. I keep to the paths that wind around the football field towards the back gate. As I walk through the gate, I come face to face with the owner of the delicious coconut smelling hair.
She is divinity incarnate. Shoulder length hair, her fringe fixed to one side with two bright blue six-petalled hair pins, large stormy gray eyes, small nose, flushed cheeks and berry stained lips. She was quite small, too skinny, even more so than me. I could see her collar bones jutting out from her unbuttoned collar. Her school tie was tied incorrectly. Her shirt and skirt loose and faded in colour, though the state of her uniform took nothing away from her beauty. I was captivated.
I noticed perhaps a little too late, the tears pooling in her eyes, threatening to fall. Her bottom lip was trembling. 'Are you alright?' I ask. I did not elaborate any further or offer any speculation. At first she did not answer my question, instead looking at her feet.
I moved closer towards her, carefully placing my left hand on her right shoulder. I felt compelled to comfort her. This feeling, I have never before felt in all my life. I am not one who has known affection. I placed my right hand on her left shoulder, pressure light. She looked up from her feet directly into my eyes.
"I don't think it will ever be alright,' her voice at breaking point, the tears left the corners of her eyes and silently slid down her flushed cheeks. I moved closer still to her, enveloping her small frame in a hug, acting as if a marionette puppet artfully positioned by the grand puppet master. Her small arms come around my lithe frame, as though trying to merge with me. I stroke her hair with one hand and rub her back with the other.
Curious. No other has ever pulled such actions from me. What power does she have over me, and why? Why do I want to be closer to her? Why do I want to soothe her and keep her safe? Surely a person such as me can offer no comfort to another broken being. I can feel her trembling, though not a sound escapes her lips. Curious.
"I am Ulquiorra. Do you need me to walk you home?' I ask. I can feel her head shaking 'no'. "Do you need me to stay here?" I feel her head nodding 'yes'. I will forgo practice today. That thought came out of nowhere, but my decision has been made. Grimm will be unhappy, but that does not bother me. Nnoi can entertain him this afternoon. I am sure they will enjoy Tekkan 2 on Grimm's new Playstation.
I slowly remove my arms from her, and hers from me. I shift my backpack so that I am carrying it in one hand, holding her hand in the other. "Would you like to go somewhere?" She nods. She trails silently along beside me. I walk us towards the park. I find my favourite tree and sit us on the bench beneath its shady canopy. This is not a place I have ever shared with another. This is much too curious – I am led by something more than my mind.
A light breeze ruffles its branches. We still sit in silence. She still holds my hand. She moves herself closer to me, her thigh touching mine. I let her sit this close beside me without even a second thought. I glance at my watch, 17:46 pm. Worried that it's nearing dark I ask her if she needs to get home.
'No. No home to go to. No one waiting for me,' she whispers in a sing-song. Her hand squeezes mine, but it does not hurt. "There is no one waiting for me either," I volunteer. I will not ask her why she had an appointment with Mr Arai. I think I already know the answer; she may be more broken than me. I shuffle a little closer to her, squeezing her hand as if to signify I will never let her go.
ULQUIORRA
Thursday December 11 2014 00:16am
Hueco Mundo Apartments, Sereitei
Penthouse Suite A
Ever since the day I first met her, I cared for her – without reason, and without question. I turn the taps off, step out of the shower and onto the bathmat. I reach for a charcoal bath sheet, wrapping it around my hips. I walk over to the vanity, wiping away the steam from the mirror with one hand.
I stare at my reflection, the fact that the day I had met her for the first time was over sixteen years ago. I was twelve, nearly thirteen at the time. I was in my eighth grade of middle school. She was in her seventh year. It is hard to fathom that I am now a man of twenty-nine, and she a woman of twenty-eight.
I open the lower medicine cabinet to retrieve my electric toothbrush. I smear toothpaste onto the brush and push the button and brush away. Placing it down once I have finished, I turn on the tap and cup my hands together, filling them with water. I bring my cupped hands to my lips, drink, swish, and then discreetly expelling the water from my mouth.
Still consumed by thoughts of my beautiful Hime, I grab a second towel, drying my hair with it a little. My body is dry. I drop the towel from my waist and the one from my head and walk back through my room towards my walk in robe. I open a drawer and select black boxer briefs. I step into them, pulling them up to my lower hips. Not having the energy to brush my thick black hair, I switch off the dimmed bedroom lights, remove the cover from my bed, crawl into its cool sheets and bring the cover back up to my chin. I know tonight that I shall dream of her. I close my eyes and as I drift off to sleep, new lyrics stir...
These memories of you, I don't want them to fade.
These memories of you, I'll take them to my grave.
My heart, you have it in your hands.
My heart, you have it in your hands.
My heart, is yours to break.
My heart, is yours to own.
It's only you, my beautiful one.
ULQUIORRA
Thursday December 11 09:36am
214 Skylark Lane, Sereitei
Ocha Tea House
I had dreamt of her last night. No, I had dreamt of us last night. The dream was so vivid that when I woke this morning I searched for her warm body tucked close to mine underneath my black sheets. She was not there. I was disappointed.
I decided to leave the safety of my apartment and venture outside this morning. It was overcast and the air quite crisp. Winter has most definitely arrived this year. I slipped on my usual attire, black skinny jeans, battered pair of green Vans, and black long sleeved Henley. I made sure that I had the essentials, wallet, keys and phone – stored securely in my back jeans pocket. I walked out of my apartment, grabbing my black woollen coat before dead-locking the door. I rode the elevator down to the basement car park in silence, thinking to myself, if only my dreams were real.
I should not be having such thoughts, but I really cannot help myself. I walk towards my parking bays, a shiny black Jeep Wrangler and a sleek black BMW sedan before me. I do not really care much for cars, so long as they can take me from point A to point B. Unlike Grimm, I prefer safety, reliability, and elegance when it comes to motor vehicles, as his only consideration is how fast and in how short of a time a vehicle is able to go. I unlock the BMW, open the driver's side, slide myself into the driver's seat and do up my seatbelt.
I start the engine, wait for it to warm up, and remove a baseball cap and a pair of Ray Bans from the glove box. I leave the basement car park through the electronic gate and drive towards my favourite breakfast destination, the Ocha Tea House.
After I have parked my vehicle out the front, put on the cap and sunglasses, I go directly to my favourite table in the rear of the cafe. Thankfully it is vacant. I am in no mood for incessant and boisterous fans today.
I take my seat and remove my sunglasses, placing them on the table. A waitress quickly comes over to my secluded table, 'Usual, Ulquiorra?' 'Yes, thank you,' is my swift reply. With that, she is off, placing my usual order of a tall flat white and smashed avocado on a lightly toasted wholemeal muffin. My order will be ready within ten minutes.
Perhaps I should call her.
I need to talk to her.
I cannot go on thinking about her – I need to know her.
I wonder what she is doing. I am not even certain of her employment status. Did she realise her dream of becoming a prep teacher? She would be an excellent teacher, always quite gifted with children. I will call her now. I must know these things about her. I must be in her life.
Shrugging my iPhone from my back pocket, I unlock it and scroll through my contacts, finding her name. I touch the screen and call her. I wait with baited breath, hoping that she will answer.
'Moshi, moshi! How can I help you?' her bright voice bubbles with happiness. I find myself smiling as I hear her warm greeting. 'Moshi, moshi. It is Ulquiorra,' I say, trying to sound calm and unaffected by her. 'Uh, wh-what? Ulqui-kun? Etooo – how are you?' she asks, stuttering a little. Is she surprised to hear from me? It has been five days. 'I am well. And you?' Small talk is not the direction I wish for this conversation to take.
'Uh, well, you see –' I can hear many giggling voices in the background and a loud 'thump!' Some sort of static interrupts the line – I cannot hear anything else. A sharp screeching noise bursts through my ear drum. Not a pleasant experience this early in the morning. The line disconnects. Well, that is not how I envisaged the end of this conversation.
Just as I am about to press redial, my coffee and breakfast are placed in front of me. I thank the waitress. I take a long sip of my drug of choice – wonderfully, bitter caffeine. A small sigh of contentment escapes my lips. I place the mug back on the table, and resume my prior course. I press redial and once more find myself waiting with baited breath.
She answers immediately. 'Oh Ulqui-kun, is that you? I am so sorry! I was attacked by the children! The number was private and I couldn't call you back! I didn't think you would call me. Did Grimmy-chan give you my number? Is he there with you now?' so many questions passed through her lips in such a short period of time. Some things do not change, no matter one's age. A smile once again finds its way to my lips.
'Yes, it is me. Do not apologise. Whose children are you referring to? Yes, Grimmjow provided me with your cell phone number. No, he is not with me right this minute,' answering all of her questions, though at a much steadier pace. Without waiting for her response, deciding rather quickly to address the point of my call, "I want to see you. I want to see you soon. Would that be suitable to your want of my friendship?" Silence. Her phone must have dropped to the floor, for all the horrible noise in my ear. I move my iPhone a little ways from my own ear, allowing the poor appendage a moment of peace.
Scrambling, shuffling, and a squeak – "Eeep!" Her voice has returned. "I would like that very much Ulqui-kun." She softly whispers, much more calmly than her previous outburst. I push further without any hesitation whatsoever, "Good. Perhaps you would like to have dinner with me this evening?"
"Tonight? I can make it tonight. Do you have any place in mind?" is her rushed reply. She seems excited. My own apartment springs immediately to the forefront of my mind, but no, not tonight. It is much too early for that, and I still have many questions requiring answers. "I have already made a reservation at Il Lido for 8:00pm. The reservation is under 'Schiffer.' I will forward you the details."
"Alright then. I will see you tonight."
"I will collect you from and return you to your home. Do you find this arrangement agreeable?"
"Yes. I'm ok with you picking me up. Ulqui –"
"What is it?" I interrupt. I inwardly growl, it seems I cannot stop myself from speaking without thinking, brain connection be fucking damned.
"Thank you. Thank you for giving me another small chance, I know I don't deserve your kindness..." her voice trembles a little, I am quite sure there are tears in her eyes. Without even considering the impact of my next words, my brain evidently having no input to the matters of the heart, "I could never deny your requests." With that I disconnected the call, too shocked at my own words, the emotion and implications behind them.
She has me and she does not even realise the true extent of it.
The time for questions, answers, and perhaps forgiveness, particularly if my current inability to think before I speak is any indication of my intent, is tonight. My questions will be answered, one way or another.
My coffee sits cold, my breakfast, untouched. It is of no consequence. Tonight, I will have her once again within my web.
Smiling to myself for the third time since my arrival, I leave my secluded table, abandon my cold breakfast, and disappear down Skylark Lane, thinking of what is to come.
Author's Note:
Konnichiwa :)
Thank you once again to those of you who have continued to read my story.
I hope this chapter met your expectations. I am quite happy with it, I really wanted to focus more on Ulquiorra and his thoughts.
Chapter 7 will be an important chapter in this story, as I am sure you all can tell.
I hope to have it posted within the next week, hopefully time permits.
One more week left of work until I have a month's holiday overseas - yew!