Chapter 6: The days that changed me
Gonou. . . Gonou? Wake up silly!
Hakkai groggily sat up to where his face had been buried in the blankets. He sat up and moved his long hair behind his ears. He adjusted his glasses and set them back correctly onto his nose. Looking over to the head of the bed, his older sister Kanan smiled at him.
"Silly, you fell asleep again!" she smiled in a scolding manner. Gonou blinked and rubbed his eyes under his glasses.
"Ah, so I have, I'm sorry, but you were sleeping when I came in," he explained. She giggled, and the sound made the brother smile. She reached toward him, and he smiled as he laced fingers with his twin.
"So how was work? Win any big cases?" she smiled, running her finger tips against his palm. Gonou smiled and shook his head in a breathless laugh.
"Kanan, I'm a paper clerk not a lawyer. I'm just the one who catalogs the evidence not shows it," he laughed. She seemed to pout, and it made her peach-colored cheeks fill out.
"That's boring; you should just go up state like Kougaiji suggested. I think it would be great! It's warmer, and the work would be more suited to you!" she explained, in earnest. Gonou shook his head and gave his sister a soft smile.
"I'm not leaving you down here alone Kanan. We were raised here; I don't want to leave it," he said. She dropped her pout and instead looked out her window. The sound of chatting nurses and visitors filtered through the hallways to the hospital rooms.
"Gonou lets go to Europe when I'm better," she asked of him. Her brother seemed surprised.
"Europe?" he asked in interest. She smiled widely at him.
"Yeah! We can go to France, Italy, and England. . . Let's make an adventure out of it! We can take pictures and eat all the exotic food!" she said in excitement.
"We can even rub elbows with the queen as we drink tea with her," Gonou smiled. Kanan laughed heartily, and her cheeks turned pink.
"Exactly! When I get better Gonou will you take me there?" she begged. Staring at her in affection Gonou tightened his hold on her hand.
"Anything you want Kanan," he smiled. She smiled back at him and beckoned him closer. He pushed his chair up further as she gently ran fingers through his hair.
"You need a haircut, but I like it this long. You should keep it this way so you can braid it-like mine," she said. Gonou snorted and shook her hand from his hair.
"I don't look very appealing with braids my dear," he said in a bit of an accent. She laughed again and instead studied his hands. She lifted his right palm up to her face and gently kissed his palm.
"I love your hands. . . Is that a weird thing to say? You have lovely hands for a guy Gonou. . . They're so soft and warm. . . " Her voice drifted off in a whisper. Gonou watched her and smiled gently.
"Thank you Kanan. . . You're warm too. Now get better so I can try a real Belgium waffle," he joked. She smiled at him, her own green eyes shining.
"Okay brother," she said softly.
Four days later though. . . Kanan died quietly in her sleep. Her twin brother was left unaware as he slept by her bed, buried face first in the sheets by her cold feet.
Hakkai woke up screaming as he flew up in his own bed. He panted as sweat trickled down his brow to collect in the collar of his hospital gown. He took deep breaths as his surroundings cleared, and he settled back against his large pillows. He looked around the room as bright sunlight made him squint, surprised at not seeing the rain for once. There was a knock on his door, and he turned his head to the sound. Sha Gojyo waved at him from the door of the room.
"Yo, you okay, I thought I heard you yell?" he asked, stepping into the room. Hakkai was still a little dazed as Gojyo grabbed a chair and set it near the head of the bed. It was a little closer than what Hakkai would have liked, but it didn't appear that Gojyo was aware of his boundary issues.
"I knew I should have let the ambulance take you two days ago. Now I feel guilty, and it's your fault; you've been out for two days," he said, sitting down with the chair backwards. The red head regarded him as he slung his arms over the back of the chair. Hakkai didn't look at him though as he spoke. Instead, he lifted his hand and felt the fresh bandage over the previous bruise he already had.
"What happened? Why am I at the . . . The . . . ," he didn't want to say the word.
"Hospital? Well, it seems it's not a good thing when you pass out for long hours on a concrete floor. Your angry friend Kou practically tried to carry you all the way here," Gojyo explained, tapping his foot against the floor. Hakkai shook his head and sighed deeply through his nose.
"He covers the concern with the anger. He'll probably chew me out to replace the feeling of concern he has. He's always been that way, ever since we were kids," he smiled though in affection. Gojyo raised an eyebrow and was about to open his mouth to talk. A cough interrupted him and they both looked at the door. Kougaiji stared almost hatefully at Gojyo as he saw how casually the red head was sitting beside his childhood friend.
"Your partner is waiting for you by the doors, I suggest you join him," he said, glaring daggers now. Gojyo huffed and laced his fingers behind his head as he sat back in his chair.
"He knows I take my time, let him smoke his cigarette," he said, shrugging his shoulders. Hakkai watched nervously as Kougaiji's fists clenched at his side.
"I'll rephrase that then. Get the hell out so I can talk to Hakkai," he hissed. Gojyo frowned and swiftly stood from the chair.
"Easy dude, no need to beat up an injured man. Last time I checked hospitals were for loving visiting acquaintances," he stressed the word loving to the other. Kou only seemed to become more aggravated though.
"Out!" he almost shouted. Hakkai watched in worry as Gojyo rolled his eyes and flashed a wink at him.
"Well I guess I'm being kicked out. Hope you feel better Kai, try to find a mattress though the next time you want to fall asleep, eh?" he joked. Gojyo paid no mind to Kougaiji's growling as he passed him and left the room. Hakkai leaned back against his pillows as Kougaiji closed the door in a huff. He went to Gojyo's abandon chair, spun it the right way back and sat down roughly.
"I'll be fine you said. . . I visited my therapist you said. . . I'm taking care of it, you said. . . It seems like everything you say is turning into bullshit Hakkai," Kougaiji growled, leaning back in his chair.
Too tired for an argument Hakkai decided to close his eyes and try to make himself comfortable in the bed. He opened them a moment later but kept them only part way open.
"Hello Kougaiji, it's good to see you too," he said softly, letting his head fall a little to the side. He could hear Kougaiji as the other fought to control his anger.
"I'm sorry it's just . . . Seeing you like that made me worried. I never expected to greet you while you were unconscious on the floor. I thought at first that . . . You were dead," he mumbled the last part. Hakkai suddenly felt a little guilty. He opened his eyes and sat up to see Kougaiji nearly hiding behind his long bangs.
"Kou, I'm sorry you saw that. I was honestly doing fine up until that night. I had been up all Friday night with files, and my body just seemed to quit on me. I've actually been sleeping quite well so. . . I'm not sure what happened," he explained. Kougaiji regarded him; mouth set in a fine line
"I'm speaking to the doctor, Hakkai. I can't trust that this is all psychological anymore. You need a real doctor, not a therapist to shoot the breeze with," his voice was hard but at the same time desperate.
"Kou-" Hakkai said, sitting up fully on his bed. The brunette winced as his back muscles protested. He made a noise of discomfort, and Kou stood up and carefully pushed him backward into the comfort of the pillows. He looked down at Hakkai then with both a mixture of worry and anger.
"No, from this day forwards Kai, we do this my way. I'm not letting my best friend kill himself with his own stupidity," he growled.
The brunette frowned as his friend stared down at him with an intensity in his blue eyes. Sighing Hakkai drooped his head and ran his fingers through his hair. He knew he could no longer avoid the inevitable. Sooner or later everything would mix into a deadly cocktail. He meekly looked up at his friend who was waiting for him to say something. The brunette shook his head and looked up fully at the other.
"All right Kougaiji, you win," he whispered.
The visit with the doctor almost made him bolt to the door. If Kougaiji hadn't had been there, then most likely he would have succeeded. Hakkai liked his space, and the doctor was destroying all of that. The man stuck his instruments in his ears and mouth; he lifted his shirt and examined him like a specimen. Every time he grew uncomfortable Kougaiji would look at him in an apology. When it all became too much, he winced away from the man examining him. It was over finally with a final blood draw, and some notes scribbled down onto paper. Hakkai didn't want to be here. He wanted to be back with the therapist. He wanted to be in that quiet room with the comfy sofa and intelligent conversation.
"Are you okay?" Kougaiji asked him when the doctor left. The brunette shook his head and trembled against his white sheets.
"No, I'm not!" he almost gasped out. His eyes felt watery, but he felt violated and a little betrayed for his friend letting this happen. Hakkai hated doctors and hospitals. It was all too personal and Hakkai treasured his privacy. Everything that had just happened with that doctor had ripped it all away. He felt naked and exposed and the hand on his back from his friend did not help in the slightest.
Kougaiji seemed to hesitate as he sat down in the chair next to the bed.
"I'm sorry; I know you hate all this but Kai; it could help you get better," he tried to explain. The brunette shook his head and stared at his trembling hands.
"Feeling violated isn't helping me Kou. It makes me anxious and I make mistakes when I'm nervous," he ground out to the other. The doctor poked his head through the door and motioned to Kou. The red head stood and sighed through his nose.
"I'll talk to the doctor. Stay and try to relax, I'll be back in a few minutes," he said. He was surprised when he heard Hakkai huff.
"Not like I'm going anywhere in this damn trap," he said quietly. Kougaiji walked to the door and closed it behind him. He faced the doctor as the man regarded his clipboard.
"Your friend has long-standing damage from the chronic insomnia. His condition seems much more normal then previous patients I've had though. His blood sugar is low, and his weight could be better. I noticed discoloration near his eyes and stomach but other than that he should control his weight better. He needs more vitamins since he lacks major and much-needed body fat. He doesn't have allergies or diabetes, so I'm going to recommend a very strong dose to him. It should help him fall asleep and stay asleep," the man advised. Kougaiji nodded and crossed his arms.
"What's going to happen to him if he continues to lack sleep?" he asked. He knew he wouldn't like the answer, but he needed to know.
"He risks the shortening of his lifespan. He's more likely for memory loss and depression. He could develop diabetes and weight loss, heart problems, poor immune system and much more prone to accidents. It's worrisome but exhaustion has led to death in sleep deprived individuals," the doctor noted. Kougaiji felt his pulse pick up.
He could die? Just from not sleeping?
Kougaiji nodded and stopped crossing his arms.
"All right, what is this medicine?" He asked.
Hakkai spent two more days in the hospital before he was released. The doctor introduced his medicine, and he took it the first night. They kept him, making sure the medication wouldn't harm him or cause side effects. Satisfied, they scheduled his release for the next day. Surprisingly, Gojyo and Sanzo stopped by, having also been the ones to find him on the floor. He felt embarrassed to be seen in a hospital bed, but they paid it-no mind. Sanzo seemed to be a little nicer as Gojyo joked around and flirted with every nurse who came through the door. When the red head mentioned the word sponge bath though, Sanzo whacked him upside the head. Hakkai watched them and inwardly laughed at their banter.
Kougaiji put him on sick leave. Hakkai had never taken a day off since he started working so his earned time off slot was full. . . Very full. Kou put his friend on paid leave and told him not to come back until he was well enough to work again. It also helped that Kou had made the doctor write up a pretty worthy doctor slip, not that he really needed it.
When the time came to go home, it was Gojyo that offered him a ride. Hakkai took the offer, and the red head helped him into his apartment.
"Did you want me to carry you across the threshold?" he joked as he opened the door. Hakkai actually chuckled as he walked through the door with his duffel bag.
"No thank you; I'll wait for the body building bride my fortune cookie recommended to me," he joked back. For some reason, being around Gojyo made him feel comfortable. The other man was easy to talk to and seemed to have an open mind. It took a while for him to get used to Gojyo's actions though, he tended not to look before he leapt per say. Hakkai dropped his bag off in his room as Gojyo observed his place and whistled. Hakkai watched the red head nod his head as he observed the furniture and large view windows.
"Holy crap, all this under a paper pusher's salary? Man, I'll hide in a basement if I can afford all this!" he smiled at the brunette. Hakkai coughed as his cheeks turned a little pink. The green-eyed man walked over to his kitchen as Gojyo approached his entertainment center and looked at all the DVDs there.
"N-no, actually paper pusher is more of a hobby. I can afford this place because well. . . I save my money, mostly. I also invest and write articles for college textbooks," he said. Hakkai went to his fridge to prepare something for his guest. Gojyo took off his coat and shoes and let his toes sink into the carpet.
"Hmm . . . Damn that's nice," he purred. Hakkai nearly choked on his laughter as he stuck his head into his fridge. Watching Gojyo reminded him of something he had watched on the channel where animals made weird noises during a mating dance or something. He emerged from the fridge with some beer, and Gojyo's eyes lit up like Christmas bulbs.
"You sir, are a most gracious host," he smiled, walking over.
"Why don't you watch TV or something; I just need to make a quick phone call," Hakkai explained. The red head shrugged and walked over to his couch.
"Sure, I was going to catch a game score anyway," he smiled with a wink.
Hakkai nodded and walked toward his bedroom. Picking up his home phone by the bed, he walked to the bathroom to put away his pills. As he talked to his therapist about rescheduling his visits, he stared at them. They were small green pills with a microscopic blue line running through the middle of them. They were small and Hakkai was thankful; he hated swallowing pills. He set the bottle in the cabinet above the toilet and went back to talk on the phone. He said good-bye to his therapist and sighed, rubbing his forehead. He entered the living room to see Gojyo staring in confusion at the static on his TV.
"Oh damn, I forgot my cable is out. I'm sorry Gojyo; I forgot to call the guy today," Hakkai apologized. Gojyo stared at him with the remote in his hand.
"How long has it been out?" He asked, setting the remote back onto the coffee table.
"Three weeks," Hakkai answered. Gojyo froze, and his mouth fell open for the brunette.
"Say what-Wait. . . You don't watch TV very often do you?" he said instead. Hakkai's cheeks turned a little pink at that statement. His eyes wandered around his apartment, and Gojyo just suddenly noticed all the books he had on the shelves near the large view windows.
"Oh .. . . Sorry, never picked up a book unless you include magazines," he shrugged. Hakkai laughed and went to his kitchen to get some tea. He handed Gojyo another beer and sat next to him on his leather couch. Rain pounded the windows as a streak of thunder struck the sky.
"Well Sanzo will be staying home today. He hates the rain; he's like a cat," the red head smirked. Hakkai looked out the windows.
"It has been going for quite some time. I'm surprised the city isn't flooded by now," he said, sipping his hot tea. Gojyo hummed in his throat as he sipped his beer. He relaxed against the couch and suddenly smiled.
"This place of yours is nice. It's very. . . Homey, comfortable," he said, letting his fingers make circles in the air. Hakkai gave a small breathless laugh.
"You're welcome any time; I owe you and Sanzo both for ah. . . Finding me," he said in embarrassment, looking away.
"Hey man, don't worry about it. There is just some shit out there you can't control. Sometimes it's your health and often it's not. But anyway, what got Kougaiji's panties in a twist? He didn't yell at you after I left did he?" Gojyo asked him with a raised eyebrow. Hakkai shook his head but sipped his tea. He watched the steam rise from the cup and vanished into the air of the room.
"He was worried mostly . . . He becomes angry when he's worried," Hakkai explained, tracing the rim of his tea cup. Gojyo watched as the brunette's finger traced the edge of the cup.
"Yeah . . . You said that about a million times, but he seems more like he's . . . An ass. . . An overprotective ass. He wouldn't let me or Sanzo come near you in the ambulance ride. Usually people only act that way when . . . They're together," Gojyo smirked, wiggling his eyebrows. Hakkai nearly spat out his tea. He faced Gojyo, who was now staring at him in an closely leering manner.
"So. . . . ? Are you two an…Item? Not that I'm judging or anything," he asked now with an even wider smile. Hakkai shook his head rapidly, and for some reason, it made Gojyo break out into laughter. The sound carried around the apartment, and it made Hakkai's pulse quicken.
"N-no! No. . . . It's not that! Kougaiji is more like . . . Ah. . . Well, he's my . . . " He rambled, looking over all around the apartment. Gojyo watched in amusement as Hakkai seemed to struggle for words. The brunette sighed a moment later and rubbed the back of his neck, looking at him with pink cheeks. Gojyo was a little taken off guard by the look.
"We've been friends since we were children. He used to come over to my house and stay whenever he got into an argument with his parents. I wasn't exactly a. . . . Built child. I was rather small so. . . . Everybody used to pick on me. Kou was always helping me and chasing off bullies. We even went to the same college after high school. When we graduated, he was the one who got me the job at the station as an evidence clerk," he explained.
Gojyo had leant back fully now on the leather couch. The other man was so long his feet almost touched Hakkai's thigh. When Hakkai had first moved into the apartment, the couch had been already sitting there. He thought it awfully big for just one person and often only curled on the right end in front of the television. For years, the left side of his couch had gone unused, fluffed and left normal. The first time he had fallen asleep on it though, he had re-thought about it. He wasn't very tall, so he liked to stretch out on it, but he barely went past the middle cushion. He was glad he kept the couch; it suited Gojyo just fine and his lanky frame. Hakkai briefly wondered if Gojyo had been a model before he had become a police detective, his built seemed to suit such a profession.
And his looks. . .
"Sounds like one of those one-sided kinds of things," Gojyo said, sipping from his beer. Hakkai broke from his thoughts and shrugged as he sipped at his tea again.
"He's like this because I lost my sister five years ago to sickness. She was my twin, so we. . . We were always together. I imagine . . . Kougaiji must think I'm lonely still," he whispered, lowering his tea cup slightly.
"Oh, sorry man didn't mean to pry," Gojyo said holding his hands up and looking apologetic. Hakkai looked at him with a small smile and a shake of his head. The action caused his bangs to fall in front of his eyes, so he moved them behind his ears. He briefly noticed Gojyo's eyes go to the now fading bruise on his forehead.
"No, it's all right. Actually. . . I must be boring you terribly with such personal things," the brunette said, also looking apologetic.
"Nah, I've heard more boring shit in the precinct meetings. Besides it's good to vent ya know? It's like free therapy when you talk to somebody. Course I can never get a word out of Sanzo so it's like dry humping a wall or something . . . I. . . Damn sorry Kai, mind if I smoke in here? I've been itching for one for hours now," Gojyo said, running his fingers through his scalp. Hakkai blinked in realization and jumped from the couch.
"Oh yes! Sorry I forgot that you smoke. Where are they? I'll get them," he offered. Gojyo smiled in appreciation and pointed to his coat over by the door. Hakkai retrieved a packet of Marlboro's and silver Zippo and handed them to Gojyo. He took it with a wink and easily flipped open the cigarette box. He stuck one between his lips and stuffed the packet into his front shirt pocket.
"So did the doctor say what was wrong? I mean, why you passed out?" Gojyo asked, lighting up. Hakkai watched him light the stick before setting his lighter on the coffee table. Hakkai was silent for a moment as he watched the cigarette smoke rise into the air. He was careful of his breathing, but he didn't mind the smell, after all everyone at the station practically smoked.
"It's part of the reason Kougaiji is so protective. I...Well I have um. . . Insomnia," he said, still not looking at the other. Gojyo made a sound and let out a puff of smoke, scratching his chin.
"What, you lack sleep? A good night's rest will fix that," Gojyo said, pointing his cigarette toward Hakkai's bedroom door.
"Chronic Insomnia issues I should say. I haven't had a decent night's sleep in almost . . . Twenty years," he said.
Gojyo froze and stared at him. His red eyes were wide as Hakkai watched him calmly albeit with a sad smile.
"You don't sleep. . . At all?" He asked in disbelief. Hakkai nodded sadly and faced away from him.
"Kougaiji thinks I could drop dead at any moment in time. . . And the truth being is . . . He might be right," he said in an afterthought. Gojyo tilted his head and put his cigarette back into his mouth.
"Well. . . That explains a lot," he said, smiling sheepishly.
"Hmm, why is that?" Hakkai asked facing him.
"I kinda overheard Kou talking to the doctor. He looked worried and I was down the hall getting some coffee," Gojyo shrugged casually. The brunette narrowed his eyes but didn't look angry.
"You mean you were eavesdropping?" Hakkai corrected him. Gojyo seemed to turn pink a little at being caught. Hakkai gave a breathless chuckle toward him.
"So even you aren't as smooth as you make yourself out to be, hmm?" he continued to laugh. Gojyo gave him a look and took a longer drag on his cigarette.
"Shut up," he joked, flicking his ashes into his empty beer can.
Hakkai set down his tea and was surprised a moment later to hear Gojyo's stomach growl. The other made a noise and coughed in embarrassment.
"Whoops, knew I forgot something today," he said. Hakkai laughed after the tense silence.
"What would you like? It would be rude not to feed you after you took me home and kept me company for so long," the green-eyed man said, standing from the couch.
"Well if you insist, being such a gentleman and all. . . Got any meat?" he asked eagerly. Hakkai smiled at his large grin, and it made his eyes shine.
"I'll see what I can whip up," he said, going into the kitchen.
Forty minutes later, Gojyo was in heaven.
"Oh .. . . My . . . God. . . " Gojyo purred, slipping the still sizzling chunk of meat into his mouth.
They now sat at the hard wood table a few feet from the kitchen island. Hakkai sat with his own plate and a red face as Gojyo's eyes rolled into his head. Hakkai had gone through his freezer and found some strip steaks he had bought on sale two days previous. He grilled them up with some onions, spices, garlic butter and threw in some carrots. He used up some left-over potato wedges and fried them up with some paprika. He hadn't cooked since Goku left and hoped Gojyo didn't mind the throw together. Cooking had always been his hobby, and he was proud to admit that he was very good.
Gojyo looked like he was ready to orgasm on the spot. . . Guess he didn't mind the throw together after all.
"I don't think I've ever had a steak this decent!" he moaned around another mouthful. Hakkai watched as the other man lopped a excellent heap of onions on the next bite.
"T-Thank you?" he asked, a little scared at how fast Gojyo was eating. Hakkai took a bite of his own first helping as Gojyo picked another steak onto his plate.
"I should get Sanzo to eat your cooking, might loosen his blond ass up!" Gojyo talked with a full mouth. The brunette chewed slowly, still fascinated at the speed in which Gojyo ate.
"He doesn't eat like you do . . . Does he?" he couldn't help but ask. Gojyo shook his head somehow while managing to eat. Hakkai ate slowly while Gojyo seemed to inhale the meal in front of him. He only looked up once he was finished to see Hakkai staring at him in awe.
"What?" he asked, completely unaware of his behavior. Hakkai raised his hand and laughed behind it.
"I'm sorry . . . It's just you eat like someone I know. He lived in this building since he was little, and he always came over for meals. You eat like he does, and I guess I . . . Miss it in a way," he said. Gojyo took a sip of his beer but his eyes never left Hakkai.
"An old boyfriend?" he asked. Hakkai sputtered on his own beer and blushed.
"N-no . . . More like a child I adopted as my little brother. He left for college last week, and I wonder when I'll see him again . . . If ever," he added looking away. Gojyo set down his beer and tapped the brunette on the shoulder from across the table.
"Hey, don't look so down, I'm sure the kid will be back eating you out of house and home in no time. Until then, I'll take over for the kid if you want," he smiled impishly. Hakkai smiled and shook his head, collecting their empty plates.
"Every home owners dream," he said.
Hakkai wrapped the rest of the stake up and sent it with Gojyo. The red head left with a smile and told Hakkai to get some rest. For the first time in days Hakkai felt tired but not ready to go to bed. He decided to take his medication and sit and read on the couch until it kicked in. The clock on the wall read almost seven as he sat down with one of his favorite thrillers. He propped himself against the arm of his couch and decided to sip some more tea. The clock had barely struck eight and Hakkai accidentally fell asleep against the couch pillows. His book dropped to the floor with a dull thud as thunder once again lit up the sky. His green eyes opened only briefly but not from being awake. They dulled out and finally closed as the rain beat against the window glass.
He was out.
TBC